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Life Always Will Suck ***

lets see...........well my life sucks.

my family is falling apart. ill back up a bit.

i never had any friends when i was younger. from age 8-14.

i guess my personality sucked.

i tried so hard.

i was depressed. no friends.never went to school b/c everyone treated me like ****

my brother was very depressed and at 16 he developed a heroin addiction

my familys attention was always on him.

my problems werent big enough.

so when i was about 13 aLMOST 14 I said enough is enough.

nobody understands how bad this is.

i started cutting myself

i attempted to overdose

i was in and out of hospitals.

and u know what they said i was doing

ATEENTION SEEKING.

**** YA I WAS ATTENTION SEEKING

I NEEDED HELP.

SO BASICLY THEY TOLD ME TO NOT ASK FOR HELP.

THATS WHAT I HEARD.

AND IVE BEEN ****** UP IN A DIFFERENT WAY EVER SINCE.

NOW I DONT TALK TO ANYONE.

CAUSE I DONT THINK THEY WANNA KNOW.

OH AND TO TOP IT OFF MY DAD DIED A YEAER AGO ON JUNE 26.

THREE DAYS BEFORE MY B-DAY.

I WAS TURNING 16.

SO YA.

MY LIFE ******* SUCKS.

SO NOW I JUST GET ****** UP!

 

tripps tripps 16-18, F 10 Responses May 4, 2007

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you're right!

Not actually helpful you know

I read this a lot at EP somethings not right in someones life so they bring out a blade and cut themself, whats the point? your not getting anywhere doing this except the problems still there and now your all cut and scarred, couldnt you maybe just get a tatoo it would be less messy and more appealing for when you where a dress or a short sleaved top.

i feel so sarry for u... i understand how u feel exactly....i was ditched aside too in school..people sees me as if i'm invincible......i never wanted to go school every day. not coz i'm lazy but i feel so lonely.....i think of suicide but when i thought bout being alone in the afterlife, i feel so sad that i broke down. i can't afford to be lonely even in the after life....

I feel like sometimes I hate my life too. I understand how you feel. But it doesn't have to be your prison. I am getting better at being alone. I guess I have made some peace with who I am.

i just need to write this down and get it outta my head. i feel like im gonna scream. i still have no idea what to do, after almost 10 years dealing with depression, i still dont know what to do. im almost 18 now, but i dont wanna make it there. things have always been pretty bad since i was 8ish, just normal depression i guess, crying, cutting, major mood swings that sorta thing, it only got worse over time, that whole time heals everything it bull****. it eventually developed into suicidal thoughts and then actions, i dont know how many times i've tried suicide, you loose count after a while, and it makes you feel even worse when you cant succed. so i was going along just trying to cope as usualwhen everything started to crash more than normal, i had 3 best friends, 2 girls and 1 male, they were everything to me, more than my family, since my family was never really there for me, i'd been stolen back and forth between my mum and dad since i was little, i always wanted to be with my dad, i had been running away from home since age 6. my dad was sometimes a good father but it was more like a friendship than a father-daughter relationship, sometimes he'd be too ****ed up on drugs to even realise i was there, but he was still my best friend, sometimes i stay out untill 5am just because i could, he didnt notice what time i got home, even though i was only 11-12 or something, so my family wasnt good. my life always got screwed up by my older sister who went back and forth between my mum and dad trying to figure out which one was best. she was the first person i told about my depression, just after a close friend died, i didnt want anyone to know, it was soon after that i heard my dad talking to my mum on the phone about her having depression, which i knew for a fact she didnt have, i asked my dad about it and he explained it all to me, i relaised she had taken everything i had told her and made it her own story. i was devestated, how could she do that to me, anywho, my screwed up life went on, cutting crying crying cutting, but i never wanted to tell anyone ever again. so my friends were all i really had, my dad and gone from girlfriend to girlfriend and i ended up living with my grandparents. my grandmother is worse than the devil, i swear she's the worst person i've ever met and my grandad is a wonderful person but is afraid of being alone so he drinks himself to death to escape her, i had just come back from a holiday i begged to go on which was ment to help, when my 3 best friends and all my other friends that were friends with them too had decided they didnt want to know me anymore, my grandad had to take me to the hospital that night, even though my grandmother objected, slight bloodloss but nothing serious. the months after that were quite hard i swpent most of my time alone or with the school phyc's and stuff, i didnt wanna talk to anyone. it was really tough on me and my boyfriend's relationship at the time, but thiungs went back to normal. i ended up talking to the school chaplian who i became quite fond of, she didnt judge, so my best friends had ditched me and i was with a guy i only sorta liked. over the next few months me and my boyfriend got quite close, as you do, and i found i loved him and even crazier, he loved me. we were together for over a year before things got bad again, i noticed he was starting to get pretty depressed himself, of course instantly i blamed myself, so i suggested some time apart to maybe fix things (worst decission ever!!) while we were apart he ended up gaining feelings for my new best friend, i noticed but tried to ignore it, she promised she didnt like him, so i tried to leave it alone. things got worse and my grandparents house and my dad had also ended up in jail. i eventually got put into a mental instatute for children (under 18s or something) i wasnt in there long (im a good actors, years of practice), and i ended up moving in with my bf and his family, things were going okayish all things considered for a little while but then things went bad, again. at home, my bf's mum started talking to my dad's gf, my sister and my grandmother, and they were all trying to convince her that i was bad and she should kick me out, at school my bf ended up dumping me and trying to get with my best friend, and i couldnt leave it alone, it had felt like my heart had been ripped out and been put through a mince grinder, my best friend started to get upset, home many times did she have to tell me she didnt like him like that, even through all the hugs, flirting and cute love messages? and well one morning, i really, really really didnt wanna go to school, i couldnt handle it, i jujst wanted to curl up and cry. but my ex's mum wouldnt allow it, she ended up calling my dad's gf and her and my sister came down to the school where i wouldnt get outta the car, i got given a choice, go to school, or deal with my dad's gf all day, so i went to school. things were still on and off between me and my ex and that day seemed to be a good one for me, untill it was time to go home, i got home where my ex and his mum and my dad's gf where putting all my stuff into my grandad's car with him just standing there (my grandmother was away on holidays) and i was told to get in the car i was staying with my grandad for the night and was leaving for my mum's in the morning... i didnt want to live with my mum i never had. after yelling and smashing things against my head, i got in the car, they wouldnt let me say goodbye to my ex nor any of my friends, i convinced my grandad to take me to see my outta school best friend, he didnt want this, i stayed with my best friend for a while and ended up calling a good friend of mine from down near my mum and asked him to come pick me up, i explained to my grandad i couldnt deal with my grandmother calmly, so he let me go, i balled all the way there, and then for weeks after that, i didnt leave my room, i wanted to dieeven more than usual, my cutting was several times a day, my ex contacted me sometimes, sometimes saying sorry other times saying he hated me, my best friend at school ended up saying that she wasnt going to be my friend because if she did other people wouldnt be her friend, no body would talk to me, rumours started to spread like wildfire at my school, and then everyone hated me, or at least pretended too for looks. i had a lot of trouble ajusting to my new school down with my mum, nothing was getting better, my dad called and said he was sorry there was nothing he could do, all i could do was yell at him, it was soo close to the end off the year that i ended up failing all my exams because of everything and quit schoola few weeks in the next year, i couldnt be around people, to talk to people to even look at people, i ended up dating my close friend who came and got me, we moved in together a little while ago, my old 3 former best friends talk to me sometimes now, but still barely anyone from my old school. school was soo much to me, especially that school i risked everything to be there and now all i can do is read about how everyone is having great fun with their friends, muck up day is coming up and im missing out on everything i wanted... living with my current boyfriend, i dont leave the house, i dont go to school and cannot for the life of me find a job, i still had suicidal thoughts but try very hard not to act on them for the sake of my bf, i've changed to burning myself, because it doesnt leave scares so no one can comment. but things are getting hard again and i know its all gonna crash again soon, i seems to happen once a year and the times almost up. so now, i have no friends, ive been betrayed by my dad and the rest of my family besides my mum and grandad, no one will talk to me, my relationship is failing and there is nothing i can do, so yeah, all i wanna do is die... i hate my ****ed up life. it probably wont be long till im back in the hospital again and then i wont be able to hide anymore... here's an idea, how about you's just let me DIE ALREADY??!!!!!!! please..... thanks to anyone who reads this...

Keep writing, keep fighting.
Don't cut don't burn it's pointless.

Workout get strong, pray.

Some people have a hard road, but there is a God who loves you and will be there for you even if the whole world fails you.

I'm an Asperger's person which means I had a really hard time developing socially. I did dumb things that made sense to me that I thought were funny and got picked on for it, so I learned to keep my mouth shut and not talk at all and then I was picked on for that instead.



I definitely feel for you with the bullying thing as I switched schools several times with that being one of the main reasons, it would've helped if my parents listened about what school to go to or to switch sooner but let's not go there. Anyway I feel for anybody who has been bullied.



Sorry for your family's loss my mom died of a brain tumor last March and even though it's been two months I still have really bad days. Mother's Day sucked hard.



I was severely depressed as a teenager but I found life was much better when I moved in with a boyfriend. Not dealing with my family has been good for me because I had a bit of a hard time getting along with them, one of the better reasons being that they're religious and I'm gay. If you believe life will get better then it will. I'm glad every day I didn't end my life during my ultra depressing "coming out" with tons of harassment from students and family alike. I wish I could help more.

I understand, and I'm sorry. I know you'll probably read this and go "pshaw, whatever" but I just wanna post my opinion. Or story. Whatever you wanna call it. I'm currently in english class, waiting to ask the teacher a question on a research paper, so I found this and said, hey, why not!

I read your story, and again, I'm sorry. But I do understand. I have a pretty crappy life as well. 3 older sisters, I was always getting bullied around, at home and at school. When I was little, it was great I guess. I got attention from the parents and all, but as I got older, it got progressivly worse. My older sister was moving out of the house, second oldest was pregnant, third oldest was gothic, then there was me. I was an average student, never did anything to stand out too bad, pretty much normal. Mother and Father decided they didn't have to pay any attention to me what so ever anymore. And that was great! Till life started to go to all hell. I started to get harrassed on the bus, I'd come home crying, and I was so used to being on my own I didn't want to tell mom, but she coaxed it out of me. She made me tell the principal. Guess what my reward was? Detention. Every time I told them. Detention. Mom eventually moved me out of the school, but now I'm back, but not for long.

Anyway I'm not going to sit here and tell you my life's story. My oldest sister was perfect, but my other two sisters, my parents regard them as *****. And since I'm such good friends with one of them, they assume I'll **** anyone on the sidewalk. I'm not emo. Not any where close to emo. I'm too hyper and loud to be emo. But yes, I did attempt to end my life a few times, and I do drink alcohol when the mood strikes me, and all of it is because my parents are crap. I haven't done anything to end my life since May of this year, but that one was close. I was drunk and sucidal, I missed the vein just barely. I took care of the wound and it closed up nicely, left a neat little scar that I cover up with ink drawings and fake tattoos.

The bell is fixing to ring, and class is fixing to end, so I'm going to say be careful. You may think your life aint important, but it could be to someone. Good luck, sweet dreams, long life, if you have to ditch your parents when you turn 18 like I'm going to, have fun and come party with me some time ;P

Bye ~

Hi im an 18 year old girl from ireland living in malaysia and in my last year of school, i came across you blog and just thought Wow, sometimes I think my life is hard cause i suck at school!! and then i read a story like this. Iv had a friend who commited suicide, and a few who have tried. I really just believe that its a stage that some people go through but your at the bottom so now the only way is up.. With everything you have gone through its only natural to feel how you do, but I also really believe that in order to make life better for yourself..instead of just getting up.. you have to find a passion in something, whether its a person or music or sports or whatever.. and pursue it as best you can. And you also have to realise although life has been a ***** to you it has made you stronger and gave you knowledge some people never gain. There is also many people out there who are worse of then you. So you just have to find something that will make you happy. And try by making a friend.. someone you can relate too. I really cant express how much life is a gift..and although your in this dark place, theres someone out there that you can make happy and can return it to you. you just have to take the iniative to put yourself out there and make the effort to find this passion. I wish you all the best and i really hope life gets better for you. everybody deserves it especially you.. you deserve to find happiness instead of all the sadness and pain that has filled up your life. good luck.

often times the most frustrated and challenged people put their lives back on track through relentless discipline, think about athletes with asthma, 5 foot 5 nba players, deaf composers, and blind scientists. Often times when we think about these people it humbles us, but there is nothing extraordinary about most of them other than their passion for live and their will to succeed at what they love. The key is to find a passion for life, live your life for you, dont dwell on the statements of doubters, or the failures in your life. Use them as a benchmark that can be surmounted. This is of course all easier said than done, you do need love and support, im sure you’re already stronger than you think without your parents, and the support that you needed from them. Dont drink away your life in misery, you can have power, you just need the will to take it. no matter how hard your life has been you have to be harder. It may well cary on, if you condition yourself to keep a sinking ship afloat imagine how it will be when you have a dry galleon.

So I've had a cutting problem for years now.. I've also tried to overdose more than once. I agree, people do try to say that it's because we want attention that we do these things to ourselves. That's the biggest load of **** I've ever heard. but, yeah, getting stinking drunk does make everything better for a while..