I Have Fallen Out Of Life

Two weekends ago I had alot of friends over and me and one of them got into an arguement and because of it my girlfriend walked out on me. well since there was alcohol involved i lost my temper and i went to go beat my friend up. I dont know what was wrong with me but when i arrived at the park where he was, i found him hanging out with my girlfriend so i threatened him and the people at the park threatened to call the police so my buddy drove me home. but when i got home i was still feeling depressed and i wanted to kill myself. so i took 3mgs of kolonopin and chugged an entire fifth of vodka then blacked out. i woke up the next morning in my bed with bruises all over myself. it wasnt until two days later that my mother old me what happened. what i heard was sickening and i have decided that i am the worst person i know. during my blackout i passed out in three of my neighbors yards and two of my friends were trying to walk me home in the rain but as soon as they got me up and supported i would cuss at them and punch them. when i finally got home i literally had an all out brawl with my two best friends and my mother. my friends kept yelling at me saying STOP THIS WE LOVE YOU MAN YOURE MY BEST FRIEND and i just spat in their faces and swung at them. they fought with me for three hours trying to stop me from jumping out of my window to kill myself. my friends are all battered one of them has a black eye and my mom is bruised. idk what i should do with myself i honestly believe that i am a ****** up person now. and my friends actually forgive me. i dont deserve forgiveness. i dont deserve them because i am a piece of ****. my girlfriend is back together with me but i have the feeling that she no longer wants to be with me. also the day after i fought with my friends my best friend in the world got arrested and sent to a mental hospital. i never got to appologize until tonight when i wnet over to his house. his mom wont let me talk to him anymore even tho he has forgiven me and all is good. three hours of fighting all to save me. i truely believe that if not for them i would have killed myself two weeks ago... i feel trapped and i know i have ****** up but i just cant take back what i already did. i dont deserve friends like these. i still want to leave.
Mustardsauce110 Mustardsauce110
1 Response Sep 10, 2012

My story isn't exactly like yours but I can relate to you. I'm so sorry your going through all of this. Life is sooo unbelievable hard. I can't take it either. You can talk to me if you need someone who understands.