What's The Point?

It's been a peticular bad day. I've been alone all day. I was up to 5 this morning cause then maybe I can sleep all day and won't have to feel anything. But even with 4 hours of sleep I only took a hour nap. And was plagued by dreams of sharks eating people. I can't get even get peace in my sleep. It seems like life is against me.
I spoke to my mom today and it made me feel even worse. She in Tahoe with my sister at The Mudd Run and I am stuck here. I hate my existence so much. I get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. And on my days off I just clean and sit around the house. I just don't think there is any purpose to my life. If I died tomorrow would anyone really care?
I have no energy to do anything. I used to be really motivated to work out and run errands, but now I don't care. It's been weeks since I've gotten on the treadmill and I am starting to gain the weight that I had worked so hard to loss back. But I don't care. It all ends up the same in the end anyway. We all work hard, get stressed, save money and for what? We just die in the end.
I have always been a sad person but now it has turned into hopelessness. I wish I could get rid of this feeling and be like everyone else. It seems like God, Budha, or whatever is out there won't let me be happy. I take 2 steps forward and then get shoved 4 steps back. I just don't get the point of my life.
Milhouse1 Milhouse1
36-40, F
1 Response Sep 22, 2012

Thank you for your response. I hear what your saying and I try to look upwards. I try to take control and it just seems like I get shoved down. So for now I just take it day by day. I appreciate the kind words. Thanks.