Feeling trapped.

Everything was fine during my high school life. I am a boy who loves to play football, to party, hang out with my friends, go on road trips and to eat. Everything was going smoothly until college happened. I didn't get in my dream university, I am not interested in my college program/course, and I barely fit in with my blockmates. I am very depressed about it to be honest. The university I am studying for the year is too far from home. I know a lot of you may suggest me going to a dormitory. But I really don't like the environment around my university that I feel like vomiting the minute I realize that this is where I'm at. But sometimes I often think of leaving my home and move out for college for I can't stand my nagging mom. I know she knows best and that whatever she says and does is for the good of me. I am also jealous to my past schoolmates who got in in my dream university and to those who are studying the college program that I know best speaks to me which is architecture. I really feel depressed about the thought of it. I really don't know what to do right now. I feel like partying to let the stress out but I barely see my friends. I go along with my blockmates nicely but I don't think it could go any longer. I feel alone, with no one to talk to, with no one to hear me out. There was even one night where I realized I have to go to school on a sunday morning that everything that's depressing me sinked in my mind and couldn't do anything about it so I just cried in my room and talked to God about my life right now. The sun wasn't out the next day when my mum woke me up for school but I was too lazy about the thought of it that I refused but she scolded me and I simply had to get up for her to stop nagging. I was still unhappy about going but thankful that my attendance record is still not that bad. I fear that as time goes on the worst is yet to come. I fear not only failing my subjects but also failing my parents. I sometimes think of suicide even. That sounds very wrong, but I feel so depressed that I unintentionally think of it. If I talk about my thoughts with my parents I think that they might take it the wrong way. I am not interested with studying, or even going to school anymore. I fear for the future. My future.
gloomyinside gloomyinside
18-21, M
2 Responses Aug 30, 2014

It may be possible to transfer to your dream college after a couple of semesters with good grades. If you want to be an architecte start now with volunteer work in the field, like Habitat for Humanity. Best of luck to you. You may need to speak to a professional about depression. Best of luck to you.

I think you should tell uour parents how you feel they'll understand..yh I know sometimes you think they won't but you should give it a try