Life Could Be Worse But It Wouldn't Matter.

If only there were such things these days as "rescuing a damsil in distress". 

My husband has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and treats me like garbage.  He has hit me once, cut me off of finances, verbally and mentally abuses me and I want out of here.  I'm too broke to leave, he spent every bit of the savings; I lost my job with auto industry and there are no jobs left around here (11% unemployment).  I recently started counseling and now am on meds for sleep and depression and I hate taking pills (I should be in control of my own life).  The bills are piling up and he doesn't care; he just spends and spends and doesnt even care if there isnt food in the house.  He'll just take himself out to dinner with a negative in the bank account and cause insufficient fund fees which puts up even further in the negative.

I grew up in an abusive home, my first husband abused me for 4 years before I decided homeless was better then being abused.  I raised my three kids all on my own.  I put myself through college.  And now I have nothing again.  The kids are gone. the money is gone, the job is gone.  Probably going to lose our home.

I want to leave but cant, I need some love and attention, some affection, a tender touch, something to remind me that I am still a woman and not worthless. 

I just really hate my life.  I want out, I want to move to warmer weather, I want a job, I want a divorce, I want to remember what it feels like to be in love.  I don't think I am asking for too much; it's not like I want a new car or jewelery.  I just want and need some good quality of life.  Thats all I ask for.

Why do I attract abusers?  Do I deserve this?  I believe I am a good person, I am brutally honest, I don't hesitate to help others, I am a christian, a hard worker; why does this keep happening to me and how do I get out of this?

I'm tired of people suggesting an abuse shelter; they wont take me because he quit hitting.  I cant get state assistance because I still live with him and he makes too much.  His PTSD is from the war but the VA will only help him, not me.  I just want out of here!

Is there anyone out there who just cares even a little bit?  I don't even have a family to turn to; they are selfish and crazy and abusive and, well, I just cant turn to them.  I feel so lost and so alone and to think someone will just swoop here and rescue me is just a fantasy; but seriously, how do I get out?





Marciea Marciea
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 28, 2009

Have him arrested

Well, not looking to get involved again soon; but creative idea.<br />
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Well, to update you. As of this weekend my husband is gone. He threatened to put me six feet under and then disappeared. There is a warrant out for his arrest, a 9mm is missing from the house. I dunno. He left me with no money, nothing. I suppose I need to find my strength again, somehow. One day at a time, but thanks for responding; I swear no one ever hears me.

That's great new now leave.