Used To Be Happy

I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. I feel like I'm sinning by saying "I hate my life" but I am not happy. I used to be this young, ever optimistic person- if anything turned out horribly, I always had hope that it would get better. I'm getting older and opportunities have passed and I can no longer pretend to be as optimistic as I used to be. I'm almost 32, not married, no children and very alone. It bothers me alot. I am a believer in being active in changing one's life circumstances so it hurts deeply when I try to do that and it blows up in my face. I'm tired of it. Lazy people deserve nothing but it hurts, horribly, when you put out an effort to change your life (socially, financial, etc) and it turns out worse than before. I believe in God and I ask Him please, just give me a break, please. If it's just one thing that can brighten my life I will take it- whatever it is. I'm kind of tired of asking so even though I pray Im not sure what it is doing. I also want to say that I suffered w/clinical depression nearly 10 years ago and survived that. I can honestly say I had never before experienced something so dark and horrific as depression and I don't want to end up like that again but it is starting to feel like that.

PalmFronds PalmFronds
31-35, F
Feb 27, 2010