My Life Sucks

Thank god for people with cancer, earthquakes, tsunamis...etc.  They seem to be the only things that make me think my life isn't all that bad.  It still sucks though.  I'm 30yo and seem to have fallen into a very weird, lonely place in my life.  I have no friends.  I don't understand what happened.  I was never a person without friends.  In fact, I've always had a lot of them.  A couple of years ago, I lost a rather lucrative career. In the past two years, I pretty much had everything go to ****.  My car was repossessed.  My two best friends moved states away.  This all happened around the same time.  Aside from those two, I had people that I thought were friends, but when I became broke and wasn't able to keep up with going out to nice restaurants and bars, they stopped calling and pretty much ignore me now.  I feel like I have no one.  As I'm still unemployed, I am sinking further into financial ruin.  

So what the **** am I supposed to do.  It's not like i'm a nerdy, ugly person.  I'm actually the opposite.  I think i'm a pretty good looking guy and i'm 100% sure that i'm well dressed.  I've always dressed well.  Some dudes would spend money on a new bike or a vacation, I'd buy a Lanvin Jacket or a pair or a pair of John Lobb shoes. The only things of value that I haven't sold are my clothes and shoes.  I'm well-traveled.  I'm educated.  I just don't know what to do.  The city I live in is not the city where I grew up, so none of my childhood friends are here.  I friends I had were mostly people with whom I worked or went to college.  Seems like all the people I worked with were just "work friends" and not real friends.  most of my college friends moved away.  I have tones of facebook friends...but no really ever contacts me...and when I contact them, it seems like I always get some weird response that's really saying, "i'm just writing you back b/c i feel like I have to."  

So, in a nutshell, i'm sitting here alone on a Saturday night...again.  Do I have a girlfriend?  Of course not.  How do you hit on a girl when you know that question of employment will arise.  Any girl with a clue wouldn't want a guy with a job.  I'm pretty sure any girl would see me as the unemployed loser...even thought i'm not a loser..just that 10% of all Americans are unemployed...still an embarrassment though.  

So what do i do?  Am I just supposed to go up to random people and say, "hey, wanna be my friend?"  It's not like I can foster new friendships at work!  I don't have a job!  It's just embarrassing.  I mean, even when i talk to my old friends that moved away, I find myself making up friends and things I have done just so I don't seem like I'm a complete retard.  Like, "oh I went here to eat w/ this person."  "We went and checked out that new bar."  "Had some people over for dinner."  "went to an NFL game with my friends."  I mean what am I supposed to say?  "Oh, I just sit in my loft every single day of my live and watch tv."  My lame life is a complete embarrassment.  Even if I were to meet some new people, I'm sure the question would arise asking me about my other friends.  Am I supposed to say, "I pretty much have no friends."  That might seem a little weird.  

Who knows.  Maybe I'm not a fun person.  Maybe I'm offputting.  I mean I don't have a low self esteem;  these are just some questions i'm milling over because there's clearly a problem somewhere.  

I don't know.  I just hate it.  

boredstupid1 boredstupid1
31-35, M
Mar 6, 2010