My Life Is Worth Hating
I'm 18 years old, I have never kissed a girl, I don't even know how to talk to people in general. My social skills are amazingly bad. I failed a math test yesterday that I know I should have been able to do well on. I have no friends, no idea how to get any, and have had none for years. Talk about lonely. When I was little I seem to remember having friends but I guess we just drifted apart. I talk to myself more than I do to other people. I am always afraid that people are judging me whenever I am around them and people in general make me uncomfortable, and since there are people everywhere this makes getting through the day an annoying experience. Every time I think about where I am in life I just get really restless and I feel like running somewhere or something, just so I could make any kind of progress. It feels like there's no hope for things ever getting better. There are only two people in the world I get along with: my dad and one of my brothers. My dad is dying of cancer. All that I have going for me in life is that I'm in college, even though I don't even know if I want to major in what I am since I don't know what I want to do. I guess some people have it worse, like starving kids in india or something. My pride (and I don't know how I have anything like pride) would never let me whine like this in real life. If I ever fail out of college I'm going to join the army and hope I die in Iraq.