Im Sorry Im Not What You Wanted
Sometimes i feel as if the world would be a better place without me. i was an accident coming into it anyway. All i do is try to help everyone around me, i even put on a fake smile to make everyone not worry about me. my mom knows nothing of my cutting or my suicidal tendencies because i wouldnt want to be a burden on her, she has her own problems. Ill never be the son my father wanted, i guess thats why he beat me and made me cry so much. Im a shame to my dads side of the family because of the gender i love. If only i could change that. all i ever wanted was to be accepted. My life has gotten really difficult to deal with and my thoughts are coming back. i have no one to help me because i am a no one. waking up in the morning the first thought is why couldnt i have died in my sleep. Ive wanted to end it a long time ago but i couldnt get the image of my mom coming into my room only to see my lifeless body. i have been depressed since i was 12. i cut myself like im addicted. Ive tried many medications, doctors, and years of therapy. ive lost all hope, ive written dozens of suicide notes, i just dont know what to do anymore.