Im Sorry Im Not What You Wanted

Sometimes i feel as if the world would be a better place without me. i was an accident coming into it anyway. All i do is try to help everyone around me, i even put on a fake smile to make everyone not worry about me. my mom knows nothing of my cutting or my suicidal tendencies because i wouldnt want to be a burden on her, she has her own problems. Ill never be the son my father wanted, i guess thats why he beat me and made me cry so much. Im a shame to my dads side of the family because of the gender i love. If only i could change that. all i ever wanted was to be accepted. My life has gotten really difficult to deal with and my thoughts are coming back. i have no one to help me because i am a no one. waking up in the morning the first thought is why couldnt i have died in my sleep. Ive wanted to end it a long time ago but i couldnt get the image of my mom coming into my room only to see my lifeless body. i have been depressed since i was 12. i cut myself like im addicted. Ive tried many medications, doctors, and years of therapy. ive lost all hope, ive written dozens of suicide notes, i just dont know what to do anymore. 
Mikeyx33 Mikeyx33
18-21, M
1 Response Oct 20, 2011

love your life.god creates everyone fairly and you must have something unique that u havent realised.Life is too short to live for others or care about others.think about yourself what you can do to make yourself feel proud of yourself.Think of those unfortunate people fighting so hard for their life.Your blessed in so many ways you just dont know.Be good.God loves everyone.Suicide doesnt make anything better.listen'll make you feel somewhat better.If you think your abandoned by the world,always remember theres always someone in earth loves you and cares about you.Coz your amazing the way you were born.