I Am A Burden To Others

HELLO. I AM MARRIED TO A MAN THAT DOESN'T EVEN LOVE ME. HE TREATS ME LIKE I AM A BURDEN TO HIM. ALL DAY YESTERDAY I TOOK CARE OF OUR KIDS WHILE HE WAS IN THE BED SLEEPING/RESTING. TODAY IS MOTHER'S DAY AND I FIGURED I WOULD GET A BREAK FOR A DAY, BUT I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT. LASTNIGHT I TOOK SOME TRAMADOL FOR MY BACK PAIN AND DRANK SOME WINE AND HE ASKED ME IF i COULD GO TO THE STORE AND I SAID IN A FEW MINUTES, WHEN I WOULD FINALLY BE READY, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GO, BECAUSE I'D BE SLEEPING. SO I TOLD HIM I TOOK THE TRAMADOL, AND HE SAID, OH OK. THAT'S WHY YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO IT. WELL I WILL JUST GO TOMORROW, THEN. (MEANING HE WOULD GO TO THE STORE, NOT ME.) HE DIDN'T EVEN WISH ME HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.  HE REMEMBERED TO WISH HIS MOTHER HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, BUT INSTEAD...THIS MORNING HE COMES OUT THE ROOM YELLING AND SCREAMING AT ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T GO TO THE STORE THIS MORNING AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS BECAUSE HE TOLD ME HE WOULD GO. HE HAS BEEN TREATING ME LIKE CRAP THE WHOLE TIME, EVEN BEFORE THIS. HE TOLD ME THAT I AM STRESSING HIM OUT AND THAT HE WISHES THAT I WOULD JUST LEAVE, AND NEVER BOTHER HIM AGAIN. AT THAT POINT I STARTED TO GET REALLY REALLY DOWN AND DEPRESSED. NOW I JUST WANT TO KILL MYSELF. THE SADDEST PART ABOUT THIS IS, I DON'T EVEN THINK HE OR ANYONE ELSE ON HIS SIDE WOULD MISS ME, OR EVEN BE SAD IF I DIED. I REALLY DON'T THINK HE WOULD MISS ME AT ALL. MY KIDS, AND MAYBE MY MOM WOULD BE DEVASTATED, AND MAYBE MY FAMILY. BUT AS FOR HIM AND THE IN LAWS, I THINK THEY WOULD BE HAPPY IF I WERE TO PASS. YOU KNOW, PEOPLE GET MARRIED BECAUSE THEY'RE IN LOVE, AND WANNA SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER. I AM NOT SURE WHY WE GOT MARRIED ANYMORE. I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM, AND HE THINKS JUST BECAUSE I AM A STAY AT HOME MOTHER, HE CAN TREAT ME ANY WAY THAT HE FEELS LIKE TREATING ME. RIGHT NOW I REALLY SERIOUSLY FEEL LIKE T AKING THE REST OF THE TRAMADOL AND THE FLEXERIL AND WHATEVER OTHER STRONG PAIN KILLERS I CAN GET MY HANDS ON AFTER I GET TO THIS DESTINATION THAT I ALREADY PLANNED ON KILLING MYSELF AT, AND LEAVING A NOTE IN MY PURSE OR MY BRA THAT SAYS WHO I AM, MY ADDRESS AND THE NAME AND PHONE NUMBER TO CALL WHEN THEY FIND MY BODY.
MedicalStudent1228 MedicalStudent1228
26-30, F
1 Response May 13, 2012

Leave him and take the kids he doesn't deserve someone like you, I know its not always easy to just walk away from someone, and you'll always be able to think of reasons not to, but I think you'd be much happier if you did. No mother should be treated like that.