But Not Everyday

when I joined this group I was feeling particularly down.  I dont actually hate my life and any of you in this group shouldn't either.  Life is too short to focus on the negatives.  I hate the parts of my life that are beyond my control and some that I am smothered with although they are within my control.  Like being married.  I don't always like my wife very much in fact to be honest most of the time I hate her.  However we share some of the greatest kids on the planet and I want them to grow up with both parents.  All that talk of they can see through the unhappiness is crap.  I hide it well for their benefit.  I think it would be selfish of me to leave.  We are a family of 6 and because one is unhappy he should make the rest unhappy?  I'm going with the greatest good on this one.  I know my thinking may be flawed but im going with it anyway.
johnwad3 johnwad3
26-30, M
8 Responses Dec 18, 2006

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" I don't always like my wife very much in fact to be honest most of the time I hate her. However we share some of the greatest kids on the planet and I want them to grow up with both parents. " that's one reason I hate my life and my parents.my dad was an ******* to my mom and she stayed with him just because she wanted me to have both parents around all the time and I wish they divorced a long time ago so I wouldn't grow up in all this hate and fights and yelling.When parents don't love each other even if they don't fight the children can see through that and that can damage them more than growing up without a father 24/7 around would.

from experience, parents that don't get along damage thier children more, I understand your logic, and reasoning, but hiinestly, the happier you are, the happier you can make your kids. as of your wife, there is all ways a grey neutral zone between the black and white, instead of accepting the way it is for your kids, try making things work for you. it sounds selfish, but really it will increase your drive to be succed at it, working things out is harder when you do it for exterior reasons, and if it's that bad well, somtimes seperated parents are better parents.

Ive only been maried for 3 years and have no kids (not by choice) and I cant see my self hating my wife. Hearing you say that you stay for your kids makes me wonder if I woud do the same. God bless you and your family.

Talk to your wife about your concerns, people do change if the right <br />
approach is taken. Find that love in your life that you knew in her<br />
at the beginning of your relationship, talk about all the good times<br />
you both have shared over the years and bring them back.<br />
<br />
I hope this helps.

You are making a personal choice that is consisent with your values and that is not always an easy thing to do. I hope you find intimacy and positive interactions with good buddies because your kids also need to see that you know how to interact so you can model comaraderie and friendship which at least for me, is most important to life success anyway. My parents never modeled that for me and I need to learn it for myself. <br />
<br />
I decided not to remain in the martyr role in my marriage because I knew I was becoming more and more depressed and dysfuntional. I did not even want to be with friends anymore because years of acting turned me into a stone/martyr. My marriage cannot work because our goals are opposite regarding intimacy and trust. I hope for you and your children that you eventually become better friends with your wife. You both may change, you never know.

I admire your fortitude and courage. I hope you last it out. My kids were so glad when I finally divorced after 13 years - they could sense the "cold war".

Sure glad I am 75 and have out lived my kids and both wives and now I have a cat to keep me company.