I'm sick of everything. I am.

I'm sick of waking up every morning on the same crummy air mattress, in the same rundown apartment, praying for anyone or anything to make my day a little less boring and a little more bearable.
I'm sick of having to drive to school in the same rundown piece of crap car everyday. An oversized land boat. And God only knows when the engine is gonna go out on me. Any day now, I'm sure.
I'm sick of constantly getting hatemail telling me to go die in a ditch on the side of the road. Just because I don't feel comfortable doing drugs or drinking. I'm a perfectly fine human being, you know. Why can't they just accept me for who I am?
I'm sick of seeing people gloat about how rich they are. "My mommy and daddy have three sports cars that could easily pay for 10 people to finish college." I'm lucky I can even GO to college, and you have the nerve to flaunt your money around? Why, because you're too shallow to realize that that's the only reason people like you to begin with?
And that's another thing, I'm sick of being the last one to know about everything. It's as if I'm being kept out of the loop on purpose. I'm only let in when people need me, then I'm swiftly thrown back out into the cold.
And I'm sick of freezing at the top while I'm on the subject. I'm sick of being in these stupid honors societies with people who are nothing more than phonies. Fakers and conniving bastards who will have no trouble stabbing you in the back if you look away for long enough.

I want--no, I NEED change.

I want out of this life. I want to trade this rundown piece-of-**** life in for a better one.
I want money--at least enough to lift me out of poverty. I want to destroy everything that isn't worth keeping, anything that will try to kill me. I want to be accepted, and genuinely cared for for something other than being smart. I want to have friends who are humble, or at least don't go running around showing off their parents' success around those who aren't as fortunate. I want to come down from the mountain and the cold, and to just be a normal, everyday person.

I want to be free.
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1 Response Sep 21, 2012

It seems to me that you are envious of others' lives and that makes you unhappy about your own. Guess what, you will always find people who are wealthier, taller, or more popular than you. But that shouldn't make you feel you are less of a person. You say you are driving a rundown car. So was I. I had an old 95 Honda with paint peeling, rust, and no air conditioning. It died 8 months ago; now I take the bus. Do I feel bad about it? No. Now I get more exercise walking to and from the bus stop. What I'm trying to say is that what you own doesn't define who you are. So stop worrying about owning stuff and focus instead on becoming the kind of person you would like to have as friend, and the rest will follow.