As I Crumble Away.....I know people have had harder lives than me and I feel as if I am a small child crying about how i dropped a piece of my favorite candy in a puddle of mud. I have never made a post on a website about my petty problems but I feel overwhelmed and so I am trying to rid myself of my burden. I am sorry for any grammar problems and/or misspellings. I am a 19 year old male college student for the moment.That dream is over in a few days. "Why?" You ask. Because throughout the first part of the semester I pursued a girl who I was in love with or as some would say "Infatuated with" I tried extremely hard to date her. I guess I should start at how I met her. I was at subway on campus when I bumped into a friend I had met from over the summer and he was friends with this girl. So I was talking to him and she just blurts out that she likes my shirt. It was a band t-shirt of Bullet for my Valentine. And so I started talking to her and so I invited her to go to the comic book store with me later if she wanted to. She said yeah and then we parted ways. I realized all to late that I forgot to ask for her number but luckily our mutual friend had it so i got it from him and texted her but she was busy so we didn't go to the store together. We hung out later that night and I asked her questions and I talked about me and I realized I kinda liked her. so for about a month I invited her out to eat and blew what little money I did have on her. I also got close to dating her and then the next day she got a bf. they broke up and I was there for even then. Then soon after that we dated for a total of two days she said how could she be happy with me if she wasn't happy with herself. so there I was crushed and alone and I did something I had never did before I broke my straight edge lifestyle and smoked weed with a now ex friend. I haven't smoked since that day. I started to live more reckless I stayed for a couple days at a time I started drinking 5 to 8 energy drinks a day and then my friend got sick. He got mono and had to leave soon after I caught mono and I had no energy to go to class and to barely go to lunch or dinner I stayed in my dorm and ate what food i had. Some days I slept 16 to 19 hours. finally my mother made me go to the clinic on campus which was only a few minutes from my dorm but with the lack of energy i had it seemed like miles away and to make it worse my dorm was on the 5th floor of my hall and some imbecil broke the elevator. I later found out I had mono and I was going to apply for sick leave so I would not flunk out but I waited awhile so I could stay on campus because while i was on campus my mother and grandmother got in an argument and kicked me and my mother out. so I would have to move in with my grandfather who lived in a wooded area with no internet cell service and barely any TV and I have grown attach to those things. so i waited until the last day to apply and I over slept from being sick so here i am a failure to my family the only person to go to college in my family and I haven't told them yet I was the one who was suppose to be the success so I am depressed because I failed them I also have had other problems in the past that keep floating into my head. But in a few days I plan on killing myself because I feel so overwhelmed and feel I have no future.
skelos777 18-21, M 8 Responses 2 Dec 12, 2012