What's There To Look Forward To?

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here, sitting behind my computer. Pretty much my only place of comfort. Since I was fourteen, my life has been getting worse and worse. In these four years, I've done it all. I tried to kill myself drinking alcohol, I tried to OD on painkillers (and drugs alike), I tried to slit my wrists. Soon I realized suicide wasn't a way out, and that it wouldn't solve anything.

In a way, I find comfort in my depression these days. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy, and am not planning to change that anytime soon. I've accepted the fact that I'm ugly, that I'm fat. And that nobody likes me.

It's strange. I grew up in a very friendly environment. Parents that love me, pets around me. But ever since I got into high school things changed. I've always been bullied, and that doesn't affect me much. Mostly because I'm used to being called horrible things, and beaten up by people who were always much bigger than me. (I'm not that tall). Those things barely hurt my feelings anymore. It's the misunderstanding from people which hits the hardest.

Every day people tell me to just shake it off, and put my mind off of things. It's not that easy. When I look into the mirror, all I see is a shell. An ugly person who doesn't deserve to be loved, or cared for.

All that remains in my body are the shattered pieces of a broken heart and the dying sanity of my mind.

MrSandvich MrSandvich
18-21, M
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

hi
i am sorry to hear your story.........do not let some stupid , useless jerks belittle you. i am sure u are pretty amazing....i hope the best for you.i know how it feels to hate ur life...i hate my life too.but sometimes i think i have got only one and it doesn't matter how ugly it gets i wont give up until i find happiness for myself.....all the best to you.... i wish v cud b frnds...take care of urself

I was bullied when I was your age, and I didn't share it with anyone, whcih I now regret. I will tell you that there is so luch to look forward to. When I graduated High School, and went to college I had a great life and friends, and it continued. You too will move forward, and enjoy life. You need to try and have confidence, and keep in mind that people that bully do it not because there is something wrong with you, but there is something wrong with them. When I look at the picture you posted, if that is you all I see is a really cute . You are lucky that you have loving parents. You need to share with them how you are feeling. Be strong and try and be positive. I know it isn't easy but try and find some new friends. Good Luck