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Ugh I hate my stupid life. I ****** up my grades because I wasn't at school a lot and in a lot of pain, so now I feel like a ******* idiot. It's my fault that I probably won't go to college but who cares since I'm a screw up anyway. My friends are not interested in me anymore because I'm not as smart as they are. I used to be so happy, my best friend and I used to be really close, but once we got to high school and a friend from her church came, she started to ignore me. Not completely at first, but just the other day I said hi to her and she completely ignored me and talked to her other friend. She seems to like her other friend a lot more.
I think about self harm a lot, but I'm always too chicken to actually do anything about it, so I just wash my hands in really hot water or bruise myself.
I really hate my life. Sometimes I feel content with it, and other times I want to just disappear. Sometimes I feel normal, and sometimes I feel really moody-like a red hot rage. Please help...
RileyBloom RileyBloom 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 14

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I suggest not holding everything inside, especially the rage, high Skool sucks, but people say we have to do it,

I would help you as much as I can, but I don't think a 16 or 17 year old can get much help from a 12 year old :( you have a cute name though ;)

Okay, first, please realize high school doesn't last forever. I know it sure seems like it at times (at least it did to me) but it doesn't. And, as long as you graduate from high school, you can always go to a community college first to get "caught up" to where you need to be to transfer to a 4-year college. All is not lost, and you are not a screw-up.

Mood swings are unfortunately normal at your age, as is the tendency of others to flock to the most popular and forget who their friends have always been. But popularity in high school is a fleeting thing. Yes, it may last a bit past high school, but it doesn't last much past that.

I realize how easy it is for me to sit here and tell you it's going to be okay, but having gone though what you're going through and a lot of other crap as well, trust that it will. It will suck at times, it will suck mightily.

Please don't hurt yourself, be good to yourself. Discover who you are and not what others want you to be. If you have a trusted teacher or school counselor, please talk to them if you really feel like hurting yourself. You may be surprised at how many people really care about but don't know how to express it.