TIRED, Just So Blady Tired......

Just one of those moments when i'm just getting so sick & tired of everything around me. Just need to get out .... No blady good news for the last 6 years, no god, no money, no career, no lover, yet i keep pressing on, against all the odds, sometimes i just wonder why the F*** am i still around? What the F*** am i lving for? And that's not to mention the several major setbacks before these 6 years.

I've been down & out more times than i can remember, hit rock-bottom on all aspects of my life, the battle scars are there & there are days when i just get so tired of fighting & fighting to maintian my sainity & motivation in this one tough,screw-up, hyprocritical world of ours. I almost hate everything about it, feel like a total mis-fit someitmes.
But i also know, i will conquer it, I will conquer fate no matter how hard it has smack me all my life, & taken almost everything i have ever loved or had, & turn this god damn recession & eveything else into my favour! Yes, i know i will fall again, & again, my spirit will be broken, but know this fate, I will never, ever, give up on defeating you even if i hv a broken spirit. So go F*** yourself Fate & destiny!

What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph  Waldo Emerson

 

      

 

    

amigos amigos
41-45, M
5 Responses Mar 9, 2009

Thanks for your inputs, c8lorraine. It might be coincidental, but i was speaking to someone abt the Half-filled/empty glass theory to someone yesterday when he shared how the recession has affected them severely over the last 1 year. LOL....<br />
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I think what you have indicated above is an excellent example & i think in life, there will be those who are much better off than us, & those who are much worse off. Personally, i think sometimes, watching someone who has overcome great odds, can serve to inspire us to greater heights perhaps because it rejuvinates our self-belief in ourselves, that anything the mind can conceive & believe can be achieved. One example might be Nick Vujicic, his video on the bottom link & thanks for sharing your perspective on the Half- Full Glass mood, i'm sure it will be very useful on my lousier days. ;)<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bL3GR4iAW0&feature=PlayList&p=EAF23AE4B8A4C54E&index=14<br />
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This is a little like ....<br />
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*the cup is half full vs the cup is half empty*<br />
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I know difficult times that just seem to go on forever can certainly wear you down, and they are the *cup half empty* times.<br />
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I usually find it useful to take out a sheet of paper, and write at least 20 things I'm grateful for, and my list often looks like this.....<br />
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1) I have all my limbs, I can see and hear<br />
2) I live in a safe country, I am not dodging bombs or bullets<br />
3) I have plenty of good fresh food to eat and the water is safe to drink<br />
4) I have had a basic education, I can read and write<br />
5) I have experienced motherhood despite 9 misscarriages.<br />
6) I have a computer<br />
7) I have an internet connection<br />
8) I have the freedom to speak my thoughts without political persecution<br />
9) I have the luxury of the companionship of pets<br />
10) I am in better health than many others<br />
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This always puts me in the *cup is half full* mood.

Thanks Bella, my best wishes go out to you as well.

Oh yes, indeed its true. Thanks for yr comments.<br />
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There will be occasions in our lives where everything just screws up big time (like what u've shared) & over very prolong periods. <br />
It tests our faith, our hope, our beliefs, our values, our confidence, our self-esteem, & its like waves, it comes & goes. <br />
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After a while, u analyse this scientifically. U accept the fact, they'll be days where we'll be down, sometimes very down, but its part of the process of getting up. <br />
Its like recuperation, you need to rest in order to fight the next battle. Like what they say, anything that doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. <br />
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Thanks for sharing....

Thank you very much for yr kind words of encouragement. <br />
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Once a while, the phrase "Hope beyond hope" kinda of strikes my mind after I phased out "Trying to make sense out of senseless situations." LOL - Which actually is pretty true cause can never turn back time.<br />
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Yes, i will keep up the good fight for as long as i can.