I Hate My Marriage
I rushed into marriage 5 years ago, without knowing anything about my husband. I'm an Indian woman and come from a culture where young women are encouraged to have arranged marriages. Well, I wasn't forced into my marriage and picked my husband out of purely my choice. My husband is not a good-looking man and was never physically attracted to him. On the other hand I'm considered to be an attractive woman and well endowed. and work out every day to keep in great shape. We've no children yet and live in a beautiful house, have a high quality lifestyle with absolutely no financial worries. We both have great careers and high paying jobs.
Our marriage was always frought with a lot of arguements and fights over trivial things, but somehow managed to keep it together. Our marriage has several instances of verbal abuse and two instances of physical abuse. Otherwise, he is a devoted husband and can be very loving and affectionate. I certainly don't have the courage to divorce him and have become very co-dependant on him over the years. I know I deserve better, but just can't do it. I'm now severely depressed and unable to perform at work. I suffer from the fear of living alone and what friends and family might think of it. I hate having sex with my husband and actually find him very physically repulsive. I feel trapped and miserable. I contemplate suicide everyday and I'm only 29 years old. Just the thought of living with my husband until I die is gruelling and killing me inside.