Now that I'm older my mother and I get along. We used to fight a lot and I always had mixed feelings about whether or not I like her. I've spent over a year away from her and have recently moved back in with her. I realise now that I definitely don't like her as a person. She is a successful woman, career wise, but growing up she never displayed much affection towards me. She was more concerned with having enough money to take care of my brothers and I as a result of being a single mom, than she was with our emotional and mental growth. Because she was never around and rarely hired babysitters, my older brother got away with doing a lot of horrible things to me. As a result I've held a lot of anger towards her. Where as I have grown tremendously from all the trauma I endured, she still seems to have no insight into anything. I'm half black and to this very day she still makes racist remarks which had made me insecure to the point of hating who I am and the way I look. The year I spent away from her made me realize that I have to take a look at myself and eradicate a lot of racist views I hold because of the things she's said. Even though we do get along, I know that I still have a little bit going on inside of me that is having a negative impact on my mood and behavior. It upsets me that I have to spend my twenties healing from trauma and retraining my mind to not see myself as inferior because of my skin color, all due to my mother.
deleted deleted
Aug 5, 2015