Future Mil .... Should I Even Bother..

I have an interesting situation and am just looking for any advice.  My current boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months (not long at all, I know).  We have found through our "honeymoon" phase that we really are head over heals for each other.  He has 2 wonderful kids with whom I enjoy spending time with and vise versa.  My problem is that his mother lives with him due to finacial reasons.  I have never had issues with anyones mom before now.  She has this issue with the fact I will help cook and clean and do stuff like arts and crafts with the kids.  My bf and I were not even together a month and she had her first "hissy" fit thinking (on her own) I was moving in.  She will literally act like a 12 year old girl...If I am at the fridge she will look at me, Huff, look to the floor and turn around.  She hasn't found anything to specifically not like about me.. (that would make more sense if she was like I don't like her because she has a bad rep or something)  She has on countless occassions been snooty and when my bf asks or confronts her about it the only thing she really has issues with is me being there when she is and when i move in where does it leave her.  I can empathize with this, where do I go now worry but that doesn't give her the right to treat me like garbage and I Know it has happened to many times... I will never forgive her.  What did she epect.. to live happily ever after with her son?  My bf doesn't think it's "me" he sees this as a prob because even if he starts dating someone new he predicts the same thing will happen.  He has expressed he wants me to move in (only after she has had hissy's about it so many times) and have her live near (really near).. I have refused to move in under those circumstances...He then suggested he'd talk to her and help her buy a place of her own.. which might work but Guess what???? she has gone to the 2 children and the ex wife and pretty much told them that she has no where to go and that their father has and will chose his girlfriend over his mother.  She has dramatized this and even the kids were worried....they came to me concerned because I guess they really like me but don't want me to be the cause of their grandmother's pain and anguish.  OMG I am frustrated.. I hate going there when she is there.. my body cringes... I just want to add,  I have NEVER spoken back to her... I have either explained myside and/or I ignore her. 

My relationship is new....but I know I will never feel comfortable with her, I will never want my future kids to be with her unsupervised by me and I will never trust her again.  (when we are on civil terms all she does.. LITERALLY.. is talk bad about EVERYONE SHE KNOWS...it's what she does.. nothing else in the world to talk about i guess) 

So I know I can only answer this question but some helpful advice would be good... Should I end this with my man.. even though I really do adore him and think we'd be happily ever after if it wasn't for his Mommy dearest?  My family has given me advice but in the end..... it all comes down to.. she is his mother and nothing is going to change that.  I didn't create this situation and HATE the fact it was created for me by her and her insecurity i want to live with my son for ever ways.  She has even told the kids she is uncomfortable that I "help" around the house.  I was not taught to take take take without giving and they way I look at it, I've eaten at my boyfriends house enough that doing the dishes as a kind gesture should not be viewed as a bad thing.    Anyway... any advice would be great!  TY.

26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 14, 2007

Think long and hard honey! Read my stories, it may help you. For me, if things have ground rules set for the B***h, then I'll stay married to him as long as he sticks up for me when it comes to her and raising our future children. If not, then I'm divorcing him and the next guy I meet, I want to meet the parents soon as the relationship becomes serious. If my "I can spot a B.S. radar" goes off when I meet his mom or dad, I'm done. I'm not fixing or saving any man. Life is too D*** short! I hope this helps!

I understand where you are coming from. I have been there too. Let me tell you what I did and don't recommend at all. My husband (of 6 months) and I were together 6 years before we were married. His mother hates me. She hates that I have taken her little boy away even though he is in his late 20's. No matter how much I give it is not good enough. I love my husband more than anything in the world, but honestly it's not worth it. Fighting over everything mostly due to his mother. He doesn't like standing up for me, everything is my fault, it causes major problems. She has turned everyone in his family against me. We go for a family get together and no one speaks to me, no one says hello. It is very uncomfortable and I hate it. I go out of my way to be nice, invite them down here for Christmas, no matter what I do it is wrong. Think long and hard because when you get the man you also get his mother. If you move in and he moves her out you are moving in on the wrong foot. You will be the reason, in her mind, that she not only lost all of her sons attention but also her home. If he is serious about you and you him I would suggest let him move her out and don't move in right away. Give it some time so all parties can adjust. Just remember it doesn't get any easier just harder when dealing with mothers. Good Luck