ıts All Become To Much......

Where oh where to start? I guess Miami where I found my husband. He is Turkish and I American. We dated for 3 months before I moved in with him as the lease was going out on my apt. Two weeks after moving in with him his mother was coming for a vist to the states from Turkey. I couldnt wait to meet her and set up her room in our home with beautiful flowers and made everything perfect. I wanted her to feel comfortable and welcomed. Little did I know that at the time anything and everything I do or did would never be enough. This is her only son.
  She arrived at night. We picked her up from the airport. Went home, made a meal toghter. She was trying to teach me to make Turkish meatballs. All seemed well. Next day we get up. I have the day off . My soon to be husband had to work. His mother does not speak english. Nor do I speak Tukish. My friend rang me and wanted to know if I wanted to get a game of tennis in that morning. So I went to my mil and asked her if there was something that she wanted to do or somewhere she wanted to go. Shooping,beach, anything I was more then happy to do with her. She just shook her head and said please please go. I am tired and am ok. So I took that as I would go and play my game. And I did.
  I return in the afternoon to find her shampooing our carpet. Taking everything out of the kitchen cabints and cleaning our home. Ironing all of her sons clothes and just cleaning like a total crazy person. I was beyond shocked. I am a very clean person.A nd we also had a clening service coming to our home 3 times a week. I would eat off our floors. Thats how clean and well kept our home was. I just let her do her thing.
  Night time comes He wants to take his mother out to dinner. I say why dont you just go with your mom. She doesnt really know me and I am sure she would like to have some alone time wth you. You both can catch up. He said it was a good idea. That would make her happy. So I got some left overs and settled into the sofa to wait there return. The front door opens and she said nothing and walked right pass me toher roomand slammed the door. I lok at him like WTF is going on. He went in to speak with her. I could hear her yelling and crying in Turkish. And hes doig the same. He comes out about 15 mins later. I am asking him whats going on. Is she ok? He said to me that my mother found me to be rude for going out all day and leaving her there. Rude that I did not go to dinner with them. She went on to tell him thatI was a ***** who was using him. Mind you he had just opened his bizzness and I was making my own money and supporting us as well at the time. But we were a team and I had no issue to do this. I was in shock. I could see this going nowhere for the rest of her stay. I packed my bag and went to stay at my girlfriends house or the rest of her stay. I left my own house to make this ***** feel better. 2 weeks.
  So thats where my story of my mıl starts. From that day on she has done things to me that have caused so much pain in our relationship. She is overbearing always in our bizzness. We had a daughter last year. She has done everythnig to make my life hell from the day our daughter was born. She trys to tell me what and how to do everything. From feeding my child to when I should bath her to what she she be watching on the tube to EVERYTHING.She took over our wedding and turned it into hers. From what the menu was to what dress I wore and how I looked.  I allowed it because I was trying to be pleasing to her. We now live in Turkey, for the last 3 years. Which is where we got married and have our life. She lives an hour flight taway from us. If I shared all the stories with you we would be here for days and days. Everytime she comes around my husband and I have horrible fights. She has told me to grow my hair out I look like a boy.  That the tattoo  I have is gross ugly and she cant stand it. She has talked about me behind my back to everyone. When I was preggers I gained 65 pounds. I was 130 before. She would call everyone on the phone right in front of me and tell them my weight and how larger I had become and then laugh about it in front of me. She talks in Turkish about the wrong things I am doing with the baby to my husband. And he tries to correct me about them. I freak out on him. And tell him I know where its coming from. My daughter is the world to me. I take such wonderful care of her. She is the happiest baby you will ever meet. She is my life. Never sick, just wonderful. I hate hate that she tries to tell me what to do with MY CHILD. 
  My husband was married before for 8 months. I found out from a girlfriend of his a few months back why it ended. Im sure you all can guess why. I will just say that she was picking out the furniture for their home. This girl saw it was a never ending battle and got the hell out. Smart. Ilove my husband very much. I love the life we have made together. I love our daughter.So Im going nowhere.
  The last draw for me was about a month ago. Her husband has been very lll for sometime. He got really sick and in the middle of the night she had to take him to the hospitail. We got the call the next morning that he was there. My husband went to work. I tried to ring her all day. No answer. Around 5 in the afternoon I called my husband to ask him to stop and pick up some baby powde for the baby on his way home.H e said that he just gotten off the phone with his mother and that his father was not doing well and that HE should come. So he would be taking a flight out that night. I asked if I should come. He said no let me go and see how it look. My husband called me when he got to her. His father had passed away 10 mins before 5 when she had called him. She did not tell him that when she called him to tell him to come.So that I would not come a well. She keep him to herself. An allowed me to grieve alone. And not to be with my husband or hug him or look after him at his time of need. The furneal took place the next day. I was not invited. Nor was his grandchild. And she had the nerve to tell him that when we come to vist her she will take my daughter and I to his grave to vist. I have not told my husband how this hurt me. Because he is having a hard time dealing right now with the loss of his father. I dont want to add the stress. So I let i go.
  She is a bitter women. There is always an issue a probleam when this women comes around. I have had enough of her. She will fight with everyone and anyone. I have been so ashmed in most of the markets and shops around my area where I live. She is one of those people that enjoys down grading people she thinks she is above. She likes to fight.
  My husband and I have talked about it MANY times. And he always has the same answer. She is a 65yr old women.She cant be changed. Maybe he is right. But I have now cut all ties wth her. I have bloked her from sending me emails. I have gotten rid of her on my skype.I use to send her potos of our daughter  every  week. And call her on skype every other day and let her see our daughter. She loved that. But its over now. Im done with her. ****** *****. And now the best part for me comes. Her husband is gone. She has noone now. She can sit and think about  all the ****** up **** she has done I hope she finds it was all worth it
  So that felt beyond great to get out. I think Im gonig to go now a buy myself a new dress. Shopping:)
helpmeeeee helpmeeeee
31-35, F
2 Responses Jul 15, 2010

WHAT IS THE MAIN PROBLEMS?

hi there..<br />
<br />
i have a very close idea to what you have been experiencing as i have been married now for nearly a year.. thankfully no kids yet. i am from australia, with my mum being european and father being asian so im familiar with diverse cultures.. and my husband being turkish. unfortunately we decided to live with his family to save a little bit of money before we venture out on our own and i think it has been one of the biggest mistakes. this house is like a big social centre where everyone comes over and as me being the 'gelin' DIL, am expected to do all this serving.. serving is a beautiful thing to your guests however when your made to feel like a slave and feel like your working at a restaurant it gets quite stressful. <br />
<br />
the dynamics of this houshold are very complex and im psychologically having many difficuilties. my MIL always has something to say about the way myself and my husbands 2 sisters do things and she is constantly in my face about how i should do things for my husband.. like when i should feed him and what to feed him. The process of serving has become a huge issue in this house for me, my MIL made a huge deal because the last few days i didnt get up to make him breakfast. i currently have exams and have been really tired and i thought my husband is a big enough boy to make his own breakfast like seriously.. she has spoon her boys to the point where gestures of love is no longer a gesture of love but a chore. there are so many things that happen around here where im made to feel like a slave and my own way of doing things arent good enough. at one point his parents were not asking us but rather telling us to live in turkey for 6 months with them if they decided to go aswell.. my husband agreed with them without even consulting me and this just adds to the list of being pushed around. <br />
<br />
my wedding was a huge upset for me, i did everything she wanted to, i feel so bad when i look back because i neglected half of my family just so they could go on with their turkish traditions that day was so horrible.. usually people have wedding albums but i havent even bothered to look at any of the photos because it reminds me of the frustartion i experienced that day of being controlled.. i hide up in my room all the time pretending to study just so i dont have to go downstairs and made to feel like an idiot because i dont know how to speak turkish. they basically put me down because i dont know turkish but i feel completely demotivated from being put down. my little brother is even restricted from coming here once a month because there are lots of things going on like grandpa in hospital and cousin in jail etc etc but then why are my MIL friend staying over when she has kids that yell and scream all afternoon.. my little brother who is 12 does not yell and scream around the house. i was told that my brothers can come over whenevr they want when im married my family is there family. its all a load of crap. im nearly 21 and already feel like im going through a nervous break down, i live 45 mins away from my family... i need help :(<br />
<br />
because of my husbands work we are planning to move overseas in around 3 months so it doesnt logical to rent out for that time with no furniture or anything.. plus i dont think places go for rent for that long? i dont know i have never lived out by myself before..