Bipolar1 :part 2

The last time I wrote about the painful situation with my mother in law, I was hoping that things would pass in time. I know people say that all wounds heal with time, but they do not if you continually rip them open again. Apparently, my mother in law can not control her mouth, temper etc. We will not be seeing her anytime soon.
I was 4 months pregnant at the last post and now my husband an I have a beautiful baby boy who is 14 months old and healthy. My mother in law was informed of our pregnancy 2 weeks before the baby arrived and 10 weeks later we relocated to Los Angeles temporarily. It was nice to be far away, but problems didn't stop at all. don't have the time to write them all down tonight, but I will at some point..

But the problems with my mother in law have gone from bad to worse. I no longer allow her to hurt me or my children, but she still continues to hurt my husband. He has decided that my mother in law will have no part in our tiny son's life. This is a big decision on his part. During his own parent volatile divorce he  was forced at the age of 13 to never see his Nana ( who he loved dearly) on his father's side again and it was a very heart breaking experience for a boy at that age. But after a long painful decision making period, my husband decided that his mother was far too toxic to all people involved in our family and has decided to keep our small son away from her. "What baby doesn't know cant hurt him"... is the way to see it I guess.  My husband has since been rebuilding his relationship with his fathers side of the family... to this very day his Nana has never said a bad thing about my husbands caustic mother even though I know she despises her and blames  her (my mother in law) for her sons  early death (53).
At any rate, my husband is healing from his childhood trauma and I am here to support him however I can.... even if it means taking the blame for him cutting off his mother from or lives.

LIRPAZ LIRPAZ
36-40
4 Responses Jul 19, 2010

Good for your husband!!! Sometimes what is best for a family is to get rid of what is the most toxic. And sometimes, the most toxic happens to be an in-law. It is sad, but your family will thrive from it---and in the end--- you all will be happier and less stressed out. Good luck!

Sometimes we have to make tough decisions to protect our children from toxic people. My husband also decided that his mother was harmful to our marriage and our children and no longer wants anything to do with her. I know the decision tears him up inside. It breaks his heart, but I agree with him that it is what is best for our family. It's just not worth putting on a happy face and pretending for someone who only bring pain and misery into your life. Your child will be much better off never knowing the pain and suffering that comes from having toxic people in his life. Stay strong. It gets easier with time.

Wow.....First I have to say that I hope this is not where I am in a few years with my future husband and my future MIL. We are getting married in less than a week and have been very happy about that and all of a sudden his mother sends me an email out of the blue today telling me how I've ruined her sons life. I knew her son before we even became intimate together and I know that I have only made him happy. Her email stated that I was emotionally unstable (even though she's only seen me twice in a year for about 1 hour each time), that she wanted to slap me in the face for things I've said to him, and that I am driving him away from his family and he is making the worst decision of his life. It hurt like hell, but it hurt even more that his own mother would do this to him. (Made me appreciate my mother more than I could have ever imagined). She threatened to not attend the wedding (which is fine), but she included that she would keep his kids away as well. She happens to live in the same town as his ex wife and they seem to be plotting together. She has been told that she is not welcome to the rehearsal dinner at my parent's home, but that the wedding is up to her and her son. Then she continues to send me messages asking me when she should show up for the dinner. I wonder what is going on in her mind. I feel soooo horrible for my fiance that his mother would treat him like this. If he wants her at the wedding, I will support that, but he knows that I will not allow her into my parent's home the night before. He is supportive of me and hopefully always will be. But the pain is tearing him apart. To include some history, things weren't always great with is parents. They divorced after he graduated high school, but this is after 2 affairs on his mother's part. He remembers his dad being terrible to his mom though and he stood up for her for many years and endured many beating because of that. Now, she can't even stand by his side for our marriage. <br />
<br />
I feel for your story because at this point I could not imagine having her as a grandmother to my future children. Not after the horrible, unspeakable things she has said about me without even knowing me. The whole thing makes no sense to me, and it's sad that it happens in more relationships than just mine.<br />
<br />
I hope for you the best. Any advice I will listen to!!

Wow.....First I have to say that I hope this is not where I am in a few years with my future husband and my future MIL. We are getting married in less than a week and have been very happy about that and all of a sudden his mother sends me an email out of the blue today telling me how I've ruined her sons life. I knew her son before we even became intimate together and I know that I have only made him happy. Her email stated that I was emotionally unstable (even though she's only seen me twice in a year for about 1 hour each time), that she wanted to slap me in the face for things I've said to him, and that I am driving him away from his family and he is making the worst decision of his life. It hurt like hell, but it hurt even more that his own mother would do this to him. (Made me appreciate my mother more than I could have ever imagined). She threatened to not attend the wedding (which is fine), but she included that she would keep his kids away as well. She happens to live in the same town as his ex wife and they seem to be plotting together. She has been told that she is not welcome to the rehearsal dinner at my parent's home, but that the wedding is up to her and her son. Then she continues to send me messages asking me when she should show up for the dinner. I wonder what is going on in her mind. I feel soooo horrible for my fiance that his mother would treat him like this. If he wants her at the wedding, I will support that, but he knows that I will not allow her into my parent's home the night before. He is supportive of me and hopefully always will be. But the pain is tearing him apart. To include some history, things weren't always great with is parents. They divorced after he graduated high school, but this is after 2 affairs on his mother's part. He remembers his dad being terrible to his mom though and he stood up for her for many years and endured many beating because of that. Now, she can't even stand by his side for our marriage. <br />
<br />
I feel for your story because at this point I could not imagine having her as a grandmother to my future children. Not after the horrible, unspeakable things she has said about me without even knowing me. The whole thing makes no sense to me, and it's sad that it happens in more relationships than just mine.<br />
<br />
I hope for you the best. Any advice I will listen to!!