Moved To Get Away From Her!

It's not just about you and her son anymore. It's about your CHILD. If she scared your child like that, no matter what, it's time for a RO.

If you get the RO make sure include that she is not to come X amount feet near all of you, X amount of feet near your child's school, day care .. etc. Above all no phone or mail contaqct, don't let her back in becarse it sounds like your life is better without her. If she is willing to gas her car while your half way in it getting your child obviously she don't care. It soulds like she just wants you all back so she can be a grandma... self centered reasons.

Hey girls, Thanks for all the great advice. My husband said we should document the time and what was said that day just to file away. He thinks she wanted some sort of blow out w/ me (again). But I didn't respond that way and DH didn't respond, by calling her, so basically it was a wasted trip on her part (she lives 2500 miles away). All she managed to do was let us know that she NOW knows where we are living and where I am working. Yeah, she couldn't resist remarking on how "proud" she was that I finally got a job. Like being a stay at home mother before wasn't work? Whatever, she's a psycho. We found out later this week that she called my husbands close friend (the one she went to get his number from, when DH wrote his letter disowning them) and cried out, "I miss my son", he hung up on her. So, she didn't get any info from him also. Yes, she is without a doubt trying to bully us. I did feel guilty for a sec while talking to her then reminded myself exactly WHO I was talking to. Al least she doen't know our address or she would have shown up. For now......

Congrats on taking such a huge step to eliminate her from your life. Very brave. I would love love love to do the same with my MIL. She's a complete whack-job. I'm also subjected to the behind-the-back character assassination. Hearing untrue, and very unflattering, stories about yourself second and third hand gets quite tiring. And then there's meeting DH's extended family members for the first time; if I ever hear another person say "oh, well, you're actually quite a nice person". Seriously.



Your husband is spot on - she wants attention, lots of it, and she doesn't care what she has to do to get it. Don't get the restraining order. It'll give her you're home address and other personal details, which is what she's chasing. It will also mean that she gets to talk to "important legal people" about how she is being unfairly treated by her vindictive son & DIL, blah blah blah. Basically, it'll put her in the spotlight and she'll lap up the attention.



Talk to your child's day care/kindy/schools etc and make sure they understand that the only people who can pick you kids up are you and your hubby. Tell them there's a slim chance she'll try something. Talk to your employer and let them know that your DH has eliminated MIL from your lives, but that she has taken to stalking you. Most workplaces have policies to protect employees between the office and the car park.



If she ever approaches you at work, shops etc again, ignore her. Pretend you don't know her, or if you can pull it off, pretend you can't even see her. If she follows you when you drive off, then drive in the opposite direction to where you live and pull in at the first police station you see. Get out, go in and explain what's going on.



Don't bother with therapy. It just gives her more of the attention she's after. And every time you start to feel guilty, smack yourself in the back of the head and tell yourself off for falling for her BS. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You're being bullied. There are some good sites on serial bullies and NPD. Sometimes understanding what's wrong with them (and why you genuinely can't do anything about it) helps.



Think of them as gangrene. If you got gangrene, you'd have the affected limb cut off. You wouldn't want to, but what option do you have? You wouldn't nurture and comfort and give gangrene what it wanted because if you did, it would slowly poison you.



Good luck!

I'm so sorry you are having to go through more drama with her!



If I were in your shoes I think I would go ahead and get a RO. I don't know that it will actually keep her away but it will make a very clear point and give you options if she decides to continue pulling stunts like this. Unless you are capable of changing your names, SS #'s, and everything about you I don't think there is a sure fire way to keep her from being able to find you.



Keep your chin up. Hugs!!!!

Gee, that sounds like a great idea, confront and get therapy. So easy, yes! I wish it was that easy! These are not normal people. When my husband wrote them a letter disowning them, he thought that was pretty confrontational and clear that we wished no involvement with them anymore. All they have ever done is cause drama and distress in our lives. Anything I say or do is turned into some sort of drama with them. They blame me for whatever (all) decisions we have made as a couple. My MIL thrives on confrontations. That's all she ever does! CONFRONT and ATTACK. They lie about anything, everything and whatever, to suit their needs or opinions. She and her incestuous children have tried to convince my husband that I am a cheater, a druggie, an alcoholic and an unfit mother. All lies. My SIL told my husband that I'll never be family b./c I'm not blood (they have this weird obsession about blood) when my husband responded that MB he should have married her then their mother would be happy? his sister, hesitated for a sec and said well no, that wouldn't be right, he said, well, then, how are families made? All we have tried to do is live our lives in peace. My MIL has never accepted me and now it trying to use our child to manipulate and guilt us into allowing them into our lives. All she has ever done is try to destroy our marriage. We are tired; exhausted. The only problem in our marriage is them. They can't and won't leave us alone. Everything we do is commented upon and scrutinized. Is not our lives, decisions and marriage, ours? and not theirs? How do you get therapy with people like that? How do you confront people who seek confrontation after confrontation and not a resolution? People that thrive on manipulation, turmoil, hatred and anger. That is what we have been dealing with for 8 years. Yes, therapy sounds like a good idea but these are people who think therapy is for crazy people and they aren't "crazy" everyone else has a problem not them. My husband is the only child who has made something of his life and isn't financially behoven to her. She uses money to control all his other siblings and their lives but with us she doen't have that control b/c we are independent.

Family therapy seems to be in order, but in all seriousness perhaps it's time to confront the issue rather than run from it.