Post

IS Your Mother In Law Worth Dying Over?

update on the update nove 2011 things went this year we took her out to dinner her fussing nitpicking everything about the dinner .thank god for my glass of wine befor the dinner . i made sure to have a glass of wine befor we went to get her . thank god its over . she started fussing about
everything her usalthing if she cant controle every thing she will fuss threw out the dinner , we was trying to please her we payed for everthing
i wanted to be kind she wasnt happy about that statring in i'll pay for your daughters dinner but not yours . iam so sick of that gameone day i will get up the nerve to say if you pay for our daughters dinner pay for ours , but like me i try to keep the peace , sometimes i feel like a darn door mat. thankgivng i didnt feel went too bad but next year shes cooking it woohooo cant wait ! iam having my wine first . so i just toone her out . she trys to make us all crazy.
then theres christmas dinner too .well iam baking my pies ive got that to look forward to , i'll make the best of it as i always do she hoply cant live for ever iam so sorry to think that but shes so misarable to be around ,she wonders why we dont come over or call very often . just going over her house
acting like nothing ever happend seemy mother blogs about my mother in law about her causing me a stroke you'll see the fully story. she wont apploise for nothing shes done to us i know forgive and for get , its just a hard pill to swalllow when someone treats you so badly when all you've tryed to do is what they asked you have to read my other blogs on my mother in law ......
update on the story i written today nov,24 2010 my mother in law have a good relationship now we are in fact
like mother and daughter . ive eccepted her for who she is and its made things better
i call her once a week i know shes getting older and wont be here forever . i wrote this back in 2008 i was so stressed out
i wanted people to know that stress can cause you health problems and can kill you . i dont complaine any more
i just eccept her for who she is and its ok . i know she wont ever say shes sorry but her actions now shows love and that she is
 sorry and that means the most to me . i feel looking back she was looking out for her son , he had been married 2 other women plus
she was grieving seeing her husband die of cancer he fought for almost 6 years off and on so things are so much better for her and i
i can even call her when i need advice and shes a wonderful momin law

this was written in 2008 ,read the bottem we now own our own house as jan16,2009.

read all this blog befor you coment yes we are adults befor you judge us to be losers read all this blog .

we did what we did out of respect for his mother his father had just died . thats why we moved in with her and we payed her rent just read all the blog befor you judge us or make a harsh coment what would you do if your mom lost your dad, and was begging you to move in

would you say well get over it mom we wont move in what woul you say to a woman greeving her husband of 50 years?

would you have compassion ? we did for her and if we had it to do over we would still help her out .

I am KARLA 43 year old married woman, over been for the passed 8 MONTHS LIVING IN PURE HE LL WITH OUR MOTHER IN LAW. THE STRESS HAS BEEN SO BAD BECALSE SHE BLOWS UP AT ME FOR THE STUPIDEST THINGS . LIKE THIS PASSED SAT. I COOKED PROK CHOPS WELL HEAVEN HELP ME I DIDNT OFFER THE (QUEEN) MOTHER IN LAW ANY THING THAT I COOKED SHE GOT SO MAD THE NEXK DAY SHE BLEW UP AT ME AND TOLD ME HOW SELF FISH I WAS BECALSE I DINT OFFER HER SOME OF WHAT I COOKED, AND I TOLD HER WHY I DIDNT OFFER HER ANY. SHE ALWAYS SAYS THINGS OH I DONT EAT MEAT OR I DONT EAT AFTER 4PM OR I CANT EAT THAT . SO STUPID ME FOR THINKING WELL I DIDNT OFFER HER ANY . SO THIS WAS SATUARDAY THAT ALL THIS WENT DOWN, THE STRESS WAS SO BAD THAT LAST NIGHT WENSDAY I WENT TO THE ER I WAS SLURRING MY WORDS AND MY FACE WAS GOING NUMB ON MY LIFE SIDE . WELL THEY TOOK MY BLOOD PRESSURE THE TOP NUMBER WAS 222 /207 WAS THE BOTTEM NUMBER . WELL FOR THIS B ITCH I ALMOST DIED! MY HEART WAS IN LARGED BECALSE OF MY BLOOD PRESSURE ,AND SHE AINT WORTH DYING OVER , WELL THE DOCTORS ADMITTED ME LAST NIGHT AND I TOLD ALL THE NURSES AND DOCTORS I WANTED MY MOTHER IN LAW AND HER DAUGHER BANNED, THEY ASKED WHY I SAID THIS CRAP IS ALL BECALSE OF HER ALWAYS JUMPING ON ME THE ONLY ONE I WANT IN MY ROOM IS MY HUSBAND AND MY DAUGHTER NO ONE ELCE. THAT FELTED SO GOOD TAKING MY POWER BACK , MY HUSBAND CALLED ME TO TELL ME WE WAS MOVING OUT AS SOON AS WE GET OUR TAXES MONEY!!!! I AM SO HAPPY . KNOW THIS ANY ONE THAT HAS A MOTHER IN LAAW FROM HELL THE STRESS WILL KILL YOU DONT WIND UP LIKE ME ! THE STRESS WILL KILL YOU . ASK YOUR SELF IS YOUR WIFES LIFE WORTH THE STRESS FROM YOUR MOTHER IN LAW IS IT WORTH HER DYING OVER YOUR MOTHER ? IF THE ANSWER IS NO THEN STAND UP TO YOUR MOTHER AND TELL HER STOP THEN TAKE YOUR FAMILY AND KEEP THEM SAFE . COULD YOU FORGIVE YOUR SELF YOUR WIFE DIED BECALSE OF THE STRESS YOU PUT HER THREW LIVING WITH YOUR MOTHER IN LAW? WHAT DO YOU THINK? COMMENT ON IT. MY LIFE IS WORTH MORE THAN MY MOTHER IN LAWS HELL MY HUSBAND IS STANDING UP FOR ME . AND IF YOU DONT STAND UP FOR YOUR WIFE THEN YOU CONDONE WHAT YOUR MOTHER DOES TO YOUR WIFE AND THATS SAD! UPDATE: today its valinetines day happy valantines day every one and a special happy valantines day to HURTATWORK (my husband donald) i love ya darling . iam resting at home now. today i went back to the doctor and iam doing better my blood pressure is still a little high but its much better , i told marie (mother in law)that i was taking the fk it way i wasnt letting any stress bother me any more becalse i have a daughter and wonderful husband to grow old and love ,and moter in law reached out to me and hugeed me i hugged her back with one hand. shes bought my daughters favrote pop DR. PEPPER and bought 2 of our favrote pizza, i know its what i cal l the honeymoon stage, iam not sure iam not falling for the niceness iam still watching her becalse this has happend befor she suddling is miss nice again , ive been threw this with her . i think shes seeing she was the cause of me having a mild stroke . i pray hes not falling for it too, iam just praying she stays nice till we move out i still cant trust her after all shes done . but we will see how long the PEACE lasts again ! i dont know but iam not going to let her stress me out again closte to dying . nexk time i may be fatal ....make no mistake her kindness of 3 days dont make up for the he ll shes caused me . she should be paying my hospital bill. but iam not going to push it. and iam taking it day by day. iam holding my breath for her to go back the way shes been for months. hes giving her more of a chance than iam. iam still waiting and watching her becalse iveseen her worst side and if her and i never have a good relationship t dont matter but iam keeping my distance i wont let her hurt me and y family again like she has. she just dont see how she almost cost me my life its all about her ....

sorry about the caps

update nov4,09 JANUARY 16 2009 we bought our house

my blood pressure has went back to normal ive recovered from my stroke

but the lession i have learned never never again will i move in with my mother in law

Ask me if ive forgiven my mother in law yes ,but i know she wont ever admit

all shes done to hurt my family . I would really love to set down and talk with her me and my husband

talk about the things ive doen to hurt her too and ask for her to forgive her but

she wont ever talk about it and if i bring it all back up its a waste of time becalse

i will getthe speach ive wecomed you into my home like she did to me one day

and i told her yes you welcomed us into your home but you bilked out of so much money

i gave up my home for you and i didnt have to that conversation didnt go too well.

but i know the kind of wman she is and she wont ever say shes sorry for what shes

done to us , but iam really sorry so the best i can do is write her a letter to say iam sorry

dont know if i can send it though. it s taken a stroke to wake up my husband what a mother he has.

update feb2010 its been a year ssents we moved out form mother in law

we bought our own house , and i go see her when i feel like it . things are going well in

my health is so much bettter what a diffrence ime makes .

up date march14,2010 my mother in law is warming up to me but i still

iam cautious of her now i think becalse of what i did , i emailed her

a copy form to help her daughter get her gov loan she took out

10 years ago and now shes really warming up to me . but iam just me i wont

s uck up to her to make her love or even like me . i know she was greiving

why she did some of what sshe did but , i wished she could really feel the pain

she enflicted on my family . oh well i can just live my

life and be happy and i will

do just that . we dont visit her much but every time

she calls me she makes sure to tell me how lonley she is . forgive me

but i just dont want to spend much time with her

18 months day in day out

being treated like crap forgive me if i just

right now cant let you back

into my heart . its wanting to jump back in for more punishment.

i wish her well , i dont wish any bad thing to happen to her

and if she needed us we would be there for her butmy relationship's

only on the surface becalse i dont want her to ever have the power to

hurt me that deep again .

up date now its april 15,2010 we have bought our house over a year ago

we dont go see my mother in law very much , i have for the most part forgiven her

for all she put us threw its a hard pill to take knowing she will never ever say shes sorry

for all shes put us threw or even let on thats shes done us wrong used us and mistreated us

durring this her time of her loss of her husband i know now that she was greeving his loss

i do have sempthny for her to watch a man youve been married to for almost 50 years to watch him

fighting cancer for almost 7 years i wouldnt wish that on any one . i feel so sorry for her loss.

it saddends me the relationship i had such hopes for is gone , i think its broken beyond repair

and its the best it can be for what could have been . i had such dreams for a mother in and daughter in

law relationship that really could have been so much more . but now i see even her mother daughter

relationship is broken . but iam now seeing my mother in law can give what she dont possess

and i dont hold that against her . she can give me a relationship she dont even have with her own mother

or even with her daughter . and good bad or infiddrent she is who she is . our relationship is

what it is too . i dont hate her but i dont wish any bad on her . if she called needing us we both would be

there , like we have done . but i will never move back in with her or her live with us never ever

but iam glad now i live in my own home. read the date this was written jan 15 2009 we bought our own house

we live in the nexk town . sorry about the caps . i havent edited my story been working my next book
hehe going to write one on my mosterinlaw . shhh sorry about the caps i will edit this soon.

lunnas lunnas 41-45, F 37 Responses Feb 13, 2008

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try to avoid any type of altercation with her she will play the victim

you are so right she plays it well shame she cant look at her own life and see the harm shes done shes missing out on great relationships with me and her son and her other grand daughter she barely knows and claims . in her eyes her only gradndaughter is her daughters daughter . it hurts but i just smile when i have to see her she says i love you and i just say i'll see ya later . I cant say what i dont mean . i dont hate her but i wont let her run over me ever again . i refuse to let her hurt me .

I completly get whr your comn from on mothr n law, only thing that I have to remind myself of is if it were not for mnl we would not have our husbands we adore and admire so deeply, after all the mnl gave birth to our husbands, and we too mite b mnl one day also! <br />
if we are blessed to have boy children as our mnl once was.<br />
I am glad to hear a women standing up for who she is kudos to you, and great that the health and yor well being are much better!!

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This has all been amazing to read your posts First of all let me say I'm GLAD you are in your own house, so don't get me wrong, I'm sure living with her was uncomfortable. Your husband should have put on his man-pants and confronted her long ago. Reading this go on and on, I have a feeling that 20 years from now, you are going to say the same things... "you are in your own house, she hasn't forgiven you, never will... but you have forgiven her... for the "most part"???... what is that??? You were obviously hurt by this but my best prediction is that when she is dead and cold in the ground you will still be spewing hatred for her. Your husband probably has to hear from you every day too, about how evil his own mother is. Drop it already, enjoy your house, your husband and LET IT GO! Sounds like you enjoy the attention of complaining about it all over and over again.

to add some of what i posted...my mother-n-law is claiming for her right over his son's wages where in fact it was my family who gave my husband's a chance to work abroad...it was very unfair to me knowing that she/they are after of my husband's money...she is even teaching my husband to lie to me for almost 4 years of our marriage...i didnt get mad over a single amount of money she wants,im mad because she has a good job "head-teacher(elementary school)"which she earns a lot while we are just starting over building our own family and everytime she asked to my husband she told him to keep it as a secret...she/they even said too many bad words against me which really causes me pain and more sleepless nights for months now...i hope they will stop us now and instead help us both to start our new lives without them...goshhhh

i feel the same for you too...i almost have the same situation as you and it really caused me so much pain and heart attacks..considering that my husband is a "mamas boy"its so hard for me to get over it esp that my hubby's away for work and i couldnt even tell him how hurt i was nor if i can stand for a bit more months thinking of my situation...i really hope that soon he will realize that me and his son are his responsibilities now,that we are morally and legally married,that i always have the RIGHT to complain over her mom and that he is obligated to raise our family of our own..

Sent i wrote this blog 2008 this was a time of h ell for my family . now its aug10,2010 <br />
things are getting better but i still i am reminded of the woman we tryed to help she turned on us , god has helped me forgive her ive even written briefly in my new book the shades of grace, about grief . but i think god wouldnt want me to forget thing things shes done to us . but ive moved on and ive eccepted what shes done she caused me a stroke from all the stress , its made me see that stress will kill you , and also its tought me choose my battles . she was always looking to pick a fight and at times she cause donald and i to fight maybe she wanted us to divorce . my husband finally saw the kind of woman she had become while we lived there. and may be he was just blinded by her ,decet i will always belive she wanted only her son there with her , she did every thing she could to part us, and make us leave for 18 long months she took our money we payed her lot of remnt 15 thousand dollars over 18 months , i the reasion i kepted a track of how much we payed her she made us feel we were doubling every bill she had but the real problem was her air condishing was gerry rigged and the heat would come on at th e same time the cool would come on and it ran her bill up and there was other problems she blamed us for dont get me wrong , it would have been wrong on our part to live there for 18 months without paying our way , and i gave up my house , we wasnt mooching off a poor widow as she had the nebours beliving , but i put a stop to her lies to them , in a tactfull way. but now we have our house and ive become a published auther , she asked me if i ever win the lottery to buy her house , well that made me mad, then now iam a auther publishing my books , so my family and get <br />
medical insurance becalse we make 200.00 over the limet to get medicaid , my daughter needs medical too so does my husband and i . i dont want to be mean to her but shes asking me alot to buy her hosue , if she asked me again that when my book does well i will tell her if i buy her house i will have my name on the deed . and that will back her off. but i think shes got real nerve to ask that of me after all shes done to us, and yes it still hurts . but i know she cant admit she caused me a stroke she dont have it in her . and i have to eccept that i dont have to like it . but for now we get along its for me only on the surface , i cant let her ever hurt me again . so i guird my heart .

Hi everyone, Let me start off by saying. WOW. I've been reading your post on here. I thought I was the bad person because I don't get along with my husbands mother. I didn't realize how many people had the same problem. My husband and I live right next door to his mom and dad, and here is the worst part. Not only does he feel obligated to take care of them. She is in a wheel chair. She has Fredric’s Disease. Let me tell you though that doesn’t stop her from being a pure *****. My husband has worked and took care of them since he was 10 years old. His father would take him to work with him, and make him work. My husband bought some land with two houses on it and they have the bigger house. When she says jump my husband is like “How High”. I love my husband dearly. He is 29 now and is still taking care of them. His father does take care of her as far as helping her to the bathroom and cooking and cleaning, and I respect him for that. There is the other problem. She got her husband jumping through hoops plus my husband jumping right behind him. I feel like I’m always put last. What ever she wants she gets. What ever I want I have to wait a couple of years. I’m not exaggerating. I am dead serious. Ok..Here is one example. I have a little dog, Tubby; I have wanted to get him his shots for a year now. I’m very attached to my little dog and I didn’t want him to get some disease that could have been avoided. Finally the other day I got my Tubby his shots. Guess what?…I had to buy her dog shots too. Which I know It Isn’t her dogs fault and I really don’t care but I’m just telling you one example. His mother gets an SSI check, His dad doesn‘t work a regular job. She orders stuff with credit cards and expects us to pay the bills. And guess what …we do. I’m sick of it. There is a lot more to it then the things I have told you about. She makes my husband feel sorry for her; she uses that wheelchair for sympathy. She had my husband convinced she could kill over any minute, until I showed him a website that told him that people with that Disease live to up in their 70’s. I mean she has got him so guilt ridden it isn’t funny. He knows what she is doing and he knows how I feel about it. I really just need to get this stuff off my chest and down on paper or Internet. There is so much more I could say, but I was raised by these words “If you can’t say nothing nice about somebody, don’t say nothing at all”. That is a hard rule to follow sometimes. My husband loves me and he tries to be the peace maker and that makes me feel bad for even saying anything. But if I didn’t say anything. We would be broke and she would be shopping. I just feel like my husband hasn’t got to get out and live his life. He has always been the good son. And he is a wonderful husband. I just hate his mother..lol

Hi everyone, Let me start off by saying. WOW. I've been reading your post on here. I thought I was the bad person because I don't get along with my husbands mother. I didn't realize how many people had the same problem. My husband and I live right next door to his mom and dad, and here is the worst part. Not only does he feel obligated to take care of them. She is in a wheel chair. She has Fredric’s Disease. Let me tell you though that doesn’t stop her from being a pure *****. My husband has worked and took care of them since he was 10 years old. His father would take him to work with him, and make him work. My husband bought some land with two houses on it and they have the bigger house. When she says jump my husband is like “How High”. I love my husband dearly. He is 29 now and is still taking care of them. His father does take care of her as far as helping her to the bathroom and cooking and cleaning, and I respect him for that. There is the other problem. She got her husband jumping through hoops plus my husband jumping right behind him. I feel like I’m always put last. What ever she wants she gets. What ever I want I have to wait a couple of years. I’m not exaggerating. I am dead serious. Ok..Here is one example. I have a little dog, Tubby; I have wanted to get him his shots for a year now. I’m very attached to my little dog and I didn’t want him to get some disease that could have been avoided. Finally the other day I got my Tubby his shots. Guess what?…I had to buy her dog shots too. Which I know It Isn’t her dogs fault and I really don’t care but I’m just telling you one example. His mother gets an SSI check, His dad doesn‘t work a regular job. She orders stuff with credit cards and expects us to pay the bills. And guess what …we do. I’m sick of it. There is a lot more to it then the things I have told you about. She makes my husband feel sorry for her; she uses that wheelchair for sympathy. She had my husband convinced she could kill over any minute, until I showed him a website that told him that people with that Disease live to up in their 70’s. I mean she has got him so guilt ridden it isn’t funny. He knows what she is doing and he knows how I feel about it. I really just need to get this stuff off my chest and down on paper or Internet. There is so much more I could say, but I was raised by these words “If you can’t say nothing nice about somebody, don’t say nothing at all”. That is a hard rule to follow sometimes. My husband loves me and he tries to be the peace maker and that makes me feel bad for even saying anything. But if I didn’t say anything. We would be broke and she would be shopping. I just feel like my husband hasn’t got to get out and live his life. He has always been the good son. And he is a wonderful husband. I just hate his mother..lol

I feel for any daughter in law or son in law , i wont ever be the kind of mother in law my mother inlaw is . now its been a almost 2 years this jan. shes all nice nice like nothing happend<br />
she wont say shes sorry for all the h ell she put us threw or even almost causing me health problems that i had a stroke . take it from me stress can be deadly and never never again will i live with my mother in law . she was so afraid to be alone after her husband died, now hes been gone 3 years and now shes sent her grand daughter shes raised sents birth age 15 now back to her mother 's house , the childs only been money to mother and grand mother , she payes her daughter 300.00 to take care of her daughter , now the grand daughters (the 15 year old) her socical securty money is in her bank account(15) and she writes checks to what ever she needs to keep the step dad from taking all her social securty money for his self . its pretty messed up family

I am not married, but I live with my bf and his mom. I can't stand the *****. We call her the old HAG! He is an only child, she can't stand the fact that her son's attention is not on her anymore. She is 79 and looks 90 and is so skinny. She looks like she has come from a camp. She is nasty and always talking down at you. She has lost her control. My BP is in the low side, I work my frustrations out at the gym. Luckily, my boyfriend does stick up for me. If he did not, I would say bye bye. I do love him, it is hard to live with her, but she is old and is getting a little confused. By no means, I would never die for her. It is amazing what you put up with when you love someone. He is worth it most of the time.

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Well not all mother in laws are the same. I must have been blessed because my mother in law and I had a happy most time for the most. We were like best friends before she past away. I'm sorry that you have resigned the fact that you will ever be friends. It kind of closes the door for that. Although you have forgiven her several times in your story you just don't allow yourself to forget. Blessings to you and your family.

her husband died and she begged us to move in with her we also gave up our home shes so controling she told us we was moving in with her ,after fighting this off we moved in in 18 months we payed her we bought our own food ,shampoo all the things we needed for our family .she took advantage of our kindess .i'll email you the rest of the story

Your problem is living with her. You shouldnt live with her. You are a grown up and should have your own place.

ty for that i belive shes got NPD i looked it up and yup she acts so bad . and its like she dont care who she hurts almost like a brattie kid. we are so happy we dont go see her every often <br />
but mothers day and i think her birthdays comming up oh joy cant wait

I hear you... My mother in law is a horrific woman, which I beleive that she has NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. she has three sons, one of whom I married, and all three of them are crippled by her over bearing ways, to the point of dysfunction. Unfortunately, you are better person than I, and both me and my hubby have chosen to not be in contact with them anymore. We are blissfully happy, and at the end of it all, we just had to chose her life, over our own, and the livilihood of our children, as she tried to sabotage them too.

I prayer for you. My daughter had mother in law like yours it was very painful that her husband did not stand up to her. My first Mother in law hated me until I divorced her cheating son. Now she has the Italian mouth and she thinks of me with great kindness and sorrow she did not treat me well. Funny you don't know how good you've got it until you decide to leave it and find out it was the best. In other words the grass looks greener on the other side but some times its astro turf not real.

I dont know if i will ever trust her or really love her <br />
i just dont know iam that honest to say iam not there yet or if i <br />
will let her back in my hart , i do reflect on the love/hate relationship she has for<br />
her own daughter , i dont think she knows how to truly love some one only her son for his money<br />
thats just how i see her

I to this day its been a year sents we moved out from her <br />
and i to this day havent gotten a appoligy , i dont understand the denial she lives in <br />
shes ablivouse to all that shes caused no clue she almost cost <br />
me my life and i just cant let her in my heart this time so full of love i dont hate her but i <br />
just dont have no feeling for her . iam very careful of her becalse i think shes toxic

Just read your story.. What a nightmare of a person.. I am glad your better.. I know i have had asthma attacks from stress to do with mine, but thats nothing in comparison to what you went through..

at the time all this was going on this was over a year ago when we moved in with her now we are moved out and have bought our house ,we moved in with her when her husband died shes begged us and begged us . but we are in our home now she aint moving in with us ever

My question to you is... is living with your mother in law worth dying over? I understand where you are coming from however don't throw yourself a huge pity party. If you had a stroke even a mild one because you were at your mother in laws and she's causing you stress then why risk your life to stay there??? There's always somewhere to go. Even if it's a homeless shelter. If your problems were that bad then indeed you need to move out!

I am doing so much better we have our own house jan16 this year will be one year sents we have moved out from her ! iam so happy

I really feel for you ,my story Is that my mother in-law ask me to cleanand look after her as well as her mother who got dimentia ....and just recently she moved in with us.Its hard work its hell but word Hate is not the word that I can discribe .However I do sympathise for you in your situation .Three months ago I have to be a permanent carer for her mother and she is in a wheelchair both of them her mother and herself is in the wheelchair its because she dont really look after herself its because through fault of her own dringking alcohol so much without eating first Im loosing my patience as well .

We for the passed year we have our own house praise god! we are <br />
doing so much better .what a diffrence a year makes . iam praing for healing for me and<br />
her .

Why are there so many evil MIL's?

got me giggling on that one

omg for real? lord lord <br />
they must have met mine

Did you know MOTHER IN LAW IS AN ANAGRAM of WOMAN HITLER?