God I Hate Her..

I know this is horrible but I do hate her so. She has caused me so much pain and misery in my life. She almost cost me my child. She still chooses to this day my husbands EXWIFE over me. She still sees her children (none are my husbands) over my 2 year old. She hasn't seen him since he was 8 months old!!! She used to call DSS on me at least 1 time a month. She called me into court stating I "threatened" her and that I call her house 10 times every day. It was dismissed because I had my phone records from the past YEAR to prove it wrong, I had to spend over $1000 on a lawyer because this was brought  from DSS and civil and domestic complaints!!! She tells people that my son isn't really my husband's because he has blond hair(which he gets FROM MY FATHER AND SISTERS) and because he's not as skinny as my husband. She tells people I'm a bad mother because I have my son in daycare and I work all the time. She is the most EVIL person I have ever met. She told me that my husband wouldn't love me like he loved his ex; she didn't come to our wedding or even to my baby shower for my 1st born. I don't even know if she know's I'm 6 months pregnant with baby 2. It doesn't break my heart in the slightest bit because she's such a b*tch to me  and my husband. She tells my husband that I cheat on him with his cousin (whom I don't even speak to). As a result we don't talk to her because of all the drama. When we see her in the store we immediatly leave. Same goes for his exwife because she's his mom's favourite, not us. His ex cheated on him and had a baby with someone else!! Now she's remarried 2 times had another baby with the new husband and still my mother in law treats those kids like her grandchildren...
FolsomOrchid FolsomOrchid
26-30, F
62 Responses Mar 10, 2007

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Jeezz,some of your MIL's are monsters....can I share my story perhaps?Me and my sister dated two brothers. Our motherinlaw loved my sister but hated me. Its been a year since my brother inlaw left my sister.Me and my hubby got engaged. The day after our engagement she yelled at me telling me she's not happy with his decision and he can delete her number from his phone. I was in tears and he just said leave her she's being childish....so I just left it. In between she believes that my brother inlaw and sister belong together. She has had two boyfriends meanwhile and she works for my motherinlaw as well. my motherinlaw wont even ask me to go to town with her but recently took my sister(that is not her DIL anymore) to cape town,all expenses paid ,she just had to take with spending money...she brought me back a handbag with makeuo in that she mentioned 20 times only costed her R50.....I dont wear make up and she knows that.....People that have never met me hear that I'm a real ***** and "windgat" and think alot about myself....I am a very positive person,always smiling and always friendly to other people. Some one that didnt know she is my motherinlaw told me that this lady was at the store and she told everybody she is totaly craze about the on dil but she absolutely hates the other one....It came out that I was the other one.I could probaly write a book on all the times she has been mean to me......please help??? and my fiance of course is taking his mothers side. He always has an answer for eveything says that I dont try hard enough....She does not like me because I am my own person,I am not going to change for anybody.

I'm new to this forum and I've been searching for something like this to vent out my frustration.I'm 31 and married for 5 months now. My parents in law are living in another state and I had an experience of living with them for 20 days right after my wedding as all of the inlaw's family including my husband's married brother and sister came to stay with us along with their kids. I git married with the hope of forming good relations with my in laws but they could not manage to form a good impression on me in the very beginning of getting to know each other. Like right after we got married, my husband refuse to go for honey moon because we both had vacations for 20 days only and he wanted to spend those 20 days with his parents. he said he spent all his savings on our wedding and didn't even buy me a wedding gift. Not just that, Me and my husband never had a chance to go out on our own as my in-laws especially my MIL made sure she accompany us everywhere. every time we went out, she would run before me to take a passenger seat next to my husband in the car making me sit on the backseat Those 20 days i spent with them as a brand new bride were so frustrating. she used to make plan of eating out very day and made sure my husband pays the bill. there was just one single time my brother in law who's elder than my husband offered to pay the bill but my mother in law openly told him that he's not gonna pay and only my husband would pay. there was also a moment when they planned to go out and my husband told her that we want to stay at home; she made a big fuss out of it saying she too would stay at home in that case and almost picked a fight with my husband. There was only one day when I stayed in my bedroom in the evening and I didn't want to go out and take part in their family discussions but that made her very angry. she told me if I'm not sitting out with their relatives would think i don't want to mingle so I better come out of my room. please note that my in laws are very chatty and I'm a very quite person it was very hard for me to make sure i give every second of my "should be honey moon days" to them. she used to go out for shopping so often and spent my husband's money like water. not just that, while she was leaving she asked my husband to give her, her daughter and her elder son's wife very expensive jewellery gifts that my husband ran out of every single penny he had. i was too surprised to see the amount he took out to buy those gifts as it could have afforded us a very lavish honey moon that I don't long for any more. I might be wrong but I have a very strong feeling that she wanted my husband to run out of every single penny so that he's not left with anything to spend on me. there was a moment when I asked my husband to bring a bin for our bedroom while he was going out for something and my MIL asked him not to bring it, and that also right in front of me. I couldn't say a word of resistance. I started going to work after fifteen days of our wedding while they were still at our place; my mother in law never seemed to consider i might need to sit for 5 or 10 minutes after i come home from office; instead she would start giving me instruction as to clean the table, serve the guests, do some cooking, make us tea etc as soon as I used to enter the house. she also pointed out on my clothes and assumed i should wear only what she thinks is right to wear. after they had gone I'm still in pain as my husband call them every night and talk to them for an hour or more and makes sure i talk to her for an hour too. she inquires us about every second we have spent and my husband passes out every bit of information including if we have gone for a movie or dinner. its making me sick as she always sounds down when she gets to know we are having a good time. now we don't go out at all, she calls even during odd timings to check if we are at home or not. she usually calls at night and despite she knows we get up early in the morning to go for work she talks for hours with me and my husband due to which I feell ill and sleepy at workplace. she tells us daily what we should cook and how we should cook; what should I give my husband to eat and when should i visit whom. I have to spend all my holidays with my mother in law's relatives including her mother (my husband's grand mother) my MIL's uncles and siblings families as she instructs my husband and he makes sure we go there or invite them. I feel so frustrated as I dont feel like having a control over my life. I feel frustrated and ill and I've developed some kind of hatred for her now that even a thought of talking to her on phone makes me feel sick. I don't want to see her face ever again but they have plans to spend six months with us every year. I feel miserable as I know I cant get rid of her. i sometimes feel like separating from my husband just to get rid of her. Please know that I'm a very coward person and I don't have guts to tell my husband and in laws how much i hate their interference. She is interfering to the extent one day when we wanted to spend time with each other as we had a holiday and she knew, she called us like crazy to make sure my husband goes to airport to see off her brother's son who was leaving for other country. there's not a day she can live without knowing what we are up to. I feel like committing suicide to get rid of her. My husband is so much a mom's boy that once he left me in bed while we were making out only to attend his mother's phone call. I feel I'll die if she doesn't stop interfering in our life. lease advise if my decision of separating from m husband is right; I now he cant be any different than what he is right now as he clearly told me that even if my siblings and parents take every thing I own, its their right. I feel neglected as mine was a lover marriage and my husband used to treat me like a princess before our wedding. my husband never gets tired of buying gifts for them as they keep on sending s that list and their mortgage and insurance bills etc. I take care of my own expenses and my husband has hardly bought me anything since we've got married. he's always short of money due to the burden his family has posed on him. when I put my phone on silence to avoid her calls, she makes my SIL call who's as good as her mother in taking every bit of information including where we are going, when, for how long even if we are going to attend a friend's wedding. I'm badly waiting for suggestions

My heart goes out... but, feeling "I'm a very coward person and I don't have guts to tell my husband and in laws how much i hate their interference" is NOT going to improve or change your situation. EVER. If you feel miserable, sad, and irritated, you MUST voice your honest opinion FIRMLY. If your husband REALLY loves you and honours you the way he should, he will agree to your terms and will try and understand the reasons behind your feelings. But, if your husband does not respect your views or opinions, then you'd know where you stand in his life. Either way, it will be good for you - the truth will set you free. One more thing, have confidence in your actions and stay honest and FAIR to your heart - if you are not doing anything bad, God will MOST CERTAINLY extend His helping hands for you.

Just stay true to yourself and be fair! That's all that matters.

What a nasty mother in laws? I don't blame you to against her.

I'd put a restraining order on her ; you know if you were truly a cheating ****, she'd adore you. People like that seemed to be adored but because you try your best she hates you because she's so envious of the love you and your husband have and everything else that she's determined to do everything to ruin it.Shes just pushing her son further away but I would get a protective order before she makes more things up and move far from her the first chance you get.

i need advice i live with my husband and his mom and my kids and her ugly daughters live here too my monster law lets her ***** of daughters tret my kids like **** she dosent even come looking for my kids she says she tired of all the fight between us which they start i stay in my room so do my kids we dont bother them her daughters make up lies about us saying b.s and its something everyday well shes been treating to move out and she is head of house hold and has my son on her section 8 and gets her rent lowerd for that so can she secretly move out and not tell me and leave me and my kids homeless what can i do or should i do

Wow!!! I cant believe some of the replies saying its DILs fault!!! Are you serious? Ive been married to my husband for 11 years and its been 11 years of hell bcause of my monster in law, no one has any idea until you've walked in the shoes of a DIL....Shes tried to have my daughter taken away, shes attacked me and blamed me for things I never did, she talked **** about me behind my back in the hospital for my post op check to someone I didn't even know, the list goes on and on. No one can understand the mental anguish and feelings you feel inside yourself due to a controlling, manipulative, guilt trip sending MIL..Walk a year in my shoes and see how you feel. I guarantee you, you would want to rip her apart. Don't judge and say the DIL is to blame especially when you tried to move heaven and earth to be accepted by her only to be attacked....

God does not believe in HATE! If you heart is full of hate you are actually hating yourself!

It's the MIL that's doing the hating

I find that MIL's take it personal when their DIL's do not acquiesce to their controlling ways. I find and this is an opinion that they want to treat us like kids, and that we have no adult attributes that would allow us to be independent of them.

The reality is that there are times when there is never enough done to satisfy someone. Once we realize that and let it go, it does seem less stressful. The issues don't look as big. Does that make sense?

And you should actually go **** youself. What BS personality conclusion u think u came out with?!
Someone out there is suffering the living hell and you think you can walk in with this peace crap for her to hear??

Well, who ever iut there with a psycho mother in law,
Please do not allow her to cross the lines twice! This is my advice. The first time, ur still a new bride whos trying to be nice and make friends with ur in laws. But the second time, NO! Cuz if u dont stop her she wont stop. Dont be shy or trying to avoid trouble!! Just be frank clear about what bothers u when she does and then ignore her reaction. Dont evet spell your hidden unexpressed anger on your husband. Explain to him what she did in the nicest way possible and that it had bothered you. Thats it. And when it comes to her, treat her as she deserves to be treat.
And one day when u become a mother in law, remember to be nice to ur daughter in law :)

@Ctyofangels, what god?

You're in the wrong forum. This is *I hate my MIL* not *I love religion.*

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I find it very strange that most DIL's have horrible MIL's! Do you ever think, maybe is all of you who has a problem? There's a book called "Blamers" maybe you should read it!

Hi, I am interested in your viewpoints on this topic. Are you a MIL or a DIL?

Hi, I am both, a MIL & a DIL... I am just amazed about the number of DIL's who claimed how horrible their MIL' s are!

Maybe hits too close to home?

It sounds like you have a story to share, would love to read about it. Perhaps you can shed some light on the topic!

Of course it does! Otherwise I wouldn't be here right? If you read some of my comments you should know! I don't get involved in my sons & wife life! They involved on mine by asking for favors all the time! The only time I go over their house is when they need one of many favors! Pick kids up from school, feed the dog when they go away, take kids to dentist and list goes on an on! So my point is- if you hate your MIL, don't ask her for favors!!

OK, I think I am starting to get the picture. I hope I don't sound like I am not understanding. I am both a MIL & a DIL. My kids & their spouses always asks us for something, or help with the kids and such. I love that. I think you need to look at it differently. It is wonderful in my opinion that my kids/spouses feel that comfortable to need me for one thing or another. Today that is how families spend time together. What is it that you want them to do?

You still not getting the whole picture here! I don't mind doing things for them at all! All the contrary! It's always a pleasure helping them but my point is, if I am good to help out all the time but if voice myself out of concern for my grandchildren, for example,( her not sending them to school for no reason) she tells me it's none of business? So it's my business to do favors for her but none my business why kids only go to school 3 days a week? I am sorry but to me, you are sending the kids the wrong signals about education not being important but to me education is the most important aspect of their future!

I understand your viewpoint on this issue. However, there are things that I might view "not in the best interest" of either "myself" or the "grandchildren" BUT we have a fine line that we need to respect. Being "helpful" by injecting our own preferences causes dissention between the DIL's & the MIL"s. We have to choose our battles and only sweat the big stuff. If the situation poses a real problem the school system will interject and make the parents accountable for poor attendance. Are the children safe, feed, clean and happy?

I sense that you might be more critical that you realize and perhaps, just a kind suggestion to you and look at the full picture.

My MIL interferes all the time. Since I finally could not take it anymore I gave her the business and we had a huge blow out. Since then she has been respectful of my boundaries. Not to say that she won't revert back but at least she is understanding that in our household we do things a bit differently than she does.

I don't think the MIL or DIL who comment on here are "blamers". I for one, find it difficult to have someone to talk to who can respect my privacy and allow me to vent or have someone else's perspective without judging too much. I would rather talk to someone who can be completely unbiased than talk to a family member who might become begrudged to my spouse. Your experience is probably different than others. A lot of us don't have the support that we would like to have from our spouse.

I don't have that support from my spouse, that said when I did put my foot down indicating "enough is enough" that included my husband as well. My stance with my husband & MIL is that he is 60 years old and his mom is 77 years old and they both need to grow up. Stop nit picking and respect my judgment & the way I conduct "my" life. I do not push my agenda onto others, I mind my own business, I am not critical of others, I believe if you don't have something nice to say about someone don't say anything at all, I believe that the glass is half full, and I believe in God. When people question why I do things the way I do, and after expressing why, they become critical and rude. In my situation my MIL has this unique way of making people feel guilty and feel like they are 8 years old. She reprimands us and pits her family against each other while she plays favorites. Yuck....I expressed to my MIL if you want to put down your family members--do it when you are not around me. You want to uplift them, I am all ears!

There is a book called
"psychos should die" maybe you should read it and then frame it in ur living room



I get it! You think that material goods given in the guise of gifts wins you the right to try to run their lives.

I'm not even a DIL, but that attitude p***es off me!

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the best thing about this situation is that your husband is on your side . not so in my case....

I am so sick of MILs!! I don't blame you for hating her. She sounds like a real *****.

OMG, you guys, I thought my relationship with my MIL was rough. You all hit on one key point that I'll birng up. No matter who their son is married to, the Mother "it" will dislike that DIL not matter what. My husband's ex-wife hit my MIL (who was her's back then) in the face. From what I have gathered from the family, my husband's mother did not like her either.

Anyone who has the support of their spouse consider yourself 1 thread luckier. Some of us do not have that option. So I convinced my husband to take no sides at all. At least it is a far fighting ground.!!

Girls, good luck and celebrate yourselves--you are worth it!!!! Ugh....

I can relate to that. It's horrible and the misery that comes with it is unbelievable. I'm going through the same thing. The best thing to do is exclude her from your life. I hope it gets better.

She sounds just like mine, same thing she loves my husbands ex but only now that she is an ex and mine thinks I'm a horrible person because I wouldn't take my 20 day old baby to her Christmas party, I thought I was doing the right thing keeping the baby from so many people and germs but now I'm a horrible obsessive mother :( oh well she can just stay away!

Haha! That's so funny because I thought I was the only one!! My MIL went around bad mouthing me because I didn't bring my 22 day old son to her Thanksgiving party three years ago and she's hated me ever since! What's wrong with these women?! My gosh...

Good luck...my .MIL is a cow too. All I can do is send you a virtual hug Xxx

Like they say "bird's of a feather flock together." My mother-in-law is like this...except we found out that she had been cheating on my father-in-law for over eight years, and the other man didn't know that she was even married, or that she had two grown kids. I think my mother in law treats me this way because she knows that I am a better woman than her.

That's the case with my MIL she deff hated me because I'm a better woman than she is! Jealousy is an ugly thing!

You know what, I definitely think that's what it is. I spoke to a friend about my MIL (all the time lol) and he told me that it's because she's jealous because i'm always there for my kids and my husband. MIL wasn't involved in my husband's life really until HS and they didn't have a relationship until college...she was always married, but he (and his siblings) didn't have a relationship with their stepdad. They always lived with other people. So when I come along, he loves my family and we always do things together with our children. Now, there's a difference between a good hard working mother and this woman....BIG difference. She never really wanted them I guess...i'll be here all day writing about this monster...bottom line, YES, they are jealous because we are better mothers than they were. We have sense...they just try to hold on to lost time that they obviously can't make up...

Sounds like she has some sort of mental health disease. But I'm glad your husband is sticking up for you through all of this. Can imagine it would be very difficult on him too, esp for his own mother to not want to see his child... Wow. Your MIL is horrible.

after turning into mother-in-laws they imagine that they are born with horns

Hey, at least your husband is supporting you and you get to stay away from her. Create a happy life for you and your family apart from this lady. Run, run and keep running...

OMG yes!!! My husband and I have been separated TWICE because my MIL from HELL...and guess where he lived...with good ole mama. Sickens me...

Exclude her from your life. ASAP!

my God fearing MIL and my husband's ex-wife hacked onto my husband's laptop and saw a picture of me have naked with my husband. What do they do with the picture? they sent it to all their relatives and even tried posting it on facebook. I would really want to sue those B***hes to teach them a lesson.

the funny thing is that when my husband and his ex were married, my MIL used to hate her to the grave. but now they are teaming up on me and my husband.. it's a great thing that my husband is by my side and have fought for me to those SATANS

Same here, my mil hated my husbands ex while they were together but now loves her and hates me, childish crap! P

I know this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but considering your MIL has already tried to drag you to court, I think what I'm about to suggest is an excellent safeguard for the future.<br />
<br />
Please, please, BOTH you and your husband, make some sort of formal Will with a lawyer to keep your children away from your MIL in the event anything happens. I know it sounds a bit morbid and over the top, but I would not put it past her to try and sue you for custody of your children. <br />
<br />
Also, if she ever tries to sue you again: you can ask a lawyer to have the Judge make your MIL pay for your legal expenses when you win/prove the case ridiculous and frivolous. And find her in contempt of court in the bargain ;) Good luck!

as much as i hate to tell you this to :( lol but don;t worry about the busy body :( people like her don;t deserve anyyy friends :(.....stayy as farrr away from her as you can & life does go on without people like her :)

She is demented, evil, toxic and unworthy of your time and love. Babe, just exclude her from your life as much as you can. Also don't let your son mix with her, she being so toxic and ill may say hurtful things or lies to your baby.

She's probably being toxic because some need isn't being met, regarding her son, don't you think? So why not head on into it and try to solve it, instead of all of the cutting off and etc. Kids anyone has, in a split situation, will only learn divisiveness. I am referring to the very first post on this page, that situation. I think the son should sit down and talk with his mother.

been there done that...no reason works with them...the reasoning actually makes it worse

Is your husband on your side? Some times a good husband is all you need and I am so pleased that you and your husband are having another child! That is brave of you!<br />
<br />
It may be a blessing that she doesnt have anything to do with your child because it sounds as if she wouldnt be a very good grandma to your child if she acts so towards you. <br />
<br />
Talk with your husband if he loves you and is at your side than you may just have to write her off! It doesnt sound as if you will be missing out on anything.

Something is seriously wrong with your mother in law, she should be psych evaluated and put in a home if possible. Sorry you have to go through that but its a good thing your 2 year old doesn't have to see a bad influence.


She is a toxic & mentally ill person. I would never speak or see her again... At least untill she got some treatment for her obvious mental disorder.

Any mother in law who tries to manipulate you through the legal system is truly evil. That's the last form of control she has to excerpt over you. Good job persevering. I hope your husband isn't secretly crushed by her lack of love. <br />
My mother and sister in law were really close to my husbands ex wife. She called his mom every day for six years. The last two she was having an affair. The content of all calls was how my husband was such a piece of ****. You know performing with the band all those night at the bars was selfish of him. One of the band mates had a terminal bleeding disorder and wanted to play as much as he could before he died. My husband had a high paying day job too. They have been divorced for over a decade now and we continue to get updates. <br />
His sister, the narsacistic put on a pedastool one, is still much closer with his ex than her own brother. We have kids which at first were miracles to my mother in law. You know a boy to carry on the family name. That is all over. My sister in law had a daughter and my kids don't matter. I<br />
I still have my family and friends and don't care to see my inlaws so I'm happy if they leave us out of their twisted ways. Good luck girl!

My MIL has pictures of my kids, and my husband in her living room. She has a picture of her daughter and son-in-law an 11X15 picture over her couch. There is not one photo in her house of me. Obviously because she doesn't like me. It does hurt my feelings though. Actually I think that was the intent.

My dil to be, is the same. On her walls, are pics of her, her parents, pics of her and her parents, pics of her, and her parents and my son, pics of her and my son. And not one pic ever of my son with us, his family or of any of us. We simply do not exist. It's very telling.

Give her a photo of you and your husband?

her acting like she does i would keep her away from my kids

I absolutely HATE my husbands mother!! I don't call her My anything...I want no connection to her at all. I hate having the same last name as her. <br />
She is the typical nice to everyone else's face but she turns evil when no one is looking. She is a bizaar person. She has been sabotaging me since we first met. We lived 350 miles apart before he moved here with me. She would tell me that his other girlfriends would show up at his house. She would describe them all to me. True or untrue... I dont know. She told me he was a drug addict and that I should set up a Drug Intervention for him but she wanted nothing to do with it. He is not a drug addict but again I lived 350 miles away from him and why would his mother (?) say such things? I was concerned and felt like a total fool when I questioned him. He didn't believe that his mother would say such things.<br />
This went on and on....Then we got married....and it got worse. My husband cannot understand my hate for her. My husbands parents make arrangements to come to our home and no one consults with me. My husband is in the very bad habbit of NOT telling me that they are coming until the are almost here. We have gotten into many arguments becasue of this. He knows that is not going to go over well so I guess in his mind he is avoiding having to deal with me being extremly pissed off that they are coming longer than he has to. I prefer not to be in the same house with her and said that I would appreciate appropriate notice so I can make plans to leave my home/town/husband during their stay. He thinks I am making things difficult and thinks my behavior is ridiculos. He does not support me at all in this situation. It is very frustrating, maddening and extreme!! I too wish the ***** would drop dead!!!

please help me my mil is making me ill she tol my little girl to tell me to **** off she punishes me but puts my little girl own by telling me iv got to get her to be frightene of me shes such a control freak but my husban puts up with it why

My mother in law AND GRANDMOTHER in law is the same way i hate them both i cant wait till they both croak over it will make my life a lot better and easier!

If possible you and your husband should move,, change your phone numbers so you no longer have contact with them since both you and your husband feel the same.

A diagnosis necessary here definitley....can you spell bi polar or something is definitley wrong with you MIL...

The main thing is that ur husband is on ur side!And loves u and understands u! Just ignore ur monster in law forever! Thats all!;)

my mil has thretened to beat my fing face in if she ever sees me again...and for some reson my fiance thinks its ok for her to say that about me it was not said directly tome but thru a text message on his phone which i found. maybe we should pitch in together and get them couples therapy im sure theyd get along real nice. crzy *itches

I can totally relate. My MIL hasn't seen our daughter since she was 2 months old. You are doing the right thing. Keep her away! You don't need to expose your children to that drama. I can honestly say I hate my MIL too. I know they say it takes more energy to hate, but the woman is crazy and deserves no compassion!

Wow thats really harsh. I'm sorry for your situation. I wish there was something I could do to help.<br />
<br />
Cheers,<br />
Thomas<br />

hang in there chic. i dont have a mil like that but i understand ur frustraition. ive always been able to find the positive in anything. n honestly its getting harder n harder to do. this is a tough site to visit . she's missing out on alot. but its her loss. i do believe strongly in karma . so jus try to love her in spite of it all. n keep ur karma good. n remember don frown too much. it causes wrinkles,lol

Wat a phycho B***H.... and y does DSS always listen wen they know shes lied before... now thats dum and your MIL has a massive MENTAL PROBLEM farr out thats way too over board.... and as for your partner has he ever stood up for you.. or is that the same as all partners choose thea mother over their other half wel meant to be thea one tru love... I mean wats the difference wif our Mums... I fought against my whole family for him and he chooses ta keep his mouth shut coz he says "I dont like dramas" thats wat drop nut weak men say ... Im really pissed and so happy that theas many other woman gng thru wat im gng thru but pissed becoz to mujj MILs are just like my MIL i mean this sucks big tyme getting treated like we aint human beings... Im over sitting in the bak seat getting **** nothing while my partner treats him mum like a queen... I wana b a QUEEN for once i understand that they feel threatened and that thea son wil do anything as long as thea precious mother is alive so wat... why did her son stay wif me if they werent man enuf to put thea mother in thea spot.... wel i knw one thng for sure if i have my second baby she aint gna even say a word becoz il put her and her son in the bak seat while i drive .... MY WAY or the HIGHWAY lol i fnk thats hw they say it lol

My husband was adopted by his grandparents while he was 4yrs old. So he has deep yearnning to wanna be perfect, to achieve and to pe something her biological mother is proud. He had built his life to impress her to make her love him. While he was deployed, I went home while I was 7months pregnant. <br />
One Sunday I greeted his birth mother outside of church, I was so excited to introduce myself for the first time, in mid sentence she rudely and loudly told me that she wasn't his mother and not to talk to her and that her mother was the grandmother was the mother who was about a 100 feet from us. In front her friends, in front her teenage son she embarrassed me and to top if all of she her words cut me like a knife. I was very emotional at that time cause I was pregnant and my hormones were irregular. Of course, I already met the grandmother who raised my husband the day before. So I walked away and I told my husband over the phone what had happened. Maybe she was deflecting me because she was protecting her own mother's feelings. But the fact was she shut me out in front of a lot of people even people I don't know. Later on she came over and apologized, the only reason she did this is because she found out that I was going to have a girl. She wanted to adopt her because she only had two boys. The gall of her!!! She tried her best to be nice to me so she can see my daughter after she was born. I guess I shouldnt care if she like me or not. But the one thing that I feel most guilty about is driving my husband away from the relationship he wants to build on the most, his relationship with his birth mother. I told myself that I will not open myself to rejection and ridicule or controlling coniving actions of my in laws especially his mother. And that's what I did for 3years now but I can see that I have been hurting my husband for three years too. But if I saw her right now in my presence I would walk away and pretend I didn't see her at all.

Hello Everyone! Sorry , I do not understand why we keep on saying these crazy MILs are good people. <br />
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They just are control freaks, insensitive bullies. I think these behaviors should be included in domestic violence as a form of psico aggression. The passive aggressive way the execute it make it even more dangerous. Because we can end up feeling that it is normal, or is her character, or is something that is not avoidable or even worse, that we somehow deserve it or it is something that we are not doing well.<br />
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We should feel more compassion for ourselves, acknowledge that we are entitled to feel how we do and we should not tolerate it (I know, easier said that done) such abuse.<br />
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I think all this aggressions comes from envy. These MILs can not tolerate to see other people leading a hapy life. We have to show them that we do not care. <br />
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Keep on smiling even more!!!

Wow, Sorry that you are going through this crap. MIL s are such bit***, they hate to let their sons go. I am married to a man that is the only child, and his mother did not care about him when she was in a relationship but soon as she brook up with her boyfriend, than she wants to be up under him all of the time. She told me that she hated it when we got married(this is when I thought that she cared about me) that alone let me see her true feelings, than I lost my job and had to move in with her (a few months 9) we find that I am pregnant the same month we move in and wow. The beginning of the pregnancy she was different, changed drastically and started giving me the evil eye. I had to go on W.I.C. because of the reduced income and she got mad that I used her address just so she can collect her Food stamps that she doesn't need (she has a job and so does her ex that resides there and her mother) she almost sent me into a frenzy cursing at me and telling me that I was disrespectful and not going to amount to anything. She apologized, and I forgave her than recently she really crossed the line. To say the least we will never speak again she doesn't care about her grandchild and she will never see him again. She tries to do voodoo, but she can try if she likes. This lady is possessive when it comes to her child. She wants him to herself, her own mother told me so. she called me names that I never knew existed and is petty and spiteful such a who**. I think that she tried to send someone after me because she is that type of person. These women are crazy and possessive, we need to watch our backs ladies and gentleman.

!!!!!! CAN YOU SAY PSYCO B*TCH!!!!!!!<br />
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i AM GLAD YOUR HUSBAND IS LIKE MINE..... Mine has seen the light...... He knows the truth but she has no idea that he knows anything..... lmao...... hopefully you can read what I have been through..... it does get better...... EVENTUALLY..... I am still waiting too..... what I think the problem is in my situation is... IS HEAVEN DOES NOT WANT MY ""MIL"" AND HELL IS AFRAID SHE WILL TAKE OVER... lmao

Man she sounds like a "blast" to have around! Ugh,what a pain in the arse! Hang in there girl. Plz read my experince and tell me wht ya think as I have the X Comparison issue myself.

wow what a b*tch

I feel for you all, my mil is bad but hey these take the biscuit. At what point do you say enough is enough. Im considering leaving my husband just so i can get away from the toxic awful family. i just want a quiet life and although i love my husband, im torn, since i hate them

I am so sorry you have that experience. That toxic awful family situation is similar to my situation. I want to leave my spouse too because of his awful toxic family. Just to have peace. I am losing my health from the stress and my looks too due to anxiety because she comes at you from all angels and through other people including my 5 yo. My son is 42 and she uses parental alienation on me says that my don gets his looks from his daddy and he's smart like his daddy or don't show your mummy or she ll take it (toy)away from you. The nonsense.she lies to everyone and talks from both sides of her mouth. She conned me into having tea to tell me how to talk to the men in our lives and ordered lunch instead so she could try to shame me by telling me who I was. That you know what. I could not believe my ears. I knew she was crazy. And for the last 10 years I thought she liked me. I no longer talk to her and want her FAR away from me. I have a no contact for last 5 months. I hate her so much because all the passive - aggressiveness from her makes sense now after all these years. Glad I know how she really feels. Also said that her son could of had a nice looking tall girl of his choice who is well educated. I happen to be okay looking, average height and well educated but I am not a Doctor. I am organized, hardworking, honest and kind and philanthropic. Any girl who has my spouse would get a non communicated, cheap, forgetful slob guy who is disorganized and boring. Have at it. I wish i never laid eyes on that crazy dysfunctional fake family. I would love to divorce just to get away from them. Too bad I have a 5 yo who has to see them sometimes.
Anyways i sympathize with you and pray things take a royal turn with you. God Bless.

i just told my MIL off today and god did it feel so good! Don't worry about you're kids. They're too precious to be subjected to that woman anyway. Let her have her fake grandkids. Your children deserve better!

Maybe you should give her the *** whooping she needs. Give her reason to go to court.

You have a very toxic mil and it is important that you protect your marriage and your child. You need to see a therapist or a support group together with your husband. This woman will not change, but you and your husband can. It is in the best interest of your child that you have a happy marriage and this woman's influence is nuetralized.

i could so see my boyfriends mom do the same what is wrong with these woman?? i hate mine to and im not even engaged yet because she keeps trying to put a wedge between mine and me. i hate her and i hate yours for you check out my story "what the ****"

WOW... this is coming late I know the last comment was in2007, BUT ditto on this <br />
''I am somewhat reassured to see that the MIL's out there have been a world-wide problem for a long time...and somewhat petrified''<br />
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I thought Mothers- In-Law from hell, were only in this part of the world. Where I come from (Nigeria, West Africa), they have some other diabolical and spiritual ways of frustrating the daughters-in-law, with many of them ending as nut-jobs. <br />
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I really cant understand why a mother wont leave her son ( cause that is usually the case, its the mother of the husband) alone! geez. I remember the problems my grandmother put my mother through, those were tough times, I shudder to remember. Thankfully, she self-destructed, when we didnt even expect it. So yes, evil may live long, but not long enough, the end wld still come. <br />
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Keep ur heads up ladies. xoxoxo

my mil lived 1000s of miles away and still made my life hell she hates me for takeing her baby boy away. she as tied so hard to break us up it almost worked but i love him too much to let it. we have been together almost 8 years married 4 and have 6 kids. but i know she is not done yet but i ca handle anything she does now.

Your mother-in-law will self-destruct at some pt. That is what I am counting on w/mine. My husband and I estranged ourselves from her for good--still I hold onto pain from her viciousness. My B*@ch! of a MIL erected a free-standing poster of my husband's ex-wife in her home!!!! When we expressed several times our offense she did nothing and turned it on me saying I was "blowing things out of proportion" and "insecure". (My husband's ex-wife is shaped like a man, and at least 8 yrs older than myself) She also gave his obsessive, lonely ex-wife keys to her house so she could come over and torture us whenever we visited. We finally had to get P.O.'s against the crazy ex-wife, and his mother was devasted. My husband has a child by the first wife--8 yrs. old who is used as much as possible to attempt to control him and play on his sympathy. The games they have played over the last few years are mind-boggling! My husband's ex-wife calls his mother "mommie" in front of me--I, in my mind call her the biggest Beatch on earth. I wouldn't spit on her if she were aflame! I hope life long estrangement from her son will drive her batty--she deserves it! That's if she can feel--I am beginning to think she is socio-pathic like the ex-wife, who has been diagnosed as borderline schizo and bi-polar. I find comfort in the fact that if that beast can feel--she will forever be wounded! She made my life a living her for 3 yrs! When my husband and I got married and immediately got restraining orders against his ex-wife, his beast of a mother, called for a "family meeting" via email to discuss the "crisis", She included the ex-wife in the family meeting/email, emailing her with our last name (which she retained of course because she is obsessed and still thinks she is married to him after 7 yrs.) and emailed me under my maiden name in front of the family. Now she is convincing everyone in his family that I am controlling him and isolating him from his family because he has decided to put a stop to this mess for the sake of our marriage and our peace. His ex-wife has begged the mom to "rally" his family together for an "intervention" with her son. Too bad. There is no way we can be reached --and we will probably keep it this way for good! If we don't those vipers will raise their ugly heads again. As evil lives long, she probably will. I recently wrote her to give her a "final" piece of my mind and it wasn't pretty at all. I burned that bridge and that demon MIL can burn in hell.

Your concern should center on the innocent one in all of this - your husband's 8-yr old son. I get the impression that you do not have custody of the son. If the son is living with his mentally ill mother, then it is no wonder that the MIL is her advocate since she is undoubtedly trying to do things that will benefit the child. You do not seem to be concerned about his welfare. If you and your husband have custody, you cannot just disappear and isolate him from his mother. When a woman marries a man with a child, he comes with baggage - you will be connected to that child forever. Even if the child disappears or lives on the other side of the world, often the child will reconnect with his parent. What kind of father will your husband be to your children if he isn't a responsible father to his current son? What kind of woman are you to focus on the needs of his ex-wife and MIL with no regard for the son's needs. Did it ever occur to you that the ex kept your husband's last name to match that of her son's? In school it is much easier if a single mother has the same last name as her child. There is no way for you to be reached by his family and you intend to keep it that way for good means that he has abandoned his son. If his son's ex has mental illness (no fault of her own) she may have been a difficult partner in marriage and also a difficult parent for her son. The viper and demon is not those who are seeing to the needs of the innocent son. The one who cares most for herself, describes his ex by her body shape and age, and minimizes the importance of the innocent son's well being to negligible is a person who is shallow and self-serving. That child is helpless and dependent upon the mercy of adults in his life. Your MIL is advocating for his primary caregiver - his mentally ill mother. You condemn all his caregiver's to hell and where is he left? It appears that you and your husband have abandoned him.

I love that you care for the precious child. I do too. Well said. Children need a voice and someone to just care. Love love love your heart.

I am somewhat reassured to see that the MIL's out there have been a world-wide problem for a long time...and somewhat petrified. <br />
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I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We live on the lake. His parents live 5+ hours away. My first introduction was a week and a half long visit by mother and father + grandchildren. My boyfriend was working and I was 'host' by myself for 9 long days. Needless to say after countless hours of micromanaging our new relationship I was left with stress and panic attacks.<br />
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I have never been exposed to this kind of 'treatment' and after doing some research quickly figured out that there is a lot of advice out there. I don't want to hate my mother in law. she truly is a loving, caring woman and she has done alot for her son including lending him the downpayment for this house which he had before we met. I have noticed that when she comes over she says things like, 'you can do this for me, you owe me a little' to her son. this can include anything from staying for a week to letting her unload countless bits of advice, asking for favours, getting rid of furniture in our house etc. My boyfriend feels that he can't effectively say anything to his mother because she always pulls that, 'you owe me' card out, ever so gently. he has spoken to her about interfering in our lives and micromanaging our household whenever she comes over. the result is swearing and saying, 'i'm tired of everyone ******** on me' and 'i'm just trying to help' and hanging up on him. her behaviour is an ongoing problem in the lives of all of her kids and it has gotten to the point where her daughters never invite her over. although i would like to set boundaries and limit her visits i do not want hurt feelings to surround these arrangements.<br />
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just a small list of things she can do include, going through our cupboards and re-packaging anything, 'the way she would do it' including labelling everything in her hand writing. she organizes drop offs with herself and her grandchildren for indefinite amounts of time without asking. she criticizes my cooking and offers advice with, 'that's how i would do it,' tacked on the end. she has basically appointed herself the unofficial landlord, planting things outside where ever she wants etc. she pays the debt owing by going into our cupboard where we have change saved up, rolling it and carting it away- without asking. she advises on EVERYTHING and does not consider for a moment that she is a guest in our household and should consider that the way we do things is fine and does not need her to reinterpret and change things. the part that really gets to me is how she interferes in my life- she will grill me with questions like, 'have you got your this yet, have you got your that yet and offers to drive me places to sort everything out, to spend three days with me to do what i haven't done yet and she just can't understand how it is none of her business. i don't know where she gets the impression that we cannot do it ourselves considering that my boyfriend and i are both very mature adults and have managed thus far. i always end up conceding and then having to call her back and say that we have come up with a better plan. <br />
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the fact that she has loaned her son money for this house doesn't matter- it doesn't mean she gets to sign herself up for micromanaging our lives and the feeling that he 'owes' her something really does get to him and i. he feels guilty and doesn't put a stop to her behaviour as much as he should.<br />
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how can we curb this without hurting her feelings and still making her feel like a part of our lives. our relationship and the future of our family is the most important thing to us and i want MIL to realize that her son can still love her 100% but his priorities are with me and our life. <br />
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i want to put a stop to the week long visits, perhaps we could visit her instead? what happens when she comes over and begins rooting through the cupboards and changing everything around? how can we put across that she is a guest and that under no circumstances am i to find her rooting through our things. <br />
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i confess that after she left this week i undid everything she had re-packaged and scrubbed her handwriting off every jar she had marked with her 'scent.' including packing a bag with all the food she frequently brings over that we never eat for the food bank. <br />
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i already have budding feelings of annoyance. i don't appreciate her controlling and manipulative attitude. i love love love my boyfriend and our relationship is strong and we are on the same page about this, we just don't know what to do.<br />
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in closing, a very wise woman is my boyfriends mother and she is probably doing what her mother did to her; i am both open and willing to take sage advice but....will not tolerate the controlling and the insertion of herself into our lives.<br />
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This MIL sounds like she sees a need, dangles the gold, then think she owns you. My MIL gave us her old lawn mower when she hired someone to mow her lawn and we never heard the end of it. She acted as if she had given us a new house and this continued long after the mower had died and had gone to the dump. How long is your MIL going to play the you owe me card - it expires you know. Managing a controller in a relationship takes strategy and planning. You and her son need to be on the same page. You cannot manage her without hurting her feelings - it's just not possible. It must be her son that stands up to her and protects you because if it comes from you, she will not listen. Controllers needs consequences for misbehavior so these must be thought out in advance. But before beginning any strategy or plan, he needs to let her know the actions that are objectionable so she has a chance to correct them. No more visits unless he is present the entire time, no organizing your belongings, no more "you owe me" talk. She will try to usurp your authority if you have children. He needs to speak up when she offers opinions that are critical of you. If she just shows up, don't answer the door. If she calls and says she is on her way, say you have an appointment and leave. She has no business taking your change. She should not bring food unless you are hosting a pot luck. Stop taking things from her - it just fuels her sense of power over you. Living 5 hrs away I think you guys can safely limit your exposure to her to 2 to4 times per yr for only a few days at a time.

Sounds like my MIL. I mean, she's a really nice person, soft spoken, polite, loving, etc. But she has the same "that's how I would do it" malady which goes out of hand at times. Whenever she comes over she would insist on doing all household chores herself in a bid to show that she's a better homemaker. the problem is that I KNOW she's better at homemaking with her 30+ years of homemaking experience and i do respect her experience. However, i wish she would understand that unless she gives me an opportunity to run my household the way I WANT it, i would never learn! Also, she needs to understand that her kids are adults now and it's time she let them give some space to "grow up". You see, she ain't gonna be around forever. She needs to accept the fact that her kids' lives will go on even after she's gone and that they need to be able to be in charge of their lives on their own ultimately.

its only going to get worse if you don't address your annoyances ASAP &amp; it will manifest into hard core resentment. change your locks! find a diplomatic way to let her know she is stepping on your toes. write a letter &amp; both of you sign it so it is clear you are united. i have the same issues with surprise week long visits. it didn't go well when my H tried to address it, MIL pulled guilt trips, cried, you name it. just so you know, whenever you hear the words: "Im Only Trying to Help You" it's a game to make you look inadequate &amp; so she can be the hero. i suggest saying "thank you for the help, next time i/we really need help i/we will definitely ask you." when she says: that's how i would do it" try: "that's nice, but this is how we/(insert your man's name here) like it..." when it comes to cooking, ask her to write down her recipes so you can save them. in other words, get the hell out of my kitchen! ;) best of luck to you both!

My soon to be mother in law is driving me crazy allready!! She's acontroll freak. I really need someone to talk to that is going through the same thing. She wants and feels she has to be in control of everything. I'm four months pregnant when she first found out she got me all natural vitamins because she says the ones the doctor gave me are synthetic and no good for a pregnant mom and baby. Then she reads that fish oils are good for pregnant women to prevent premature birth and if I take them the baby will be really smart. Ummm no I told her thank you for the fish oils and didn't touch them until I asked my doctor first and when I did doctor told me no way not to take them things not while being pregnant due to the mercury levels and iodine levels. I told my soon to be mil and she got offended and still pressed the issue about 6 or 7 more times after I told her no I wasn't taking them because my doctor said no. Then she always asks if I'm going to have a natural birth I want to I really do but this is my first baby and I've neer been in that position before so I'llknow once I get there. She still asks all the time it's so annoying. I'm really nice and quiet and shy around my soon to be in laws and I love my boyfriend very very much but his mother makes it hard she always has something to say. <br />
It's been a long time since she her diaper changing days and she ned to realize that I want to tell her that so bad. Then she goes on and on about vaccinations like I don't know I'm a nurse.....hint hint she acts like she's a doctor it's so annoying.<br />
I don't hate her at all she can be very nice but annoying at times. I just have a feeling things are only going to get worse. New moms out there who are going through the same thing, please comment back and help, I've never been through this before

Regular doctors can be old school. My endocrinologist prescribed fish oil after my heart attack which I was already taking per my chiropractor. It has anti-inflammatory properties. No reputable fish oil will have mercury or iodine - a piece of fish will and in Canada my DIL was warned not to eat fish when pregnant. Any whole food market will carry a high quality fish oil. So you parroted what your traditional OB/GYN told you (which was incorrect info) to your future MIL and she tried to let you know why the info you received was incorrect but your mind was already closed. Also, whole food vitamins are better for a person's body since they are bio-identical. Synthetic maternal vitamins have binders in them to form a pill and can include carnuba wax among other ingredients that are not necessary. All natural vitamins are indeed superior to synthetic ones. Your future MIL is making informed suggestions. You may be a nurse and be aware of the current trends in mainstream medicine but that doesn't mean that current medical practices are necessarily what's best for the body. For example, British hospitals give all hospitalized patients L-Glutamine to try to prevent muscle atrophy. NIH has conducted clinical trials that prove that acupuncture actually lowers blood pressure. Just because you haven't been exposed to "natural" medicine doesn't mean it isn't good for you. So your doctor poo-pooed the fish oil and said it's bad, so thank your future MIL for her concern, tell you'll look into it. In my opinion, she hasn't done any harm at all in suggesting alternative medicine during pregnancy. In my mother's day, women were given gas to inhale during a labor pain, had to lie on their backs and were kept two weeks in the hospital after the birth. Not good medical practices, but if I had told my Mom to not inhale that gas for the sake of my brain cells, or to please let me nurse and get a 100% whole food and antibodies from breast milk instead of some nasty formula in a bottle, her doctor would have poo-pooed that too. As for labor, she has just asked what you are planning. Epidurals are not without side-effects. I had nerve damage from one and leaking spinal fluid from another that was never diagnosed - I just suffered horrific headaches and nausea for weeks and weeks until it finally closed up on its own. When my DIL was pregnant, she told me all about what was the norm now. I think your future MIL is curious and trying to connect with you and establish some kind of relationship. She is using the commonality of pregnancy as groundwork. She was pregnant and gave birth before and it wasn't so long ago that cavemen walked about. If you find her annoying that's not a good sign. Perhaps you don't respect her. Perhaps you don't want her in your life. Ask yourself why you resent her involvement? Perhaps you feel inferior to her. Maybe it's just the sound of her voice. You're lucky she cares.

whenever your MIL offers any advice just do the bobble head, nod &amp; smile. never discuss your findings or give a rebuttal. when shes not looking toss out whatever she gives you. when she offers advice or keeps pressing an issue, change the subject or find any excuse to walk away. never ever be alone with her so she cannot corner you. this is what i have learned in the past 6 years, hope it helps. best of luck! :)

Ive got yrs yrs with my nasty mil.... Take charge from the start! She sound's very loving, just very over zealous about thing's. Be sweet but strong from the get go.. good luck!

Enter Story or Joke Here: my mother in law made my life and her daughters lives hell when we 1st got together and she did everything she could to split us up. she used to control her daughters every breath and movement and put serious strain on our relationship. this continued for nearly a whole year and we still have the odd hickup. while my partner was giving birth to our 1st child my mother inlaw kept pushing me out and standing in my way so i could not get near my partner. she is the biggest control freak known to man and she is also a child abuser as i have seen her boot her kids and slap them hard etc. she has 1 desabled son and she lives totaly off his benefits. she is also a gold digger. her husband also has to do as she tells him he isnt allowed to sleep at home instead he sleeps at his other daughters. he isnt allowed anything to eat as when my mother inlaw goes to the take away she just gets 1 meal for herself and leaves all of her children out. <br />
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i have been totaly pushed out of my sons life i hate the woman i wouldnt care if she was shot dead infront of my eyes she is a nasty selfish evil woman.<br />
also her father is a pidofile and my mother inlaw takes her 3 year old gran daughter to his house on a regular basis knowing full well that she is at risk.

She needs mental treatment for her madness...what a psychosis...

my heart goes out to you all, i ve had ten years of evil manipulation, that always seems to happen when my husband is out of ear shot, she threatens me puts me down and has assaulted me on two occasions,<br />
Though when my husband is in the room she is a kind caring women.<br />
My mil is a truely evil women who has practically destroyed my marriage and has lied non stop and i have to say, i pray that she will drop dead.<br />
these women cause so much pain they really are the scum of the earth.<br />
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I really hope that one day nice daughter in laws like my self get the love and respect we deserve

I hear you. that is really sad but you do what you got to do and at least you husband is on you side with this whole thing good luck and best wishes

Wow - psycho mother-in-law. I can relate as my x's mother-in-law was the same way. I still feel that she convinced my x to leave me - I found letters after she left me stating so. <br />
Sounds she needs professional help from a psychiatrist - really. Is she doing any drugs or drink a lot?