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Manipulative Mil, Coming Soon to a Location Near Me.

Gosh, where to start...my biggest problem right now is that my mil is going to be moving near us and just thinking about it makes me stressed and depressed.

A little background, my husband is an only child so my mil has no one else to bug.  My kids are her only grandkids.  I don't want to bore everyone with every little nasty thing she's said to me, but I'll touch on the major stuff.

She is generally manipulative and thinks everything is about her.  She once accused me of hiding the sugar that she likes in her tea because I don't like her.  I moved the sugar off the counter and into the cupboard because we were selling the house and I needed to tidy up, but she believed it was because of her.  She was constantly second guessing my mothering skills, didn't feed my 4 month old baby for 5 1/2 hours and conveniently "forgot" to feed my kids on another occasion.  She has hacked into my e-mail, accused us of moving two hours away because we want to keep the kids away from her (I do now!) and threatened legal action to get grandparents visitation rights even though we never denied her visits.  She has admitted that she is addicted to prescription drugs and gets offended easily at nearly anything anyone says that she disagrees with.  She's a major bible beater but is a racist at the same time (how does that work?  Would Jesus hate people not like him?) She has smacked my kids after I told her we don't spank and she's constantly telling one that he is spoiled (he just turned two, how could he possibly be that bad already?  FTR my two year old says please, thank you, excuse me, and I'm sorry all in the correct context. Yes, he throws tantrums, but would he be normal if he didn't?). This is just the tip of the iceberg. 

So now she's decided she wants to be close to us and she's going to leave everything she knows and is used to and will have nothing but us.  So how exactly is this gonna work?  I'm terrified she will be pounding on my door constantly and that's just not the way it's gonna work, but if I tell her this she will be offended and say "Poor me, I can't see my grandkids because DIL doesn't like me, booooo hoooo."  She can go from 0 - 90 in a matter of seconds as far as mood and I truly believe she has some sort of mental illness - bipolar, whatever.

My husband knows his mom is pretty strange and has some problems but he gets sucked in by her when she's nice over and over again.  And what's he supposed to do, disown her?  He always backs me up when she makes comments under her breath, but he is not at the point where he will just tell her like it is.  I, on the other hand, want absolutely nothing to do with her.  I really wouldn't care if I never saw her again and I really don't want my kids exposed to her negativity, manipulation, and harsh discipline.

I've decided I have to arm myself before she comes up here so I'll be checking out lots of books on MILs, manipulators, and Narcisists and I think joining here will help me tremendously.  At least I can come here and vent!

So, if you've gotten this far, thanks for listening and if you've dealt w/ this before I'm open to advice.

Thanks!

Inhiding666 Inhiding666 31-35 1 Response May 5, 2008

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My opinion is this and take it for what it is worth. It sounds as if you are on the right track. But, you know you kill more bees with honey. The sweeter you are the more irritable she will become, but your husband will see you making the effort.<br />
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Sounds like she has some issues with things being out of her control like my MIL. IF things are not going her way then she is going to make you miserable. Always remember in her eyes you are the reason she is lonely, you are the reason her baby boy may not visit often. Everything will always be "your" fault. <br />
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I will keep my fingers crossed that things get better for you... I know how miserable it can be.