I Hate My Mother In Law
I have been married for about 10 months now and I feel like I want to get a divorce. The reason is my mother in law. I have fallen into depression for about a week now because of her. Ever since my husband and I got married she has been saying things which bother me and I have not said a word to her, until a few days ago. That did not go well. I tried to talk to her nicely and calmly because I felt she should finally know how I feel and stop. I couldn't take anymore.
Just a side note: When I moved to this state after my husband and I got married, her and my father in law were still living with my husband. They were doing work on their new house so we all lived in one house together for about two months. You can only imagine what that was like. From the beginning she was in my business and upsetting me. She was acting like I was a guest and that she was the boss of everything. From telling me what cereal bowl to have my cereal in and from telling my husband and I that we shouldn't go out at night. When we would come home after buying groceries she would look at the stuff we bought and say to her son: "Since when do you buy anything?!" We thought that was totally uncalled for and did not make sense. After all, he had been living with his parents and supporting them for years and has bought this house AND their house with his own money. One time I had come home with my new driver's license and she looked at it. And her instant rude comment was, "Why did you keep your own last name?!!! Why didn't you change it?!" I calmly replied that everyone was free to have whatever last name they wanted. She yelled at me saying that I shouldn't keep my own last name because "my dad doesn't have anything to do with me anymore." I tried to remain calm even though I was very upset. I did not want to talk about it anymore but she kept trying to argue with me. My husband was upset by this too and he told her that it did not matter to him if I kept my own name.
She had even upset me when my husband and I were engaged. I was here visiting and I had brought my cat with me because I did not have anyone to leave her with. I was sitting in the bedroom which used to be my sister-in-law's and my cat tried walking into the room. And my mother in law yells across the hall:"Close the door! That is my daughters room!" I did not say a word to her and I closed the door. And keep in mind that her daughter had gotten married and moved out YEARS ago! So I told my husband about this and he asked her about it privately. Of course, she denied having said that! Then that caused a fight between him and I because he believed her and said that I probably heard wrong!!! I was absolutely sure she said that! She has also been making comments about my weight ever since my husband met me!! She always feels the need to tell me to eat to gain weight. And one time at a gathering in front of about 15 people, we were sitting down to have breakfast and she tells me "Eat so that you can gain weight." I calmly told her I had eaten and I did not want to gain weight. Another time at another gathering, she offered me chocolate in front of everyone and told me to eat it so that I can gain more weight. My husband told her he did not want me to gain weight. Of course that did not make her stop.
My husband has also told her to stop making those comments to me and of course she denied ever having made comments like that and she did not stop. She seems to be obsessed with thin people. I am not the only person she has made comments about. But I just don't feel that she has the right to go around telling people to gain or lose weight! I don't have a problem with my self and if she does, I just don't want to hear it.
During the time my in-laws were living with us was a very stressful time. I did not feel for those two whole months that I had a house of my own. I felt smothered and so uncomfortable living with her. She expected me to be sitting with her and her husband all all day and if I felt like staying in our (husband and I) room, she would say I was obligated to spend time with them and she would act upset for days. She did not understand that I needed some alone time. We were all visiting my sister-in law once, and I heard my sister-in-law asking her about how the renovations on her house were going. I was sitting right there and she knew that. So she rudely answered, "Oh, I'm taking my time!" I did not say a word. She was indeed taking her sweet time and making sure her house was perfect before even gathering her stuff to move. Even my husband thought she was taking her time. She did not know that she was causing tension for my husband and I during this time. When the day came for her to move, finally, all she did was gather basic stuff and leave. Now she lives 10 minutes away. After they left, I was here stuck with a house full of junk. It was now my job to clean it all out. I did not want to throw away any of the stuff she left so I politely packed boxes and boxes full of her stuff. I kept them on the side for her. She would come over and start taking stuff out of the boxes and asking why I didn't want it and making me keep stuff I did not want. This went on for a while because she had left so much stuff behind. She would even ask why I was moving stuff in my own home? Do I not have the right to? She even has a problem with my cat who hasn't done anything to her! My husband and I had taken a picture of my cat and she had seen it and said rudely"Oh look they took a picture of the cat"!. Or she'd complain that my cat is scratching the couches! Or say how bad my cat is! Does she not know that all cats scratch? And I don't think she should be concerned with what my cat does in my home.
So to get back to what happened the other day! Sorry had to let all of that out!!! We were at her house for dinner the other day and a guest asked me what state I was from. My mother-in-law jumped right in and answered something which was a total lie! I did not say anything but politely answered the question. Then the guest asks me where my parents live and she jumps in again answering for me! She lied to the guest and said that my parents both live in the same state. She knows very well that my parents are divorced and do not live in the same state. I did not say anything to her. But I answered the lady who asked me. It was clear I think that I was very bothered. I felt my heart beating very fast and I'm guessing my face and body turned red. That usually happens when I get upset. I did not say anything to her for the rest of the evening. But later, privately, I told my husband that I was very bothered by what happened and that I was going to calmly tell her how I felt. He did not disagree that I should. He supported it. I told him I felt that she was ashamed to tell people where I'm from and that my parents are divorced. He felt that her actions at the dinner table, said so. Until it was time to talk to her, I tried to act normal. I helped her clear the table and clean up after dinner. After all the guests had left, I knew it was time to talk to her. I saw her tidying her room so I knocked on the door and asked her if I could come in and talk to her. I sat down on the bed next to her and I told her. "You know I care about you and I respect you. So I do not want you to be upset that I am going to tell you how I feel right now. Tonight at the dinner table you hurt me and made me sad." I figured if I said those nice things to her that she wouldn't get all defensive and go insane. But boy was I wrong. She looked confused like she didn't know what I was talking about. She asked "What did I do"? And I told her calmly that what she said to the guest at dinner made me feel like she was ashamed to say where I'm from and that my parents are divorced. I told her that I am proud of who I am and that there is nothing wrong with my parents being divorced. Of course, she denied being ashamed of me and said there was nothing wrong with what she did.
*Just a side note: She has also jumped in and answered questions about where I'm from, before. So this would the second time she had done this.
Her voice started to get higher and she started to yell at me. She accused me of "treating her like a little kid" because I told her that she hurt me. As she is yelling at me, my husband comes in the room. He tells her that she did seem ashamed of me and that this is not the first time she had done this. Of course, she plays the victim and says "Ok fine, next time someone asks where she's from, I'll say I don't know!" My husband pointed out to her that that person was asking me and that she should let ME answer. She ended up upsetting my husband so much that he began to yell too and the situation was getting out of hand. I told them both to stop yelling because I did not want a fight. I also mentioned to her that since my husband and I got married she has said things which bothered me and I haven't said anything about it. I let her know that her saying things has caused problems between my husband and I and that all I wanted was to be happy with my husband. She said" I'm not coming between you and your husband"! I explained to her that when I get bothered and complain to my husband, that he is also getting upset. She also told me that I "better respect her" after I told her that I respected her.....
For some reason she randomly said to me "You came to live in my house for 2 months.." I thought that was so random and uncalled for. So I said to her 'Your house? I was never kicked out of my own house. I came to my husband and I's house. " At this point, my father-in-law came in the room and began to tell me that I was acting "wrong". She then sits there telling me" That house is MY house, then it's my son's house, and you're his wife!" She also said "Everything that belongs to my son is MINE!". I told her " Why is it that your daughter's and her husband's house is theirs? Is it your daughter's mother-in-law's house"? She just looked at me and had no answer.
At that point I was so upset because I had gone in there to talk to her about my feelings about something else and she brought up a whole OTHER topic .Everyone was raising their voice. At this point everyone was mad and the arguing just kept going and going. My husband was very mad and I was trying to calm him down and he wouldn't. The whole time I did not say anything disrespectful to her. At one point he even told me to stop talking or he would divorce me. I ended up crying my heart out in front of them and I also ended up looking like a bad person because we had all argued. My father-in-law also blamed me for "bothering her" and told me that I shouldn't have told her anything. He thinks I should have told my husband and that he should have spoken to her. Well, I know from the past that, that does not work either. She just denies, denies, denies. So we left their house after a long horrible night. For days we talked of the fight.
And when I was telling him how much it bothered me that his mother had said "That house is MY house,then it's my son's house, and you're his wife!". He would just tell me that his mother doesn't mean anything bad by what she said. And I simply want to know why it is okay for her to basically say that it is not my house. I told him, I wanted to hear from him that it was his house and mine. And he says" But you have to know , The house will always be my parents!". I strongly disagree with him but I said" I know your parents are welcome because they are your parents but your mother basically said to me that it is her house and not mine! And my husband thinks I'm wrong that she meant that and he refuses to say that it is OUR house(his and mine). He thinks I'm stupid because I need to hear that it is my house. Well I think I need to. I haven't felt it was my house since I moved here and it took me a while to recover from her smothering. When I finally started feeling like this was my home and that I was comfortable, all that happens.
After that big fight, I fell into depression. I cannot get out of bed in the morning, I wake up feeling sick and miserable. I am barely eating or functioning properly. I have never seriously considered divorce before, but now I am. Just the thought of his mother makes me miserable. I have been crying everyday and my husband is sick of me crying. I did not hear from her for 3 days and yesterday she came over. My father-in-law rang the door bell and I answered the door. I greeted him like I normally would and asked him to come in. She stayed hiding out in the front and did not come to the door. My father in law was helping my husband trim the trees outside. Since she did not come in to say hi like she has before, I went outside to say hi to her. I said hi and politely asked her to come in. She stayed outside and ended up gardening, washing my windows, and inspecting every inch of the garden. After the mess she made yanking weeds out of the ground, she asked me to come sweep. She did not ask me nicely though. She said "come sweep here". I told her that I was tired and that she should leave it because I would take care of it later. She is like "you're tired!? What did you do?!" I told her I had been standing for hours.
The reason I was standing outside for hours is because, if I go inside the house to sit, I know she would have a problem with that and think I was avoiding her. I never asked her to come do work. I told her many times to come sit inside the house with me. In fact, I always tell her to not do work because it would make her back hurt and tire her. Of course, she does not listen. Every time she comes over, she goes onto my patio and garden and inspects every single plant and tells me what needs to be fixed and what is wrong here and there. She tells me to wash my windows. She tells me to sweep. She tells me to take care of my plants. And she gives disappointed looks after inspecting. I just politely listen. But this time, she decided she wanted to come over and do everything. The whole time she was here I was bothered and I had decided I have had enough! I have told my husband before that I don't like when his mom inspects and works on our garden. But he sees nothing wrong with it and gets mad at me for being bothered!
Ever since I have been married, I have listened to her upsetting comments and cried because of her. I'm not going to list every comment she has made even though this story is long enough as it is. I am in a horrible situation because I love my husband but on the other hand I don't want to deal with his mother anymore. She is making me miserable and I feel it will only get worse. She lives 10 minutes away and I have to see her every week. I have been trying to be nice to her. I compliment her, I get her things she likes, I try to talk with her, I try to hang out with her. I try to go see her when ever I can. I act nice to her when she comes over. Point is, I have tried. Almost every time I tell my husband about something his mother said which upset me, he thinks I'm being "ridiculous" in his words and he tells me she didn't mean anything wrong and just seems to justify what she says.
She had even questioned my husband about why we haven't had kids. We have only been married for 10 months and my husband and I aren't planning to have kids yet! She asked him "if I had gone to the doctor." My husband told her that there is no problem and that when we are ready to have kids she will know!!
She assumes something is wrong with me because we haven't had a baby yet. I did not know what to say hearing about this. But, I was hurt by her.
I don't know what do. I feel like if I stay married she is just going to keep making me depressed. I cant even imagine how controlling and critical she will be when I have kids one day. I want to leave but I love my husband. He is a good man. But I honestly cannot stand his mother!!!!! I feel like the biggest mistake I ever made was getting married...
I would love to hear some advice! Thank you for reading!!
Just a side note: When I moved to this state after my husband and I got married, her and my father in law were still living with my husband. They were doing work on their new house so we all lived in one house together for about two months. You can only imagine what that was like. From the beginning she was in my business and upsetting me. She was acting like I was a guest and that she was the boss of everything. From telling me what cereal bowl to have my cereal in and from telling my husband and I that we shouldn't go out at night. When we would come home after buying groceries she would look at the stuff we bought and say to her son: "Since when do you buy anything?!" We thought that was totally uncalled for and did not make sense. After all, he had been living with his parents and supporting them for years and has bought this house AND their house with his own money. One time I had come home with my new driver's license and she looked at it. And her instant rude comment was, "Why did you keep your own last name?!!! Why didn't you change it?!" I calmly replied that everyone was free to have whatever last name they wanted. She yelled at me saying that I shouldn't keep my own last name because "my dad doesn't have anything to do with me anymore." I tried to remain calm even though I was very upset. I did not want to talk about it anymore but she kept trying to argue with me. My husband was upset by this too and he told her that it did not matter to him if I kept my own name.
She had even upset me when my husband and I were engaged. I was here visiting and I had brought my cat with me because I did not have anyone to leave her with. I was sitting in the bedroom which used to be my sister-in-law's and my cat tried walking into the room. And my mother in law yells across the hall:"Close the door! That is my daughters room!" I did not say a word to her and I closed the door. And keep in mind that her daughter had gotten married and moved out YEARS ago! So I told my husband about this and he asked her about it privately. Of course, she denied having said that! Then that caused a fight between him and I because he believed her and said that I probably heard wrong!!! I was absolutely sure she said that! She has also been making comments about my weight ever since my husband met me!! She always feels the need to tell me to eat to gain weight. And one time at a gathering in front of about 15 people, we were sitting down to have breakfast and she tells me "Eat so that you can gain weight." I calmly told her I had eaten and I did not want to gain weight. Another time at another gathering, she offered me chocolate in front of everyone and told me to eat it so that I can gain more weight. My husband told her he did not want me to gain weight. Of course that did not make her stop.
My husband has also told her to stop making those comments to me and of course she denied ever having made comments like that and she did not stop. She seems to be obsessed with thin people. I am not the only person she has made comments about. But I just don't feel that she has the right to go around telling people to gain or lose weight! I don't have a problem with my self and if she does, I just don't want to hear it.
During the time my in-laws were living with us was a very stressful time. I did not feel for those two whole months that I had a house of my own. I felt smothered and so uncomfortable living with her. She expected me to be sitting with her and her husband all all day and if I felt like staying in our (husband and I) room, she would say I was obligated to spend time with them and she would act upset for days. She did not understand that I needed some alone time. We were all visiting my sister-in law once, and I heard my sister-in-law asking her about how the renovations on her house were going. I was sitting right there and she knew that. So she rudely answered, "Oh, I'm taking my time!" I did not say a word. She was indeed taking her sweet time and making sure her house was perfect before even gathering her stuff to move. Even my husband thought she was taking her time. She did not know that she was causing tension for my husband and I during this time. When the day came for her to move, finally, all she did was gather basic stuff and leave. Now she lives 10 minutes away. After they left, I was here stuck with a house full of junk. It was now my job to clean it all out. I did not want to throw away any of the stuff she left so I politely packed boxes and boxes full of her stuff. I kept them on the side for her. She would come over and start taking stuff out of the boxes and asking why I didn't want it and making me keep stuff I did not want. This went on for a while because she had left so much stuff behind. She would even ask why I was moving stuff in my own home? Do I not have the right to? She even has a problem with my cat who hasn't done anything to her! My husband and I had taken a picture of my cat and she had seen it and said rudely"Oh look they took a picture of the cat"!. Or she'd complain that my cat is scratching the couches! Or say how bad my cat is! Does she not know that all cats scratch? And I don't think she should be concerned with what my cat does in my home.
So to get back to what happened the other day! Sorry had to let all of that out!!! We were at her house for dinner the other day and a guest asked me what state I was from. My mother-in-law jumped right in and answered something which was a total lie! I did not say anything but politely answered the question. Then the guest asks me where my parents live and she jumps in again answering for me! She lied to the guest and said that my parents both live in the same state. She knows very well that my parents are divorced and do not live in the same state. I did not say anything to her. But I answered the lady who asked me. It was clear I think that I was very bothered. I felt my heart beating very fast and I'm guessing my face and body turned red. That usually happens when I get upset. I did not say anything to her for the rest of the evening. But later, privately, I told my husband that I was very bothered by what happened and that I was going to calmly tell her how I felt. He did not disagree that I should. He supported it. I told him I felt that she was ashamed to tell people where I'm from and that my parents are divorced. He felt that her actions at the dinner table, said so. Until it was time to talk to her, I tried to act normal. I helped her clear the table and clean up after dinner. After all the guests had left, I knew it was time to talk to her. I saw her tidying her room so I knocked on the door and asked her if I could come in and talk to her. I sat down on the bed next to her and I told her. "You know I care about you and I respect you. So I do not want you to be upset that I am going to tell you how I feel right now. Tonight at the dinner table you hurt me and made me sad." I figured if I said those nice things to her that she wouldn't get all defensive and go insane. But boy was I wrong. She looked confused like she didn't know what I was talking about. She asked "What did I do"? And I told her calmly that what she said to the guest at dinner made me feel like she was ashamed to say where I'm from and that my parents are divorced. I told her that I am proud of who I am and that there is nothing wrong with my parents being divorced. Of course, she denied being ashamed of me and said there was nothing wrong with what she did.
*Just a side note: She has also jumped in and answered questions about where I'm from, before. So this would the second time she had done this.
Her voice started to get higher and she started to yell at me. She accused me of "treating her like a little kid" because I told her that she hurt me. As she is yelling at me, my husband comes in the room. He tells her that she did seem ashamed of me and that this is not the first time she had done this. Of course, she plays the victim and says "Ok fine, next time someone asks where she's from, I'll say I don't know!" My husband pointed out to her that that person was asking me and that she should let ME answer. She ended up upsetting my husband so much that he began to yell too and the situation was getting out of hand. I told them both to stop yelling because I did not want a fight. I also mentioned to her that since my husband and I got married she has said things which bothered me and I haven't said anything about it. I let her know that her saying things has caused problems between my husband and I and that all I wanted was to be happy with my husband. She said" I'm not coming between you and your husband"! I explained to her that when I get bothered and complain to my husband, that he is also getting upset. She also told me that I "better respect her" after I told her that I respected her.....
For some reason she randomly said to me "You came to live in my house for 2 months.." I thought that was so random and uncalled for. So I said to her 'Your house? I was never kicked out of my own house. I came to my husband and I's house. " At this point, my father-in-law came in the room and began to tell me that I was acting "wrong". She then sits there telling me" That house is MY house, then it's my son's house, and you're his wife!" She also said "Everything that belongs to my son is MINE!". I told her " Why is it that your daughter's and her husband's house is theirs? Is it your daughter's mother-in-law's house"? She just looked at me and had no answer.
At that point I was so upset because I had gone in there to talk to her about my feelings about something else and she brought up a whole OTHER topic .Everyone was raising their voice. At this point everyone was mad and the arguing just kept going and going. My husband was very mad and I was trying to calm him down and he wouldn't. The whole time I did not say anything disrespectful to her. At one point he even told me to stop talking or he would divorce me. I ended up crying my heart out in front of them and I also ended up looking like a bad person because we had all argued. My father-in-law also blamed me for "bothering her" and told me that I shouldn't have told her anything. He thinks I should have told my husband and that he should have spoken to her. Well, I know from the past that, that does not work either. She just denies, denies, denies. So we left their house after a long horrible night. For days we talked of the fight.
And when I was telling him how much it bothered me that his mother had said "That house is MY house,then it's my son's house, and you're his wife!". He would just tell me that his mother doesn't mean anything bad by what she said. And I simply want to know why it is okay for her to basically say that it is not my house. I told him, I wanted to hear from him that it was his house and mine. And he says" But you have to know , The house will always be my parents!". I strongly disagree with him but I said" I know your parents are welcome because they are your parents but your mother basically said to me that it is her house and not mine! And my husband thinks I'm wrong that she meant that and he refuses to say that it is OUR house(his and mine). He thinks I'm stupid because I need to hear that it is my house. Well I think I need to. I haven't felt it was my house since I moved here and it took me a while to recover from her smothering. When I finally started feeling like this was my home and that I was comfortable, all that happens.
After that big fight, I fell into depression. I cannot get out of bed in the morning, I wake up feeling sick and miserable. I am barely eating or functioning properly. I have never seriously considered divorce before, but now I am. Just the thought of his mother makes me miserable. I have been crying everyday and my husband is sick of me crying. I did not hear from her for 3 days and yesterday she came over. My father-in-law rang the door bell and I answered the door. I greeted him like I normally would and asked him to come in. She stayed hiding out in the front and did not come to the door. My father in law was helping my husband trim the trees outside. Since she did not come in to say hi like she has before, I went outside to say hi to her. I said hi and politely asked her to come in. She stayed outside and ended up gardening, washing my windows, and inspecting every inch of the garden. After the mess she made yanking weeds out of the ground, she asked me to come sweep. She did not ask me nicely though. She said "come sweep here". I told her that I was tired and that she should leave it because I would take care of it later. She is like "you're tired!? What did you do?!" I told her I had been standing for hours.
The reason I was standing outside for hours is because, if I go inside the house to sit, I know she would have a problem with that and think I was avoiding her. I never asked her to come do work. I told her many times to come sit inside the house with me. In fact, I always tell her to not do work because it would make her back hurt and tire her. Of course, she does not listen. Every time she comes over, she goes onto my patio and garden and inspects every single plant and tells me what needs to be fixed and what is wrong here and there. She tells me to wash my windows. She tells me to sweep. She tells me to take care of my plants. And she gives disappointed looks after inspecting. I just politely listen. But this time, she decided she wanted to come over and do everything. The whole time she was here I was bothered and I had decided I have had enough! I have told my husband before that I don't like when his mom inspects and works on our garden. But he sees nothing wrong with it and gets mad at me for being bothered!
Ever since I have been married, I have listened to her upsetting comments and cried because of her. I'm not going to list every comment she has made even though this story is long enough as it is. I am in a horrible situation because I love my husband but on the other hand I don't want to deal with his mother anymore. She is making me miserable and I feel it will only get worse. She lives 10 minutes away and I have to see her every week. I have been trying to be nice to her. I compliment her, I get her things she likes, I try to talk with her, I try to hang out with her. I try to go see her when ever I can. I act nice to her when she comes over. Point is, I have tried. Almost every time I tell my husband about something his mother said which upset me, he thinks I'm being "ridiculous" in his words and he tells me she didn't mean anything wrong and just seems to justify what she says.
She had even questioned my husband about why we haven't had kids. We have only been married for 10 months and my husband and I aren't planning to have kids yet! She asked him "if I had gone to the doctor." My husband told her that there is no problem and that when we are ready to have kids she will know!!
She assumes something is wrong with me because we haven't had a baby yet. I did not know what to say hearing about this. But, I was hurt by her.
I don't know what do. I feel like if I stay married she is just going to keep making me depressed. I cant even imagine how controlling and critical she will be when I have kids one day. I want to leave but I love my husband. He is a good man. But I honestly cannot stand his mother!!!!! I feel like the biggest mistake I ever made was getting married...
I would love to hear some advice! Thank you for reading!!
By:
bnbn2611
Age:
22-25
