Tired Of Crying

my husband and I decided to seperate about a year or more ago because we decided that all we did was fighta lot of it was about the bil (***** in law) and it would be best if we took some time apart to see what we wanted to do.The first thing I want to mention is that as childish as it may sound I have asked my husband not to sharewhat goes on in my life or our daughters with her because I dont think it's any of her business, but I know he does. He shows her my daughters pic and tells her what she is up to. He moved in with his mother. We are trying to work on things because we really don't want a divorce. He comes over every Sunday to spend the day with me andthings are going really well, but I am not really sure if I want him to come home. Reason being the bil. It seems every time he is here she has to call his phone and of course he answers it I know it is always for stupid things. I asked him after the first couple weeks why she has to call him why he is here, that is our time. He informed me that he doesnt tell her that he comes here on Sunday. He told me it was because he didnt think it was anybody's business. Now remeber what I said at the beginning about me asking him not to share info with her. So why he can tell her all about our daughter, but not stand up to her and tell her that he wants to save our marriage is beyond me.When he is here and she calls it makes my blood boil I knw when ppl fight they say things they don't really mean and one time when I told him that his mother was evil and is trying everything she can think of to break up our marriage and his response was that I would never be a tenth of the woman that his mother was. He later told me he was sorry and he didn't mean it, but sorry or not I remember and it hurts. Last summer I suggested we have a cookout at my house and invite his brothers and their familys. I said our daughter has not seen her uncles or cousins in a long time and you don't get to spend a lot of time with ur brothers. He told me no because he was not going to have a family cook out if his mother couldn't come. He was not going to exclude her amd she is not welcome here, but yet he went to his family reunions and his nephews bday parties grad parties etc which of course I could not go to because his mother hates me so even tho the rest of his family likes me I can not go to stuff because of her. Why is it ok to exclude my daughter and I , but we can't do things because he refuses to exclude his mother. Please help I really don't know what to do. Do I throw away 12 yrs of marriage because he is a mamma's boy (oh he is in his late 40's) or do I just bide my time and wait cause being in her late 80's she won't be around forever.
shesawitch shesawitch
31-35, F
5 Responses May 5, 2012

I hope it works out between you two. My fiance and I fight a lot because of her mom, really nasty controlling manipulative person, that spends her free time trying to destroy our relationship. We are sticking it out the best we can. That's what you gotta do if he is worth it stick it out as best you can. Again hope the best for you two!

I have the same issue, sort of. But I'm lucky because we moved REALLY far away from his mom. If you get back together with your man, and if it's feasible, try to start over again far away. I know it's hard to leave your job, your friends, everything, but if my husband and I lived near his mom, I don't know what would have happened now.

Thanks everybody! I did tell him to grow some balls and choose and he told mee that no woman has the right to make him choose between his family and his mother. Now it seems the more I ignore him the more time he wants to spend with me. He has a lot to prove b4 I would even consider it. I believe in karma and one day karma is going to kick the bil in the *** I plan on being there laughing and taking pictures.lol

Oh my god, let me first say i know how your feeling! My MIL is hitler- even my FIL thinks so thats why he divorced her years ago- cant say i blame the man! One thing i have learned in this is that when men tend to side with their overbearing controling mother is is a trait which NEVER stops. Hunny, if I were you I would not let him or your MIL hurt your feelings or confuse you one more time. Move on. Divorce. And be the first to do it. And when he asks why tell him- "I thought I married you but you were already married to your mother!" Then get a hot new boy toy and rub it in his face. Thats what im doing and my ONLY regret is not doing it sooner. Any man how wont make you his number one priority is not worth your time. best of luck- i hope you find happiness in whatever you choose to do.

It sounds like your BIL has a very unhealthy relationship with your husband. But if you want peace you need to consider whether he can live without her? Don't do what I did and get stuck with a MIL from he'll. Either he stops seeing her or you don't get back together in my opinion...I hope you find happiness - good luck you deserve better than you're getting from him and the BIL.