Baby Clash!

G.: my partner
V. : my daughter

When G. and I met, his mum did not seem to like me very much. She never said anything, but we felt it. G. ended up having a word with her and things seemed to get better. After 9 years together, I gave birth to our baby girl, V. Sadly, I had to have a C-section, I struggled to breastfeed and our baby got sick and spent 2 weeks at hospital because of a metabollic disorder. V. was 3 weeks old when we came back from hospital and I had not had a chance to bond with her. When we came back home, G. went back off-shore-he is a marine engineer. His mother kept inviting herself with her husband. They said they were here to help. They did not help. Instead, she kept bossing me around and did her best to get me out of the way. Here are a few examples:
1. When I went upstairs to change my daughter's nappy. She followed me and told me to fix a bottle. She changed V.'s nappy. Once the bottle ready she did not give me my daughter back, but fed her and kept her in her arms.
2. In the supermarket, she placed my daughter in her trolley and did a "runner", leaving me behind as if my child was hers. I could not keep up with her because my pace was slow - the C. section affected my mobility.
3. She would tell me to go and walk my dog while she looked after my daughter.
4. Every time, she was here I barely got a chance to hold my daughter.
5. Her husband kept pestering me to let my daughter spend a few nights with them in their house, or let his wife spend a few nights at mine, etc... I never allowed any of this.

It dragged on for 10 days until that day when she turned up at my house with the emergency key. I asked her if she knocked on the door before coming in and she replied "What does it matter?" Of course, it does matter. This is my home!

I contacted G. by e-mail and told him about the key. He offered to fix the problem and asked his parents to back off a a bit as I needed some space. His mum was "devastated" and very angry with me. His dad left a message and requested a call back. I called back. He spoke to me briefly and passed me his wife who had a go at me: " I am really hurt. How dare you get my son involved!..." I was very surprised. She downloaded her anger. I thought there was something wrong with G.'s e-mail. I could not see what I did wrong, therefore it had to be G. and his e-mail. G. thought his mum was upset because of me. We argued by e-mail for 3 days. I was even accused of trying to split up the family. When he came back, we were still angry with each other and it created an atmosphere. After an argument, he showed me the e-mail which triggered his mother's reaction. I was surprised to see that there was nothing wrong with it. In fact, I found it over appologetic and a bit too submissive. I told him my side of the story and he got a better picture.

I invited his parents for lunch with G., V. and myself. His mother and I did not speak, it was a bit cold. I told G. that I would visit his parents with V. because G. would like them to see our daughter at least once when he works off-shore. So, I called to see if I could come and visit with V. His mother picked up the phone. She wanted to discuss things. She denied her hostility on the phone and she also said that my arguments with G. had absolutely nothing to do with her. She demanded an apology. I refused and told her that she should be the one apologising. In other words, I am not allowed in her house unless I apologise to her. I did not back off. I disagreed with her and stood firmly on my ground. She did not like it.

To be honest, I think this woman is mad at me because she understood she would not get it her way. It is obvious to me that she was trying to step in my shoes and take over... and she called it "helping".

Let's be clear about this:
1. I never requested her help.
2. She never asked me if I needed help. She imposed it on me again and again.
3. Her "help" was not effective, very simply because it created problems and we did not need any of it on top of everything.
4. Her "help" was not a necessity. She never came back after using that key inappropriately, and I managed fine without them.
5. When you refuse someone's help (in his e-mail G. asked her to give me some space), you do not get full blown rage at your face.

Was she trying to help??? Of course not.

Megzo77 Megzo77
31-35, F
1 Response May 9, 2012

She sounds like a jealous, selfish old camel who doesn't deserve you or V. Stick to your stance and avoid her as much as possible. I feel so very sorry for you. I know how rotten it is to have a miserable MIL. Good luck , love and hugs xxx