Scared

My MIL is the most manipulative, passive-aggressive, fake, two-faced, liar i have ever met. My negative qualities include people pleasing, being a good judge of character (in this case is a bad thing) and sensitive. Over the past few years my sensitivty has lowered but worked against me because my husband blames that for why I get mad at his mom. In a nut shell, she bad mouths and LIES about any woman she is jealous of (her step-daughter, friends, sisters, etc.) and she does it about me. She is VERY dominating, and I know she is going to manipulate my kids. I just got married last summer and she was a nightmare the whole process. She digs, and gives passive aggressive remarks, and other people think I am awful because of her lies. It makes me very uncomfortable to go to family events. My husband thinks she does no wrong and I am sensitive. When I found out she said I looked ugly and cheap at my wedding, he got mad at me! She has been caught in so many of these situations over the past few years. However, not I want to have kids. I know she is going to manipulate them to lover her more, and tell them bad things about Mommy (me) because that's how she is. She makes EVERYTHING an issue, and I cry everyday. She stalks my house, drops by only when I am at work, brings food here b/c she I can't do that, right?, calls and texts my husband over and over including on our honeymoon, just lies and talks bad about everyone and is just an overall bad bad person. I hate her and she makes me so miserable, that I fear having kids. It is so weird because it is all I ever wanted, but I don't want her near them. How can I say no, it is their grandmother, but how can I be comfortable having her near them when I hate her so much. Oh did I mention she TOLD me she will raise them b/c I have to work. I can't sum up all the evil she has done in one sitting. It is years and years of passive aggressive manipulation. She was married three times and tells her son how awful his father was his whole life and brain washed him. He is the nicest guy! She tries to brain wash me but I see right through her. She WILL do that to my kids and I can't handle it. It will be hard enough having a full time job and raising a child. Plus I would like to enjoy it. I am so scared and I am having anxiety attacks now. I have tried everything from burning a candle to get rid of the negativity, I got hypnotized to have more confidence to handle her better, I even saw a psychic to see if it would get better. Not that I hold to much value in that, but she said it wouldn't! I need advice/help. I want to be a Mommy so bad, but not with her. She is overbearing, does NOTHING all day, and will ruin my life. She is needyt for attention and so insecure. I have contimplated divorce evn because I know myself and I CANNOT do this! I don't want to b/c I love my husband, but with him comes her and I can't do this. What do I do? Help me.
Ginger381 Ginger381
31-35, F
1 Response May 13, 2012

My heart goes out to you. You are in a similar situation to many of us. Protect yourself and prioritise yourself. Don't have kids until you're sure she's at arms length. If I knew when I had my daughter what I know now about my husbands family I'd have left him. Although I loved him so much, because of my MIL he's hurt me so many times that I am no longer in love with him. Much of the troubles over childcare and what is and isn't okay. Be careful to keep her at arms length and if he can't undo the apron strings then be ready to say goodbye to him (you'll probably find he'll get a backbone then and break away). Good luck! Love and hugs xxxx