I Left My Husband..........what Now? I Need Some Advice

Dear Readers,

I have a serious issue to handle and don't know how to deal with it.
In June 2011 I moved to America to start a life with my American husband.
I had a great job and lifestyle in England and I left it all behind for him.
I got to America and about 2 weeks later my mother in law [who only visited on weekends] decided to take me grocery shopping. [Which I thought was great as I couldn't drive].
At first I didn't think much of it but she began making nasty remarks towards me. After ruining my mood [whilst shopping] we would drive back home and she would act like butter wouldn't melt while I stewed in bitter anger in front of her son, who thought we we're getting on just great.
This would last all day or until I told myself to calm down and deal with it as it was 'nothing really' in the grand scheme of things.
Soon it became a weekly event. I couldn't say no to not going out with my mother in law as my husband couldn't understand why I wouldn't want some time alone with his mother [like the sun shone out of her backside] and I refrained from telling him what was really going on as I didn't want to cause any problems. We were newly married and I thought his mum was testing me.

This same pattern of behaviour carried on from June to October, which led to many fights between me and my husband [although I had not given him the real reason for my terrible moods but always managed to find something he had done that I didn't approve of].

In November it was really the end of the line for me so I came back to visit my parents in England for a timeout and also took the opportunity to write a letter to my husband explaining what had gone on the past 16 weekends and how it was upsetting me a lot. I don't think he believed me but suggested that we would sort things out as soon as I got back to America. I didn't rush about getting back as I had felt unwelcome the first time by both my husband and his family and really had made no friends as I didn't have a car and couldn't go anywhere unless I was with my husband or with my mother in law. So in December I went back, after 5 weeks in England.

Literally one week had passed upon my arrival when my mother in law called me into her bedroom [we had not discussed any of the issues/problems she was causing] but instead I proceeded with caution. I went into the room and she proceeded to tell me that she had bought everyone in the family a present but hadn't bothered to buy me anything because she didn't like me. I didn't respond with anything and instead returned to the kitchen and carried on cooking. Later the same evening I called my husband into our bedroom and told him what his mother had said, he suggested we all talk about it as it was an ideal opportunity to raise everything that was bothering me. So we did.

As soon as I opened my mouth to confront my mother in law, my husband decided he was going to side with her and they both ganged up on me. The fight got really bad, no physical violence but plenty of emotional scars that will last me a lifetime. Eventually after about an hour of shouting and abusing my husband left without me to attend a Christmas party while his mum went out with her friends and they left me in the house alone. They told me I was not invited to any Christmas parties or celebrations with their friends as I was trouble [please note I have no one in America, no friends no family] so they both left and I didn't see my husband until Christmas morning when he proceeded to ignore me from the moment of waking up to carrying on with Christmas day with his mum and not inviting me to eat or open any presents. I remained in our bedroom for 2 whole days without any food, during which time they didn't offer me anything, not even water.

On the 27th December after my mother in law left my husband came storming into our bedroom and started shouting at me and telling me off, he told me I should be ashamed of myself for he had to eat McDonalds on Christmas Day and I though WTF at least you ate!

Anyway the long and short of it is, the same week on the 29th I ran away from my husbands house with all my belongings while he was at work.
I took everything that I had shipped over from England and stayed in a hotel until my shipment was despatched back to the UK.  I flew back to England on the 7 January 2012.

I didn't communicate with my husband from the moment I left on the 29th December until I landed in England when I informed him I had gone back home and thanks for making me realise I was better off without him.
There was about 3 months of non communication after this. I think he was too busy trying to figure out how I made my getaway.

In March 2012 he began e-mailing me and calling me and sending me flowers and gifts in the post. Obviously my parents didn't approve.
He has been quite apologetic, but I don't feel asthough he will have learnt anything from all of this because his balls are permanatly placed in his mums handbag. He will do whatever she says. She is a psycho, and if I see her again this life time, it will be too bloody soon.
I feel I have escaped something terrible, however, I do love him and he is prepared to do anything to get me back.
He is planning a visit to England and wants to meet with my parents to apologise for what took place, where I get stuck is, what am i supposed to do? Do people change? What if he's lying? I can't go through all that again, let's face it, it's not like California is just down the road from London. His mum is showing no remorse or signs of changing, She is psychotic and cannot stand the fact that me and her son actually have an intimate relationship, she always tries to draw a wedge between us if we are sitting togther watching TV or are about to sleep or are going out to dinner. I have heard her encourage her son not to sleep with me, and in the past he has done it. [I hate to admit it, but he has].

She has not attempted to call the house to explain her messed up behaviour. Except the night I ran away when she called my parents to tell them I was a slag and that I had runaway with my many boyfriends who must have helped me lift all my belongings out of the house as I couldn't have done it alone.

I would be grateful for any advice on how to proceed.

In December I left with the intention of never going back. I made a Police report with the local Police and Federal Police before leaving.
I don't know how to deal with my husbands imminent visit to England, and I can't see myself making the sacrifices I did the last time, again.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, Is there hope for the relationship or shall I just count my lucky stars and tell him to get lost when he comes.

All advice welcome. Thank you [Sorry for the essay]
CaliQueen CaliQueen
1 Response May 13, 2012

WOW! Not quite sure what to say other than be VERY careful about going back to the States! If he's so tied to his mother's apron strings then he has a long way to go to be a decent husband. My suggestion would be that if you REALLY want to get back together then make him move to UK. Stay where you've got the support of your parents this time. If he loves you he'll do it. Good luck - if ever you need to chat message me. Love and hugs xxx