I Hate My In Laws, My In Laws Hate Me And They Disowned My Husband.

I should start by giving the brief facts.
1. My husband had no real contact with his father side of the family at all growing up. They never accepted his mother (go figure). I remember one of the only times I have met them one of his dad's sisters sat next to him for 45mins before realising he was next to her saying "I didn’t recognise you"-- there was only 5 people in the room!
2. His mother is Australian, father is Portuguese. This is relevant later.
3. My husband was employed by his father.
4. We have been together since early 2010.
5. Our wedding took place in October 2011

Ok so here goes. As I’m writing this I can feel my face burning up with a mix of emotions and I’m sure I’m going to leave out important facts!

Everything was fine. Until we got engaged. We wanted a small, simple wedding. Not because we were tight but because that is our style. My husband had been to speak to his parents about not inviting his father’s sisters, who he doesn’t speak to and who don’t speak to their family either. They accepted this decision.
The day before the engagement dinner (only parents and siblings were invited) we went to my husband’s grandparents for my hubby's bday. His father likes to make fun of my Latino background, I was born in Australia. He himself being Portuguese. All night he was calling me Mexican blah blah blah. Then he told everyone to shut up and claimed "tomorrow when I see your parents I’m gonna ask them if they are legal. Do they have a green card" i was in shock and didn’t say anything. My husband told his dad off. i remember him saying that you can’t speak to people like that and about 15minutes later we left.
The next day was the engagement party. It was due to start at 6pm. it was 7pm and they had still not arrived. Finally by 7.15 his parents were seated. They didn’t acknowledge my family and were trying really hard with my husband. My mother in law took my camera and didn’t take any photos. So I have no photos of my engagement. But that a small issue. Upsetting. But small.
Then came the kitchen tea.... the kitchen tea was held at a house they were renting while their house was built. Smaller than my parents house but she insisted that it be held there. She asked me what I wanted. I said vintage theme. Simple. Not cheap looking or trashy and no chips, spring rolls or other deep fried food. I asked her to call me and let me know what to bring. I never got a call. So I continued to call her and she would tell me she had everything I wanted and that table cloths and napkins are being made all the way that I want.
I get there and there are no table cloths, the chairs are torn and the stuffing is falling out of them and there are spring rolls and chips! I also get 5 surprises. Their massive staffy dog is roaming around chasing my 2 year old niece and her 1 year old cousin, the three aunties that weren’t invited have shown up and a lady who I have never met is there! The aunties walk past me and say "where is so and so?" (they didn’t even get my name right). I called my husband and he told me to stay calm and not cry. My sister was hosting the kitchen tea and could not be heard. The aunties were just yelling and carrying on like children. i could not wait for it to be over.
My husband spoke to his mother about this and she told him to "get over it".
About a month later, the day before my 24th bday, I received a call from an unknown number. i answered and it was one of the aunties. She started yelling at me "I hear I gatecrashed your kitchen tea." i said "who is this?" she told me and then told me that mu hubby's (then fiancé) mum had given her my number so that she "could tell me off". She continued to accuse me and yell at me. She said she had been told that she wasn’t meant to be there and that I hate her and they weren’t invited to the wedding. i told her that she would have to speak to my hubby (then fiancé) about that. She told me that she wanted to speak to me as she was told from my hubby’s mum that it was me brainwashing my husband. She said "ok ill call him then".
My husband called me about 10mins later and told me that the aunts were ok with the decision and apologised for treating him like crap all those years. They also asked for the plates they bought me back.
About two weeks later (and three wks before the wedding) I was at my sister’s house with my hubby (then fiancé) and her phone rings. it was my husband’s mum! She called to abuse my sister for the "s**t human being" that I am. She was yelling at my sister saying that I have ruined her family. My sister told her to get lost and she needs to speak to me and not be childish and involve everyone else in her issue. About 5mins later i telephoned her back.
i asked her why she had called my sister. i told her to never involve my family again. i said after what she did, with getting her sister in law to call me, she was already ruining the relationship with me and her son. She said "then you won’t be able to handle a marriage". i told her that she had been causing my husband top stop eating and be depressed and that i was on the verge of depression and she told me "you should have kids then cos you will pass that disease onto them". She told me that i had "no idea who i had messed with" and that she would kill me and come after me and my family for what i have done.
he husband then got on the phone and told me that all this stress that i had caused was making him not want to come to the wedding. i told him that my hubby (then fiancé) had been there to speak to him and they had discussed the reasons at length and they had accepted them and i didn’t understand why this had happened. he told me he was blaming me for it and that was the end of it. i asked why he said "its easier to blame you for the decision than my own son". i told him that no matter what was said i still wanted them at the wedding. (i have to mention that this is the tame version of the phone call. there were more threats and name calling from my husband’s mother. enough for my mother to want me to get an avo. which i didnt out of respect.)
Fast fwd three weeks- the wedding came and they didn’t show. Not even his siblings. No call no text. They didn’t answer any of the Australian side's family member calls. And they didn’t turn up to the reception.
On the honey moon his mother was still causing problems. Telling people we'd be back sooner from the honey moon and he would be at work earlier. He had to call work from the beach to confirm and correct the dates as his mother had been calling the PA at his father's work changing the dates.
Since returning from the honeymoon my husband cut contact with his immediate family. We heard stories of things she had been saying and posting on facebook about us but we never confronted her or mentioned them to anyone.
Upon returning from the honeymoon we heard nothing from them. He never saw his dad at work as they were never on the same job sites and we never contacted them.
Then two weeks before Christmas he received a text message at about 11.30pm from his father saying his employment had been terminated and not to come in the next day. After that he decided his relationship with his family was over for good.
We thought that was done. We were wrong.
Then came new years eve 2011 and new years 2012...
I was a little tipsy and so was my husband. We were celebrating at his best mates house. at midnight his mother called him and he stupidly answered. by the time he said "hello" he know who it was and what he had done. He told his mother to please leave him alone and never call him back. she then said she wanted to speak to me. The phone was passed to me.
She started to abuse me once more. Saying things like "you got what you wanted" "you stole my son. Are you happy?" i remember answering her "no im not. My husband is depressed and i have no in laws. How could that make me happy?" she didn’t reply. In the background her husband was yelling out. "Hang up the phone" "she's a mexican sl*t" and "get off the phone with that stupid mexican" “it wasn’t ….. (his wife’s name) who gave my sister your number. It was me you stupid b**ch”. i hung up. In the morning i had 14 missed calls from them.
After that we heard nothing from them of great significance. We still on occasion get the odd text from his mother. Saying that she has been to a fortune teller about us or that she has done the tarot cards about us. My husband told me that she believes in all that stuff and he wouldn’t be surprised if she has tried to curse me.
The last time we heard from her was last week. I came out of hospital from day surgery and she had once again apparently done the cards and thought it was relevant to tell me.

This is the summarised version of events. There was a lot more sneaking around and verbal abuse from his mother that I have left out.

Also I would like to add, we were looking to buy a house at the same time that his parents were. This was before we got married and were still on semi good terms. His mother asked where we were looking. 6 weeks later they bought land where we had said and decided to build a house for themselves. My husband told his mother that we weren’t going to live there anymore because it was too close and it wasn’t “Everybody loves Raymond” and she got upset.

Oh and she also called me a “dum s**t” when I told her that my wedding dress was a lace babydoll dress that was above the knee. Meanwhile, I must also mention she was pregnant at 19 and not married and basically disowned by her parents at the time. In time she was forgiven. But now they have gone and disowned their own son. Now, im not saying this because I’m all about “you have to be married to have kids” cos im not. im saying it because she should know what this is doing to him as she went through this with both their families when they fell pregnant young.

So that’s my story thus far.
hermioneweasley hermioneweasley
3 Responses May 16, 2012

i remember telling my mother that they should make a film about my life. looking back at everything that has happened and still is happening i cant help but laugh- specifically with frustration at the fact they they will not, and probably never will, take responsibility and the fact that they really are not normal at all. <br />
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i try so hard to keep thing to myself about this and not badmouth the parents to my husband because after all, they are his family. so i guess that why i posted my story here. to let it all out. and i can definitely say it has felt so so so good! <br />
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sometimes i feel like im not appreciated. this mainly happens when i get text messages from his mother and sister calling me names and saying weird things as he wont defend me. but i guess it would only give them the reaction they wanted if he did tell them off. thats what they want, to know they still have a hold over us. <br />
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i feel so bad for all of us that have to go through this. i look at my mum with my brother and sister in law and i think "why cant they all be like you?" i really wish that i could have that sort of relationship. i always thought of inlaws as second parents. was i wrong. i hope all of us can get though it and not let them win! at times its so stressful and tense between my husband and i but im his only family now so we have to stay strong.

You poor thing! Your MIL sound truly dreadful , no one should have to put up with that. My MIL's a real cow too!! Nightmare isn't it? I hope you manage to maintain your sanity- and be happy! Good luck! Love and hugs to you. Xxx