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She Is Yucky

I have been married 20 years.  Hubby is from large family with 10 siblings.  When we got married, MIL gave me a roll of 100 stamps as a gift - so I could write thank you notes!  Another son got married a year prior, and she gave them a Hawaiian honeymoon! 

Later, after we had kids, she started paying tuition for private school for her grandkids from her other son!  And he also has 9 kids!!   My two kids went to public school after first grade, as we could no longer afford private school plus save for a house.  (Hubby and I both work full time). 

So, fast forward to now - she gives her other son $18,000 (that I know about) per year for tuition for his kids.  The other wife has stayed home raising kids the past 20 years while I slaved away at a job just to send my kids to public school!  Come high school graduation for the kids - she gave my daughter a $50 check and her grandson from her other kid $500!  

My hubby is nothing but nice to his mom, and won't say a word against her.  She now lives in a retirement community and he bakes her goodies to share with her neighbors, etc. all the time.  On weekends - she is farmed out to her kids houses - and yes, we are also on the rotation.  I hate having her in my house.  She is not clean and her hair stinks.  If you try to encourage her to bathe she gets mad.  She is dirty and germy and we feel like we have to disinfect everything when she leaves, and I usually put sheets over the ikea sofa - or else I take all the slipcovers off and wash with pine sol and bleach added to the water.   My two teen kids have to take turns giving up their room for "grandma" and they are grossed out and germ phobic - sometimes she pees on their floor - even though we leave the bathroom light on all night.  We have a plastic bed protector and a designated set of sheets and blankets just for her because no one wants to use the sheets she has used - even after they have been washed.

I have always been nice to her, and I have made her son's life easier, by contributing financially even though I had to keep my kids in daycare.  The other wife stayed home with her kids, was able to send them to private school, etc.  I just don't understand it.  I know that some of her other grown kids feel that it is unfair, but what can you really say?  It is her money and she can do what she wants with it.  MIL never had money till she inherited it from a rich eccentric relative.  I just think it is so unfair.  I don't even want to know how much money she is giving away that I don't know about.  I just hate hate for her to stay at my house and be so demanding- it is like we wait on her hand and foot.  I bet when she dies all the money will go to her "favorite" kid and their large brood.  I must be a terrible person, but I just never liked her.  I think parents should treat their children equally.  I would never do that to two children.  It is like she is saying they are worth more to her and deserve private school, etc and the other spouse deserves to stay home.  I really think for the money she is giving them- they should get her at their house every weekend.

 

neverlikedher neverlikedher 41-45 2 Responses Jun 2, 2008

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Phsss ... Send her to live with the other son. She pays the mortgage so why shouldn't she live there ... LOL ... J/K I agree with pretty sounds like she's buying their love. You know it is nice of you to take care of her and work and do all the other things you have to do. You could tell the stay at home mom since she has all day you take care of her. But you don't. I admire you. Sounds like granny could afford a night nurse or something to help her with things like bathing if she needs it. I feel sorry for old people who can't care for themselves anymore. I really look up to you for being able to handle all of that.

Okay, I understand where you are coming from. You dislike your mil for many reasons. I would not take her one sided attempts to buy love from other family members personally. That is exactly what it is from the sounds of it. Try to refocus your positive energy on what you and your husband have worked so hard to achieve. I know it is hard. <br />
Just to let you know, my mother in law got a large amount of money from a profit sharing type deal...at the time I was her favorite daughter in law and was in her good graces. She had helped us with some things when my husband and I first got married. She and her eldest son and daughter in law did not talk for over 4 years. I listened and watched as she destroyed family pictures of them and had her son removed from her will. They are talking now that they had her first grandson last summer. Now, she has put my husband and I out to pasture. She absolutely hates me and I am sure she has taken my husband out of her will and replaced him with her other son. This is fine for me, I do not want anything from her! As far as I am concerned it minus well be blood money! It still hurts me to see my husband suffer at times I wish I could make things better for him. In reality, it is not just up to you or I, there is only so much you can say to an unwilling person. I hope that this makes you feel a little better, it makes me feel better atleast trying to help.