The In-laws

I would never say that I hate my mother-in-law or the rest of the family, but I would say that there is no group of people who can get so deep under my skin. For starters, my MIL was a stay-at-home-mom up until my husband moved out after highschool. Thusly my husband's crowning culinary achievement is ramen noodles. He's also intolerant to cold, hot, hungry, tired, or any other inconvenience due to her babying. And my lack of sympathy makes it impossible for me to live up to her standards (I refuse to mother my perfectly healthy and able husband). My FIL has his own set of issues as he is overly-clingy to my husband. For my husband's birthday, he sent him a card with a baby's face that stated "This is how I will always see you." When we had been dating for a year or so, FIL offered to build a house for the two of us in his backyard and he was serious! And after we married and were moving away, his father constantly reminded him (and still does) that "your room will always be just as you left it. If something happens, it's always here for you to come back to." Even if I'm standing two feet away.

However, their incessant coddling is nothing compared to the bratty nature of my hubby's little sister. How my wonderful, affectionate husband is kin to such a horrible girl boggles my mind. We started off pretty good friends in the beginning (as I did with his parents as well), so much so that she confided in me that she was dating a 36-year-old on the internet (she was 13 at the time). When I spent the night, she would IM him and take calls from him late at night. This distressed me for some time until eventually I told my hubby, who in turn told his parents. They called the cops and had her computer searched, however, it turned up nothing. This hit my like a punch in the stomach - it never even occurred to me that this was a possibility. I don't know how she did it (I even thought I was going crazy for a few days), or if she knew I would tell, but there was no evidence on the computer about her much older boyfriend. My husband knew I wasn't lying and was just as baffled (although not surprised) by his sister's behavior. His parents assured me that they appreciated my honesty, but I could tell they thought I had lied and made up the whole ordeal. Slowly but surely I was uninvited from family events, not allowed over at the house, and generally banned. My husband found this very offensive and the war began. I however, regret nothing because alternatives to not telling could have been so much worse.

Later in the summer, my husband (still boyfriend) noticed money was continually missing from his bank account. He confronted his mother, who lied to his face about the missing money. When he threatened to contact the bank, she admitted to taking money for essentials only (which in her book means proactive and new clothes for his sister). My husband is a very generous man and would give his family anything, but he was deeply hurt by this. Later when we went over the bank account statements it appeared she had taken over $300 in one month.

My husband left for basic training at the end of summer and things continued to go downhill from there. When his 'family day' came, I was prepared to fly to Kentucky where it was held. However, his father offered to drive me - an offer I took only to be polite, knowing that no good could come from it. On the 10 hour drive with his father, my future FIL constantly remarked what a stupid idea it was for us to get married and how he disproved of his son joining the military, remarking that it too was 'stupid.' I kept my mouth shut, but found it difficult to hold back tears. A few days later on the drive back, my husband's father attempted to change the conversation by talking about money and mentioned his wife's stealing from her son. We talked about it for maybe fifteen minutes and by the time we got home I was feeling a little positive about whole trip. My husband had given me his ring from basic training engraved with our names and his unit. When I showed it to my future FIL, he stared at it and me with a look that said quite plainly, "Why didn't he give it to me?"

My husband was finishing his AIT training in Kentucky when he forwarded a letter from him mother, detailing what an awful, deceitful girl I was and how we shouldn't get married. Another one soon followed from his sister saying more or less the same thing. I was LIVID. As was my husband - which further upset me because he needed not to be stressed out while completing his training. In the following months I said very little to his family if I could help it, but did nothing to fan the flames in the interest of my husband. I stopped planning our nice wedding in the mountains because of all the drama. His mother had even called to say that "it's not fair for you to make everyone come to the mountains for your wedding - some people can't afford it." We got married quietly in the justice of peace and I didn't even wear my dream wedding dress that still hangs in my closet.

Six months into my marriage, I remind my hubby to call his parents on weekends and holidays, but I myself don't speak to them. Every now and then they prod into our finances and occassionally make assertions that I am attempting to put distance between the family, things have stagnated. We even send gifts to each other now, but it is always falsely polite. My husband seems worried about the cool relationship and is going to ask his parents if we can stay at their house when we come back into town for Thanksgiving this year - which I cannot imagine will go very well, but for now we are 19 hours away. And that's just enough of a buffer to keep the flames down for now.

MrsABrown MrsABrown
18-21, M
1 Response Jun 16, 2008

Oh honey, been there and still doing doing that! Dealing with my inlaw's B.S!! <br />
<br />
Like you, my husband is abit of a hypochondriac and wants me to do everything for him-no thanks! I'm not your mommy, I am your wife!<br />
<br />
As for his mommy, she's still trying to break us up even harder now that she's learned that we bought our 2nd house and are moving in a month. To be honest with you....because she has managed to turn his entire family against me.....<br />
<br />
I hate his family! (Except his grandmother who passed away last year) I wish I did not have to be around any of them! <br />
<br />
You are not alone!!!