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She Just Doesn't Get It

So, for the last month or so, I haven't spoken to my MIL. She sends messages to me through my husband or his brother.  She complains that she doesn't ever hear from me (meaning I don't text her, I don't email her, and I don't call her)...my thought is, she knows where I am -  she can type, text AND pick up and dial a phone.

In April/May, I just decided that I don't need her attitude any more.  I don't need to be criticized and told that I am wrong at every turn.  I don't need her attempts to "dietize" me. She would never come right out and say it, but she has a serious problem with anyone being overweight -  especially herself. At my best friends wedding, she blatantly pointed out how all of the girls could stand to lose weight and that we all had "back fat".  Everytime she sees my sister in law and her sister she makes a point to tell me "those girls are so pretty, but they would be even prettier if they lost some weight".  She tells my husband that he shouldn't eat so much, should exercise more, should lose weight.  Hello lady - his junk food fetish is because you always had that sh!t in the house when he was growing up.  He already has self esteem issues caused by you!  A few times a year she hints that I need to lose weight.  My best friend needs to lose weight.  With her it is a kind of racism and it REALLY bothers me. I have never BEEN really thin. I don't care what you do to me, I probably never will. Calling someone fat, whether they are or not is irrelevant, is probably one of the most hurtful things you can say to people.

She seriously thinks I am mad at her, and instead of just straight out asking me what is wrong, she just expects me to tell her. The truth is - I am not mad at her...I don't hate her.  I am just indifferent when it comes to her. I am just making things the way she told my BIL a few years ago - remember MIL, when you told your oldest, most insecure son when he told you that us being close bothered his g.f.(which it didn't, it was him), that we didn't call each other or talk all that often, or go shopping together - do you remember that?   You lied right to his face - I am just making an honest person out of you. Further more, I don't want to hear about your oldest son and his stupid problems. I don't want to hear how his g.f is pregnant and it is a mistake; how they are so broke; how you aren't excited to be a grandparent; how you are so broke; how your life sucks in 1,000 ways; how my house is inferior to your brand-new, can't afford, over-spaced house. Sorry, I didn't think there was a point to having a house if you don't have any money left after making the house payment.

In all honesty, in the last month, I have felt so much better. The headaches are gone.  Any ulcer symptoms I have had are gone.  And mentally? Of course I feel better mentally.  While our marriage may not be perfect, mostly because of how MIL makes me feel and my hubby's statement of "I don't want to hear you say anything else about my mom". Without you, MIL, butting in to our daily lives, I don't have one thing to say about you. I will tell you though, the next time you decide to rip in to me, I won't be the little 17 year old girl I was last time and cry and apologize - you had better hang on, because you will be in for a ride. I am 25 years old and I don't have to deal with you to spend time with my hubby like I did when he lived at home back then.

whoa - sorry so long, I have been working on that for a long time!

wisdil wisdil 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 16, 2008

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No DILs deserve to ever have to walk on egg shells to get along with their mils! Ever! We should not have to try so hard and yet get "Punished" because we haven't eaten the dirt after we kissed their ***!



MILs should not turn their entire families against you just to state their cause! It is so wrong, wrong and so freaking high schoolish!!

That is very sick! I totally know what you mean - she is no twig herself and struggles with dieting (mostly because when she is on a diet, she can't drink all the beer she wants, when she wants), and she thinks she is good enough to say that about people and in some cases to their faces?



We used to be friendly - now I am settling for just being civil, mother and daughter in laws. Don't get me wrong, she still gets under my skin when I let her in to my life long enough to do so!



For eight years I have tap danced around her and walked on egg shells and did everything I could to be a good DIL, and all it has ever gotten me is yelled at, criticized, depression and ulcers; all under the guise that my BILs would never get off their keisters and do anything. No more - I don't have to take her attitude towards me or her "constructive criticisms".

If I wasn't 5 years older then you, I'd swear that I wrote that myself! I honestly don't know who these women think they are!!!! My mother in law stood at 4'11 and weighed over 300 lbs at one time in her life. She has since lost the weight (and put some back on) but she thinks she is the diet guru! I have a diagnosed metabolic disorder, and pulls the same crap!



I used to be friendly with her and my sister in law...My sister in law fell out of good graces because she is a certified lunitic! So mil and I became very close. Now I am the black sheep of the family along with my husband because we have not had children yet! How sick is that? I completely understand where you are coming from...My husband has not talked to his mother since the Wednesday before Mothers Day and I have not spoken with her since Good Friday. This woman has made her bed and will have to lie in it....A bed of lies!!!!