I Am the Scapegoat and I Dont Care !

Firstly I'd like to say that Im from the UK but reading your stories I think the majority of you, my new found friends, are from the US. 

Secondly I'd like to say that if my words were not being aired universally there would be a lot of strong language in the following paragraphs! (although I am not generally a user of such expletives!)

My MIL is a sly, conniving, two-faced, scheming, paranoid, attention seeking, nasty hyperchondriac - and that is putting it mildly. (my youngest sister in law is just as bad (my eldest sister in law is great)

I have known my partner for most of my life.  We have had an on/off relationship for about 40 years though we have both had relationships inbetween. This time round we have been together for 10 years, the longest yet. My MIL thinks that no-one is good enough for her son and her youngest daughter (eldest dtr doesnt get treated the same!)  My MIL has never liked me though I can honestly say I have never done anything to hurt or upset her and have cared for members of my partners family up to death when their own family members would not do it.  I dont consider myself a martyr but my partner says I am an angel (God bless him)  I have had a few run-ins with my MIL and have never once recieved an apology. I have been sworn at, threatened and told that "they" have got rid of better than me before now!  Not to be deterred, I am still with my partner, but the latest thing to happen was about 12 weeks ago, whilst out for a family (his family) celebration, she made a great scene and very malisciously told me, and 2 other party members to "****  OFF".  As this wasnt the first time that I have bourn the brunt of her affections I did a repeat of the last time it happened, I put on my coat and left, but this time,never to return !  My partner has expressed his opinions to his mother but her sly ways have talked him round by again feigning illness and playing the emotional blackmail card.  I do not want to keep my partner from his mother but have told all concerned I want nothing to do with her any more. My partner has told his mother and younger sister the same thing. Apparently they were taken aback by this - quelle surprise !

The end result is I dont go anywhere near them and they come nowhere near me which suits me fine.  They also know not to call me to my partner any more.

Quite honestly its the best thing I could have ever done and all other friends and family have shown support for they too have seen the witches at work.  The moral of my tale is to stand up for yourself no matter what.  They know I am the winner and their extremely reduced circle of friends (they have none !) just stands to prove the point.

ps Thankyou for reading my MUCH shortened version, and for any mothers out there, I have not tried to stop my partner seeing his.

proudtobeme proudtobeme
51-55, F
5 Responses Apr 30, 2007

Good job standing up to her! And sometimes that's the only solution is to stay away from each other. I see my in-laws one time a year... Easter. That's the only holiday I will allow them to get out of me because it's not that big of a deal to my family (although they are religious). And every year it's torturous. But I refuse to allow them to make me feel bad about myself simply because they don't think that anyone is good enough for my fiance. I am plenty. I am the best woman he's ever been with and with his track record it would be safe to say that I'm the best woman he'll ever be with. I don't need anyone to tell me otherwise.

Thankyou so much for your supportive comments. My MIL IS a very nasty person who can call anyone who is not in her company. Her traits are being recognised more often now, especially since my absence is not going un-noticed! Yes she does drink a lot (as does the dtr)which at 75 yrs of age and with supposed diabetes along with several other supposed illnesses/conditions, isnt exactly recommended.<br />
I do stress that I am in now way trying to keep my other half from his family and sympathise that he has to keep everyone happy. Fortunately I know that really his loyalties lie with me but he still sees them to keep the peace. Thanks again for your comments, they've quite cheered me up !

Bravo! I applaud your ability to separate your partner from his mother thereby standing up for yourself and saying "NO MORE". Unfortunately, mothers tend to use the guilt card, tears, and illness as means to continue their control over their children but when someone from the outside stands up and says this is 'absolute rubbish' then your partner will take notice. Get the book "Toxic In-Laws" by Susan Forward PHD and read it. You will find that Dr. Forward has addressed every type of mother-in-law imaginable and also gives good tips on how to help your partner. Good Luck !

wow nasty women. I have just about the same problem with a mother in law that will talk bad behind my back, calls me jealous when she is the jealous one, has told me to go to h@#l, and this just takes the cake she calls me jealous of my own son and her and she also calls me jealous of her and her son. she is nuts and she will turn conversations around to make the other seem like the bad person

I think its great that you stood up to her and that you are continuing to stand your ground! Good For You! Nobody needs to be treated like that! Are they alcoholics by chance or are they just plain mean?