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My Mother-in-law Wants To Get Back Into My Life!!!

Dearies, this evening we got home to find a letter on the dining table.

My mother-in-law came to our house and left a hand-written letter. Saying let's forget about the fight that happened 10 days ago. No one need to say "sorry" and that a happy family will enjoy better fortunes.

And if we are free this weekend, we can go to visit her. Plus, please run 2 errands for her and carry all the things she bought from Australia over too.

I got very disturbed by this all. I have kick her out of my life. Why is she barging in again? Did she just want the free accomodation when she visits the city? Did she realised how she suddenly lost 2 adults to run her never-ending errands? Did she realised that her younger son tore 2 rooms into one so she cannot stay with him? Did she realised that the room we built for her is big fully hers to spoilt and dirt?

I am so scare... as I am typing this, my hubby is laughing and saying: " hahaha... you really think you can kick her out of our life?? hahaha..." *stupid husband finds all this amusing*
Binmao Binmao 31-35, F 4 Responses Sep 4, 2012

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Of course no one needs to say sorry, because she knows it would have to be her.

Warn your husband that if he gives her a key after you change the locks, then you're going to change them again and keep changing them until he stops giving her keys.

You don't have to have anything to do with her. I wouldn't force husband to cut ties though. That could cause resentment over time. He has to come to that conclusion on his own. In the meantime, she is not allowed in your home. if he wants to see her, he can go to her house or restaurant or whatever. As long as it's without you. And you also need to keep her out of your conversations with him. As long as you keep talking about her it'll be like she's still a part of your life. So, if husband starts up about her, stop him in his tracks. You don't want or need to hear it.

So, for you, if you're cut off from her that means no phone calls, emails, facebook - nothing. If she tries to contact you either don't answer or just delete. No contact means just that. If she doesn't like it she can complain to sonny boy, who thinks she's funny anyway. Tell him he can laugh that off, too. You need to be responsible for your own happiness because no one else will. good luck

Dear wasthewife, you are so correct. Hubby tried to talk about my mil more often. Oftentimes, trying to find excuses for her. Eg. Maybe woman going through menopause talks loud and quarrels more? Maybe that is why my mum is like that...

I stopped there and there. Why he keep mentioning her recently was a puzzle before your comment. Now I know and am just glad I was always turn off at the mentioning of mil and did not continue any conversation in that direction with my hubby.

I don't know if you've heard this a few times ......LOL....but it's time to change the locks.



I have studied psychology for 26 years and analyzed her letter to you.



1) This is NOT an apology letter it's a letter of CONTROL and MANIPULATION



I like your idea of never being available.Let your husband be with her if he thinks this is funny.You know what would be funny ? If you reached over and slapped him in the back of the head for NOT standing up to his mother and THEN growing a set of balls.



ANYWAY,you shopuld avoid her like poison oak till you know the cremation fire is out and the ashes are ready for dispoing of.CAUTION,she will try sickness and every excuse to get you over to see her.She will sneak up on your house and try to catch you off guard.If that happens have a letter ready of all the nasty things she has ever done to you.Then give it to her and go for a LONG drive or stay with a friend till your hubby calls to say she is gone.



I too have a Narcisistic Mother Inlaw that is a raging alcoholic.You can work on any relationship and repair it but not with people that are manipulative,cross boundries ,lie and play cruel games.Those people are like poison oak and life is tooooo short to tolerate them while they poison your soul.

I am so sure you are wise because the analysis you made were very accurate. I did not put in the whole letter but the controlling vibe is there because her words were: "a happy family will enjoy better fortune, mind you". So the last 2 words were the real her appearing in the letter.

Thanks for the psychologist advice. Really need that.

First why does she have a key to your door. My MIL is a total fool but even she knows that entering my home without permission would end a call to the police. Don't ask for the key back. Change the locks. Barring that I suggest a large dog with very sharp teeth.

My MIL would wait a week or so and then pretend that the fight never happened. Go right along like everything was fine. It let her set me up for the next attack. I might also point out that we're getting close to the holiday season. She wouldn't want you to have a nice peaceful Thanksgiving or Christmas under your belt.



There is a rule in our home. My home, My rules. You don't like it there's the door. While its horrid to find yourself under their grasp at family functions nothing is worse than being a doormat in your own home.

Yes, I am changing me main door really soon cos the wet weather rot some wood. With the new door she will have no chance in my home.

No keys for her :)

You need to be strong! Lock her out and if you can change the locks pronto! Make sure she doesnt get back into your life period or you will regret it! Remember how she has made you and your family feel. She is pushing back at you to regain her position in your family. Don't allow her back into your life!She does not deserve you or your family and what you have done for her.She is taking advantage of you and your family. Enough is Enough! Stay strong! Good luck and Godspeed! Hugz...Be Well...:)





*Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.

Robert Frost

*Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.

Maya Angelou

I just told hubby that he will still visit her and I won't be free. We just have to agree she wasted only 10 days in this when we expected maybe 3 months. But I quit being taken for granted so she is still not welcome. Hub says she does back out when the other party is stronger.

What I can tell you is this...my mil and sil wore out there welcomes a hell of a long time ago. I am finally done and it does feel wonderful to finally be FREE!!! Its your life and you need to live it the way you see fit and not how she wants you to. Good luck...Hugz...Be Well...:)