Mother In Law Ruined Wedding Day.

Sorry this is going to be so long. I got married last month and wanted to share what my mil did they day before and on the day my husband says its not that bad and i should build bridges and try to get on with my mil.
When me and my husband first started to see each other me and fmil use to get on fine with each other we use to go out places just the two of us, however due to my husbands ex wife trying to control us and threaten my son which I dealt with fmil fell out with me and my son and would ignore us if we went round or had to socialise in any way, due to this making my son feel uncomfortable i thought it best to stay away.(fmil hates fh ex wife and is always calling her a bad mum)
When we got engaged i tried to make a new start we went round to tell her our good news the way in which she celebrated our good news was to get up walk in to the kitchen and say she was busy . FH became upset and we left after this we went round many times to try to talk about the wedding fmil showed no interest what so ever she either stopped talking or changed the topic. A mth before the wedding fmil sent fh a txt asking if she could do the food for the reception as she felt she wasn't involved in anything. I felt this was a bad idea as did my family but as i wanted to please fh i agreed to this. ( my family were going to do this).
Fast forward to the day before the wedding fmil asked my fh to spend the day with her so they went away to the sea side when fh got there his sil was waiting for him to tell him i had been having an affair which really upset my fh he called in tears asking what was going on i had no idea either after convincing him i had no idea what she was on about i told him to go and enjoy his day this wasn't enough for sil though and she told him what a massive mistake he was making fmil said nothing just sat and watched. later that night fh ex rang shouting abuse at fh i took the phone and told her to leave us alone and hung up on her, 5 mins later my fmil called me and started shouting abuse at me telling me to stay out of it as it was nothing to do with me again i just hung up.
The day of the wedding arrives i arrive at the ceremony to be told just to wait for 5 mins as none of my fh family have arrived after 5 mins i am told to go in i walk in the room to realise none of fh family are there. Half way through our vows mil barges in to the ceremony pushing past other guests to make her way to the front making as much noise as she can 5 more min pass and sil and family arrive doing the same thing. After the ceremony mil and sil refuse to be in any photos and are refusing to go to the restaurant we have booked so to keep the peace as i can see dh is looking very stressed we agree to go to a restaurant they have asked to go to. After the meal they all get up and leave my family and the rest of wedding party go to set up the reception asking again if mil needs any help with the food and reminding her the time for the food to arrive is half 6. At 9 the food finally arrives with mil who looked like a tramp through out the day looking very smug with her self . my dh asked if we could wait for our first dance so his mum could see us so we start to do this for mil to walk in front of every one taking photos and stand at the back of us stuffing her face. We then cut the cake look up to see his family and mil stood talking in a group with there back to us laughing and playing on phones. I forgot to add my mil never even said congratulations to us on the day or even said hi to me in fact she just sat with her dil they left a short while later without even a goodbye. Now she keeps inviting us round for dinner i never tell my dh not to go as its his mum but no way am i going he keeps telling me to let it go as what's done is done and move forward but i don't think i can.
sazel sazel
31-35, F
2 Responses Sep 14, 2012

thank you its nice to know im not alone and that I am right to be hurt my husband just keeps saying get over it theres nothing else we can do.

Your husband says its nothing get over it. And you can't until he acknowledges that their behavior was hurtful to you. No he cannot do a darn thing about how your MIL and crew behaved. Perhaps a converstaion that starts like , I would really like to put these feelings behind me but I can't until you see how hurtful that behavior was to me. And he'll likely say what do you want me to do ?? And all I ever really needed was to feel like my husband undrestood the hurt and humiliation his mother and sasquatch heaped on me. usually behind his back. Right now you're being left to deal with that hurt alone and all that ever did to me was build up rage and anger. And that of course ended up being taken out on my husband even though he had very little control. And hence the endless fight over his parents. Hopefully you'll just not have to see that much of them. Build your own life, traditions and holidays etc. If you can get him to see your side and understand the hurt you'll feel less need to carp about them to him at least all the time...you always have here. I would be prepared to try and have a good relationship with his family but if its not possible you shouldn't feel guilty either.

I think its best if I just stay away me and my son have our own traditions that we will stick to but writting on here does make me feel better as I wondered if it wasn't such a big deal and was being to sensitive. Thank you for your reply

I had no idea my MIL and Sasquatch ( my SIL) had a second family.
You cannot control their behavior. However now is the time to establish with your husband that you expect him to have your back in these dealings. He may see this as normal behavior from them. Or not have a clue how to confront his mother. Which means you need to stay calm and really explain why your feelings are hurt. If you try another outing make it public where you can both get up and leave if the antics start.
Likely they will always be the ill mannered tools that you witnessed at your wedding. You and your husband are going to need to become a team in order to deal with them.
Just a note. Together my MIL and Sasquatch are nasty rude POS idiots. Alone without each other to feed on. Not so much. In fact the word cowardly comes to mind.