Stealing Her Son

She's a sweet women. Until she starts feeling like she's losing her son, losing control of his life and doesn't get it her way. From the moment I met my "fake" husband (he's not willing to marry me until she gives us her blessing) I realized she has been controlling his life and his decisions by her annoying consistency to get her way no matter the costs. She also gets him to believe she is innocent and that living by her standards and rules are heavenly, as she picks up after him, cooks for him, buys clothes for him, etc. She's raised him as her little prince and til this day he makes a HUGE deal when I ask him to take out the garbage (this is while I'm taking care of our child and have my hands full).

To be continued...
LeavingHim LeavingHim
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 18, 2012

Dear LeavingHim, men behave when they feel insecure. Turn yourself into a great woman to have as a wife. Look good and stay desirable. Then he will willingly throw the garbage.

This sounds really gosh~ but it is the only working truth. :P

You don't say in your post, but i'm hoping you're not all living in the same house. If you are, do not marry this man until you have your own place. Otherwise, she will be with you forever. and you don't want that.
I would also suggest counselling for him. He needs to learn how to be an adult take care of yourself man instead of mommy's little boy.
And he needs her blessing? Do you really see that happening? He needs to grow up. Alot. Double up on birth control. You don't need to have any more children with this guy until he grows up himself. Besides, if you ever decide to leave this little boy, it's much easier with just one child.
You also need to make sure that she has nothing to do with his bank accounts. They shouldn't have joint accounts and she shouldn't be a cosigner on them. You two need to have total control of your own money.

This couple is young, in early 20's. He doesn't need counseling, he is just young still. And kids stay young thru their whole 20's these days. No one is a rela adult yet, in their 20's, that comes around nearing the end of their 20's pretty often. If a guy has accounts with his parents, let that be. And open your own account with your guy, but leave his parents' stuff and his be. Nothing wrong with that. I would be totally offended if I had an account with either of my sons and suddenly it got ended just cuz he is with a partner. It doesn't have to be like that, he can protect his own money, but any money his parents have helped with should be left alone and not disturbed just because their son got together with a partner. I hate the expression so many women have of a "mommy's boy". They are our sons. Always will be. How we may relate to our sons or feel about them, do not demean that and call it Mommy's Boys, because that is undermining and also ridiculing a son to feel bad for loving his mother. And that's not right to do!

As a Mom I strongly do not approve of any young women who ridicule their men for being Mommy's Boys. It's just gross. Really. You may not understand anything at all about what we mean, or what we are doing, with our sons, but you should be happy they have Moms who love them. When you have kids, you will want them in your lives all of your life, too, and will always love them and won't want some girl coming along calling him a Mommy's Boy because he loves you and you love him. Think about that, please. It's one of the most common traits I've noticed in all of these hate MIL stories. The young women all insist their guys are "men" when they really are usually not yet, completely men. They need their guy to men for them, and shame him for any love he has for his mother, tries to get him to stand up to his mom, etc. It's those ideas, beliefs, that cause a lot of the problem. Would your parents like it if some guy came along and made you feel not womanly for loving your Dad? What if your guy called you Daddy's Little Girl and wanted you to change? That's trying to create conflict and asking someone to choose loyalties for you. And that's wrong to do. No one should have to choose loyalties over family or you. You have to let him love his family as well as you.