CRAZY Asian Mother In Law

I've been with my husband for 4 years altogether, and have been married for half a year. From that half a year is when I began seeing exactly how crazy my MIL really is.

Prior to marriage, during group dinners amongst her family or friends, she would fight to pay for the bill. It's always been an Asian thing to have face in front of family, strangers, etc. However, afterwards she'll start complaining about paying for it, and start rambling about how she doesn't have any money. Other times, she'll offer to pay for my meal when we go out to dinner. I usually don't accept, because she loves adding this line "since I've paid for you this time, remember, in the future you have to take care of me for the rest of my life, also, don't forget that I want my own room in the house/apt that you and my son will buy in the future".

Here is a break down of the crazy things she does. Whenever I go over to my husband's place, she'll be in her own room down the hallway. If she needs me for anything she'll scream my name in the most deafening tone, and expect my presence in .5 seconds, or she'll call me on the cellphone repeatedly. I don't know which is more annoying. I wish she'd have the courtesy to come to me if she wants to talk. I brought this issue up after 3 years of being completely fed up after she called my name from across the hallway just to tell me to close her door.

My husband brought the issue up with her, and she called me on my cellphone. I had just woken up, groggy, and tired. She screams in her shrill voice and broken English "I am (husband's name) mother! (i already know that... i have your number saved you psycho *****) You tell my son that you think I crazy lady shouting you from cross hall. If you think I so crazy why you marry my son, huh? You neva come to my place again, you not invited! Don't you dare come ova!" (all the while chewing and gnawing on a pillow... (what my hubby told me))

At this point I was screaming profanities, because I was deeply confused in the early morning. I'm sure she said some other hurtful things, but the whole marriage thing bothered me. The way she mentioned it. She was the one that forced me to marry her son. Her son promised me a great life. That I'd become a nurse (which I'm about to fulfill in 2 years) and he'd be in the NAVY, we'd travel the world. Empty promises really, because of his discharge from the NAVY, which I don't want to get into. He also convinced me of the benefits of being a NAVY wife, etc. Gave me ultimatums that it'd be impossible to be together if it we don't wed immediately. I crumbled under pressure and agreed. Not thinking about what I wanted, but what others needed.

Stupid me. Now I feel stuck. His mom has been through several failed relationships, a divorce, and now a pending divorce. She is absolutely paranoid, and loves to write hate mails to her son. She writes things like "you will be a failure in life, get a job you loser, i hate you, move out now! You are a waste of life!" All the while my hubby works full time as a bartender. She's so greedy, all she cares about is money and protecting her property rights. Which is why her recent marriage is ending in a divorce. I wonder how my husband is dealing with these everyday happenings and his sanity.

I've been nice to this lady for 3 years! And just once that I stood up for myself, she turns on me. A true backstabber and maniac. I'm convinced she will be the reason for our divorce.

I'm just waiting for the day when we can get a place of our own, and leave that psycho *****. Then she'll have no one, what a sad sad woman. I honestly don't care if she rots in the deepest of hells.



undo707 undo707
6 Responses Jul 7, 2008

This is not only the case with the husband's mothers. I am currently dating an Asian girl from Singapore (I'm a white guy by the way). I am madly in love with her but her mother has poisoned her entire family against me.

First the issue was that I did not make enough money and that my prospects were not good enough if I move to Singapore (which is a must if I want to marry her daughter). They told her to break up with me completely ignoring their daughters happiness. Fortunately she refused.

I wrote a very caring and loving letter to explain that I understood their concerns and thanked them for being so nice to me when I went to visit despite them not liking me.The response to my letter was that I was being sarcastic. And she told this to everybody she knows.

After a month they decided to come to Australia to come and visit. Normally I would be invited to all the functions, but not this time. I had hoped to plead my case and tried to meet with them. This request was also denied.

On this trip her father told her to break-up with me again. Fortunately she refused again. I got desperate and started messaging the mother pleading my case trying to use logic as a way to break through to her. After which she took the messages and again showed it to everyone she could. Telling them how rude I am and that they would never accept me or meet with me.

She tells people lies that I am physically and emotionally bullying my girlfriend. My girlfriend has gone as far as to ask me to pretend that she has no parents.

What should I do? I love my girlfriend and know she is the one.

OMG! This is sooo much like my Asian MIL! I'm white of Italian background. I married my husband 15 years ago and we have two lovely boys aged 10 and 8. <br />
We are happy, mostly because Italian family values are similar to Indian. My Husband and I hardly ever argue, but when we do, it's over his High Maintenance, petulant, spoilt mother. They say you can choose your partner but you can't choose your in laws! How very true. The mere mention of her gets my BP rising!<br />
The problem with my MIL is that she wants the best of both worlds. She's traditional Hindu when it suits her (expecting me to dote on her because she says it's 'My Duty') She loves getting presents and has very high expectations when recieving them and very, very low standards when giving) She wants me to be a perfect wife to her son, pefect housewife, cook, hostess, mother to her cherished grandchildren and above all, personal chauffeur, housemaid, assistant, company for her. She's also a bit peeved at the moment because I insist on only working part time. She'd have me working full time if she had her way, that way I wouldn't rely on her son for housekeeping money, thus not 'sponging off' the family business.<br />
She treats her own daughter like a princess. She gets off her backside for her, cooking meals and sending them to her because she believes that her daughter's life is hard. With me, she expects me to have her over at least once a week (I don't anymore) She gets really peeved that I don't visit her in my own time. She wants me to go there when the kids are at school, and when we'll be alone together. She has a romantic notion that we can be friends. However whenever I have been to see her on my own, she uses the time to critisze me or lecture me on how I should be. It's torture for me.<br />
I come from a family where when I was a child, I was expected to help my mum with the house keeping. I felt that I had little 'me' time. I couldn't wait to grow up and get married anbd have a little indipendence. That was the only way that MY mother would give me a break. What did I do? I married a man who's own mother was a 100 times worse! I hate her. I'll never like her. She's mellowed somewhat but she still has her moments. Whenever we've had a tiff, after a few weeks, she gets herself admitted into hospital with a mysterious vomiting syndrome. I had started to predict these and sure enough, they did occur when I told my OH that they would. In the end, she was diagnosed with Munchausen's syndrome. It's quite common in older Asian women who use it to attention seek. They use it as their last option.<br />
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I'm in my 40's now and I'm dreading the future. It was always the understanding that when they became old, I would have to move in with them and look after them. I know now that I won;t be able to do it. I hope that She'll be well until my children grow up. After that, I'll seriously consider leaving him. The benefits of marriage are seriously outweighed by all the negatives. I don't want to grow old and have to live my life with someone who has been very successful in making me very, very angry and unhappy-and that's just by living 2 miles away from her and seeing her only once every fortnight!

I dont know what Asian culture your MIL is, maybe Korean? in asian cultures DIL are 'suppost' to be subservient and submissive, your MIL is god and your HB is king and you are slave girl. She's expecting you to serve her, especially since you're living in HER house. I feel you, but you have no say it since in her eyes you're leeching off her.<br />
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Cant you guys even afford a low income apartment?

The reality of the situation is that in our asian community the sons are so freakin braniwashed on devotion to their family that they are completely blinded by all their craziness.......My in laws have even caused me to have a misscariage but he does not see that, the rest of his extended families think that his family are the hillbillies but he doesn't see that either!! and now when they approached my dad for R150 000,00 to start a business he doesn't see what users they are!! after all my dad was bed ridden with a rare muscular disease called "polymyositis"

I think you may be seeing her for the first time<br />
the real her she sounds like my mother in law but in reverce<br />
we have been living with my mother in law for a year and the first 10 months she was a reall pill, now for about 2 months shes got her head out of her but and now shes being miss nice nice its all fake the nice stuff i wish you luck i just hope shes not the one that caused your marrage probelms. my mother in law would love to threw it in my husbands face see told you she was wrong for you. she hasnt broken us up but she has caused me a stroke . i cant wait till we get our house we moved inwith her becalse she was losing her husband she was scared befor he died he died a year ago all she has seemed to want is her sons money nothing more to put on a roof and care of her .

Wow! I don't know where to begin. It seems that you have some other issues with your husband as well. I hope he is supportive of you when it comes to his mothers behavior. I am assuming that you live with her but am confused because of the following, "Whenever I go over to my husband's place, she'll be in her own room down the hallway. "<br />
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If you live with her, I think it is time to move away...and you do not owe her anything, as far as you taking care of her...I find that appauling! Why would someone treat their dil so badly then demand that they take care of them in their senior years? I would be afraid that my caregiver would hurt me. lol! Good luck!