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My Mil Is Ruining Our Marriage!

I am writing this to ask your advice what do I do to save my marriage. When my Husband and I became a couple I never would have thought it would be such a struggle to have a happy marriage. We love each other very much, have a lot things in common… but the thing is I had a lot of bad experiences with my husband's mother, it reach to a point that I can't stand her anymore. My husband always takes her side no matter what, his theory is she's the mother, the elder one. I tried many times to make a better relationship with my MIL before but that did not work. She is so controlling, manipulative and disruptive; She hates me, call me "the woman my husband lives with"; has problems with everything I do; she does not stop talking about people – all her daughter in laws and their families, keeps talking their faults and how lucky they are to have her sons as a part of their lives. She always has something bigger and better, feels that anyone her son married or dated would not be good enough. She is suffering from irrational feelings of "losing her son" to another woman.

Basically, my MIL doesn’t respect me or my husband. She doesn’t respect our marriage or the boundaries that were set. These boundaries were not set for just her, I would be upset too if anyone crossed the line like she had. She told me that I can’t reply the email that sent to me by her another daughter in law because she has problem with her, and that girl can’t not be in our house because she doesn’t want her to be, but on other hand, she invited my brother in law to our house for a few days without asking me or my husband while she was here. She sent back the birthday gift we send to her to show her madness towards to me; She rearranged my kitchen, cabinets and closet the way she likes to "help" my husband out while I was in China, she also threw away most of my Chinese food along with some very valuable Chinese traditional medicine while she was “helping”; She booked air ticket for my husband to have a family vacation with her for a week in Aug without me knowing…she is constantly violating our privacy and boundaries and does not respect us period!

It's so frustrating and I want to see her as little as possible because I am tired of her little stabs, uncomfortable comments, attitude, cold shoulders, mood swings, poor me, negative behavior, etc,. I'm mad that she refuses to say sorry, she has never once admitted to doing anything wrong. She breaks downs and uses tears as weapons every time my husband tries to talk to her. She always comes out looking like the sweet innocent mother. My husband can never question her about anything because she somehow magically turns it around and makes me looks like the bad one. My husband doesn't get it and thinks I should just forgive and forget and I'm like I've tried that many times I am no longer letting my guard down. The family has created her to be this way and they tolerate it, she’s the queen of this family, she wants to control everybody’s life in this family. It still somewhat bothers me that She has managed the whole family against me and of course she plays the victim role and cries to everybody that I am trying to avoid her and she’s not welcomed to her son’s house because of me...

It is quite nerve racking, knowing that will be some sort of drama, cause there always is and it will be directed towards me. It drives me crazy knowing that my MIL has manipulated my husband to the point that even though she is not physically present, somehow she still manages to exert her negativity. She has constantly been negative, critical, and caustic ever since I met her. While I feel sorry for her for being such a miserable person (happy, adjusted persons don't treat others the way she does), she has caused much pain, anger, and unhappiness over the years in our marriage, her other sons marriage/relationships.  She makes her own life miserable by how she acts who then in turn makes others feel terrible!

It's ruining our marriage because she just won't stop. I really feel bad for my husband to be in this situation. That his mother refuses to grow up and stop playing manipulating games with everyone. She needs is to find a few friends, people she can talk to or get a hobby or something to do and stop tearing her family apart. My husband is a person with many dreams and desires and very little patient, the type of guy who wants everything to be OK. The current situation really tears him apart, it pains me to see him like this because that, it also pains me that he does not know what to do with his mother so he always comes to me, he just keep pushing me to accept the way of his mother is, keep pushing me to accept whatever she does, something like booking air ticket for him to go vacation with her… I am just a woman her son lives with…

I love my husband very much, I can’t think a life without him, but I can't stay in a life that constantly under his mother's control either… It's been more than 3 years, we've been fighting for this typical mother in law issue and it refreshes my anger all over again every time we flight. I don't know how to deal with my MIL anymore after what she has put my husband and me though. It seems to me that my husband isn't even aware of my resentment towards to his mother every time we flight.

I don’t know what to do. I was thinking about marriage consulter but my husband is a very private person, I am not sure that he would like to open up to a stranger about his personal matter or not. We've been fighting over and over for the same issue for years, I feel like I can't breathe in my own house, my husband's mother is always here no matter she's physically here or not…

Help!!!

 


 


 

ChineseGirl ChineseGirl 70+ 41 Responses Jul 12, 2008

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Hey there sorry to hear that. I am in a similar boat as you but have only been married for 5 months and my husband is chinese and I'm korean. When I vent to my friends about my Chinese mil, they tell me that I need to pick my battles because I would want to win the war at the end. One of the suggestions that I have is one upper-ing her in her manipulative ways and start conditioning your husband to start seeing her mom as how she really is. I know this is hard to do but you need to pick your best weapon. If she criticizes you, you have to stand up for yourself and let her know it's not okay for her to be negative. I know that's one of the fundamental issues that us 2nd generation asian american women have to deal with these days and its really unfair. Because they were brought up a certain way in Asia doesn't mean that we should take whatever they dish out. I would deal with her directly and if that doesn't work, I would have a very serious talk with your husband and ask him what matters the most to him. He is obviously going to say that he wants everyone to get along ( that's what my husband says) but i think you need to break it down for him.

In her culture she is being grown up. My in laws never consider me when making decisions about my life (yes you read that correctly.) They don't always ask my husband either for that matter. And if they do its to inform them of what he IS GOING (not should or must) to do. Even if phrased as a question, it is not one. I have no say in any aspect of my life like what doctor I will visit if they have someone else in mind. I've gone mad, filed for divorce, it changed nothing for my husband and in laws only saw it as weak. They still love me apparently and my husband says the proof is they haven't ordered him to divorce... This is compounded by me not having western friends. My Chinese friends think I am ungrateful when I pour my heart out. He won't change. I don't have any advice accept try to find the good? So sorry

Married for seven years by the way. They are wealthy.

I totally understand what you are going through i am in the same situation, its so hard because you know your husbands stuck in the middle but he has to be man enough to listen to whats right and whats wrong and be able to stand up for you, problem with mine is to me it feels like it doesnt matter what is being said or who has said it..basically get over it coz u live in there house so you have to deal with it.

i have been married coming up to two years, it has been the worse time of my life always fighting me and my husband were so close now its all changing slowly and he doesnt see it like that, thinks i always think too much into things. Whole point in being married is to be happy you cant go forward if someone in the relationship isnt happy.

All the times something has happend i have had to stick up for myself while he stands there quiet which i cant stand, if someone loves you so much they would not let anyone say anything to you, the same way my mum if she spoke out of line i would 100% take his side. Being married isnt about in laws relationships dont work like that..only way your marriage works is if its based on you two not other people.

You move house and/or you have a very tough (but gentle) conversation with your husband, telling him how you feel. Get HIM to change the locks on your house. Set your limits with him.

If he wants to live with Mummy as the Queen in YOUR HOME, then move out princess.

And find a grown man, instead of a Mummy's boy.

Dear chinese girl...my situation is exactly like u..i can feel ur pain...my MIL to add blames me for doing black magic on my husband to kill him...so my husband has stopped eating the food i cook..dnt drink water from my hands...wen we come close he make me bath and brush so that...he might not end up taking any thing inside him which i might have applied on my body to do black magic on him...i feel sorry him as the day his mother expires he will be the most lonely man..can any one advise how to get husband trust and love back....i have tried my best to make him understand ..but he in trun stop taking to me absuses me verbaly mentaly and physical

Hello.. I understand what your saying im in the same sort of situtation especially when ur indian its so different. Not easy to get up and go, problem is you can only try to make him understand but hes a grown man he should realise himself whats wrong and right, if there isnt any love there he should sit down and talk to you about the whole situation?? it must not be easy if you all live in the same house?..i no myself my husband has changed alot..im trying so hard to keep things how they was before but it works both ways, but theres so much a person can take, sometimes men just think because your still around and you ain't left they assume your happy to take the **** from other people, but thats not the case!..

I personally believe for things to work you cant have other people involved in your personal life, it just doesn't work, thats when things mess up because you got other people trying to tell you what to do and when to do it..

What does your family say about everything?

Oh my I'm so sorry for you. I know it's awful but he will always side with his mom.... You can try to minimize her influence on him by trying to be a "dutiful" DIL and serve her... It will give her the opportunity to critic and complain about how, instead of how you are to him... It sucks big time but shifting the focus of her negativity could help lessen the abuse from him...

Choose your battles choose your weapons and take what belongs to you. Mine was her son. She could have him all the time at the family functions if he was with me , even when he did go, he didnt stay long. So thats what works for me. I hope this helps. Dont put him in the middle. You wont win. She will because you will give up on him. Dont give up on him give up on her. He loves u both. U want a man who loves his mom. Ive been with him now almost 15 yrs. and in our. Third year i was ready to walk because if her. Im glad i decided to stand my ground. We no longer argue over her and i never feel second best. She can still be a bear at times but i just brush her off and eventually she apologizes and all is calm again. I hope that you will find some peace. Good luck to you and all who have posted.

You have many responses, and the ones ive read are all conclusive as to all the means we have all tried including myself and failed. However it seems ive been one of either the most tolerant or successful: you decide. I decided years ago when i was on the verge of leaving my husband because of her to sit down and have a heart to heart kick down drag out no holds barred fight if that is what it took. Let me tell you, she is known for her brawniness and brazen hard ***. She is a large, strong woman who could take down men two or three times my size and at the time i was a mere 90 pounds. But i was determined to fight for my family or go down trying. I stopped complaining to mu husband because i knew that was a dead end and all it did was empower her and make me look weak and it tore him and me farther and farther apart. I simply told him that i preferred not to be around her and for him not to force me to and with all the fussing and all the putting him in the middle i thought some space apart would be best. After about 3 months of totally denying her any satisfaction of getting to me and between us and several attempts of her wanting to reconcile i finally gave in for the pow wow. We met in her house because if it came down to is getting physical it was going to be her **** that got broke not mine. Luckily it didnt get down to that point. I told her how i felt about her and her actions and what it was doing to her sons marriage i told her how she was the cause of his stress and since i decided to cut her off - which also meant the rest of the family as well- she was the cause of keeping him from the rest of the family. I told her my terms that would make it better and if she didnt want to agree to them then this is how it will be. I told her i understand she is his mom and i cant stop him from seeing her or talking to her nor would i try, but he will not want to do everything without me and his kid. So it was up to her to change or not. She knew she was in a bind. The hard as nails woman was crying and said she disagreed that she was doing any of the things i said but she would try to be more aware of the things i felt she was doing. There have been times when she has screwed up but i cut her *** off like a limb and she eventually comes back apologizing. Its been at least 12 years ago since the sit down with her and i stuck to my word that i dont go to my hubby and expect him to solve the problem. The fact is he loves me and her. You want a man who loves his mom even though it can be sometimes feel like a battle for his heart. The fact is neither will win unless one gives up on him. The key is not to give up on him... Give up on her! My mil can be a bear, but the truth is i have grown to love her even though she can be so hard headed and i feel like slapping the **** out of her, but i give her back what she dishes out and after a while the storm calms. The main thing is my husband and i have never had problems because of her anymore. We have been together now for over 15 years and at 3 years, i was ready to walk because i thought i was fighting a losing battle. You just gotta find the best weapon to use against her. Hers is the family. She likes to be the matriarch of the family.... The queen bee and have each of her drones in line doing things for her .... As i see it... She sees it as having the whole family together doing things.... Making memories.... Well, i put a damper on that by me separating just myself from her because my husband would feel guilty leaving me all alone every time. Hed go sometimes but not for the whole event or sometimes not at all. So she lost. I won. Pick your battles... Choose your weapons and take what belongs to you. I hope this helps.

Either he should grow up and take leadership of his family, standing up for you, his wife or you may need to consider marriage counseling or lastly, divorce. If you may need separation or divorce!!! The man should love and put his wife first!!!

Omg im not alone..i moved to germany just for my husband..i live with my evil evil inlaws..everything started a month after our wediing. I keep telling my husband we need to mive out..pls pls thsts all i want.he doesnt listen. He saw many of our verbal fights with his mother..he never stood up for me..i hate my life

My marriage after a year is falling apart.


Why his mother lives a life where everything goes by her rules?she gets to do whatever she can?

I hate it hate it hate it..im 24 for those who are curious..

I'm worried about you, I hope and pray that things will get better for you. The first year of marriage is quite the learning curve, you both are getting to adjust to each other let alone in-laws and those giant expectations.

Moving into your own space is crucial. God speed, keep us posted.

Chinesegirl, I wish I could be a stay at home mom, but things are sooo expensive in london, we really need 2 incomes!

I have agreed that my mum would look after DD once or twice a week when I go back to work! But that depends on whether my MIL is coming back to London before I go back to work in May, she's leaving for HK this weekend! Still not sure what's happening as MIL hasn't told us if she's coming back or not, and DH hasn't had that conversation with her! And with Chinese tradition, my MIL wld expect to look after her grandchild!

So not sure if I need to start looking into daycare/nanny or not! But although MIL might threaten not to come back, I suspect she will! I just hate that she tries to manipulate DH by saying I'm so demanding that she won't come back, then DH thinks I'm the bad guy!

Pinterest sometimes humour does ease the pain, but when you're continually told yr baby is cold, even though its 24C inside with the heating on, and baby is wearing a baby vest, a onesie and a gro bag to bed, it gets less funny! My MIL will sneakily put on another thick blanket on the baby even though she's already too hot! MIL has no understanding of SIDS as she's from HK where they have no heating in winter!

It's got to the point that DD has been overdressed and got prickly heat and eczema! And then I was blamed for it because I was eating 'bad' things whilst BF and not drinking enough water!

Tell you one thing though, I will be laughing when she's gets on the plane!
(It's just a shame we have to go to HK in March for a wedding...)

I hate unpredictability, and how does anyone plan if uncertainty plays a role here. You nailed it though, MANIPULATION! I hate that.

You are also correct, babies body temperature needs to be a bit cooler / not warmer. I would keep an eye on that!

Keep your cool (sorry humor again) and carry on with a graceful smile dear! I wish you well--God speed.

Wow, what a story, I would like to know how things are. Your post was in 2008 has things calmed down?

Others, MIL issues vary from mild to severe. Take two aspirins and call it a day. I walk away from it and laugh out loud at times....humor lightens thing up!!

I heard you and felt your pain. I too have a baby boy who's about 1 year old now, my MIL was with us for 6 months and she made my life miserable. I eventually decided to quit my job being a stay home mom for a couple years till he's old enough to be in the preschool. It's a tough decision but I am happy we made it. Have you ever considered to be a staying home mom? Thanks for sharing your story, I know it's a hell of life living with a MIL like that, hopefully your husband would be more understanding you.

I have the same problem, except my MIL lives with us! The idea was that she would look after our baby when I go back to work, but since our baby was born 4 months ago she totally undermines me and every method I use to look after my baby! She complains to her friends (who are also my mum's friends) that I treat her like a servant!

I am grateful for her looking after during my confinement after birth and cooking meals etc, but its got to the point where she tells everyone how ungrateful I am! Even though I tell people how lovely it has been to have her here!

She doesn't respect the way I want to bring up my baby, for example we want our baby to learn Cantonese but she insists on speaking to her in her own dialect which I don't speak! I am concerned my baby will only speak her dialect when I go to work as grandma will be her primary carer!

I have so many issues with her, and my husband like yours always sides with her and says I should respect her etc, but she doesn't even respect me and my wishes! She just ignores everything I ask her to do from washing hands after eating before picking up the baby to putting baby in a routine! And then she complains my methods are baby and I don't know how to bring up a child!

She also rearranged my kitchen, cupboards, and my WARDROBE when i was at work! She said the way I organise things is messy! There are no boundaries in my house!

She even said my baby is not my baby but a child of the family I married into, and she as matriarch of the family has priority over my wishes! I told her my baby is MY baby and I only me or my DH have the right to decide how the baby is brought up! DH didn't support me and said what if his method was his mum's? (Which is crap as I'm still on maternity leave and he's working full time and only comes home at 8pm every night!)

I,like you, have tried talking to my husband but this has caused countless arguments. I know he feels like he needs to protect his mum as she only has her son in the world, and he feels like he's stuck in the middle being forced to choose between his mother or his wife!

I tried talking to my DH and we came to a solution that we would hire a nanny (which is vvvv expensive and we can barely afford it), but he felt that this would deny his mum a chance to live with him and look after her grandchild!

I suppose I don't have a real solution for you, but I thought sharing and knowing you are not alone would help ease the pain! And be thankful you don't have to live with your MIL! She lives in my house that I paid half to buy and she still acts like she's queen bee!

I going to try to speak calmly to DH to express how I feel, and get him to speak to his mum...but I think I might just be going around in circles!

I am Chinese also but brought up in London and my DH is from Hong Kong, so I guess I'm stuck with a western mentality in a traditional Chinese family!

Oh my god, my mil is the same as you described. She will rearrange my wardrobe/ kitchen when i am not there. She somehow manages to rule the house because my husband takes her side. My father in law passed away so all she has is my husband and she feels protected all the time from her son. She speaks a very old fashioned language in the house and i am afraid my daughter will pick up that. For this reason i even quit my work and now a stay home mom. She still rules the house. i am so tired of her being in my house.

I was 12 when i moved to USA so i am also stuck with western mentality in a traditional Indian family... :-(

I am in exactly the same situation. My DH wants his mother to live with us as she's divorced. I understood this as chinese tradition (I am half chinese, but brought up in the UK) so accepted it. Before we got married she was all sweet to me. Then as soon as we were married I couldn't do anything right! Even though I tried to be the good DIL and wife it wasn't good enough. The only way my DH saw to protect me was to send her away - which always ended up with him resenting me, even though I NEVER said she had to leave.

We live in china and as I'm pregnant now have come back to the uk to have our baby.
She's moved back in with him and he has to tip toe around her! I'm like his dirty little secret! He can't talk to me in front of her and can't even tell me he loves me!

I know for a fact that she hates me and has told him to divorce me many times. But she has so much control over him that I'm worried he'll eventually listen.

Her whole family has problems with her, but can't do anything about it. They won't even acknowledge that there is something mentally wrong with her!
She got so angry one day because my puppy nipped her that she kicked him like a football! When I shouted at her to leave him alone she came at me with an umbrella! She said she was going to hit me. My DH tried to convince me that she was going after our terrified puppy - but if she was why did he hold her back from me - his PREGNANT WIFE- and ask me to take the puppy outside?
Now because of her I have no puppy! She ruins everything and blames me for being a bad DIL and wife when I'm not.
All her criticisms got so bad I actually took an overdose to get away from her!

My DH is the love if my life and I want to be with him, but I'm actually considering divorce for my and my baby's safety. If she can do that to a puppy what will she do to a baby??

You're over 70, just wait a few years more, your MIL will surely pass from old age.

Lol, do you really think that I am over 70? My MIL is not even 70 yet.

No, I just had nothing to say and since judging profile age is a custom on here I thought I'd try to fit in.

Sounds good for you Eminna, can you give me an example tell me how did you change the role? Thanks!

Are you still in the same scenario? If so play change of role! I played it and now my mil is trying to make up for what she has done wrong.......

ya my MIL is also same ,,,we have been married from 6 months and she made my life hell,,,,



i have never seen a sick lady and never hated a person as i hate her,

I AM A GUJRATI SOPHESTICATED GIRL AND MY HUBBY IS FROM NORTH.SINCE THREE YEARS WE BOTH ARE FIGHTING LIKE A CAT -DOG.I AM TIRED OF IT AND CANT BREADTH IN THE SAME ENVIRONMENT,THE MATTER OF FACT IS HE IS THE VICTIM OF BLACK MAGIC DONE BY HIS SWEAT MOTHER.BEACAUSE SHE IS SO CONSERVATIVE AND I AM WELL EDUCATED PRIDE WOMEN.SHE DID ALL CHEAP THINGS TO ME WHILE MY PREGNANCY AND MY HUSBAND USED TO SUPPORT ME ALOT AND THAT ONLY SHE NEVER WANTED..SO MY MIL THOUGHT TO ATTACT ME TROUGH BLACKMAGIC SO NOW EVERYTHING IS MESSSED UP.HE DONT LOVE ME ANY MORE NEITHER DO I.AND ON THE TOP OF IT I VE 2YRS OLD CHILD FEMALE..AND MY M I L THINKS THAT IF WE SEEK DIVORCE SO SHE CAN CONVINCE MY HUBBY FOR REMARRIAGE.SO





WHAT THE CONCLUSION ?

My MIL is exactly the same. And ditto my husband supports her. I just walked out of that house.

It was for my husband to choose either his mother or me. After 3 years of bad marriage, we finally have bought a house on our own, where we can stay for the rest of our life, free of the so called MIL.



Just was sharing my experience.

i have to say and i hope its take'n constructive, i have noticed that there is a ton of vocal frustration, i have the opposite problem with the FIL if that term fits for your forum.. honestly to the one poster that talked about the harassing complaints at work and all that.. why not try to file a suite agents her.. as what she is doing is not legal.. 2nd of all.. these MIL will not be around as long as you and it seems that while it does not make life easy to make home life more difficult does not aid you in anyway. When some other posters post to just let it go ... be the bigger person.. i have to say that does not mean let it go and then BLOW up about it for the next week and a half at home to your husband.. all that does is make the MIL right... not that she is but your playing into her hand. to the suggestions of playing the nasty game in private.. don't bother it never works. and honestly it makes you look bad and will only complicate your personal life with your husband. Look you have a relation ship with your better half, if you don't feel like he is hearing you properly its both of your faults.. not your in laws.. granted they are the topic that starts the fire but in the end its how you 2 handle each others feelings that needs the work. I understand that's a blanket statement and there are special situations and most of you feel that your situation is the special 10% were more action is required but.. search for a professional. I can't tell you how many men i have worked with or known personally that complain about their wife's feeling like they are in a similar situation with their MIL but they are so tired of their wife's way of dealing with it they just don't care anymore, or its in one ear and out the other because they have drained them of the topic. if you don't feel like your husband is hearing you.. why don't you try something different.. if you think its his fault and your not to blame for anything.. chances are your more at fault then you think.. its either both of your faults or no ones.. no one person is perfect, even if you don't agree with the MIL perspective or your husbands its still their perspective and they might not see eye to eye with yours .. so if they don't agree with what you say does that make you wrong??? NO.. it just means your not communicating well together and that's is really were you need to start.



My sister lost her husband for a similar issue.. she was so hell bent on her man sticking up for her she almost started a issue at every turn she could, even tho she was not aware of it all of her siblings warned her about it and finally her husband cut them both out of his life and married some girl he met on a business trip .. mainly because her family got along so well together it was a welcome change to the hell he felt for the last 10 years... i heard him talk to her many times but she didn't want to listen she was so busy feeling that she was in the right ... and that all he had to do was tell her MIL off because that's what she wanted to do deep down inside.. she never worked on an actual solution nor did she work on improving her marriage and so he left..



for what that little male in site might be worth i hope it helps.. honestly seek help.. if something is illegal seek help legally and if your better half is not on your side ask your self why that might be and get a pro to help you both understand... and for gods sake if there are kids involved leave them out of it. if the other half brings them in then seek help.. just don't keep your blinders on that your perfect and the MIL is all to blame as it truly does boil down to all parties involved ...

Thanks for your insight, you are right about no one is perfect, but if someone is having issues with all the DILs(3) and has not talked to her brother for 15 years(the only family she has in Egypt) then what do you think?

I understand people are different, but some people are more than different, they are difficult!

i have to say and i hope its take'n constructive, i have noticed that there is a ton of vocal frustration, i have the opposite problem with the FIL if that term fits for your forum.. honestly to the one poster that talked about the harassing complaints at work and all that.. why not try to file a suite agents her.. as what she is doing is not legal.. 2nd of all.. these MIL will not be around as long as you and it seems that while it does not make life easy to make home life more difficult does not aid you in anyway. When some other posters post to just let it go ... be the bigger person.. i have to say that does not mean let it go and then BLOW up about it for the next week and a half at home to your husband.. all that does is make the MIL right... not that she is but your playing into her hand. to the suggestions of playing the nasty game in private.. don't bother it never works. and honestly it makes you look bad and will only complicate your personal life with your husband. Look you have a relation ship with your better half, if you don't feel like he is hearing you properly its both of your faults.. not your in laws.. granted they are the topic that starts the fire but in the end its how you 2 handle each others feelings that needs the work. I understand that's a blanket statement and there are special situations and most of you feel that your situation is the special 10% were more action is required but.. search for a professional. I can't tell you how many men i have worked with or known personally that complain about their wife's feeling like they are in a similar situation with their MIL but they are so tired of their wife's way of dealing with it they just don't care anymore, or its in one ear and out the other because they have drained them of the topic. if you don't feel like your husband is hearing you.. why don't you try something different.. if you think its his fault and your not to blame for anything.. chances are your more at fault then you think.. its either both of your faults or no ones.. no one person is perfect, even if you don't agree with the MIL perspective or your husbands its still their perspective and they might not see eye to eye with yours .. so if they don't agree with what you say does that make you wrong??? NO.. it just means your not communicating well together and that's is really were you need to start.



My sister lost her husband for a similar issue.. she was so hell bent on her man sticking up for her she almost started a issue at every turn she could, even tho she was not aware of it all of her siblings warned her about it and finally her husband cut them both out of his life and married some girl he met on a business trip .. mainly because her family got along so well together it was a welcome change to the hell he felt for the last 10 years... i heard him talk to her many times but she didn't want to listen she was so busy feeling that she was in the right ... and that all he had to do was tell her MIL off because that's what she wanted to do deep down inside.. she never worked on an actual solution nor did she work on improving her marriage and so he left..



for what that little male in site might be worth i hope it helps.. honestly seek help.. if something is illegal seek help legally and if your better half is not on your side ask your self why that might be and get a pro to help you both understand... and for gods sake if there are kids involved leave them out of it. if the other half brings them in then seek help.. just don't keep your blinders on that your perfect and the MIL is all to blame as it truly does boil down to all parties involved ...

Hi there!

My name is Nikki and I am a casting producer with a NYC based production company. We are currently casting a new series for a major cable network about people who are having issues with their In-Laws. If you and your partner/ spouse feel misunderstood or neglected by either set of parents- I would love to hear from you! If your In-Laws are over bearing nags- I would love to hear from you! If your son or daughter married someone that causes big trouble - Yes! I would love to hear from you! The show we are creating provides an amazing learning opportunity and a chance to bring families closer together. Every episode is tailored to the needs to an individual family and participants will be financially compensated.

For more information give me a call 212. 564. 2607 ex: 2454

Or you can message me through this site, it won't let me post my email address

Best, Nikki

My husband seems to think that if you just ignore my MIL and let everything go that she does, she will stop. It's been a year a half since she's been living in FL now and I can't tell you how much i have "let go" and yet it is still going on. He stood up to her alot of times. But now when i tell him that she is still spreading rumors about me on fb or her friends are still emailing me threatening to beat me up all he says is "just let it go. grow up already. don't stoop down to her level. just listen to me already. Let it go." I'm sorry but I can't just "let it go" when people that don't even know me are emailing me telling me that b/c i'm such a b*tch to my MIL and I treat her so badly they're coming to get me. She's tried to get me fired from my job by calling and making false complaints about me. I'm suppose to let that go? No, sorry. I don't understand why she can get away with saying the crap she has said about me, and I'm the one that's suppose to let it go. How fair is that? I've told him thats like giving her permission to continue what she's saying about me. The week before christmas my MIL had a small christmas party at her house for my 14 year old SIL and her friends and invited us over. My husband said he was going to see his sister. I told him that me or our daughter will not be going. He told me i needed to quit using our daughter like a pawn. I needed to grow up and quit being so selfish. I needed to get over myself. Not everything is about me. I looked at him like he was absolutely crazy. I asked him where the hell has he been this whole she's been mad at me b/c she chose not to go trick or treating with us at halloween. I asked him if he remembered yelling at his mother b/c she went on her fb calling me an inbreed redneck a**hole that needed to take my hillybilly a** back to alabama. I asked him if he remembered her telling him to go to f***ing hell b/c she didn't go trick or treating with us. I told him it was not about me being selfish, or needing to get over myself. She was not going to treat us the way she was, say the things about us that she has said and still expect to get to see her granddaughter. It doesn't work like that. I told him if anyone needed to get over themself it was his mother. She's the one who told me she was so close to being perfect, it scared her. Are you serious? And I'm the one that needs to get over myself? Okay...whatever. My husband will side with me on this one day and then the next day side with his mother. And he always throws in my face, "if it were your family it would be different." Um...no...i wouldn't be swapping sides like he is. I've told him my side would be by him and if anyone in my family had caused the crap she has caused they would get the same treatment from me that his mother is getting. but he refuses to believe this. He believes everything is so onesided when it comes to "my" family b/c that is what his mother has told him. Thats what she tells everybody. Where we live, I only have my mother near me. He has his mother and his father(even though they are divorced) and his aunt ( his mothers sister) his uncle and his cousins. I wanted to have my daughters first birthday at my moms house b/c she has a huge house and there were going to be alot of people that my MIL didn't know so she went to my husband talking about my family gets to do everything. I had already talked to him about doing at my moms place b/c of the room she had. My MIL lives in a 1 bedroom apt..not really enough room to have about 20-30 people in...so we ended up having it at a park. my mil has a way to turn everything around and make it all about her and what she wants and what she doesn't get but yet i'm the one that needs to get over herself and realize it's not all about me. Go figure.

My husband seems to think that if you just ignore my MIL and let everything go that she does, she will stop. It's been a year a half since she's been living in FL now and I can't tell you how much i have "let go" and yet it is still going on. He stood up to her alot of times. But now when i tell him that she is still spreading rumors about me on fb or her friends are still emailing me threatening to beat me up all he says is "just let it go. grow up already. don't stoop down to her level. just listen to me already. Let it go." I'm sorry but I can't just "let it go" when people that don't even know me are emailing me telling me that b/c i'm such a b*tch to my MIL and I treat her so badly they're coming to get me. She's tried to get me fired from my job by calling and making false complaints about me. I'm suppose to let that go? No, sorry. I don't understand why she can get away with saying the crap she has said about me, and I'm the one that's suppose to let it go. How fair is that? I've told him thats like giving her permission to continue what she's saying about me. The week before christmas my MIL had a small christmas party at her house for my 14 year old SIL and her friends and invited us over. My husband said he was going to see his sister. I told him that me or our daughter will not be going. He told me i needed to quit using our daughter like a pawn. I needed to grow up and quit being so selfish. I needed to get over myself. Not everything is about me. I looked at him like he was absolutely crazy. I asked him where the hell has he been this whole she's been mad at me b/c she chose not to go trick or treating with us at halloween. I asked him if he remembered yelling at his mother b/c she went on her fb calling me an inbreed redneck a**hole that needed to take my hillybilly a** back to alabama. I asked him if he remembered her telling him to go to f***ing hell b/c she didn't go trick or treating with us. I told him it was not about me being selfish, or needing to get over myself. She was not going to treat us the way she was, say the things about us that she has said and still expect to get to see her granddaughter. It doesn't work like that. I told him if anyone needed to get over themself it was his mother. She's the one who told me she was so close to being perfect, it scared her. Are you serious? And I'm the one that needs to get over myself? Okay...whatever. My husband will side with me on this one day and then the next day side with his mother. And he always throws in my face, "if it were your family it would be different." Um...no...i wouldn't be swapping sides like he is. I've told him my side would be by him and if anyone in my family had caused the crap she has caused they would get the same treatment from me that his mother is getting. but he refuses to believe this. He believes everything is so onesided when it comes to "my" family b/c that is what his mother has told him. Thats what she tells everybody. Where we live, I only have my mother near me. He has his mother and his father(even though they are divorced) and his aunt ( his mothers sister) his uncle and his cousins. I wanted to have my daughters first birthday at my moms house b/c she has a huge house and there were going to be alot of people that my MIL didn't know so she went to my husband talking about my family gets to do everything. I had already talked to him about doing at my moms place b/c of the room she had. My MIL lives in a 1 bedroom apt..not really enough room to have about 20-30 people in...so we ended up having it at a park. my mil has a way to turn everything around and make it all about her and what she wants and what she doesn't get but yet i'm the one that needs to get over herself and realize it's not all about me. Go figure.

My future mother-in-law is very controlling and manipulative. To make matters worse she is elderly and disable. My future husband feels it is his responsibility to live with her and take care of her - although he has 3 other brothers but who have adamantly stated she cannot come live with them and destroy their lives!!! I have told him to put her in an assisted living facility or her own apartment. This is crazy insane!!! What happened to leave and cleave???????!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess if he cannot man up to his mother then I will be forced to go on my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

girl,

One thing I have have to say is Put a stop to her. I was married to my husband for 18 yrs and my mother in Law has interfered all 18. From calling us everyday to see what we were doing, to controlling what my kids were doing. She acted like she was better than me at all times and yes now my husband and I are divorced 1 yr. The divorce stems from other issues , but she has contributed towards a good part of our being divorced, he wont admit that, but a lot of my unhappiness was because of how much she crossed the line of being a grandparent. My husband seemed to put her before me when I would cry to him on how she treated me .Don't let this happen to you.

to all you ladies its not just woman are going thru this with a crazy mother in law . well i will tell you i am married to my wife for 13yrs and togther for 19 yrs and in the last 3 yrs my mother in law and sisternlaw was trying to drail my marriage well i fought like hell i stop going down to visit and refuse to have anything to do with them every time we did they picked on our kids and when that dont work they would pick on my wife and this is there own daughter and sister that they was hurthing well i have been thru hell with them they started telling her to leave me and the would deal with me and hey tryed but they finaly got thru to jer on may of this year and they called child services on me claming on that i beat one of our child so bad that he could not sit or go to school for two weeks well you can guess what happen next yes i am oing to court fighting toprove that this was all lies. now the ministry is not buying their story no more but my wife has left and living own her own in a hme for abusive woman in a one room with 2 kids age 12 and 10 but the mother and sister is the driving force behind it all and now they claim that they are her support . and the funny thing is that my wife knows this is all wrong but she has already commited to all the lies and has no choice but to go trough with it and now they are telling her to ask me to divorce her . i am hurt i have not seen my kids for 6 months now , so the best thing that i can tell you to do is sit your man down and tell him what his mum is doing and when things go south is she going to be standing by your side when the courts decide to gran acess only on special days and its ike a slater house in courts ladies i know i have seen and heard it up close . but mother in laws dont know the damage they are doing but the sons in your case needs to grow some dont do like what i did sat back and take the shoots cause i did not want to get the family mad but sometimes you need to to tell their *** off so your marriage will make they will be shock and hurt but then they would stay out of you marriage and those men who go on those trips with mm and leaves his wife behind and think that mum knows best well they should never had gotten married and they need to let go of mum dam guys grow up yu woman is be hurt and you are too blind to see it ladies stay strong and dont let your in laws wreck you marriag and destroy your family look at what happen to me best of luck ... trini

to all you ladies its not just woman are going thru this with a crazy mother in law . well i will tell you i am married to my wife for 13yrs and togther for 19 yrs and in the last 3 yrs my mother in law and sisternlaw was trying to drail my marriage well i fought like hell i stop going down to visit and refuse to have anything to do with them every time we did they picked on our kids and when that dont work they would pick on my wife and this is there own daughter and sister that they was hurthing well i have been thru hell with them they started telling her to leave me and the would deal with me and hey tryed but they finaly got thru to jer on may of this year and they called child services on me claming on that i beat one of our child so bad that he could not sit or go to school for two weeks well you can guess what happen next yes i am oing to court fighting toprove that this was all lies. now the ministry is not buying their story no more but my wife has left and living own her own in a hme for abusive woman in a one room with 2 kids age 12 and 10 but the mother and sister is the driving force behind it all and now they claim that they are her support . and the funny thing is that my wife knows this is all wrong but she has already commited to all the lies and has no choice but to go trough with it and now they are telling her to ask me to divorce her . i am hurt i have not seen my kids for 6 months now , so the best thing that i can tell you to do is sit your man down and tell him what his mum is doing and when things go south is she going to be standing by your side when the courts decide to gran acess only on special days and its ike a slater house in courts ladies i know i have seen and heard it up close . but mother in laws dont know the damage they are doing but the sons in your case needs to grow some dont do like what i did sat back and take the shoots cause i did not want to get the family mad but sometimes you need to to tell their *** off so your marriage will make they will be shock and hurt but then they would stay out of you marriage and those men who go on those trips with mm and leaves his wife behind and think that mum knows best well they should never had gotten married and they need to let go of mum dam guys grow up yu woman is be hurt and you are too blind to see it ladies stay strong and dont let your in laws wreck you marriag and destroy your family look at what happen to me best of luck ... trini

It's so annoying that inlaws do this and the husband ALWAYS takes their side doesn't see how manipulative they are.mine act soooo holier than thou and sweet but when he's not there their rude turn their noses up at me and my kids make rude comments towards them try to tell me how to raise my baby and this is my fourth child my husbands 1st.they purposely give him foods he should not have do everything to undermind me I'm sick and tired of it what gets me is they are supposedly so religious but gossip about everyone and insult all the

woman that are married into their family they are so 2faced and smile in your face and talk so much trash about you I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore and don't want to be in this marriage anymore my husband has never said anything about their behavior he acts like he doesn't hear the rude insults etc. Well now I'm done it's not worth it I didn't marry them didn't sign up for this it's ruined our marriage now my baby who is turning 1 in a few weeks and I'm gonna tell my husband I'm done Id rather be single mom of 4 then miserable for rest of my life cause my husband doesn't want to defend me and hurt their delicate little feeling meanwhile I'm emotionally drained

Im having the worst time with my mother in law. she is a obssesive, controlling, manipluative woman and i can't stand her. I also just found out i was pregnant and im terrified to tell her. When my husband and i decided to get married, she abused me in front of him saying i was trying to trap him and that she would never talk to him or cut him off if he did marry me. but then a few days after it was like butter wouldnt melt again. Just this afternoon my husband cancelled on his parents because i wasn't feeling very well due to pregnancy, well she treaterened to get a divorse from his father, and to kill her self aswell. (im being deadly serious about this) so he agreed to go over there but left me here. Im not welcome in her house so when my husband goes over there i have to stay at home on my own, for hours on end. She constantly crys and says she misses him and wishes he would come home. I am on the end of my teather and regardless of the fact i am pregnant, i am ready to walk out on him. I cry almost everyday because of this womans abuse, and my husband does nothing. She turns it round on me and makes me look terrible. And when i speak up about his mother he calls me names and yells and swears at me. Im thinking of putting a dictorphone in my pocket when i talk to her next, record what she says and show my husband how disgusting his mother behaves. So ladies your not alone. Im english also and so is my husband and his family. We are also white, so it happens whatever race you are. Just stay strong and keep thinking privetly "she wont always be around, coz she will die soon" xxx