I Shared About My Crazy Mil, Now Here's the Latest...

Hello, I hope that all has been well with you. We have had a nice, MIL free time with the exception of when she called to leave guilty messages on our answering machine that upset our son, so I called the phone co and blocked her number My husband wrote her a long letter telling her that we will absolutely not put up with her **** anymore and enclosed a bunch of info about Borderline Personality Disorder (which we are quite certain she has), and told her that her only hope of a relationship with us or our son is to get help and try to improve her behavior (which she will not do, at least not GENUINELY). So, we dropped that in the mail today. Things could get interesting from here, since she has never taken constructive criticism nicely nor has she ever admitted wrongdoing on her part, no matter how obvious. Well, she has called and so has my FIL, to my poor husband's cell phone. The initial call was my FIL's angry DEMAND that my husband call him back, that our demands that his mother take responsibility for her actions and get help for her mental disorder are "ridiculous" and then my MIL called to say that she was phone stalking and leaving mentally hurtful messages on the phone for my 2 year old son to her "I hope you can hear this and that your parents don't erase it, I miss you..." was because she wanted to do something for his birthday (it was April7, she did not even send a card or send him a gift, but now that we are asking her to get help and telling her that she cannot see him or us until she changes her behavior she all of a sudden wants to pretend she cares like a normal grandmother) ...when there was NO drama and she could see him whenever she wanted she NEVER tried, even making me pay her to babysit once a week for a short period when I was working as a teacher and my sitter quit with no notice. She watches other people's kids for free, she buys the other grandkids gifts and NEVER mine, even so far as to get the others easter baskets and not my son. She was perplexed when we got upset! And so I digress... She is crazy and needs help and her husband and I am sure the other people she has told her side of the stories to probably think that we are the jerks, but it is like we staged an intervention and they are in denial there is a problem. She has been so irresponsible with both my son and the other grandkids, leaving them outside by a POOL with a broken gate when they were 2 while she was inside on the phone, my son was 9 mos old and my nest friend went to pick him up at her home and he was alone with a pile of frozen pancakes on the floor around him and she was outside in back working on spraying her house with a hose. Yes, he could walk, yes she had stairs and not a door or gate, and no her home was not babyproofed... the list can go on and on, but you can get the picture, I am trying to get her help but she can only help herself but we tried to provide the info and now are trying to stand firm on the tough love? The thing is, a part of me wonders if it is really healthy for my son to keep him from her because we feel so strongly that she is so wrong, crazy, and overall, unstable and unhealthy for him to be around, but do you agree that we are doing the right thing by keeping him from her? For more background, look up my "MIL Borderline Personality Disorder" post... I could use any input/support that anyone may be willing to leave. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, and wish me luck!
nilestheninja nilestheninja
31-35, F
2 Responses May 12, 2007

when a family member, regardless their title, puts a child in danger on a fairly regular basis then yes, it is justified to remove unsupervised visitation. if a family member, regardless their title, is toxic, in any way, form or fashion, toward a child then, yes, it is justified to remove all visitation. i'm a proponent of allowing grandparents regular visits with their grandchildren despite my feelings toward them or the differences we might share. HOWEVER, when a grandparent begins to speak negatively to the child either about the child or about the parent ... IT'S OVER! i will not allow anyone to poison a child no matter who they are!

It's like it never ends, doesn't it?