Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

ARRRGGGHHH! I Hate My Mil!

I have been reading all of your stories, and I am so grateful to know I have comrades out there!  Where do I start?  When I first started dating my husband, she started in with her passive-aggressive BS.  At the first Thanksgiving I shared with his family, she made snide comments in front of his entire family saying that divorce is against God and is never acceptable because peple just need to get over it and work it out (I am divorced from a physically abusive marriage-she KNEW this!) and that she just didn't know why anyone would marry a man with a kid because that was just wrong! (You guessed it, I had a stepdaughter during my 1st marriage, and she knew that too.)  Then, when we moved in together, she proceeded to pop in unannounced and tell me (in MY living room in MY house!) that we were living in sin and that I was corrupting her son, and that I was going to go to hell (HELLO holy roller b&*ch!). Thank goodness, my hubby (boyfriend at the time) calmly escorted her to the door. When we took his parents to dinner to announce our engagement, my hubby told his mom, "Guess what! You're getting a new daughter!" and showed her my left hand.  She glared at me and said "I don't NEED a daughter I HAVE 2 sons!"  Yep, that stung.  Thank goodness for my FIL (who is wonderful), who was embarrassed as hell and immediately awkwardly congratulated me and engaged me in conversation while the MIL started crying and asking my hubby how he could do this to her.  I wanted to puke. At the next time we were all together, including my BIL and SIL (who are great), she was talking about the upcoming Father's Day and how we would all celebrate it, including hubby and I even though he wasn't a father-"AT LEAST NOT THAT I KNOW OF!" while glaring at me.  OK, so now, according to her, we got engaged because we were knocked up. Not the case at all, but in my opinion even if that was the case, it's not her problem-we were not kids-we were in our late 20's at the time. She steadfastly showed her butt (not literally) at my bridal shower.  On our wedding day, she showed up in BLACK and cried...not the good kind of crying, either.  She had thrown such a fit about the possibility of alcohol at our reception that we did not serve any just to keep the peace-might I add that we paid for this ourselves, and I don't feel she should have had any say-so, but whatever. Keeping the peace, right?  By the way, my best friend (she rented a room in our house when she was in grad school for her PH.D.) is a lesbian, and my Mom's business partner is a gay male.  She is a Southern Holiness Pentacostal, and while I will never knock anyone's religion, she shoves her views on us and you can just imagine what she had to say about our gay friends and how they should be "sturck dead by God" and they "will burn in the fiery depths", yada yada yada. Well, she was my maid of honor, and Mom's business partner and his significant other were there as well-and let me tell you-they are not flaming, they are very discreet and not feminine at all.  Well, the business partner and his man ended up leaving before the wedding even started due to her nasty comments, said just loud enough for them to hear.  A year later, when we bought a house, she cornered me and said that we don't know what we are doing financially and we really just need to rent a little apartment for about $300 a month. (There are no such things in Greensboro, NC, not even in the ghetto section of town! Plus we have 3 large dogs!) She had me where I couldn't get out of the truck-I advised her that I appreciated her concern, but we were well in control of our finances, then just started calling for my husband and saying we really needed to go-look at the time! She kept sniping, however.  We're not rich (we're both in EMS and law enforcement) but we can well afford a house, and we live well within our means-no unreasonable debt, etc.  This lasted for months.  Then when we were done with the house, she makes catty little comments about how we had all of this expensive furniture (she only went to the first place we lived one time) and other things and we should have just gone to a cheap store.  My mother owns an interior design firm-yes I have a lot of things, but I have collected them piece by piece over the last 10 years and I buy wholesale through her business and have not once ever charged any of it! I told her this and the comments still persisted.  Then when we went to my MIL's house to tell them we were expecting a baby (she was a PLANNED baby), she burst into tears and said why didn't we prevent this, because now we were linked together forever!  Since our daughter has been born, she has made horrible comments as well.  At our daughter's christening, she was PO'ed because she wanted us to all gather around so she could give us a present, (she gives us little things all of the time, like that is going to make her be able to say all of these nasty things-there are hundreds more I haven't shared!) and we were too busy trying to talk to everyone eles and show them the baby and visit with everyone from out of town.  We were at my mom and dad's house after the church service for lunch with all of our relatives that had come for the service, and she kept pushing everyone to stop talking and gather around even though we were quietly trying to discourage this, because no one else brought a gift (who knew you were supposed to for that?) and we didn't want to make anyone feel bad.  She also let us know how displeased she was with the use of the word "catholic" in a prayer ("I believe in the holy spirit, the holy catholic church, ...etc-we are methodist and that is how the prayer goes and I think it is a lovely one!). I was ready to pull my hair out, but ignored the comment.  As I was talking to my SIL-we were exchanging stories about our kids-we were laughing about the time I had my daughter in the bathtub with me (she is ONLY 3 MONTHS OLD!) and she pooped and there was a little "floater" ick! My MIL turned around and butted into our conversation, saying that children should not see their parents naked, that is a perversion and it is wrong! HOW THE HELL IS SHE GOING TO MAKE PUTTING MY BABY IN THE TUB WITH ME INTO SOMETHING DIRTY!!! I didn't say anything back, then cried the whole way home (nothing new there). Just yesterday, when we left their house, I mentioned that we had to get on home so I could cut the lawn before it got dark-the ENTIRE ROOM fell silent and she barked-on a Sunday????!! What am I supposed to say to that? I felt like telling her I had to go ahead and get it done so I could sacrifice a small animal or something...but nooooo once again I kept the peace and politely excused myself.  I am so sick and tired of this passive aggressive hurtful crap.  I don't know why I am just not good enough for her! I cry after almost every time we see her.  We even MOVED from southeast Guilford county (remember the new house? we sold the damn thing) to Kernersville (in Forsyth county, the next county over, about 45 minutes away and equidistant from my parents house and hers. (Of course she whined because we were moving closer to my parents-she never came to see us when we lived 2 miles from her and bitched the whole time anyway!) Nothing I do is good enough for her! I wish I was able to just shrug it off, but it really hurts me.  She constantly complains about my to my husband.  I have never said anything to her because I don't want to put her where she wants me to be-between her and my hubby-and I will be the good person in this if it freaking kills me.  But I just can't take it anymore! I finally told my hubby he was going to have to say something to her or I was going to-and he sure as hell didn't want me saying something to her, because I am well beyond the boiling point.  Any ideas? Thanks so much for letting me vent! I try not to vent to hubby because then it puts HIM in the middle and I refuse to let her win by making him feel bad, too!
kvegas911 kvegas911 26-30, F 34 Responses May 14, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

Here is what I do.
Keep in mind this is after two decades of anger, guilt, crying and pulling my hair out. Every time she says something nasty, instead of anything, I take $ 200.00 out of our slush fund and buy clothes. Or crafts, or jewelry or whatever my heart desires and go shopping!
Why it works for me...
After complacency followed by defensiveness, followed by a near divorce I just decided I love my husband and the family we created to give it another thought, another phone call to friends, another threat to my husband that if he didn't change, stick up for me, stay with me instead of going there for more that if I wanted to be free of it, I'd have to change ME. Have to change the way I think.
So telling my husband about it wasn't working, my friends were tired of hearing about it and I was pacing the house in anger of what I SHOULD HAVE SAID TO HER, now I just smile and rack up the closet. I almost mentally beg now ( kidding of course) for her to say something- ANYTHING - to get a new pair of jeans, shoes, art supplies etc.
Because in the end, this is really about you. Right?
Why you stay, why you take it, why you are in an abusive relationship???
Shop.
Be at peace and shop.
I'm telling you, it works.
My husband now gets to laugh. And I get to laugh and in a strange passive aggressive way, I get the last laugh and look good doing it. My favorite is when she gives me a compliment on how I look.
And I know and my husband knows it's all thanks to her.
Just a thought.

It's a bit alarming to see that quite a number of women have issues with their mile, there I was thinking it was an African phenomenon! I wish I had this much insight into the issue before I got married. I wouldn't have gone in being so gullible ...almost like a sheep to the slaughter

Hi there!<br />
My name is Nikki and I am a casting producer with a NYC ba<x>sed production company. We are currently casting a new series for a major cable network about people who are having issues with their In-Laws. If you and your partner/ spouse feel misunderstood or neglected by either set of parents- I would love to hear from you! If your In-Laws are over bearing nags- I would love to hear from you! If your son or daughter married someone that causes big trouble - Yes! I would love to hear from you! The show we are creating provides an amazing learning opportunity and a chance to bring families closer together. Every episode is tailored to the needs to an individual family and participants will be financially compensated. <br />
For more information give me a call 212. 564. 2607 ex: 2454 or email me through this site since it won't let me post my email address. <br />
<br />
<br />
Best, Nikki

I'm glad to have found this site and read stories that are somewhat the same as mine. You see i also hate my MIL although i make it a point not to give this too much attention enough to give me stress. But there are times that my fury heightens to certain level that i think writing about it will somehow ease the anger i feel.<br />
<br />
My husband and i have been married for 2 and a half years now but he has been my BF for 6 six years before we got married so i somehow got to know his family before our wedding. His mother and I were almost best of friends at the start of our relationship. She was very accommodating and have high regard for me maybe because i have a good career as a professional and have good paying job. She even pushes us to get married but of course it was too early and we have our plans. When my husband, then BF and i decided that an opportunity abroad will help us save for our wedding, his mother was very happy about it and she financed the processing of papers for my BF. Now, when my BF was working abroad, he made it a point to pay first what his mother have spent for the processing and even send more money coz she always demand that he calls him from abroad and asked money from him. She even convinced him to build a house in advance for us and so he was sending money to her for the construction of the house. Oh well, the house was never finished, the costs were never ending that he decided to stop the contruction because we have to save for our wedding. When his 3-year contract was about to end and our wedding was fast approaching, his mother suddenly did not like the idea that we will be getting married when his contract ends, she was even asking him to think again if he really wants to get married at the age of 29 coz she thinks he is too young. She now discouraged him to get married for unknown reasons. But of course, he did not listen to her and we pushed through with our plans. She was really not in the best mood during the times when my BF came home from working abroad and worse during our wedding. Oh well, i really did not mind her during my wedding at all, as if she did not exist there.. I was very glad my husband is very supportive of me. He is by my side all the way, after our wedding, we stayed at the house for few days, when im not with him, his mother even lectures him that he can only have one mother, but he can have lots of wives (im not sure what she means by that, we are catholic). That he has to choose her over me. I feel happy because my husband argued to what she said. He even told his mother that from the moment we got married, we are already one and the same person. During that time, my anger was not that huge that a few months after, i tried to erase what she has been doing bad to me during the time i stayed at their house after our wedding. Anyway, whatever she does, i made sure she gets the idea that i don't really care and she does not affect me at all.. Which of course made her more crazy.. haha! So, after 2 months from our wedding, my husband went back abroad, i was pregnant and i lived in another city where i have my job. As expected, my husband did not anymore send money to her mother as much as he was sending before coz we were saving for the baby. Sometimes, my husband would tell that my MIL makes him feel guilty about not sending money. By the way, his parents are both still working and have good employment. All their children are grown up and have finished their education. They are not supporting anybody anymore. I dont know why her mother always ask for money. By the time i delivered our baby, i was offered a wonderful job to work near the place of my husband and grabbed the opportunity. My baby and i did not have yet a house to stay and my MIL offered our room ( this room in their house was built a month before our wedding, his mother insisted that he should give money to build the room). Ok, so i lived with them, it was good at first especially that i provide for their food and take care of utility bills. And then came the recession... my husband's work was greatly affected that we decided he just have to go home. So, now when my husband was home and not working anymore, his mother suddenly changed her attitude and most of the times, pushes my husband to go back abroad even if he tells her that we prefer to be together. Her mother even insulted him many times and always tell him that he is jobless. I am hurt because i know that my husband is hurt thinking of the years he has been sending money to them and then when the time comes that he has nothing, her mother now insults him. It was frustrating. i found myself slowly distancing myself from her and since we cannot anymore buy food for the whole family as well as pay for all the bills, we now hear her saying a lot of things which is hurtful for us. What i hate is that, she always counts how much we spent for our wedding when infact they did not even give a penny to us. We never asked any amount from them even when my husband was not working, we don't ask help or assistance from them. But she continually talks about everything we spent. Why does she do that? I mean, she did not give anything to us, how come she cannot shut her mouth up? Then one time, my MIL and my husband had an argument, my husband got mad because she was attacking me even if it was their argument. She talks a lot of bad things about me, that i brainwashed my husband and that all other stuff and that i changed my attitude. Thank God my husband did not believed her and he even fought back by telling her that it was her who changed not me and that she was changed because all she wants is to have money from him. When my husband told me everything about their fight, i was deeply hurt and angry. I cannot forget anymore the words she said about me. But instead of talking back at her, i chose to be silent, and silent it is.. i have not said a single word to her ever since. We do not anymore eat together with her and we decided to be as separate as possible. Which made her very angry i think because she has been expecting my husband to be cooking and serving her same as when he was still single and living with them. Right now, we still live in the same house but very soon we will be moving to our own house. I hope she will not visit us there as she is not welcome. She tells everyone that i intentionally instuct my nannies not to have my son go near her, which i did not. She always makes it a point that we hear when she says something that she thinks will strike us. My husband hates it when she does that. He even does not want to eat when she is still around. We always hang out in our room and do not like to mingle with the family in the living room as we know that MIL just won't stop talking nonsense especially when we are around. My question is really this.. why is she always pushing my husband to go back and work abroad? (He is working freelance now) and why does she always talks about expenses about our wedding etc. when we never asked money from them? Oh how i wish i can chat with you guys...

My ex- MIL and yours must be related! Mine was a passive agressive ***** as well. One of the worst things she did when I went back to work (out of necessity) was to tell my kids that when their dad was little she never left them with a sitter, because SHE LOVED HIM! My 5 year old turned around and said "How come we have to go to a sitter, don't you love us, Mommy". My heart broke, I said nothing to her and I cried all night & to work in the morning!<br />
I could go on, but my guess is you have just as many stories...<br />
That being said, I will tell you that even though she treated me badly, she also taught me something - that you should always love the one your child chooses to marry because to not do so is to cause havoc.<br />
My oldest is now married and to a wonderful woman. I love her like she is my own, not so much because we are alike (because we are not very much alike), but because she loves and adores my son, and he loves and adores her! I want him to be happy and she makes him happy! I will admit that she is very sweet, so she is easy to like, as well as love. So, if nothing else, when your little one is married, remember to never be the crazy MIL that you had...

Oh wow. This sounds so much like my life. Even down to the hatred of alcohol. My MIL is a southern baptist- women are to live only to serve the man and be completely domestic. My MIL thinks she is such a Christian but I say B****ian. <br />
<br />
We need to get our power back from these hateful bitter old crones!

Well all I can say and I'm sorry if I sound negative but with you and your hubby staying quiet and keeping the peace you are allowing her to get away with it...I would have my say and I would refuse to visit her, if I did go and she said something...and we all know she will then have a go back at her...you don't need this and neither do your kids....as they grow and hear these comments they will think it is okay to treat people that way.....I say speak up or put up with it!!

Hey next time shoot her for trespassing... just a thought...or is that only in TX?<br />
<br />
Well, if she brings out god again just ask her if her god teaches blasphemy and persecution.. coz that's what she's doing. You should throw a bible verse at her, make her eat her own words. Thats exactly why I stopped going to church, I turned agnostic and couldnt be happier than ever. If she brings up the 'going to hell' just tell her 'oh, I thought this was hell since you're in it'...heheheh<br />
<br />
Its always the guy's fault, they always feel guilty for taking sides. They need to realize that when they become old, YOU'll be the one scratching is itchy @SS not your MIL!

OMG....u have so much strength...let me tell u i would've told her where she could have gone from day one of her nasty lil comments. I have been with my fiance for 9 years and only engaged for 3 and his mom has put me through hell since i first met her to, but i never stayed quite. I always speak my mind and put her in her place. It causes problems between me and my fiance, but we end up working through it...it has gotten to the point where he has stopped talking to her because of all of her BS. My advice to you is that u have already givin your hubby fair warning that u are sick and tired of it. The nextime she steps outta line put her in her place. If ur husband knows truly how emotionally distressed over this your are, he will stand back and let u be the woman, wife and mother that you are.<br />
<br />
P.S. I have 3 children ages 4, 2, 10 months, and they all still take showers with me....she obviously is the one that has the perverted mind to think like that....maybe she needs to see a shrink....

You & your husband should stand up to her. Have some "balls" and tell that biotch that if she want's to see here son and grandchild SHE needs to straighten up and if not....... cut her out of your lives!

shoot her

My MIL is bad but yours is hideous!!! Funny how she goes on about God when she is obviously the Devil's offspring!!!!

Thank you for sharing you story. Take matters into your own hands and tell her once and for all. "This is my life and if you don't have anything nice to say, then SHUT UP" What is she going to do? Leave.... Hee hee

oh dont get me started on mil's what is it they seem to have against there dil's. mine try to get our son taken off us by telling loads of lies, thankfully the social services could see it was all lies. <br />
but still<br />
she said there were rats in our house, that we didnt keep him clean all kinds of things, they only had to see my son to see that he is a happy contented toddler. <br />
we dont talk to her now my husbands choice. i did find one thing that worked with her though, constantly being happy and smile and acting like i was completely abblivious to her snide comments, lol. she hated that.

You might want to tell your MIL that "catholic" in the prayer to which you refer means "universal"...It is not a reference to the Catholic church. Her religion sounds like a hateful prejudice to me...not a relationship with God at all....take comfort in knowing that she sounds like a perfectly miserable human being. Too bad she is a carrier for hate and misery...I hope your husband takes up for you and supports you...I think that's really the only way....if he can back her off.... Good luck!<br />
<br />
A fellow sufferer.

I am in a similar situation, and I'll be writing about it soon...its just too long! However, I sat down with my husband, and expressed my feelings of how I feel. then, told him to put himself in my shoes. How would he feel if my mother treated him the way MIL treats me, my younger brother who is practically my son, and my parents even. Then I told him that neither me, nor any woman will be able to stick in a marriage like this with no support from my husband. we've been married for four years, and now he is starting to stick up for me. I have decided that I will not talk to ANY of my in laws for as long as they stress me. And my husband has been there for me. He goes to visit normally and doesn't allow them to interfere in my life, which is great. BUT the PROBLEM is his aunt, the MIL's sister that still cant keep out. And MIL has gone around telling all my friends and relatives that I am a ***** that didnt invite her to her son's surprise bday party! I wonder Y? But here's the thing. Talk to ur husband, an tell him where you are and how you feel, and that you need his support because if it were the other way around, I'm sure you would be there for him, and support him a 100 percent.

your mother in law and my future mother in law ( in 3 days) should hang out and share some bloody mary's. Ooooh but alcohol is evil, i forgot. not only are you tolerating this b**ch but your doing it sober...ALL my sympathy. <br />
<br />
The thing that stuck out about your story for me is when you said that she always gives you little gifts all the time. All of these passive aggresive pyscho's must have a blog of thier own. My MIL does this too and it is SOOOO annoying and it is always cheap crap that just makes my house as cluttered as hers...when i don't put it right in the trash...but it is these little things that make you second guess yourself sometimes and you say "am i the ungrateful one here?" okay, so the answer is NOOOOOO! They are controlling, coniving selfish losers, and YOU will get this old broad back in your own way. It is just sad that the MIL population doesn't realize that this whole thing could be positive and if they werent pushy and innapropriate then it could be a life long loving bond.

Certainly, most stories here make mine seem trivial in comparison. Still, the differences are more in the details and extent of the problems than the actual problems. I just googled 'hate your mother' and ended up here, because my own mother is visiting me and my wonderful wife and son, and I can't stand 90% of what she says. I'm just neutral about the other 10%. It does help to hear your stories - thanks for sharing.<br />
<br />
As a son of a terrible MIL, I have to say some of you have nailed the problem - men who don't stand up to their moms and defend their wives. It's usually in cases where a mother doesn't think her son is capable of living his own life, and he is used to being treated in a rotten way by her (so that he barely notices it). Or else they're sad, lonely and desperate. For instance, when I finally gathered my courage to break away and work overseas for a couple of years (15 years ago, now), my mother sat across the table, cried, and said "First your father left me...now you...[sob, splutter]." There's some good Catholic guilt training, there! (More on that later.) I'm proud to say I went anyway. My wife has let me know that my mother is basically nuts and out of control, and fortunately she has psychological training and articles to explain it to me (try narcissism, OCD, hoarder). My mother fought terribly with my first wife, and I learned a lot from that. I defend my family first, now, and my extended family afterwards, if they're willing to accept the way we want to live. And yes, I now consider my siblings and parents extended family. I continue to love them, but simply ask them to respect what both my wife and I want, as I respect what they want. It's about personal responsibility. My wife outlined some boundaries. For example, where my mother would have visited for up to two weeks at a time before, everyone in the family now knows that there's a 2-night limit for visiting. Even though it's still incredibly stressful, at least the end is in sight almost as soon as it begins. Here's something we did that most people can't imagine doing (though they may dream of it): We didn't have any family members to our wedding. Just me, my wife, and four of our best friends. It was far more meaningful, touching, peaceful and enjoyable than my first wedding. We were shunned by most people for a few months, but everyone eventually got over it. Even the snide remarks have just about stopped. We never regretted it.<br />
<br />
Others have alluded to the idea that religion can play a part in the misery. I believe this. All religions allow a person to defer to a higher authority than their own, instead of needing to defend their ideas using logic and sense. So if you're conservatively religious, and your husband is abusive, you have a problem because most religions say you have to obey him and forgive him, no matter what. If you let your common sense guide you, you'll seek help where appropriate, you'll forgive if appropriate, or you'll leave his sorry behind (and put him in jail) if appropriate. In the same way that we don't notice the harmful influences our parents have on us until crises make us reflect on our own shortcomings, negative religious influence can go unnoticed. Does anyone think about how small kids are told that a complete stranger died a horrifying death for THEM? That when a 5-year old sins, he's hurting Jesus? What nightmares might a little girl have if she hears a MIL tells a DIL that she's going to hell? If a MIL is going to cause psychological stress to your child, I say don't give her any more opportunities to do so, and make sure your husband is on the same page. I agree with Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris that organized religion can be a form of child abuse. I was brainwashed and terrified as a child in this way, and my own son will be free of it (unless he decides to embrace it on his own when he's old enough to think it through).<br />
<br />
Before you judge me as a raving atheist (I prefer secular humanist), I like what Kahlil Gibran says about children, and think that awful MILs need to think of this when they're trying to control their son's (and daughters) through abuse of their spouse. (Google Gibran for the rest - it's nice.)<br />
<br />
Your children are not your children.<br />
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.<br />
They come through you but not from you,<br />
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.<br />
<br />
Finally, my MIL is wonderful. So is my ex-MIL. I've been twice lucky. Not so for my own wives. Thanks again for sharing, and I've written not to offend, but to try to be helpful.

oh snap I'm sorry<br />
she sounds like a real pain in the rump...<br />
<br />
I hate my MIL with a passion!<br />
I think she could very well be satans right hand...<br />
but I think what I hate more is the fact that Brandon, (satans right hands son) the guy that I am with and have been for over a year and a half now...doesn't really stand up to her when she's being, well, herself.<br />
<br />
Does your man do the same thing and just let her rue the day, or does he stand up to her and tell her to knock off her crap?

All people are different. It is something we have to accept. Your husband was raised by his mom and dad and knew the boundaries within his own family...and although he knows you well, and vice versa... you and your husband have your own ideas and boundaries with each other ..... you personally may have shared these ideas and boundaries with your own mother but most men do not share their ideas with the guys or his mom or dad. They only talk about these things with their girl/wife.<br />
<br />
You can be sure that your inlaws do not know the boundaries which you and their son/your husband have agreed upon.<br />
<br />
You can't expect your in laws to know you as well as your husband does. He probably dosen't tell them anything.<br />
<br />
An example...you stated "As I was talking to my SIL-we were exchanging stories about our kids-we were laughing about the time I had my daughter in the bathtub with me (she is ONLY 3 MONTHS OLD!) and she pooped and there was a little "floater" ick! My MIL turned around and butted into our conversation, saying that children should not see their parents naked, that is a perversion and it is wrong! HOW THE HELL IS SHE GOING TO MAKE PUTTING MY BABY IN THE TUB WITH ME INTO SOMETHING DIRTY!!! I didn't say anything back, then cried the whole way home (nothing new there)."<br />
<br />
I don't think you are wrong but I don't think your mother in law was wrong eathier. It is a difference of opinon and best left at that. It takes time and effort to get to know people and forgivness goes a long way because both parties will make mistakes as you get to know each other.<br />
<br />
It takes a lot of patience and effort.<br />
<br />
We mother in laws had mother in laws too. We have already been there..... and still it is difficult. <br />
<br />
I personally killed my mother in law with kindness until she called me her daughter. It worked for me. It made my husband happy, my children happy and I gained much respect from his family. It took time. I tooo was known as the **** , and it hurt....but I was hell bent in proving them wrong....and after a few years my hubby's family members told my husband in front of me that he was lucky to have found me :). We have been happily married for 39 years. I gained a new family and I grew to have many close relationships with several of my husband's family members.<br />
<br />
When you stop wanting to resolve problems, you create new and bigger problems. I truly believe that if you don't resolve your problems now, they will come back to bite you in the ***. Good Luck to you.

I had a similar experience many years ago; but not with a Christian; just a selfish, spoiled mil.<br />
You all have had a bad time. I really feel those mil's are poor representatives of real Christians ... but since that is their claim, remind those Bible toting ladies about Gen 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Are you married to my ex-husband because your mother-in-law sounds like my ex-mother-in-law... I feel really bad for you, but I think you should say something to her while your husband is present. It should be your voice heard, and the solidarity of the two of you together and him showing that he is sticking by you that she should see. Then let him express his opinion on it, and expressing that it upsets him when she treats you like that wouldn't be a bad thing either. <br />
<br />
Tell her how you feel and that you want it to stop immediately. Don't issue a threat or an ultimatum. Don't even ask for an apology. Get up and leave with your husband. Let her come to you. Chances she wont for a while. Then go about your life with your husband. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately with MIL's like that - they aren't going to change and instead of saying it to your face she will probably start saying it behind your back. But chances are people already know how she is and they will ignore it.

I read your story and I think you are a wonderful person. Your MIL has her own problems to deal with. Hang in there. I am sure she will grow to love you because you are loveable and kind. It takes a strong person to put up with that crap but you obviously do because you truly love your husband.<br />
<br />
I had the same problem and I too put up with it. I killed my mother-in-law with kindness. I think she felt I wasn't good enpugh for her son but eventually we were all happy and she was wonderful to me. It just took time and effort on my part. <br />
<br />
Hang in there and may God bless you a thousand times for being patient and not putting your husband in the middle of you and your mother-in-law.

Hi, I have read your story with enormous empathy, I feel so sad for you, but you cannot imagine what an enormous relief it is to know I am not the only one, this must seem dreadfully selfish to you, believe me it isn't meant that way at all, my MIL is pure evil, has been equally as bad as your's for the past 20 years. I have recently considered leaving my other half because I simply dont feel able to cope with the stress of it all and the lies she tells anymore. Having read your story I no longer feel insane, I want to wish you all the very, very best and thank you too for telling your story

We have many similarities in MIL's. Mine goes a step further though and digs into my past. We ended up not talking to her for four years ( a blessed event from above) until she came over acting all apologetic. Now four months later she is the same but the difference is we ask her to leave.

I think if your husband won't say anything you'll have to resolve yourself to it. Say something like "Please don't attack me like that." or "Please don't speak to me in that manner". And especially important, do it in front of your husband so he can be a witness to the whole conversation and possibly learn how to do it himself! Don't lose your temper, if it goes too far then have some exit plan, but make your point, then she'll get the idea that her behavior is unacceptable - which you might say to her as well. She might be a little more cautious the next time she attacks and start acting like a civilized human being.

Alwaysremembers, has it right!!!!!!, do not allow yourself to get in the middle of your mil and your mate. set boundaries for your self. Be honest with your mate about your feelings, let them deal with dear old mom. Everyone will be happier and respect one anothers role in yhe family circle. And the comment about gays was dreadful because God hates no one, he hates sin self rightosness, Believe this there are dils from hell also, i have one.

Let me start by saying that I am so hapy to find a forum where I can discuss about the worst thing in my life...the MIL<br />
<br />
I am almost in the same position. My mother-in-law is diabolical. She lives in Nigeria and has sworn that she will do everything in her power to ensure that my husband and I do not have children. We are still childless. Since the first time I met her, she has threatened to destroy me. My BIL has also promised to make sure that the marriage breaks up and that he will fast for as long as possible to ensure that. When my father died five years an up till today, MIL, senior BIL and only SIL have not expressed any condolence to me or any member of my family. My mother has cried because of the things MIL and my husbands family have said and done to me. <br />
MIL continues to tell lies about me to her family members. Just today I heard that she has been telling people who visit her where she is supposed to be mourning my FIL who died recently that I have not called her since he died and that I have been sending her wicked, insulting and abusive text messages. I live in the UK and have not sent any text. Of course they can check the number to confirm but nobody has done that.<br />
<br />
I have now decided to separate from my husband and eventually divorce him because I have had enough of everything especailly when he does not defend me at all no matter who say or does what to me. I am tired of crying as I have cried for 8years now.<br />
<br />
My aunty-in-laws have been calling and asking me not to leave my husband but I cannot promise that because he has reallt failed me over the years. I feel that I will be better off without him because for 8 years now he has failed to protect me and what I think or feel makes no sense to him. He does not care. <br />
<br />
It is good to read other good womens story.<br />
<br />
God bless.

My mother in law died of Alzheimers. She never treated me or my children well. She was distant and sort of strange. I guess really she might have had Alzheimers longer than we thought. At any rate I always skimmed the rim of hating her because i wanted so badly for her to just treat me like a human, and to acknowlege me, and like me. She didn't. So I always had a strong dislike for her. When she was dying I went to see her and my heart broke to see a person so shriveled and dying. I put my hand on her heart and left it was so difficult. I guess that hate is too strong and I know that we can live to regret hating. So I just wish she liked me and had a better underestanding of me. Her actions helped to ruin my first marriage. I am not sure that even now my ex realizes how big a role she played in our marriages final demise.

I am so sorry to hear that, it's not you and I hope that you know that now. Some people just love to hate and mine definitely hates me!! I could literally write a book of all the horrid things and lies that she has told her son about me. She is a miserable human being that turned a sweet 26 year old woman into one who has a lot of pain and sadness through the years of the things she has said that our marriage of 25 years is only hanging on by a thread. PLEASE do not feel bad that you wished that things could have been different, it's up to them as well, you cannot do it alone, especially when you know that your spouse will not back you up!! God Bless!!

I like sickandtired's idea. Why don't we all get together (even virtually in a chatroom) and start an online blog support site just for wonderful people with terrible MILs. Then we can eventually expand upon our stories in book format and make millions! If there are so many people just in this community with MIL problems, then you can guarentee that there are millions of us all over the Earth. Always remember when dealing with the MIL that you aren't alone.