MIL / Devil

i agree with AlwaysRemembers she is jellous of you. i go through this everyday. i have been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. he will not marrie me because his mother has him convinced that all i care about is his money. well be was broke when i met him and since has become very sucessful. i feel like she is the one who wants his money seeing how she wants a loan every other day and spends it all at the casino. sometimes mothers expecialy with there little boys feel there is no woman on earth deservent of his time dedication and love other than her. its a sad truth. i suggest you just ignore her crap and talk to your husband about how she makes you feel. if he cant stand up to her on your behalf leave him.

WOW! I thought my situation was unique but I am glad to find I am not alone in this.

THANKS TO THE MOM-IN-LAW ON HERE THAT IS NOT AN EVIL PERSON... YOU HAVE GOOD ADVICE!

Now to share a little of my story. I have been married for three years. During our engagement my hubby got drunk and slept with his ex-girlfriend. I found out I was pregnant and we moved up our wedding date. Five months later I give birth to our baby stillborn. His mother actually told me she was glad our child died... she is just an evil, evil woman. As if that is not enough of a tragedy, a month later his ex tells us she is six months pregnant- with twins. Up to this point my mil had run that woman's name through the mud (saying she slept around, had no class, was fat, just any insult you can think of) Now she refers to her as her best friend, her daughter... you get the picture.

She has convinced herself and the mother of my husband's children that we will hurt ( kill) the children if she lets us keep them.... says I am crazy and beat him... NONE of this is even close to true. I love our children and they love me, they are happy when they are with us... which is never since we have to go to the mil's house to see the children (we are going through a nasty court battle right now). I know she is trying to keep some kind of control over her son and since I have moved with him three hours away this is her last ditch effort to run me off. It will not ever end with her. She even tried to use my second pregancy to turn the children against their father, telling them that their father was replacing them and that I was trying to make them forget about them (I really hope this is not true but that is what came out of her mouth to him). Now each of the pregnancies that we have lost together (five altogether-one set of our own twins) I share nothing with her.

I love my hubby but he is so afraid to stand up to her ( she testified in court during our visitation trial that I called her saying he beat me and was doing drugs- once again this is crazy- we don't even yell at each other when we argue and drugs really???) I mean this woman is just evil!!!!! But if he doesn't do something soon he is going to lose his children and possibly even me. I know this stress can't be good for me especially since we are trying again to have a baby! I cannot honestly say I am trying because the idea of her being involved in my child's life is terrifying to me..... she tells him all the time she would try to take our child or take us to court for grandparent's visitation. I just wish he would cut off all contact with her!

In the end I think things will be okay because we have so much proof on our side that the mil and ex are manipulative and lying. But why go through all this drama.

He and I are happy, we get along great and I truly believe God gave me the perfect match (though he is far from perfect..lol). Being away from his family helps, but I can't let this woman take his children out of our lives. I know it may sound strange, but the twins are the brothers of my babies and I can't help but feel attached to them just for that reason. I just want what is best for them. that is for them to have a consistent, peaceful relationship with their father and grandmother.... or at least their father....

Wow is her name Lydia? I experienced the same thing and my MIL went out of her way to do mean things. This was over 20 years ago and I am still hurt by the things she did to me. It was so bad that it ended in divorce. It is up to your husband to stand up to his mother to put a stop to her bad behaviour, however, true narcisistic people are clueless that they are even mean at all. Our daughter is 23 years old now and can not visit her grand mother because she is so cruel and mean to this beautiful young woman who grew up fearing her grandmother. It is just nuts. Oh and yes the ex husband is 4 times divorced and still lives at home with his crazy mother. 50 years old and still attached by the umbilical cord. It is very sad. Cut your losses and change your limits for tolerance. No more, no more, no more. The MIL's only goal is to hurt. Do not give her that opportunity or power again. Good Luck.

WOW!!!!! Ur MIL is a real of work!!!! She reminds me of my MIL in many ways. At least ur Lucky ur hubby stands up for you. I've been married only 5 months and she has been making my and my families life hell ever since she found out we were dating. M y husband doesn't stand up for me and allows his mother to be this evil person to me. All he says is what do u want me to do "that's just the way she is". WTF. I too don't know where my marriage stands. Good luck in the war against the MIL's I'll be fighting it right by ur side LOL.

WOW!!!!! Ur MIL is a real of work!!!! She reminds me of my MIL in many ways. At least ur Lucky ur hubby stands up for you. I've been married only 5 months and she has been making my and my families life hell ever since she found out we were dating. M y husband doesn't stand up for me and allows his mother to be this evil person to me. All he says is what do u want me to do "that's just the way she is". WTF. I too don't know where my marriage stands. Good luck in the war against the MIL's I'll be fighting it right by ur side LOL.

I would get a job in another state and move!

I would get a job in another state and move!

My mother in law is actually the same exact way. I was reading your story and it felt like mine. I even had the same problems in the pregnancy. All I have to say, is stop letting her bug you. I know its hard, but she is nothing. She will always be nothing. Every time she is a snob or says something hurtful, turn it around. Thank her. Do whatever. Once she see's she dose not faze you, she looses all control of you. She is a power seeking B****. My best sugestion, move. Ask your husband if you guys can move. Get away from her. She is sick, very sick. And you dont need her. You have a good life, a beautiful daughter and a husband that loves you and stands up for you. Remember she is not worth loosing your marriage over. And somedays its hard, but keep your family together. And when I say your family, I mean, you, your husband, and your daughter. I really wish you the best of luck. Life sucks sometimes, dont it?

Dare I admit it? I AM a mother-in-law! My daughter and her husband have been married 16 years! We are all so close that, when my father passed away, my son-in-law spoke to the owner of the rental home next door to hubby and I and talked him into selling him the house. THEN, not only did they move in next door, the invited my mother to live with them...which she did for 7 years before she died.



I had one of THOSE mothers-in-law even though I married the boy next door (literally next door) and she'd known me all my life...and had no problem with me until I married her son.



May I pass on some secret mother-in-law information to all you wives. Some people are just mean trouble makers. They will smile to your face then spit in your Cheerios when nobody is looking. Some of those people end up being mothers-in-law! You're never going to change them...and, it isn't about YOU! It's about THEM and their life choices. They choose to be gossips and to cause trouble. YOU can choose to be angered by it or to simply not buy into her nastiness.



Realize that she's probably never going to be the "mom" you hoped for, grieve over that loss for a little while, and then move on. She's got something caught in her shiveled up little heart that's caused by a lifetime of experiences...real experiences or perceived ones. Many times, this kind of person picks on the most vulnerable...the one under whose skin she can crawl. They are masters of finding your vulnerabilities, and they're going to take aim whenever they can. Why? Because they're sad, sick, miserable people inside.



This type of person seems to delight in playing one person against the other. Trust me, everybody knows she does it...just don't fall into the trap of listening to her when she tries to get you involved in one of her little intrigues. You have caller ID, don't answer the phone if you see it's her unless you need or want to talk to her. If you do answer the phone, the very second you hear a negative comment tell her straight out that you're ending the phone call, then hang up. Sure she'll be mad as hell...but if you do it consistently...if she is left out in the cold so to speak, she will either give up speaking to you at all or she will change her attitude towards you. Either way YOU win! AND, your blood pressure will thank you.



Back off complaining about her to your husband. Men think they're supposed to solve all our problems, and a nasty Mother isn't a problem he CAN solve. Good men want to make their wives happy...want their wives to be treated nicely by their family...but not every good man comes from that kind of family, and eventually he gets exhausted from trying to deal with all the stress. He's got your back...you have his. Have a conversation with him and let him know how much stress this puts on you and that you know it also stresses him and tell him that you're going to stop giving her so much power in your lives. Then, try not to bring her up to him for six months. She won't have the opportunity to drive you nuts if you take command of that telephone...if you don't answer your door when you see it's her...if you don't discuss every nuance of every nasty thing she does with him.



ALSO, don't let the rest of his family discuss her or share their misery over her with you. Most families with a mother like this seem to have at least one child who takes up the gauntlet where Mom leaves off. One child who kisses up to Mom and tells you how unfair you're being to her. Remember, that child ALSO has a problem...but it's his/her problem, not yours...unless you let it become your problem. When they bring up problems about Mom, change the subject. Make a mental list of happy topics you can direct the conversation towards instead of letting them vent and bring you down. Don't let them make you feel guilty with their "but Mom misses you...her son...her grandkids" comments. Don't even answer those comments. With my mother-in-law, I found it really made a BIG difference when I simply diffused the power I'd given her in my life.



I also had to recognize that while she was a nasty b*tch, her kids still loved her at some level. THEY could complain about her nasty ways, but god forbid I should say I felt the same way...suddenly, they all became defensive of "good old mom". Once and only once (in 40 years) did I tell her off. Yup, it felt good at the time...felt like I'd cleared the air...felt like an elephant had been lifted off my back...THEN, I started to feel guilty...she was an old lady who had become who she was long ago and she was definitely a case of being an old dog who couldn't learn a new trick. She had been nasty to me for so long she simply couldn't turn it around. She played her other son's wife as the golden girl...I used to feel hurt by that, but one day the other son's wife told me how hurt she was that MIL loved ME best! We two daughters-in-law had a good laugh over that! I'll still never completely trust my sister-in-law because of the games MIL played with us, but we are now friends! I just don't open certain doors, much of my life is simply not shared with her...we're limited friends who held each other's hands in a moment of shared pain at MIL's funeral where she was eulogized as a "wonderful woman who never said an unkind word about anyone". In the last year of her life, while visiting my MIL with my husband, she shared how nasty HER mother-in-law had been to her and said how much she had learned from that experience. She meant she'd learned to be a GOOD MIL after having been mistreated by her own MIL, which was a real epiphany for me. She actually thought she was a GOOD MIL...I decided to accept that as a compliment to ME that I'd managed to compartmentalize her destructive value in my life without being miserable about it. My children grew up knowing their grandmother played nasty mind games and simple wrote her off as "the cranky one". Thankfully, they never felt a need to seek out her non-existant approval. As adults, they simply see it as her having missed out on knowing them!



I wish all MIL's understood that we daughters-in-law want to be part of the family, but unfortunately that's not in the cards for a whole lot of us. The only thing we can do is purposefully create a little box in our lives called mother-in-law. Keep her inside that box by not listening to her raving...by not allowing yourself to have any hopeful expectations about her...and don't put your husband into a position of constantly having to be pulled into the mess. Your marriage will be stronger for it, and not only will you be a happier wife, you'll raise children to understand that there are all types of people in this world and that if they accept that simple fact they won't spend years in therapy trying to figure out what's wrong with THEM because grandma could never love them. It isn't about you...it isn't about your husband...it isn't about your children. It's a life choice your mother in law has made because in some odd, sick reality it works for her. Make different choices work for you! Good luck y'all...I DO feel your pain!

I am a newly wed, and my MIL has been hating me the day my husband told her I was hispanic (she is middle eastern).



She has been staying with us, and it has been HELL in this house. She talks all day on how hispanics are not educated, how they try to copy the Italian language (her ex-husband,my husbands father, is Italian and she lived in Italy with him for 20+ years) She says they push her in the street and they are jealous of her because she speaks Italian. My parents and myself were born and raised in the USA yet she still asks if we were born in "Mexico" everyday even though I am of Puerto Rican and Dominican descent. She asks if my mother speaks English, even though my mother is a school teacher, was the Manager at Macy's in NYC Manhatten, and ownes properties. Anyways,I am quiet and I listen to her rambling. When I cook, she says "oh it taste good, but you got it from the book so you didnt cook it". She complains when I turn the light on in the kitchen during the day saying I am making my husband broke.



She calls her sisters and complains how her son married a lazy hispanic. She brags about my husbands ex whom they have a baby. His ex is chinese and she said chinese are better than hispanic because the chinese, middle easterns, and eurpeoans belong on the same continent. LOL! She says she doesnt want anymore grandchileren from him. I could care less, when I have a baby I wouldnt DARE not let that crazy b**** near my childeren.



She puts all our sheets outside and keeps saying "in the middle east we do this, we are kind people. Not like you".



Her english is horrible, yet when I simply told her where the cheerios are (she ate them all) she responded " I 'ave bin in de college fifteen years, when you were still learning to wipe your ***, I speak english I am not stupid".



She tells my husband lies about me. She pruposly pushes my buttons, and everytime me and my husband talk, she goes physco and starts yelling that I am talking about her.



ARGHHHHHHHHHHH



She is leaving today but she said she will be back in two more days. She is SO annoying arghhhh!!! She doesnt even take a showers.



She walks around the house with rubber gloves and asks if I touch the counters or sinks, when I say yes, she throws anti bacterial and 409 on it saying I have germs and I am dirty. That she studied about these things and I know nothing.



She doesnt let me cook, I tell her my husband is a picky eater, she says "my Fabio, he eats everything I make it. Maybe if you were good to him he wouldnt be picky with you"



My husband HATES his mom, she left him and his brother and dad when he was 8 so he hardly knows her. We have been trying to cope with her but it is so unbearable, and she has been here for only 5 days!!! She is going back home next week where she lives five hours away



Buh bye MONSTER in law!!!!

I also have an evil manipulative mil. Believe me, the relationship problem lies between mother and son. Not you. I am sure that your husband has been mistreated by her his entire life. There is a type of child abuse-it is called selective abuse--where the abusive parent takes all of his/her abusive behaviours out on one child. The other children in the family are often doted over. None of the siblings or even your husband ever talk about this do they? The abuse you and your child are suffering is just an extension of this. You see, it is just not possible in her eyes that he could have picked a good woman or have a terrific kid because he is some kind of demon seed. Everything he does is wrong in her eyes. Believe me, I am living this now and I can tell you that my husband refuses to confront his mother about any of this. As a result, nothing changes. Isn't the definition of insanity to do the same thing over and over and expect a differant result. It is so not you---therefore there is little that you can do. Just know that you are in the right. The best advice I can give you is to expect nothing from her----that way you will never be dissappointed.

Hi. just seen this site. At the present time i am so furious I cannot even articulate what I want to say. So as you can guess I am new to the wrath of the mother in law " I just shuddered physically" It was a relieve to read your story and i will continue reading some other stories on this site till I can calm down and some how resemble my old self again. When I finally uncurl my tongue from my palate and get my head around what just happened to me, no doubt their will be no stopping me. Till then bear with, keep it together and hopefully sanity will reply soon. pray for me!!!! sersiously!!

It's really a shame that though we are all strangers,our stories seem so much similar.

I could really use the open minds of all you in reading what I'm about to share because I really have no where else to turn to vent!

My husband and I are HS sweet hearts, we began dating our senior year and have been together coming up on 9 yrs. When I met his mother, I had already made up my mind that I was gonna love her to pieces and she seemed to feel the same and was so sweet-SO I Thought! She was married to a Pastor and professed to be a christian and I loved that about her. It was not long before I noticed how willing she was to give me negative information about her closest loved ones even before I met them. This seemed wrong but I thought she was just warning me to help me! I found out 3 things, I didn't find the same faults in the people that she warned me about -they were fine!, She did the same thing behind my back and smiled in my face and others as she did it while she did it. 9 yrs later she is the co-pastor beside her husband of our 5 member church and I found out recently from my new sister in law that my MIL has been keeping us divided by telling us that the other one is talking behind the others back. At the same time she's also disclosing personal and private things that I told her almost 7 or 8 years ago. I was so embarrassed to hear some of those things repeated back to me. My MIL has felt like she can talk to me however she chooses and finally 2 yrs ago I let her know that if she didn't have anything positive to say that she could stop speaking to me altogether because I would rather avoid an enemy not share conversations and hugs while she secretly hated me. She's never told me why she has been so mean to me and I don't really care to hear her lie one up, But at this point would I be wrong for leaving the church because she is my pastor and she gossips about me? There is no perfect church -I know but This just seems wrong and my husband agrees but he feels sorry for them because in 5 yrs the church hasn't grown beyond 5 members and her gossiping about them may be why because she's don't it soooo much! What would you do?

My heart goes out to you, I feel your pain. I'm so envious of my friends who have great MIL's but I get stuck with the one from hell. Heck I'd say that I know who Hitler and Khan came back as .... my MIL. Your MIL is nuts! Just remember that you are better than her and ..... I hear that Sears has a chair on sale just for MIL's. The only bad part of the chair is that you gotta get her to plug it in!

i feel you my mother in law acts more like the wife than mother she acts like she can't drive herself anywhere she can get my husband to do anything but i have to wait

I haven't read all of the comments, since there are so many of them, so I might be repeating what someone else has already said. But...You need to cut her out of your life. completely. You and your husband. Do not let this woman ruin your marriage. You married him, not his family. If she is affected by being completely cut out and having no contact with either of you and wishes to contact you and try to work things out, you must lay down ground rules, boundaries, and she must respect them and you or she cannot be a part of your life. My mom and her sister have no contact with each other, my aunt is a nasty person who has hurt my mom greatly. We have family get togethers we everyone but her and her husband, and they do their own thing and invite the rest of their family without us. It is sad that it is seperate, but that is the way it has to be. Seriously, don't let her walk over you or have any more power or control in your life. You take care of your husband and children and yourself. It will be her loss.

Good luck.

I feel like I'm in the exact same situation. I have a mother in law from hell!! Since day one, she has made me feel uncomfortable. My husband has a child with another woman and my mother in law and her are closer than us. I constantly have to hear about her everytime I'm around her and my mother in law attends parties for the ex such as baby showers, weddings, etc. My mother in law has nothing to do with our child. She attends all events for the other child but won't even acknowledge mine. The ex and I hate each other and I believe my mother in law is stirring up trouble. My mother in law is constantly interfering in our life in any way possible. She knows our financial business from my husband, she tries to plan our weekend, etc. The worst part of all is she gives me gifts that are laying around her house that she wraps!! How cheap and rude!!! And she has money that she can afford to spend!! Things are getting worse and my husband constantly makes excuses for her. I'm at a point where I can't stand it anymore and want to leave but don't want her to ruin what me and my husband have. But i need my husband to support me to make it work and it's not happening!!!!! I'm so aggravated and tires of the crap!!!

my husband and i are getting a divorce and a huge part of the reason is his mother....i hate her, she is the engineer of the crazy train...the most insincere, fake excuse for a human being i've ever known...wingnut personified!!!

mt thoughts and prayers are with you my ex mil was like that , she begged and begged me to stay with her and her husband when my ex got deployed , and when i did she tried to burn the house down while i was taking a nap!!!!!

you shouldn't let her define you 2 tho ! even if it means the family should come over to your place for visits and just ignore her 100% ,but you 2 love each other and have a baby girl together , thats special and sometimes ties have to be cut to get what you what , even the ones that seem like you can cut ,

All my love goes out to ya hun!

Girl I'm right there with you. My mil is super close with my hubby's ex. It's been really hard to see his children from the previous marriage bc we're in different states...but His MOm is sooo freakin up his ex's a$$ that she got to have HIS kids for a month during the summer. Last summer she took his kids to Florida. She's barely taken the time to get to know her step grand kids....and only ever calls to find out how our son is excluding my other children. OH and my bil and his wife were pregnant last yr and my bil's wife told me that my mil was constantly talking about watching the new baby and buying crap for her baby and all that. She got us a pack of diapers and an outfit from a cosignment shop. She calls to take only our son when there's something she wants to do. She took only my son to meet her side of the family. Her dad and brothers and crap...but left my other children out of it. How sweet is she. Oh and my bil's wife had a falling out with her and told me that all she ever heard her say was that it was only a matter of time when my hubby leaves me and goes back to his ex!!! UGH. But what sucks is she always makes it seem like I'm just paranoid....like she hasn't picked sides or favorites...but it's pretty clear how she feels. Fortunately for me...my hubby could give two sh*ts how his mother feels. He has his own issues with her and prefers her at a distance! Yay me!

Here's the hard part about leaving dear MIL out of my life. The brother and sister in laws have been poisoned by her to think I have the problem, and she has done no wrong. They can't understand why we don't come around like we used to. So, do we exclude ourselves from them as well? It is hard to seperate the two, and they are ALL on momma's side!

Thanks.

This is what I recommend. Don't have one thing to do with her. Don't be angry just create your life as if she's not important and doesn't exist. It seems you are constantly looking for her acceptence and approval, it seems your not going to get it so quite trying. I would not invite her to anything least of all the renewal of your wedding vows. And I would seriously suggest that your husband looks for a job elsewhere remove this poision from your life and don't look back. Yes you may think but I want the perfect family..... well you don't have it but you can choose close friends and invite certian family over you want to be close with just let them know you dont want to hear anything from your mother inlaw or about her because it brings negativety to your life...... Best of luck to you

It's sad! Yes, I have a MIL and FIL who have never accepted me in the past 22 years. They have no idea who I am or what I'm about. It doesn't matter to them; they have formed an opinion years ago and thats that. I have an okay good marriage, but because of their lack of involvement, it weighs heavy on me. We live close by, but they make it clear they want NO part of anything we do. They kids barely know them. I had tried in the earlier years to be the one to come around, etc. , but MIL always said things to me in private that she pretended she never said. It took YEARS for my husband to believe that his mother was evil. He doubted me on many occasions when I'd tell him what his dear Ma said or did. In addition, our kids have never been invited to spend the night or spend time, for that matter. They have not been to any school functions, although some were right ACROSS the street from them! There has always been a reason why they couldn't show up, babysit, or do something fun with them. Now, years later, I am frustrated that I have lived a life of isolation from this family while the others seem to have a full life of involvement. The other family members are always talked about, spoiled, and Grandma and Grandpa tell us how they saw so and so at this play and that musical, or how much fun it was when so and so spent the night. Once we ASKED them if they could, but dear Grandma said she was busy, and that was the end of it. WTH? I was always a happy go lucky person with a positive attitude. It's as if they have sucked it out of me and made me feel very inadequate as a person. My FIL even "hushes" me if I laugh or joke around! They raised 9 kids, so you'd think they would be all about family...Only some of the kids and grandkids are loved. I keep telling my husband that I can't go back because it hurts to be insulted and criticized about everything I do. They correct my English and anything else they can find. I can't quite seem to stick to my promise and find myself feeling ill when we have to visit them...(we have to keep up appearances so they can pretend we are close!) They haven't been to our home in years, nor have called in ages to ask about us or the kids. Nothing. What's a wife to do when her husband is not able to confront his parents? He says he tried, but his mother quickly put him in his place and made him feel as if she has never done anything wrong. She continues to sit at her throne as the rest of us are expected to bow down and let her reign continue.

Why do you care if this horror story has anything to do with your precious child? She is a psychopath and she won't be satisfied until she has made you as miserable as she is. Get out. You and her son should pack up and go as far from her as you can. That's what we did 41 years ago and we have never looked back. We left BOTH families behind and it was the best thing we ever did. We both worked very hard to educate ourselves and we are much better off than any of the rest we left behind in Hooterville and we gave our son a great education too. We see them but we don't need anything from them and it really makes us so FREE. At least your husband is sticking up for you. A lot of men don't. Mine did as well. I'll bet that woman does her best to make everyone unhappy, playing one off against another. I know the type. You and your husband should walk away now and don't let her ruin your life. Good Luck!

Look up Borderline Personality disorder on the net and try to understand this awful woman. She is nuts

I call my mother in law the "patron saint of hypocrites" because she professes to be a Christian - she even thinks God talks to her directly - yet she is two faced and just plain mean. She is a coward who never cleans up any messes she has made in other people's lives.

Good luck dealing with her. You'll never be right!

MILs are always mean, they like to control their sons and grand children and try to keep the daughter in law out of the way as if the grand child came without her.... i wish i could put black paint on mine

I feel for you, I really do. I moved across the country to live with my husband and his side of the family. I was pregnant, my MIL is the type of woman that is trying to act like a 20yr old and still wanting to be center of attention in her boys lives. She always had subtle insults and slams towards me. And my husband unlike yours never defended me. He always defended her and made me the villian. People who are unhappy and miserable have nothing better to do than meddle and make others around them as unhappy as them. I truly believe this. Its just jealously and being misreable and getting old. My MIL cannot light a candle next to me and she knows it. I came from Croatia at the age of 10, I know how to cook, clean, read/write/speak 5 languages, sew, garden, and I have a masters degree in nursing. And she tries to put me down!!! Its because she is miserable and it seems them same with your MIL. They don't know what to do with themselves they are getting older, fee like they have no control so they meddle because they are not accomplished.

omg set some limits just tell him what the limits are and it will help everyone..... she would be happier involving herself in other issues or volunteering or anything but making her own relatives crazy after 20 years of having my mother-in-law visit during times that my husband "had to work" i simply said NO MORE SHE"S YOUR MOTHER not that i'm proud that it took me 20 years/ i'm definitely a slow learner and as a woman, by definition, too, too kind LIMITS will save your relationship and/or make it what you want it to be

wow this is some story i wouldnt worry about her too much just you be happy!

You should check out www.mil-fromhell.com