MIL / Devil

Ok, here goes. Hope all of you are sitting down as you read this. I know some of you can actually relate which will be a shame, but there are hateful people in the world like this and what a waste. I have been with my husband for four years now and married for two. Since day one, she treated me like a door mat. I had to hear all the stories about my husband and his ex wife and was constatly compared to this girl. It was so funny, cause she hated this girl, but she always compared me to her. I would always just let her talk cause I knew how she was and I wanted my boyfriend's mom to like me. My mother died when I was a baby and it has always been very important for mothers to like me for some reason, guess cause I never had one. Well we started to kind of form a bond at one point, but then out of the blue she started getting along with the ex wife and they became close again and she started hating on me. That right there made my husband so angry that she could even be close with his ex, but this is the type of woman she is. Myself and his ex didn't get along at all for years and we now know that she was the reason we didn't get along. She would constantly get in between us and stir the pot. My hubby and his ex have a child together and her and I decided when I was pregnant that we needed to talk our problems out like mature women and we did. Things are great between her and I now and worse between me and my mil. Of course they are closer than ever and she tells people that she is still her daughter in law. What a slap in the face right? We never go to her house anymore cause if I go, she throws her nose up in the air, make comments or stares me down so hard my head feels like it's on fire. All my bils and sils want me over there to go hang with them, but it's so hard for me to go over there and watch her glote on all of them and compltely ignore me and my husband. She treats my husband like he is the black sheep of the family and she will tell him it's because she resents him being married to me. He has always had my back since day one, but it's so hard cause they work together and he has to hear all her crap everyday. Anytime any of my friends run into her, she talks really bad about me and tells everyone that the whole family doens't like me. When we got married two years ago, we had a very small ceremony, but we asked our parents and siblings to come. I wanted my dad, his dad and mom to sign the marriage license. They did not even come to the wedding cause they had to plant corn at their camp in MS for hunting season. When they got back and saw that members from my family had gone, she started telling everyone how evil I was cause I didn't invite them to the wedding. Can you believe that? Well I confronted her on that one in front of my fil and the family and she lied until she was blue in the face. They all know that we invited them though cause they were all their when we told them we wanted them to sign the license at the ceremony. SHE IS NUTS!! She starts her crap all the time and then lies when you confront her. When I got pregnant, we were so excited about it and we went to tell her, her response was " Oh, I am not ready for another grandbaby right now". WTF!!! It's not her baby, so why would she say that. My hubby was so mad and of course tears were building up in my eyes that he grabbed me and said lets go baby and told her she was so out of line. Then she had the nerve to call us later and tell us she didn't mean it like that, she was just in shock. It wasn't ok with either one of us though cause she was being mean. Well once again, when we found out the sex of the baby we went to tell her and her response in front of the whole family was " I don't like girls, I don't know how to deal with them, it's a shame it's not going to be a boy". It crushed me and once again my hubby jumped her *** and we left. My entire pregnancy i was in and out of the hospital with high blood pressure and nausea really bad and she cause most of the stress, but the minute I would get put in the hospital she was the first one there with flowers and all. She is physco!!! She actually wanted to be in the room when I delivered and I was like not no, but hell no. Well since my daughter has been born she won't have anything to do with her. She sees all of her other grandchildren all the time though and throws it in my hubby's face everyday how she watches them and spends time with them. The last time she saw my daughter we were at a birthday party for my nephew and my daughter was at her leg just staring at her and she didn't even tell her hello or pick her up or anything. She just walked away from her like she was nothing. It breaks my heart, but what should I do. It has gotten so bad right now that I don't even know where my marriage stands. The sad part is we are right in the middle of planning a renewal of vows ceremony and reception since we didn't do what we wanted the first time and I don't even know if we will make it to that point. I love my husband so much, but I can't deal with the constant bullying of his mother.
sickandtired sickandtired
26-30, F
92 Responses May 16, 2007

Who cares what the Mother n law thinks he is married to you and YOU come first simple as that if he chooses his mother over you file for divorce!!!!

If I were you, I would have nothing to do with her and I would tell your husband its either her or you. I would break all ties with her and have your husband do the same. I would have family get togethers at your house and NOT invite her! Your husband should understand because she treats him badly as well. I have a monster in law myself. She lies and takes advantage of her kids and to top it all off she molested her daughter and beat her if she didn't do what he wanted. I cant stand her coming around my house because its get this or get that. She acts like she's a queen & have to wait on her hand & foot. I also believe she molested my husband because of the way he acts when she is around. Last time she was here she asked if I had a toothepick and before I let her tell me to get it I interupted & told her where they were &she got up to get it herself. My husband acts like he's aggravated when she tells him to give her a hug & he rolls his eyes. I see tention when shes around. One of these days I'm going to say something to her of how she is when shes here. Next time shes hateful to me I'm letting my husband know and to tell her to just stay away!! Sorry about putting my story on y ours but when I think of her I cringe!! I would just stay away from her period!!

Agreed!!!

i agree with AlwaysRemembers she is jellous of you. i go through this everyday. i have been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. he will not marrie me because his mother has him convinced that all i care about is his money. well be was broke when i met him and since has become very sucessful. i feel like she is the one who wants his money seeing how she wants a loan every other day and spends it all at the casino. sometimes mothers expecialy with there little boys feel there is no woman on earth deservent of his time dedication and love other than her. its a sad truth. i suggest you just ignore her crap and talk to your husband about how she makes you feel. if he cant stand up to her on your behalf leave him.

WOW! I thought my situation was unique but I am glad to find I am not alone in this. <br />
THANKS TO THE MOM-IN-LAW ON HERE THAT IS NOT AN EVIL PERSON... YOU HAVE GOOD ADVICE!<br />
Now to share a little of my story. I have been married for three years. During our engagement my hubby got drunk and slept with his ex-girlfriend. I found out I was pregnant and we moved up our wedding date. Five months later I give birth to our baby stillborn. His mother actually told me she was glad our child died... she is just an evil, evil woman. As if that is not enough of a tragedy, a month later his ex tells us she is six months pregnant- with twins. Up to this point my mil had run that woman's name through the mud (saying she slept around, had no class, was fat, just any insult you can think of) Now she refers to her as her best friend, her daughter... you get the picture. <br />
She has convinced herself and the mother of my husband's children that we will hurt ( kill) the children if she lets us keep them.... says I am crazy and beat him... NONE of this is even close to true. I love our children and they love me, they are happy when they are with us... which is never since we have to go to the mil's house to see the children (we are going through a nasty court battle right now). I know she is trying to keep some kind of control over her son and since I have moved with him three hours away this is her last ditch effort to run me off. It will not ever end with her. She even tried to use my second pregancy to turn the children against their father, telling them that their father was replacing them and that I was trying to make them forget about them (I really hope this is not true but that is what came out of her mouth to him). Now each of the pregnancies that we have lost together (five altogether-one set of our own twins) I share nothing with her. <br />
I love my hubby but he is so afraid to stand up to her ( she testified in court during our visitation trial that I called her saying he beat me and was doing drugs- once again this is crazy- we don't even yell at each other when we argue and drugs really???) I mean this woman is just evil!!!!! But if he doesn't do something soon he is going to lose his children and possibly even me. I know this stress can't be good for me especially since we are trying again to have a baby! I cannot honestly say I am trying because the idea of her being involved in my child's life is terrifying to me..... she tells him all the time she would try to take our child or take us to court for grandparent's visitation. I just wish he would cut off all contact with her!<br />
In the end I think things will be okay because we have so much proof on our side that the mil and ex are manipulative and lying. But why go through all this drama. <br />
He and I are happy, we get along great and I truly believe God gave me the perfect match (though he is far from perfect..lol). Being away from his family helps, but I can't let this woman take his children out of our lives. I know it may sound strange, but the twins are the brothers of my babies and I can't help but feel attached to them just for that reason. I just want what is best for them. that is for them to have a consistent, peaceful relationship with their father and grandmother.... or at least their father....

Wow is her name Lydia? I experienced the same thing and my MIL went out of her way to do mean things. This was over 20 years ago and I am still hurt by the things she did to me. It was so bad that it ended in divorce. It is up to your husband to stand up to his mother to put a stop to her bad behaviour, however, true narcisistic people are clueless that they are even mean at all. Our daughter is 23 years old now and can not visit her grand mother because she is so cruel and mean to this beautiful young woman who grew up fearing her grandmother. It is just nuts. Oh and yes the ex husband is 4 times divorced and still lives at home with his crazy mother. 50 years old and still attached by the umbilical cord. It is very sad. Cut your losses and change your limits for tolerance. No more, no more, no more. The MIL's only goal is to hurt. Do not give her that opportunity or power again. Good Luck.

WOW!!!!! Ur MIL is a real of work!!!! She reminds me of my MIL in many ways. At least ur Lucky ur hubby stands up for you. I've been married only 5 months and she has been making my and my families life hell ever since she found out we were dating. M y husband doesn't stand up for me and allows his mother to be this evil person to me. All he says is what do u want me to do "that's just the way she is". WTF. I too don't know where my marriage stands. Good luck in the war against the MIL's I'll be fighting it right by ur side LOL.

WOW!!!!! Ur MIL is a real of work!!!! She reminds me of my MIL in many ways. At least ur Lucky ur hubby stands up for you. I've been married only 5 months and she has been making my and my families life hell ever since she found out we were dating. M y husband doesn't stand up for me and allows his mother to be this evil person to me. All he says is what do u want me to do "that's just the way she is". WTF. I too don't know where my marriage stands. Good luck in the war against the MIL's I'll be fighting it right by ur side LOL.

I would get a job in another state and move!

I would get a job in another state and move!

My mother in law is actually the same exact way. I was reading your story and it felt like mine. I even had the same problems in the pregnancy. All I have to say, is stop letting her bug you. I know its hard, but she is nothing. She will always be nothing. Every time she is a snob or says something hurtful, turn it around. Thank her. Do whatever. Once she see's she dose not faze you, she looses all control of you. She is a power seeking B****. My best sugestion, move. Ask your husband if you guys can move. Get away from her. She is sick, very sick. And you dont need her. You have a good life, a beautiful daughter and a husband that loves you and stands up for you. Remember she is not worth loosing your marriage over. And somedays its hard, but keep your family together. And when I say your family, I mean, you, your husband, and your daughter. I really wish you the best of luck. Life sucks sometimes, dont it?

Dare I admit it? I AM a mother-in-law! My daughter and her husband have been married 16 years! We are all so close that, when my father passed away, my son-in-law spoke to the owner of the rental home next door to hubby and I and talked him into selling him the house. THEN, not only did they move in next door, the invited my mother to live with them...which she did for 7 years before she died.<br />
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I had one of THOSE mothers-in-law even though I married the boy next door (literally next door) and she'd known me all my life...and had no problem with me until I married her son. <br />
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May I pass on some secret mother-in-law information to all you wives. Some people are just mean trouble makers. They will smile to your face then spit in your Cheerios when nobody is looking. Some of those people end up being mothers-in-law! You're never going to change them...and, it isn't about YOU! It's about THEM and their life choices. They choose to be gossips and to cause trouble. YOU can choose to be angered by it or to simply not buy into her nastiness. <br />
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Realize that she's probably never going to be the "mom" you hoped for, grieve over that loss for a little while, and then move on. She's got something caught in her shiveled up little heart that's caused by a lifetime of experiences...real experiences or perceived ones. Many times, this kind of person picks on the most vulnerable...the one under whose skin she can crawl. They are masters of finding your vulnerabilities, and they're going to take aim whenever they can. Why? Because they're sad, sick, miserable people inside. <br />
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This type of person seems to delight in playing one person against the other. Trust me, everybody knows she does it...just don't fall into the trap of listening to her when she tries to get you involved in one of her little intrigues. You have caller ID, don't answer the phone if you see it's her unless you need or want to talk to her. If you do answer the phone, the very second you hear a negative comment tell her straight out that you're ending the phone call, then hang up. Sure she'll be mad as hell...but if you do it consistently...if she is left out in the cold so to speak, she will either give up speaking to you at all or she will change her attitude towards you. Either way YOU win! AND, your blood pressure will thank you. <br />
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Back off complaining about her to your husband. Men think they're supposed to solve all our problems, and a nasty Mother isn't a problem he CAN solve. Good men want to make their wives happy...want their wives to be treated nicely by their family...but not every good man comes from that kind of family, and eventually he gets exhausted from trying to deal with all the stress. He's got your back...you have his. Have a conversation with him and let him know how much stress this puts on you and that you know it also stresses him and tell him that you're going to stop giving her so much power in your lives. Then, try not to bring her up to him for six months. She won't have the opportunity to drive you nuts if you take command of that telephone...if you don't answer your door when you see it's her...if you don't discuss every nuance of every nasty thing she does with him. <br />
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ALSO, don't let the rest of his family discuss her or share their misery over her with you. Most families with a mother like this seem to have at least one child who takes up the gauntlet where Mom leaves off. One child who kisses up to Mom and tells you how unfair you're being to her. Remember, that child ALSO has a problem...but it's his/her problem, not yours...unless you let it become your problem. When they bring up problems about Mom, change the subject. Make a mental list of happy topics you can direct the conversation towards instead of letting them vent and bring you down. Don't let them make you feel guilty with their "but Mom misses you...her son...her grandkids" comments. Don't even answer those comments. With my mother-in-law, I found it really made a BIG difference when I simply diffused the power I'd given her in my life. <br />
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I also had to recognize that while she was a nasty b*tch, her kids still loved her at some level. THEY could complain about her nasty ways, but god forbid I should say I felt the same way...suddenly, they all became defensive of "good old mom". Once and only once (in 40 years) did I tell her off. Yup, it felt good at the time...felt like I'd cleared the air...felt like an elephant had been lifted off my back...THEN, I started to feel guilty...she was an old lady who had become who she was long ago and she was definitely a case of being an old dog who couldn't learn a new trick. She had been nasty to me for so long she simply couldn't turn it around. She played her other son's wife as the golden girl...I used to feel hurt by that, but one day the other son's wife told me how hurt she was that MIL loved ME best! We two daughters-in-law had a good laugh over that! I'll still never completely trust my sister-in-law because of the games MIL played with us, but we are now friends! I just don't open certain doors, much of my life is simply not shared with her...we're limited friends who held each other's hands in a moment of shared pain at MIL's funeral where she was eulogized as a "wonderful woman who never said an unkind word about anyone". In the last year of her life, while visiting my MIL with my husband, she shared how nasty HER mother-in-law had been to her and said how much she had learned from that experience. She meant she'd learned to be a GOOD MIL after having been mistreated by her own MIL, which was a real epiphany for me. She actually thought she was a GOOD MIL...I decided to accept that as a compliment to ME that I'd managed to compartmentalize her destructive value in my life without being miserable about it. My children grew up knowing their grandmother played nasty mind games and simple wrote her off as "the cranky one". Thankfully, they never felt a need to seek out her non-existant approval. As adults, they simply see it as her having missed out on knowing them!<br />
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I wish all MIL's understood that we daughters-in-law want to be part of the family, but unfortunately that's not in the cards for a whole lot of us. The only thing we can do is purposefully create a little box in our lives called mother-in-law. Keep her inside that box by not listening to her raving...by not allowing yourself to have any hopeful expectations about her...and don't put your husband into a position of constantly having to be pulled into the mess. Your marriage will be stronger for it, and not only will you be a happier wife, you'll raise children to understand that there are all types of people in this world and that if they accept that simple fact they won't spend years in therapy trying to figure out what's wrong with THEM because grandma could never love them. It isn't about you...it isn't about your husband...it isn't about your children. It's a life choice your mother in law has made because in some odd, sick reality it works for her. Make different choices work for you! Good luck y'all...I DO feel your pain!

I am a newly wed, and my MIL has been hating me the day my husband told her I was hispanic (she is middle eastern).<br />
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She has been staying with us, and it has been HELL in this house. She talks all day on how hispanics are not educated, how they try to copy the Italian language (her ex-husband,my husbands father, is Italian and she lived in Italy with him for 20+ years) She says they push her in the street and they are jealous of her because she speaks Italian. My parents and myself were born and raised in the USA yet she still asks if we were born in "Mexico" everyday even though I am of Puerto Rican and Dominican descent. She asks if my mother speaks English, even though my mother is a school teacher, was the Manager at Macy's in NYC Manhatten, and ownes properties. Anyways,I am quiet and I listen to her rambling. When I cook, she says "oh it taste good, but you got it from the book so you didnt cook it". She complains when I turn the light on in the kitchen during the day saying I am making my husband broke.<br />
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She calls her sisters and complains how her son married a lazy hispanic. She brags about my husbands ex whom they have a baby. His ex is chinese and she said chinese are better than hispanic because the chinese, middle easterns, and eurpeoans belong on the same continent. LOL! She says she doesnt want anymore grandchileren from him. I could care less, when I have a baby I wouldnt DARE not let that crazy b**** near my childeren.<br />
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She puts all our sheets outside and keeps saying "in the middle east we do this, we are kind people. Not like you".<br />
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Her english is horrible, yet when I simply told her where the cheerios are (she ate them all) she responded " I 'ave bin in de college fifteen years, when you were still learning to wipe your ***, I speak english I am not stupid".<br />
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She tells my husband lies about me. She pruposly pushes my buttons, and everytime me and my husband talk, she goes physco and starts yelling that I am talking about her.<br />
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ARGHHHHHHHHHHH<br />
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She is leaving today but she said she will be back in two more days. She is SO annoying arghhhh!!! She doesnt even take a showers.<br />
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She walks around the house with rubber gloves and asks if I touch the counters or sinks, when I say yes, she throws anti bacterial and 409 on it saying I have germs and I am dirty. That she studied about these things and I know nothing.<br />
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She doesnt let me cook, I tell her my husband is a picky eater, she says "my Fabio, he eats everything I make it. Maybe if you were good to him he wouldnt be picky with you"<br />
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My husband HATES his mom, she left him and his brother and dad when he was 8 so he hardly knows her. We have been trying to cope with her but it is so unbearable, and she has been here for only 5 days!!! She is going back home next week where she lives five hours away<br />
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Buh bye MONSTER in law!!!!

I know you posted that three years ago, but I still have to respond.

I feel for you, hon! My sister's former MIL would always be racist to my sister! We are half American half Serbian, and MIL would refer to my sister as "That damn Russian" and never let her cook, because 'She would just cook Russian food'. If my sister-GASP- use the restroom when MIL was over, she'd say "Your bathroom isn't clean enough, is that what it's like in Russia?" WTH

I also have an evil manipulative mil. Believe me, the relationship problem lies between mother and son. Not you. I am sure that your husband has been mistreated by her his entire life. There is a type of child abuse-it is called selective abuse--where the abusive parent takes all of his/her abusive behaviours out on one child. The other children in the family are often doted over. None of the siblings or even your husband ever talk about this do they? The abuse you and your child are suffering is just an extension of this. You see, it is just not possible in her eyes that he could have picked a good woman or have a terrific kid because he is some kind of demon seed. Everything he does is wrong in her eyes. Believe me, I am living this now and I can tell you that my husband refuses to confront his mother about any of this. As a result, nothing changes. Isn't the definition of insanity to do the same thing over and over and expect a differant result. It is so not you---therefore there is little that you can do. Just know that you are in the right. The best advice I can give you is to expect nothing from her----that way you will never be dissappointed.

Hi. just seen this site. At the present time i am so furious I cannot even articulate what I want to say. So as you can guess I am new to the wrath of the mother in law " I just shuddered physically" It was a relieve to read your story and i will continue reading some other stories on this site till I can calm down and some how resemble my old self again. When I finally uncurl my tongue from my palate and get my head around what just happened to me, no doubt their will be no stopping me. Till then bear with, keep it together and hopefully sanity will reply soon. pray for me!!!! sersiously!!

It's really a shame that though we are all strangers,our stories seem so much similar. <br />
I could really use the open minds of all you in reading what I'm about to share because I really have no where else to turn to vent!<br />
My husband and I are HS sweet hearts, we began dating our senior year and have been together coming up on 9 yrs. When I met his mother, I had already made up my mind that I was gonna love her to pieces and she seemed to feel the same and was so sweet-SO I Thought! She was married to a Pastor and professed to be a christian and I loved that about her. It was not long before I noticed how willing she was to give me negative information about her closest loved ones even before I met them. This seemed wrong but I thought she was just warning me to help me! I found out 3 things, I didn't find the same faults in the people that she warned me about -they were fine!, She did the same thing behind my back and smiled in my face and others as she did it while she did it. 9 yrs later she is the co-pastor beside her husband of our 5 member church and I found out recently from my new sister in law that my MIL has been keeping us divided by telling us that the other one is talking behind the others back. At the same time she's also disclosing personal and private things that I told her almost 7 or 8 years ago. I was so embarrassed to hear some of those things repeated back to me. My MIL has felt like she can talk to me however she chooses and finally 2 yrs ago I let her know that if she didn't have anything positive to say that she could stop speaking to me altogether because I would rather avoid an enemy not share conversations and hugs while she secretly hated me. She's never told me why she has been so mean to me and I don't really care to hear her lie one up, But at this point would I be wrong for leaving the church because she is my pastor and she gossips about me? There is no perfect church -I know but This just seems wrong and my husband agrees but he feels sorry for them because in 5 yrs the church hasn't grown beyond 5 members and her gossiping about them may be why because she's don't it soooo much! What would you do?

My heart goes out to you, I feel your pain. I'm so envious of my friends who have great MIL's but I get stuck with the one from hell. Heck I'd say that I know who Hitler and Khan came back as .... my MIL. Your MIL is nuts! Just remember that you are better than her and ..... I hear that Sears has a chair on sale just for MIL's. The only bad part of the chair is that you gotta get her to plug it in!

i feel you my mother in law acts more like the wife than mother she acts like she can't drive herself anywhere she can get my husband to do anything but i have to wait

I feel like I'm in the exact same situation. I have a mother in law from hell!! Since day one, she has made me feel uncomfortable. My husband has a child with another woman and my mother in law and her are closer than us. I constantly have to hear about her everytime I'm around her and my mother in law attends parties for the ex such as baby showers, weddings, etc. My mother in law has nothing to do with our child. She attends all events for the other child but won't even acknowledge mine. The ex and I hate each other and I believe my mother in law is stirring up trouble. My mother in law is constantly interfering in our life in any way possible. She knows our financial business from my husband, she tries to plan our weekend, etc. The worst part of all is she gives me gifts that are laying around her house that she wraps!! How cheap and rude!!! And she has money that she can afford to spend!! Things are getting worse and my husband constantly makes excuses for her. I'm at a point where I can't stand it anymore and want to leave but don't want her to ruin what me and my husband have. But i need my husband to support me to make it work and it's not happening!!!!! I'm so aggravated and tires of the crap!!!

my husband and i are getting a divorce and a huge part of the reason is his mother....i hate her, she is the engineer of the crazy train...the most insincere, fake excuse for a human being i've ever known...wingnut personified!!!

mt thoughts and prayers are with you my ex mil was like that , she begged and begged me to stay with her and her husband when my ex got deployed , and when i did she tried to burn the house down while i was taking a nap!!!!!<br />
you shouldn't let her define you 2 tho ! even if it means the family should come over to your place for visits and just ignore her 100% ,but you 2 love each other and have a baby girl together , thats special and sometimes ties have to be cut to get what you what , even the ones that seem like you can cut , <br />
All my love goes out to ya hun!

Girl I'm right there with you. My mil is super close with my hubby's ex. It's been really hard to see his children from the previous marriage bc we're in different states...but His MOm is sooo freakin up his ex's a$$ that she got to have HIS kids for a month during the summer. Last summer she took his kids to Florida. She's barely taken the time to get to know her step grand kids....and only ever calls to find out how our son is excluding my other children. OH and my bil and his wife were pregnant last yr and my bil's wife told me that my mil was constantly talking about watching the new baby and buying crap for her baby and all that. She got us a pack of diapers and an outfit from a cosignment shop. She calls to take only our son when there's something she wants to do. She took only my son to meet her side of the family. Her dad and brothers and crap...but left my other children out of it. How sweet is she. Oh and my bil's wife had a falling out with her and told me that all she ever heard her say was that it was only a matter of time when my hubby leaves me and goes back to his ex!!! UGH. But what sucks is she always makes it seem like I'm just paranoid....like she hasn't picked sides or favorites...but it's pretty clear how she feels. Fortunately for me...my hubby could give two sh*ts how his mother feels. He has his own issues with her and prefers her at a distance! Yay me!

Here's the hard part about leaving dear MIL out of my life. The brother and sister in laws have been poisoned by her to think I have the problem, and she has done no wrong. They can't understand why we don't come around like we used to. So, do we exclude ourselves from them as well? It is hard to seperate the two, and they are ALL on momma's side!<br />
Thanks.

This is what I recommend. Don't have one thing to do with her. Don't be angry just create your life as if she's not important and doesn't exist. It seems you are constantly looking for her acceptence and approval, it seems your not going to get it so quite trying. I would not invite her to anything least of all the renewal of your wedding vows. And I would seriously suggest that your husband looks for a job elsewhere remove this poision from your life and don't look back. Yes you may think but I want the perfect family..... well you don't have it but you can choose close friends and invite certian family over you want to be close with just let them know you dont want to hear anything from your mother inlaw or about her because it brings negativety to your life...... Best of luck to you

It's sad! Yes, I have a MIL and FIL who have never accepted me in the past 22 years. They have no idea who I am or what I'm about. It doesn't matter to them; they have formed an opinion years ago and thats that. I have an okay good marriage, but because of their lack of involvement, it weighs heavy on me. We live close by, but they make it clear they want NO part of anything we do. They kids barely know them. I had tried in the earlier years to be the one to come around, etc. , but MIL always said things to me in private that she pretended she never said. It took YEARS for my husband to believe that his mother was evil. He doubted me on many occasions when I'd tell him what his dear Ma said or did. In addition, our kids have never been invited to spend the night or spend time, for that matter. They have not been to any school functions, although some were right ACROSS the street from them! There has always been a reason why they couldn't show up, babysit, or do something fun with them. Now, years later, I am frustrated that I have lived a life of isolation from this family while the others seem to have a full life of involvement. The other family members are always talked about, spoiled, and Grandma and Grandpa tell us how they saw so and so at this play and that musical, or how much fun it was when so and so spent the night. Once we ASKED them if they could, but dear Grandma said she was busy, and that was the end of it. WTH? I was always a happy go lucky person with a positive attitude. It's as if they have sucked it out of me and made me feel very inadequate as a person. My FIL even "hushes" me if I laugh or joke around! They raised 9 kids, so you'd think they would be all about family...Only some of the kids and grandkids are loved. I keep telling my husband that I can't go back because it hurts to be insulted and criticized about everything I do. They correct my English and anything else they can find. I can't quite seem to stick to my promise and find myself feeling ill when we have to visit them...(we have to keep up appearances so they can pretend we are close!) They haven't been to our home in years, nor have called in ages to ask about us or the kids. Nothing. What's a wife to do when her husband is not able to confront his parents? He says he tried, but his mother quickly put him in his place and made him feel as if she has never done anything wrong. She continues to sit at her throne as the rest of us are expected to bow down and let her reign continue.

Why do you care if this horror story has anything to do with your precious child? She is a psychopath and she won't be satisfied until she has made you as miserable as she is. Get out. You and her son should pack up and go as far from her as you can. That's what we did 41 years ago and we have never looked back. We left BOTH families behind and it was the best thing we ever did. We both worked very hard to educate ourselves and we are much better off than any of the rest we left behind in Hooterville and we gave our son a great education too. We see them but we don't need anything from them and it really makes us so FREE. At least your husband is sticking up for you. A lot of men don't. Mine did as well. I'll bet that woman does her best to make everyone unhappy, playing one off against another. I know the type. You and your husband should walk away now and don't let her ruin your life. Good Luck!

Look up Borderline Personality disorder on the net and try to understand this awful woman. She is nuts<br />
I call my mother in law the "patron saint of hypocrites" because she professes to be a Christian - she even thinks God talks to her directly - yet she is two faced and just plain mean. She is a coward who never cleans up any messes she has made in other people's lives. <br />
Good luck dealing with her. You'll never be right!

MILs are always mean, they like to control their sons and grand children and try to keep the daughter in law out of the way as if the grand child came without her.... i wish i could put black paint on mine

I feel for you, I really do. I moved across the country to live with my husband and his side of the family. I was pregnant, my MIL is the type of woman that is trying to act like a 20yr old and still wanting to be center of attention in her boys lives. She always had subtle insults and slams towards me. And my husband unlike yours never defended me. He always defended her and made me the villian. People who are unhappy and miserable have nothing better to do than meddle and make others around them as unhappy as them. I truly believe this. Its just jealously and being misreable and getting old. My MIL cannot light a candle next to me and she knows it. I came from Croatia at the age of 10, I know how to cook, clean, read/write/speak 5 languages, sew, garden, and I have a masters degree in nursing. And she tries to put me down!!! Its because she is miserable and it seems them same with your MIL. They don't know what to do with themselves they are getting older, fee like they have no control so they meddle because they are not accomplished.

omg set some limits just tell him what the limits are and it will help everyone..... she would be happier involving herself in other issues or volunteering or anything but making her own relatives crazy after 20 years of having my mother-in-law visit during times that my husband "had to work" i simply said NO MORE SHE"S YOUR MOTHER not that i'm proud that it took me 20 years/ i'm definitely a slow learner and as a woman, by definition, too, too kind LIMITS will save your relationship and/or make it what you want it to be

wow this is some story i wouldnt worry about her too much just you be happy!

You should check out www.mil-fromhell.com

I can identify. My mother-in-law did not interact with our 4 children throughout most of their life. Many invitations were extended for her to join us with different events, but there was always someone in the family jealous of any interaction she would share with our family. Consequently, all contact stopped between me and my bitchy mil.<br />
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I'm at the point of divorcing my husband for not dealing with all the issues over the last 30 years. What do you do when you lose respect for your husband? I know he does not like controversy (who does), but when your family is the target of vicious people, you need to handle issues in a timely manner.

stay strong and keep believing in your husband . K eep talking to you in-laws but not her don't even invite her to anything but if the rest of the family are nice yeah but leave the evil witch (cos thats what she is ) out of everything birthday partys wedding vows everything she is not worth worrng about . you go plan and good luck let me know how it's going xx

Well,this would be very hard to do,but you tell "hubby" to stand beside you, you write down the names of people that are forever to be forgotten,as your standing by the toilet,ask them are you sure,forever to hold your piece,as is the wedding vow's,then flush them away and never to see them again!

how fortunate that you have the support of your husband.i have been dealing with similar crap for years,but my husband accuses me of imagining most of it .stay away from her .our lives are too short to spend them dealing with miserable people.

It sounds like this women has a lot of self-esteem issues and she is extremely jealous of you. Maybe the reason she treats your husband like the black sheep of the family is because she sees how he puts you first and she cannot control and manipulate him as she might do with her other children. Be the better person and just let her drown in her own drama. She's showing her a** to the world and doesn't even know it. I feel bad for people like that because they think they are so high and mighty but in reality they are pretty pathetic. Stand up and protect what is yours. Ask yourself this: Is this pathetic woman stronger than the love and bond you share with your husband?

Oh good, I thought I was the only one who hates mother-in-laws, I feel for you. My mother-in-law is a bigit....I wasn't raised that way and I have told her that over and over again. I think she does it just to tick me off.

(i apologize about the typos tears and anger were also typing)

it's been 2 years and 6 months that God helped me to get my mother-in-law out of my house. I was married for almost ten years and my husband did give me somehow my place, we all lived together in a duplex, she never liked me because of my race. My husband got fatal dissease while on trip and the day that i was leaving to be with him, she came to me crying "that if her SON died, the house was for her" i just couldn't believe such an evil person, she was about to loose her son and all they could think about was the house/money.... my husband's illiness lasted about three months and within those months his family, specially my husband's brother-n-law called me and basically told me that, he swore on the quoran that with his own hands he will come and burn the house, but the house was not going to ours. My husband always told me to be carefull and that he wanted things right, and in case of something happening to him, our son and myself were taking care of because he feared his familie's ambition, all thru those days no one helped me to take care of my husband, my husband passed away and NO one helped with his buriel. NOTHING. ....The day when my husband's body was in a plane coming home to rest in peace. his family came over an uncle and brother that my husband never liked, offered my for the house $100,oo (the hosue is worht more than that) or if i refused i had to sign a paper stating that i will have to pay my monster-n-law back "whatever my husband owed her", i took streinght from somewhere and told them that my husband didn't owe money to anyone, because he told me so. and i told them that i was going to go legally and their son/brother/nephew was being burried the following day and money was not important, i was totally alone and somehow i came out of that nightmare. so i thought, i then started to deal with his mom living with me. thought out the years my husband's and mine problems were her mom. with all the money on her she will go out on the streets to collect cans and plastic all day long. causing pitty and sorry from people that didn't know her. and always telling people that she had to go and collect cans/plastic because we made her do it. to house bills. now, she never paid anything in the house and our house i was always shock how the health dept. never came and closed it. it was a totall pig stalk. after i got a little stronge and after some shoes being thrown, yieling at me and having the police come over to my house because to her harassment to my son, her grandson. i consulted a lawyer and got and evicted her out of my house, not without having the rest of the family sueing me for $160,000. for pain and suffering needles to say in court they all lied to the judge but little that they new that this lonely widow,had everything in paper to defend myself and my son's right. I won the case of course and she got the order to leave my house. it took about a year and finally she was gone. it was such a happy moment, they didn't let me grief my husband's death and i hate them because of them he passed away sooner, he could of last us longer but they were in charge of killing him for the house. I haven't seen none of his family since court day, no one cared about his only son. so i could care less what happens to them I want them far away from us. i don't want their greed and venon to touch us, now it's just my 11 year old son and myself, always missing daddy, and talking about him like he stills with us. because he is

A tip from my own daughter. her MIL is hard work and we think she might be OCD. My daughter decided to be firm but fair and set the rules, with some compromises. It was a bit of a struggle, but seems to be working and thankfully, they have a reasonable relationship. Wish I had been as strong as her over 30 years! She is my hero

I cannot stand my MIL. She is one nasty piece of work. Thankfully, my Son in Law gets on with me. I think it is because I respect him and am happy that my daughter is happy. So, all you horrible MIL's out there, get a life and snap out of it, if you want to keep a good relationship with your kids, don't be so greedy and selfish, they need their space!

i can totally relate. my mil told me and my husband that our daughter was a mistake when i was pregnant, and she is tired of dealing with his mistakes. we have never gotten along, but my husband doesnt take up for me and our daughter. we live with her btw because my husband thinks she cant take care of herself. she tells her friends that i am trash. but thats okay my new years resolution is to get away from the crazy mil and her breastfeeding son

Sick and tired, I feel for you, but goingnutsdaughter in law gave you the best advice. I also read the book toxic in laws by dr. Susan Forward. its an eye opener. keep distance from the miL and if your biL and SiL get along well with you, then have family reunions that only involve them. keep the witch from hell out of your heaven. Good Luck

I can totally relate to the MIL issue. My MIL is very nosy, barges in our home on a daily basis, thinks she owns my kids, and causes trouble in my marriage. I have been married for ten years to a wonderful man, but he thinks his mother is a saint. The truth is I love his MIL and for the first couple of years she was nice to me, that changed when we had our first child. She tried to boss me in every aspect of raising my child. When I did not agree with her point of view, she would threaten to tell my husband I was being "mean" to her. Finally, one day I totally blew up at her. I told her that my children and my marriage was none of her business. I told her to shut her mouth and get out of my house! We didn't speak for weeks. She does the same thing to my SIL. The trouble with my MIL is she doesn't have a life except for her family. I have to pretend to like her for the sake of getting along with my husband. Talk about stress!!! When I see her vehicle in the driveway, I want to go and vomit. I can relate to everyone. Hang on and God Bless!!

Wow! There is a lot of simularities there! The constant whining about how depressed she is, the jealosy, anomocity and fear she lays into my husband to get attention. He is learning just to nod and smile because she is just doing it because she is a attention seeker.

I am so happy I found this website! I really dont care for my monster in law! She is WT and totally hates me and the feelings are sooooo mutual! She constantly calls and threatens to commit suicide to my husband and his siblings and she just torments them on a constant basis. She is jealous of her ex-husband's wife. Which by the way they have been divorced for 20+years. Not to mention she treats my daughter from a previous relationship as if she doesnt even exist. I cant stand the entire family and every year for Christmas I start drinking heavily (just to handle it) LOL. They come over with their out of control kids and their white trash antics. Not to mention if we dont make time for them they call my husband and cry! Literally. He says lets just have them over so I dont have to hear it. Who cares that I have to feed them and entertain them. None of them even bother to help out in the kitchen or with clean up or anything. In 2005 I was pregnant with my son and We had to have them over once again and I was about to pop. I got up to do dishes and my mother in law said in her shrill of a voice "go sit down! Those dishes can wait" " They will be there later"! OMG the more I think about it the more I hate them! Someone please tell me what to do before I run away! Im going nuts. Oh and I am constantly compared to the ex-wife, even though everyone hated her! I am way more fabulous and definitely way cooler! LMAO Anyway thanks for letting me rant!

I am so happy I found this website! I really dont care for my monster in law! She is WT and totally hates me and the feelings are sooooo mutual! She constantly calls and threatens to commit suicide to my husband and his siblings and she just torments them on a constant basis. She is jealous of her ex-husband's wife. Which by the way they have been divorced for 20+years. Not to mention she treats my daughter from a previous relationship as if she doesnt even exist. I cant stand the entire family and every year for Christmas I start drinking heavily (just to handle it) LOL. They come over with their out of control kids and their white trash antics. Not to mention if we dont make time for them they call my husband and cry! Literally. He says lets just have them over so I dont have to hear it. Who cares that I have to feed them and entertain them. None of them even bother to help out in the kitchen or with clean up or anything. In 2005 I was pregnant with my son and We had to have them over once again and I was about to pop. I got up to do dishes and my mother in law said in her shrill of a voice "go sit down! Those dishes can wait" " They will be there later"! OMG the more I think about it the more I hate them! Someone please tell me what to do before I run away! Im going nuts. Oh and I am constantly compared to the ex-wife, even though everyone hated her! I am way more fabulous and definitely way cooler! LMAO Anyway thanks for letting me rant!

Your comments should be FLAGGED and REMOVED!

Listen you bitty,<br />
Treat me with some respect and maybe you will get some in return! This is absolutely ridiculous!!! You are right you have no clue about what my mil has done to me or my husband. She was not treated as a threat until she posed one! You seem to be pretty self rightous! Your right about one thing and that is things can be turned around on you as well. I did not attack you here, you attacked DILS, label us all as monsters...I am not saying that ALL MIL are insane, mean, horrible beasts. MINE IS. You do not know her so how can you come here and stick up for her. BTW, I know you were here before when the others that are doing the same as you were TOLD by EP staff not to comment on these pages if it was just to start crap. It is pretty obvious you do not belong to this experience so GO TO I HATE MY DAUGHTER IN LAW and write there!

Do you realize what you're saying? You talk about Mothers in law like they are trash and you get away with it. All the things you've said can be turned around, like try to treat your Husband's mother with some respect, not as a threat.<br />
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I don't know about your mother in law; I don't know about her craziness. I do know about some of the kindest women on earth who have been walked on by control freak, mutated freakoids who don't respect themselves, much less their husbands. There is no way you can love your husband and treat his mother with disrespect.<br />
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You people get on these boards and have a ball behind her back using every complaint you can conjure up and no one calls you on it.<br />
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She raised your Husband. She can't be all that bad if he's a good guy. Sounds like some of you don't have a good guy and that's why you're on this board. Maybe you take out your dislike for him on her. Misplaced anger. <br />
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Keep blaming your MIL, that will really get you far! Besides this is coming back to haunt you someday with a DIL of your own; you will live to see the day when your husband will resent you for talking behind his mother's back.<br />
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Read the 5 steps again. Those things will someday happen to you. She will not like you and do you know why? Because your her husband's mother, that's why.<br />
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You can talk your hind end off on these boards and to all your friends about his mother but his mother has to live with a broken heart and tell no one. You have a lot of bad karma coming your way. I wouldn't want to be you.

No my friend, I believe you need to be told the truth. I do not look at this world with rose colored glasses nor do I care to. My mother in law has forced her way into two marriages that were not hers and attempted to destroy them! Yes that is right DESTROY! Her mind set was that she could say whatever she wanted, talked about whom she felt deserved it and LIED about more things that I care to remember...Even the small things were lied about! Reguardless of her being a mother in law or even my mother in law she just isn't a GOOD PERSON! Thats what it comes down to. You and your twisted ways takes the coincidence that she is a mother in law and group it into what problems you have with your family. You may very well have been not so nice to your daughter in law or intrusive or whatever...Every situation is different but here you are months after coming here and STILL claiming that ALL DAUGHTER IN LAWS ARE EVIL and will RUIN FAMILIES. That is just ridiculous and outlandish! But talking to people like you is like talking to a wall or my own mother in law...It's your way or no way! Sickens me how your mentality groups up like that. Keep blaming your dil CT, that will get you really far!

Bravo! I am so happy you posted that

Here I'll just repost this here<br />
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Tips on How to Be a Good Mother-In-Law<br />
<br />
Don’t compete with your daughter-in-law. Don’t try and bargain for time with your son, but remember she and your son want and need to spend time with her parents and friends too, so don’t expect them to spend every weekend or holiday with you. Your son has chosen and married someone from another family, with other family loyalties and traditions to attend to, merging an entirely different family dynamic with yours. This does not mean you are no longer a mom, but your duties and role as a mother have changed exponentially.<br />
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Learn to let go. Your son is an adult now and you raised him well, making his own choices and decisions as he should, and some of those will not be to your liking. Don’t fall victim to the mindset of thinking of your son as an eternal child, “mommy’s little boy” as it’s often referred to. Your son made an adult decision and chose this woman to be his wife, someone whom he believes is best suited for him, a woman he obviously loves and adores and who he feels can and will care for him and his needs. Maybe, just maybe, he married someone just like you and that is why there is so much animosity between you and your daughter-in-law. She can’t be all bad; she did make a wise choice in picking your son to be her husband!<br />
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Treat her as a friend, not like you are her mother. Recognize that your daughter-in-law is a person with her own interests, feelings, needs, beliefs, opinions, history and traditions. Don’t look for faults, criticize or call your daughter-in-law nasty names. Don’t make snide remarks to your son about his wife, as this will only cause hurt feelings, and drive a wedge between you and your son, and his wife. You are no longer responsible for your son in the same way that you once were. Your son has taken on new responsibility; your daughter-in-law and any grandchildren that may bless their union, and you must respect that.<br />
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Treat your daughter-in-law as an adult who just happens to be married to your son. Your son chose her to be his wife, and you must accept that and respect his wishes. “A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife”, so you must remember that you are a guest in their marriage and in their home. You need to cultivate a loyalty to this new union by holding it in honor and respect, not undermine their relationship. Understand that as man and wife, your son and daughter-in-law need to set and maintain appropriate boundaries for their marital relationship.<br />
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They need to discover for themselves how to get along with the in-laws, and it may take them a little time to determine the right boundaries for them. Do not get pulled into arguments between your son and daughter-in-law. Be supportive and take a step back, respectfully allowing the couple to handle and deal with their own problems. Have trust and faith that you raised your son with the courage and ability to resolve any conflicts that arise in their marriage.<br />
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Explore your motives. Do you feel and act critical toward your daughter-in-law, wishing she were different in some way? Think about the reasons why you feel the need to judge and if you would want to be judged in the same way you are judging your daughter-in-law. Be willing to let your daughter-in-law make some mistakes. Let your daughter-in-law grow as a mother and as a wife. You didn’t start off being a perfect wife and mother, so don’t expect her to be perfect from the start either. Don’t presume to be all-knowing in regards to marriage and parenting. Showing respect and restraint is a gift to your son and daughter-in-law, as well as to your grandchildren.<br />
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Do not be a gossip. Do not, under any circumstances, gossip with family members, friends or acquaintances about your daughter-in-law. Anything you say will eventually get back to her and your son, and will inevitably create a situation where your son will start to feel less close to you and may decide to spend even less time with you than he has in the past. Not only will you be driving a wedge between family members and friends but, those you gossip to will lose trust and respect for you because of your negative gossip and criticism, causing friends and family to wonder what you may be saying about them behind their back.<br />
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Honesty and good communication. Develop good communication and reasonable expectations regarding the role you will play in your son and daughter-in-law’s lives. Questions you might consider asking your son and daughter-in-law include: How would you like me to help, and how will I know when you want my help? How will you let me know if I overstep any boundaries? What role would you like me to play in caring for the grandchildren in regards to feeding or discipline? What house rules have you set for the grandchildren so I am sure to abide by them? Be honest but not cruel in how you speak to or about your daughter-in-law, talking to and treating her as you would want to be spoken to and treated yourself.<br />
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Forgive and forget. You will from time to time say and do things that are perceived as wrong, and so will your daughter-in-law. At times you may not even be aware of what you did or said that was wrong. While your intention may be to be helpful and show you care, the effect it has on your daughter-in-law may be taken quite differently than you may have intended. Be forgiving and patient for any offenses or hurt feelings, so you can try to move forward in your efforts to build a better relationship with your daughter-in-law.<br />
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For the mother-in-law who absolutely refuses to make amends or won’t even try to get along with her daughter-in-law, author Camille Russo shares this reminder in her book, How to Be a Perfect Mother-In-Law, “Your daughter-in-law may have the final say on which nursing home you’ll be sent to!” There are many great books on being a good mother-in-law to help mother-in-law’s improve their relationship with their son-in-law or daughter-in-law, so don’t miss the opportunity to take the initiative.

My negative remarks...what an understatement coming from people who call their Mothers in law every name they can think of. <br />
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The person who wrote these 5 steps told it just as it is; there is a calculated course that DILs take to get rid of his parents. If they really loved their husband, they would not whisper these things in his ear.<br />
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Someday, mark my word, you might have a son and there will be nothing you can do to keep this from happening to you. It will kill you.<br />
<br />
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I don't think I am in the wrong place. I think I'm in the right place. You need to be told the truth.

Wow Cottontop, you sure are in the wrong place! I knew it wouldn't be long before you were back with your negitive remarks! So basically you hate EVERY MARRIED WOMAN? Seeing that all dil are bad, if you are married you must be a dil to someone right? What a CROCK and I really hope you do not believe that!!!<br />
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My mother in law has done basically the same thing, she has pinned one dil against the other ramming lies down each others throats! She is a sicko, liar and a manipulating horses ***! She is not worth the dirt she stands on. If my mother in law was to be told off and left alone the rest of her pathetic henious life it would be by her own doing. You should really take some responsibility for your actions. Your lack of restraint here goes to show the lack in your own personal relationships and maybe that is why you are looked at as a MONSTER IN LAW instead of MOTHER IN LAW!<br />
Love,<br />
A fellow beast!

These are not my words but yes, I think we did raise a weak minded man. It fits us to a tee. What mutated freakoids Daughters in law are. I've never met one that's worth the dirt she stands on.

So Cottontop, are you saying basically that you raised a weak minded man that can't think for himself?

Here is what a Daughter in law will do. <br />
I’ve come up with a five-stage separation process that DIL goes through to separate you from your son and grandchildren:<br />
<br />
Stage One<br />
<br />
This first stage should be called, laying the groundwork. You think everything is fine and you are completely unaware that the ultimate goal of the DIL is to separate your son from his family and friends. After all, brainwashing takes time and your son has to be convinced that he had the worse parents and upbringing in the world. She will start by tell him that his sister or brother was really the favorite in the family. She will make him think that he was picked on or didn’t have what his friends had. At this point, anything that your son brings up is used as a weapon to convince him of the terrible family he has.<br />
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Stage Two<br />
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You will start to see less of your son. The DIL will not let him out of her sight and will follow his every move. If he had friends, he doesn’t now. The only friends he has now are her friends. He is now seeing her family more than he sees his and if you call him, you are calling too much, and if you don’t, you don’t care or are not interested in whatever it is that they are doing. At this stage, you may start to see some anger toward you from your DIL. Your son doesn’t speak up to defend you because he now is starting to see things through her eyes. Maybe she is right and you, the son’s parents, really are bad.<br />
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Stage Three<br />
<br />
This is where you are confronted with the issue; it’s the all out, knock down fight, or the call in the middle of the night telling you how bad you are. She has finally convinced your son that you are no good and you hate her. Even though you have done everything you can think of to get on her good side nothing you do is right. You know her likes and dislikes, yet you continue to do things that she doesn’t like. At this stage, you are walking on eggshells and anything you do is criticized.<br />
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Stage Four<br />
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You feel like you’re the worse parents in the world. She has finally convinced you that you are the problem. You feel so bad and the guilt is overwhelming. You are probably grandparents at this stage and not only has your DIL alienated your son from you, you are starting to see the same thing happening with your grandchildren. By this time, if your son had siblings, they and their families are no longer speaking to your son and DIL. You are just hanging on because you really want to be a part of your grandchildren’s lives.<br />
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Stage Five<br />
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Your DIL has finally convinced your son that they need to move. She may use the excuse that jobs or schools are better in the new location. Her ultimate goal to have your son all to herself has almost been realized and she is just waiting to deliver the final blow. Any and everything you do or don’t do will be use as ammunition to deliver the deathblow, i.e. complete separation.<br />
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If you have a DIL, please know that you are not alone and it is not your fault. It has taken a long time and we are still not over the pain. Reconciliation is probably not an option if you have gone through all five stages. <br />
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Beasts from hell.

My MIL is the same. I refer to her as "Monster-in-law" and prays I never get bitter like her.

Wow, my MIL is bad....but yours is worse. I've been married 15 years. It took ten years for my husband to come around and realize what an a%$ his mother is. Once the lightbulb flashed in his head, things have been much better. He dislikes being around them as much as I do now (well, maybe not as much....but it's close). I'm not sure how much time your spend with your MIL. If I were you, for my own emotional health, I wouldn't be near her. There's really no reason to be. She is snubbing your daughter - so it's not like your daughter is missing out on anything. You don't want her to be near someone as disturbed as your MIL. If your husband wants to have a social relationship with his MIL - then he should - by himself. I also think that no one should be telling you what MIL is saying about you behind your back. Knowing that stuff just raises your blood pressure. You don't need to hear it. The next time someone tries to "share" with you the trash talk that she's saying about you - cut them off and tell them that you don't care and don't want to know. I wonder if you cut all ties with MIL, if she'll come crawling back to you and your daughter someday.

I was married to a man that went into the millitary, I had no car to get to SC from TN, His mother had an AZTECK, A SUV.<br />
She bought me a greyhound ticket while her and her husband, my ex-brother, wife and child went in the AZTECK. I got to go to the middle of DOWNTOWN ATL. CRACKHEADS EVERYWHERE. I litterally had a swichblade in my pants the whole way. That was a MIL from worse than hell!!! LOL <br />
Good Luck, be strong, I was far from strong.

My MIL is a very toxic person, she hides behind the word christian. SHe plays her 2 boys against each other and uses her money to try and control us. She called us to her house one day to pick up supper( me thinking wow thats nice ) found out that she wanted to tell us to our face that she gave her other son 20,000 and that when she dies he is to give us our half, The same brother that has stuck us with bills and screwed us over time and time agian. The same brother that has a 60,000 yr job and rental properties. We sure could have used that money but its blood money to me so we are better off. She is truely evil. <br />
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For our wedding she said that our present would be for her to hire servers to serve our food instead of a buffet line. When the servers were done they came over to me and i thought what i was giving them was an additional tip of 100.00 ( i was broke because of the wedding) Instead i later found out that she sent them to me to be paid and she didnt pay them, they left before i figured it out. Her response they owed me anyway.<br />
For my bridal shower my mom was paying per plate, wanted to keep it small, she asked for additional people to be invited " so that they could get some ideas for showers they were throwing" mom paid for them and they never showed up. the list goes on and on. She builds this case against me to make me look like such a terrible person. <br />
You have to take the control out of their hands, STAY AWAY thats what i do. I cut her out of my life. know when to retreat some battles cant be won.

i understand that you'll be going through so much, and my prayers are with you.please dont leave your husband , u love him and he loves you... ur baby girl needs a home with a mommy and a daddy..its extremely sad that you are thinking of leaving him . he'l be broken. so i think you should pray about it, seek counselling and continue to fight for your marriage.dont ever allow that wicket psycho to defeat you. you have to fight her and win.ur marriage and your daughter is more important than the illogical words of that lady!dont give up! u are a strong girl.. remember that!

jenu1...I feel for you closedin..continue to let your feeling out here it helps!<br />
I think you are right about the mother son deal...I.n some cases I was concerned about my own son driving a long distance because he is a unexperienced driver. I was talking about this infront of my mil. She glares at me and says "we never stop worrying about our boys"! I said I think there is a big difference between a teenager, unexperienced driver than her grown son! She just sneared at me! She then said turning her head up in the air just wait until you see your son making bad choices in life! I had my fill told my husband it's time to go!

I am 22 and have been married for 2 years my mil is horrible. when my husband and i first got together she told him she didnt want him marrying me and that she wanted one of his ex girlfriends to be her dil. obviously she didnt get her way, but everytime we go around her she either pulls out pictures of my husband and his exs or she will give him phone numbers of his exs' and tells him he should call them and get reacquainted. She never calls to see how we are doing or anything the only time she calls is to tell him about his exs and their lives. well he recently started driving truck and she calls him non stop to see what hes doing where he is at but never asks him about me. i shouldnt get pissed about her calling him all the time but it bugs me that she couldnt call and just check on him when we only lived 25 minutes away but now that he is driving truck she is pretending to be the caring mother. my husband and i have been trying to get pregnant since our we said "i do" unfortunately we have no had any luck, but when she heard we were trying she said she is too young to be a grandma and doesnt want grand kids.but my husbands ex gf has a little boy and his mom goes on about how cute he is and she goes to birthday parties for him and tells my husband that him and her could have made cute babies. I am at the end of my rope. I dont know what to do. I feel like i am pushing my husband away if i say something but he gets mad if i keep things bottled up. and my mom treats him so good. he says my mom is more of a mom to him than his own mom. why are mil like this? are they scared that the wife is going to be taking car of their boys and they wont need their mom anymore? i hate feeling this way but i dont want to live my whole life like this

OMG I thought my mother in law was bad honey i feel so bad for u but im also a lot meaner then you i would have punched her in the face by now or something grrr my mother in law used to hate me she would always talk down to me treat me like i was stupid or always say **** in front of my husband that made me want to hit her well i ignored it there is nothing i can do well finally she decided to take it out on my husband and he came unglued and wrote her a letter telling her he wanted nothing to do with her and was tired of the way she treated me and that he has asked her to stop so many times he was tired of asking and he cut off all contact with her needless to say a few months of not talking to her getting a new cell phone changing email addresses everything she wrote me a letter saying she was sorry well thats what it was supposed to say but sometimes you have to cut people out and if she doesnt want anything to do with her grand baby then f* her u tried thats all u can do she just needs to get over herself and learn to get along with people mabe she should try getting what ever crawled up her a** and died out or maybe get somne maybe then she would be a happier person im sorry she is a B***** but i would just forget her

I was so wrong in thinking my MIL could or would ever change. She is like a double edged sword spinning at me.

i feel so sorry for you because, my mother in law picks with me just the same, If my husband had an ex-wife she would do the exact same thing because she does it to his brothers wife. My mother in law has tried to physically attack me while i was pregnant, and when we got the news of the pregnancy and told her we were hoping for a girl all she could do is nastily say "it ain't no girl it's a boy" well guess what? it is a girl. And just like you she is stressing me out really bad. But one thing you should get on your knees and thank GOD for is the fact that your husband supports you. Because it is so much harder (**** almost impossibe) to deal with when your husband just sits there on mute, and lets people disrespect you daily, it really hurts and makes the whole situation 10x worse. I will pray for you, good luck!

i read your story. She is really a bad lady. Some people are still living in the world because it is illegal to kill them. MIL character comes in this category. I'm also suffering. My MIL is a cunning lady. She doesn't work. watches TV whole day and treats me like a servant. She becomes happy if i get hurt. she is a monster. I hate her.

Wow! She does sound crazy. But what's the difference, the important thing is that YOU stay sane!<br />
<br />
I just saw a little ebook, "How To Get Rid of Your Annoying Mother In Law with some great practical tips to stay sane with a "sick" MIL. Take a look at it at www.valuable-family-relationships-advice.com/mother-in-law-3.html <br />
<br />
Some of his ideas helped me, hopefully they will ease your situation also.<br />
<br />
Good Luck,<br />
<br />
Brad

I also feel your pain. In my case my mil made it painfully clear that I was not good enough for her family long before we ever got married. She tried to stop the wedding 2 days before the ceremony. My husband calmly walked out of his home and drove me home. He asked my parents if he could stay there as he no longer had a home and spent the night at my house. His dad called him and asked what had happened and when told his dad told her to shut up and leave us alone. After that I can count how many times she has been to my house on one hand. My husband told her to either accept me as his wife or to forget she had a son. My children are her only grandkids and after they got out of baby stage she completely forgot she had. So just move away and have your husband find a different job so that you both can be happy.<br />
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littledovej

I just can't believe all the stories on here! Why do we all have to go through this? My mother in law is mean too. Every time me and my husband are expecting a baby, she insists that we get a paternity test because she never wants to believe that it is his child. It actually turned out to be kind of funny because our first child looked SO much like my husband that you couldn't even miss it. She came to the hospital for a short visit to see the baby (and make me miserable) and when she saw how much alike they looked, she just said, "Never mind about the paternity test" and angrily stormed out of the room. At least me and my husband can laugh about the look on her face when that happened. But she does the same thing with every pregnancy! It gets frustrating after awhile. I've never cheated on my husband. We were each other's "first" and hopefully we'll be the last as well, so I resent the implication that she thinks that our babies couldn't be his. What also makes me mad is that at Christmas, she doesn't even give me a Christmas card, but she gives my brother-in-law's girlfriend (not wife, girlfriend) $400 in presents and gift cards. She got my kids about $5 worth of cheap China-made stuff from a 99 cent store. And I know that they can afford better, they have five cars and gave each of their children (excluding my husband) large cash gifts (which his siblings were only too happy to wave in his face). What's up with these people?! Our kids are their only grandkids, you'd think that they'd be a bit nicer. We don't even have the same drama of an "ex" in the situation as some of these other stories, so what's her problem? I think that she just doesn't like me for whatever reason. So she punishes my husband for being with me and my kids for being mine. At least they have a nice Christmas at my grandmother's house, cause she is crazy about having adorable great-grandkids to show off.

You are in a tough spot. You are lucky to have a husband who is supportive of you and who will stand up to his mother on your behalf. I am not that lucky.

My MIL actually told my spouse that we should not get married until are kids where grown. Well we did and we lived in a different state and new she would not be able to attend but sent her announcement and sent pictures and the such. She never responed!<br />
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We moved back to same state and would visit quite often. All I ever heard was what a horrible person his first wife was and so on and so on.<br />
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Soon I started to over hear my spouse talking on the phone to her. He was complaining about me and my child. WTH.<br />
<br />
I confronted him about this and told him in so certain terms was he every to discuss our marrage with his mother. If we had problems we neede to discuss them amoung our selves.<br />
<br />
On a seperate occassion a cousin of my husband told me his aunt ie my MIL had told him that my husband had told her that my not being able to do whatever it was was driving him to drink! <br />
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Well I had just had a hysterectomy. Oh and by the way these are some of the things I had heard her talk about in referrence to the first wife.<br />
<br />
Well guess what my husband has had a problem with drinking long before he married the first time.<br />
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She dosen't think that is any of his fault. My husband has two other brothers one of which is married also for the second time.<br />
<br />
His spouse has expressed the same feeling as I have had in reguards to the MIL.<br />
<br />
However, both my husband and his brother have made little comments about how their mother gets on their nerves and is always compaining and talking bad about everybody including her own children to each of them when she is alone with the other.<br />
<br />
I don't have enough fingers or toes to count how many illnesses this women believes she has and lets you know how she is strong to be able to handle them?<br />
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She even made the comment that when she had her hysterectomy she came home the same day and went to work in her garden as if to say I don't know what your problem is but I have it worse than anyone in the world has ever had it!<br />
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Oh and by the way she and my husbands dad divorced when he was a teenager and of course we had to hear stories all the time about him and his problems but mostly just good stuff which is ok but to go on and on infront of her new husband my husbands step-dad.<br />
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I never felt real comfortable about that for his sake! That should have been my first clue!<br />
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It just goes on and on but now she is on my sister in and law but I always make a point to say postive things about MSIL to her. She just goes right back to compaining but it makes me feel better to stand up for MSIL when I can.

I understand your pain and frustration , my ex mil was a nightmare as well, tried to please her as much as I could, but when the child matter came up was too much.Anyhow, point is that you have no reason at all to pay her any more attention. She understands how much she hurts you so that's why she is doing it. It's something with 99% of mil's, everywhere...seems that they can accept that their little boy is actually a big man with his own life.<br />
You have to stay on your ground, have a talk with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. It's time that he makes his move, otherwise that hell on earth woman will manage to split you in the end. Dunno about the ex, but I bet she had big deal to do with that *** well, nm what she's saying. <br />
This is your life , it's your family, not mil's one...unfortunetally ,till hubby ain't talking to her and makes a choice, this nightmare will never end.<br />
I wish you all the best and please, ignore her , as long as you pay attention to her she will be more than happy to destroy whatever makes you happy.

i am not yet married but your mil sounds alot like my fiance's mother she hates me and i dont know why but i started looking this up because i thought that i was the only one so i guess i just want to tell you to keep your head up and make your husband your number 1 priority he sounds like he really loves you!!!! so love him back and ignore that crazy lady one day she will be all alone and need you or your daughter. BE BLESSED!!!

Thank God my mother in law is nothing like yours. My suggestion is Pray! Because other than not have anything to do with her or move away I'm not sure what you can do. That kind of person is so beyond normal that a person can't hardly say "hi" to them without ther being an issue. Best of Luck to You!

I just want to say that you seem to be a pretty level headed person. Your husband seems to support you for the most part from your post. That is great!!! Your family comes first, screw her! Your husband and your children are all that matter.

J ust some of the bullshit I have put up with over the years....Sorry so long! After my husband and I had been together for over 10 years and we had 3 trips to Ca. to visit my family due to my sisters terminal illness, his mother thought I was from NY, she didn't know I was born and raised in CA. Although this has been talked about hundreds of times. As early as last year, she thought my sister and mother left me abandon in NY city as a child and I lived on the streets. This is bizarre, no level of truth to this story. I was born and raised in CA. I moved out at a young age however. MIL never called me or my kids to offer condolence after my children's father died. This was after my DH and I had been living together for 2.5 years, however the same year me and my kids attended her fathers hospital side and services. DH was told his father didn't want to get to know my kids, just in case we didn't work out. We had been together for over a year, we lived together. Thats just not nice, my kids were/are sweet. Not one person from DH family ever called my son when his Grandmother died.. ...My Son was very close to his grandmother and this was a very big loss for him. He was 14 years old, we had been together 5 years at this point. And my son refered to IL's as grandma, grandpa, aunt and uncle. Not one person from DH family ever called my son when his grandfather died 2 months later either. No one person from my husband family gave my daugher a get well gift after her heart surgery... She was 12 years old and we had been together 7 years. However they did call DH to offer support several times.. I have had to repeatably ask my husband to tell his parents and siblings to call the house and not just his cell phone number when trying to reach him, this makes me feel disrespected. DH mother called me the eve before my flight to CA. to attend my twin sister's 3rd brain surgery. I answered the phone in tears and her only response was "I don't want to keep you, but I need to know what my son wants for his birthday" She knew I was in tears, I could hardly speak. The entire time, every time she called during our visits to CA, she never spoke to me personally in regards to how things were going.... she did however offer my husband some level of support via phone. After 12 years and many many talks about my sister and her illness, your mother did not know she had breast cancer. wow, sad. My Sister has spent approx. 10 weeks with us (in MA) over the years, but your father and Brother have never met her. No one from your family called either of our (my)daughters when the oldest hit a tree and totaled her car. We had been together for 13 years. Mater of fact this happened in February and in June for your brothers son's 4th birthday gathering, (which was originally scheduled on my birthday) no one heard about it. Your mother knew, but it wasn't anything worth remembering or repeating I suppose. your parents were upset with me for going to church in CA. with you, it was a christian Church. Your parents were very upset when I wanted to go with you and my children to a christian church for christmas the same year... we went with your parents instead. DH sister took him out to lunch to "talk" to him about his christian faith and what church we were going to attend for christmas. SIL called me a Liar because I did not think I could make it to church with your parents in time (work scheduling issues). The sad thing is I offered to meet everyone there... still she needed to call me a liar. Ultimately I did not have to work and made it to their church and not the one my kids wanted to attend. SIL thought our (MY) daughter was 18 when she turned 16, our daughter hadn't even gotten her license yet. Yet we have attended SIL's High school Grad, college grad, wedding, and every other important life event. The last time SIL called the house (about 2 years ago) I answered the phone, when she heard me say Hello 3 times, she hung up. I called back the number and got no answer. I waited 30 minutes and called *67 first. She answered. She apologized for hanging up on me and said she thought she called your cell. She was calling to ask what we wanted for christmas. MIL did not know the name of our daughters boyfriend (he was a part of our lives and attended family functions for almost 3 years.) Our (my) 16 and 13 year old daughters were Never asked to be involved in ANY way with SIL wedding, although BIL's 3 year old son was in the ceremony and DH and BIL both also. They were not even asked to be in ANY family wedding photo. But SIL didn't have a problem telling our daughter she had to call her boyfriend, Uncle before they were even engaged... before she went in the peace corp (africa) . ... she was upset, embarrassed, and 7. When SIL got engaged... she called DH cell phone to tell only him. 1 month after returning from CA to deal with my sisters breast cancer, SIL gave us a 25$ donation for Xmas..............for chickens in Africa! DH's Sister did not give a christmas present to our kids the year BIL had his first child. The new nephew got 5 gifts from her that year. Our youngest was 11, still young to NOT be acknowledged for Xmas. She said if they called her, she would spend time with them. She has NEVER called any of them. SIL threw a crying fit during Xmas 2 years before, she was so upset that our kids received so many material things and that african children do not. When SIL returned home from her trip out of the country for her honeymoon...she called DH on his cell to invite him over to MIL's house pick up a gift she brought back for "us". When SIL heard about the car accident resulting in multiple teenage deaths on our street (this was on the news).... she called DH cell phone 4 days later to ask if the girls were involved.... never thought to call them. even after hearing they lost some close friends, no call. But at least SIL got to offer you an ear, what a thoughtful person SIL gave me an offer to baby sit, as a birthday gift.... we took her up on it for a holiday party that my employer was throwing, this was planned far in advance. At 3:00 am we received a call from MIL to come home SIL wasn't feeling well. MIL never offered to help watch our kids and as a result, we drove drunk at 3:00 am ..... this is aprox. 45 minute drunk drive home. When my FIL was ill and needed surgery. We both got up at 4-am to support FIL and MIL the day of his surgery. I offered to take MIL to dinner after all was said and done. She said she would think about it. After SIL arrived she called DH on his cell phone (I was the one whom offered dinner ) to say she was going out with SIL instead. She didn't even ask if we would like to join. When I asked BIL (35 yr old brother) not to squirt water inside the house during a family party we hosted...BIL actually told me that this was my DH home, so he will do what he wants to. We have unexpectedly ran into the BIL at Home Depo..... over a 5 minute conversation, BIL never acknowledged me verbally or physically...no eye contact, no Hello, no goodbye. Why would I expect any different at this point. I have been completely ignored at BIL's house during a family easter holiday. During the entire holiday, no conversation of any kind...no eye contact, no hello, no goodbye. BIL went so far as to yell out the back door when we left...bye brother! I have hosted thankgiving at our home for 10 years. and one year BIL and FIL they both said they would not help with after dinner dishes.... this bothered me because it is a tradition of my husbands family (a respectful gesture) for the men to help with this duty. FIL and BIL decided this did not apply when at our home. When BIL's 2nd child was being born...BIL did not want 1st child at our house for me to watch... he said it was to far (it is on the way), and he only wanted your nephew at your mothers, he did not even allow you to pick up your nephew there and bring him here... He "forgot" the car seat to make sure he stayed at your mothers with you alone. When we invited SIL over to offer our home while we were going to be out of town (she didn't have a place yet), I was tearfully discussing my twin sisters brain surgery and prognosis, SIL interrupted me and with a big smile, said she couldn't wait, it was going to be just like a vacation. This was said literally while I was in tears in the middle of a sentence. When we returned home...no one thought enough to pick SIL up at our house, DH had to drive to MIL's to drop her off, after a 10 hour trip with 3 children and baggage. Our truck was out of gas as well.... that was our thanks for letting her use our vehicle. She was late and showed no sensitivity towards what DH or my children and what they had been going thru the two weeks prior.... Our children do not received any birthday cards from his brother or sister. Exception...if we throw a family party they do. We are called and reminded from MIL to give them a gift and or card. MIL stopped payment on your daughters 18th birthday money of 40$ due to a theft at our home and did not insist on replacing it. MIL saved the pathetic 40$....thats lame We made every one aware that our daughter was throwing a party to raise money for the car she totaled, MIL said she thinks she will take better care of the car if she buys it herself..... 1. our daughter didn't thrash her first car, it was an accident 2. our daughter was paying for her car. DH's parents watch SIL's dog constantly.... but have made us very uncomfortable to ask them to help us out when needed. Husbands parents watch BIL's kids every weekend.... they have never made us comfortable with asking them to help us if needed. MIL doesn't even know out kids full names...then again, as she say's she is not very good with names. I have called my MIL TWICE over the years to have lunch with her in effort to change the course of our relationship...Once about 7 years ago, I took her to the piccadilly and talked to her about being more sincere with my kids and myself. I spoke to her about her avoidance towards anything important in our lives. I explained that it seams that when life issues come up, she does not acknowledge them. It made me feel insignificant. I told her that when they call my husband on his cell and avoid calling our home, it makes me feel unliked.....i.e. not acknowledging my sons grandparents when they died was an example I used. These are just some of the things that have hurt me beyond repair. Not one of these things have been addressed by anyone. I feel better when it is acknowledged, even if I am the only one who does. So even typing this out helps me to see how truly messed up they are and it rejects my husbandsy theory that it must be my personality. I am coming to terms with the way they ALL have treated me and my children. I will never understand why they behave the way they have. I know that they made up their phony and judgmental minds a long time ago.My feelings need to be a priority over his parents and siblings. I need him to take my word for it when there is a problem.... I am so sick of proving the inappropriate crap they do and say is intentional. He is convinced that they dont mean any harm and they just dont know how to show their support. It should have be unacceptable from the start. My efforts were sincere ones. I have made efforts to build a genuine and loving relationship with these people, and over 13 years have gotten nowhere. I beleive the core problem is that they dont think I am good enough for my husband. They are in judgement of my having 3 children from a prior marraige and my family lives in CA. I think some of the things I have mentioned were mean, it is the reason I no longer want a relationship with them. MY children deserve respect and their Dads families behavior needs to be considerate of them. I will no longer have a "side" I am severing my relationship with my DH imediate family, So this should remove any wind they have in their sails. I DO NOT expect him to do the same. But I am demanding he finally set boundaries. The last straw was with his mother.... she called looking for him, he was asleep (he was not feeling well) I asked her if I could help, she said no. I asked if I could awaken him for her...she said no. She told me to have him call her as soon as he woke up, it was important. I offered my assistance again. She said ok, she was looking for the phone number of an old friends of my husbands. I told her I didnt have it and i didnt think he did either, we have not spoke to him in years. She said I should n't have asked you, just please have him call me when he wakes. He called and she said she was sorry if she got him in trouble, because she knew he talked to him a week earilyer. I was stunned. I called her back (I have never done that) I very politely told her that she did not get my husband in trouble, that we don't treat each other like that. I also said I was unaware he bumped into his old friend and therefore didnt know he may have had the number she looked for. I also said I do not ever tell him who he can talk to or where or what he can do. He is a 40 year old adult, we dont have that kind of relationship so dont worry about getting him into any trouble. She unloaded on me, screamed and yelled and hung up. she called me approx 8 weeks later to say she was coming over so we could talk about our words (i didnt have any harsh words) For the first time I told her exactly what I thought. I told her I didnt think it was a good Idea she stop by. I said I will not tolerate her speaking to me the way she did and if she really cared about our relationship she would have called before now. She clearly went off the wall I didnt deserve that from her for politly setting her straight in regards to the way i treat her son. I told her there was alot I have held in and that I didnt think she could handle what it is I had to say . She said ok then and hung up. Now She will now not come to my home for thankgiving (i have held it at my home for 10 years) she has called his siblings and now his father has an open problem with me...hahahaha wow.. My poor husband looks a bit lost. He has taken a stand and will stand by Us, but it is painful for him. He has received a call from his sister telling him she is there if he needs to talk. His brother asked him to babysit on his birthday (this was a way to get him over to his home for a surprise B Day party) without me or his kids. These people are actively tring to cause friction between us and want to maintain a relationship with my husband and not with the rest of us. I am not interested in any additional efforts...it has been 13 years and nothing. I have no reason to beleive there is anything I can do that I havent already done to change the respect or concern they have for me or my relationship with my DH.

omygosh, what a nightmare. I can relate somewhat as mine was extremely jealous of our great relationship, and always tried to cause problems. My husband and I are happy. I just don't get the pure EVIL that radiates from her. Its so bad that spirits follow her around from house to house, and you can even see the ghosts in the pics she takes.<br />
GEEZ.

Hunny I feel your pain. I am sorta in the same situation but a little different. well my mother in law isn't as evil and I think loves me but she is BEST of friends with my husbands ex she considers her a daughter and his ex thinks my MIL is her mom.. its insane and my husband and his ex have a kid and his mom sees his daughter everyday she is obssesed with her.. me and my husband live out of state so see has only seen our new baby once and all she ever talks about is how much she loves the other grandchild and to top it off my husband's ex is remarried and has another child and makes my MIL watch the other kid that isn't even her grandchild because she says they can't be seperated.. CRAZY ***** she just uses me MIL and she doesn't see it.. she is her built in babysitter.. so my MIL is always talking about the other kid that's not her grandchild and now calls it her grandchild.. and i feel like she doesn't love my child as much because he's not there with her everyday. anytime i am on the phone all she talks about are those kids and never really asks how my son it.. It hurts me because it's her blood and i feel she loves someone elses kid more then her own blood.. It get sooo annoyed when i talk to her i have tried to avoid her. I tried to tell her it bothered me and she says this is how it has to be because she has to keep in contact with my husband kid so that she can tell them about there daddy all the time.. I think she looney!!!! so we are going to visit soon and both kids are going to have to be there because she says it shouldn't be different because we are there. that's bullshit.. we'll be there for a few weeks and now we have to take this kid and spend time with it.. I have nothing against the kid but it makes me mad because i want my husbands kid to bond with our new baby.. it's so frustrating.. well all I can say is just pray it will get better and maybe one day they will realize what they missed out on.. it may be to late and they will regret it

Stop trying to please the mil. Live your life and raise your children as you see fit. Mil's from hell are unpleaseable.If you rolled out a red carpet and lined it with roses...she would say the carpet was crooked and the roses were too few. Her tounge is forked. Stay away from her.Most importantly, do not let her around YOUR children. She will end up filling their minds with posin, just to get over on you. People like this mil have deep resentments about their own lives and thrive hurting others.

I went through this with my mother in law and kicked her out of my house and told her to never come back until she could get her head on straight. She was not allowed in out house and I told my wife if she went over to see her mother and brought the kids I would divorce her.<br />
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Like yours that woman was a meddling manipulator. It took two months of alienation before she gave in. She learned our family was a closed unit so far as she was concerned. <br />
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From that day on we got along fine because we refused to be controlled or manipulated.<br />
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It worked for me<br />
Tom

Hello, I just read your story.. I can relate to you. I hae a Mther -in-law and she makes everything think she is so nice. Me and my spouse fell on some hardtimes in fact it was kinda if her fault. he was gone for a while and I have to ove from my apartment. SHe invited me and my 2 kids to live with her. Well that was the first mistake, she started acting crazy, blaming my children for everthing, she has 2 other grand kids and they are very bad the jump on funiture and tear up the house kick the walls waste pop every and even put apple sauce on the walls but nothing is said, if my kids leave a cup on the table she says i hate to see your house how messy it would be. I was giving her 150.00 every 2 weeks I have a very nice job. SHe always complain all the time she puts signs up all over the house, she stop buying tolite tissue, and put her towels up and was cooking only 1 steak and 1 cup if rice, she put her dishes up I mean up boxed they and she locked the doors with a bolt lock from inside the house, she would not turn the heater on until her son came home and she unplugged the washer mechine so we can't wash. She would say and do small things that really made me very mad. I have more things I could say the women is crazy. I mean really crazy she treat my kids like they are not even her grand children. Then she getsmad beause my kids to praise her the lady really make me uneasy. I told my husband that we really need to get out of here. I wanted to move and get my own place again he wants to wait he has a plan I've been her for 4 months and I am going crazy. SHe has 4 other boys and her baby boy does no wrong. he is 26 years and still lives home and has no job well no legal job the things he do I really don't want my kids around but the mother -in law acts like she don't see it, When you bring these things up she says he can do what he want this is my house and she is correct well this is just a tip off the ice berg i can really tell you more well I have to go to work but i really feel better to kow I don't have the only crazy mother in law

You know, Sickandtired, Goingnutsdaughterinlaw, has very good points and good responses. We are dealing with very difficult domineering women. I have a mother in law from hell as well. She added to my distress of panic attacks. She and my step-daughters have been grate contributers, to my illness. They are not what set it off the first time I had one, but soon after I had a second and it was because of them. The first time was for other personal reasons, but through the years they added, added, added and still add. I have a son (not my husbands child), and I pray that God makes me wise enough not to be this way... I have been married for 8 years and counting, throughout they don't ever stop. My husband supports me and my FIL is a really kind man. My FIL even went to the extent to whisper in my ear one day in his broken English, that I love to hear, "You mothe in low iz crazy". From then on in I believed it. I have a mixture of BIL & SIL. The youngest BIL is a total AH and his wife is a complete *****, everyone else suffers somewhat like my husband and I, but are immune (they've been married longer) or don't care. My MIL never wanted us to get married because of our age difference, I'm older he's younger. Also, because of his daughter whom at the time was 18. I say daughter because I didn't find out he had another daughter until three years into our marriage. His prior wife died but had given the other child up for adoption with out his consent. He figured she would never look for him but when their grandmother on their mothers side died she showed up and he had to come home and let me know about this other child. My MIL knew the whole time and never said a peep. My MIL also had them come to "MY HOUSE", one day, one of my SIL was there with them, to have a physical fight with me. My SIL got to my house B4 them and told my husband & I. They showed up alright but he scolded the **** out of them and sent them running back to my MILs house. We stopped going to my MIL house, of course, but she had made it clear that she didn't want me in here house ever. My husband refused to step foot in her house with out me, so for a good year we didn't show up. When mothers day came around, I told my husband to go take his mom some flowers. I told him, "I'll drop you off and you can call me when you're ready for me to pick you up". He did drop off flowers but still refused to go there. That thanksgiving, we were invited to dinner. My MIL remains the same. Miserable as ever. My MIL hates the fact that when my husband and I got married, I warmly opened MY HOME to my step daughter, whom was 18 at the time. She hates the fact that I started to show her basic cooking skills, white rice, steamed vegies, etc... When my SD went to visit my MIL and told her, MY MIL and 1 of my SIL began saying, "my SD was my slave now". My husband heard and told them off. Next, I'm doing laundry and I go to put everyones clothes in their respected rooms. My SD goes and leaves her journal on the floor of her closet, I pick it up and yes I read it... She's having rendezvous with my SILs husband, in the downstairs appartments. I calmly tell my husband and we try and work through this, I then asked my SD if she wanted my help to see a DR., she said yes and I took her and waited in the lobby. She was prescribed Z and she wanted to go to her grandmothers hm, we left her there. The next day she came over and threw the Z around and stated that she was not crazy!!! She then moved out and into my MILs. This was a huge blow for the entire family, of course, those of us whom knew and eventually my SIL got a D. Later again this SD shows back at my doors step, she wants to spend the night at our place. She's 22, she wears skimpy lingerie around our house, this girls is nuts!!! Then one day we go out and she asks if she could come, her father said yes and one hour into our friends party she's ready to leave, she sits in a corner making these disgusting faces. My husband ignores her, so I do too. We get home that night, my husband was pretty drunk, goes in our bedroom gets completely naked covers himself completely with our comferters. I go in the bathroom to wash up. 15 min later I walk into my room and she's under the covers with my husband and wearing one of those thingys. I yelled in disgust! "Get the **** out of my bed!" "You are disgusting", my husband hears and wakes. She runs out of the room and I tell him what she just did and that I was completely grossed out. Moving on my MIL knows all this stuff and til this day acts as if nothing has happened, this girl got caught at work locked in a room with a guy, I don't have to tell you what they where doing and I tell her that is not right. Make men take you out! Get on birth control and my MIL made a big scandal, that I told her to take BCPs, my MIL doesn't know about the guy at work incident and if she does, doesn't acknowledge it. Another day we were all over for a holiday and I was in the kitchen with my MIL and some of my SILs and my MIL began calling her own granddaughters of one of my BILs, *******! They are well educated young women 23, 18, 17. Are in the honor roll graduated college, going to college and honor student in high school and also one is my goddaughter. I was so pissed, I wanted to **** my fat MIL up. Just slap the B. Another time I was over with my sisters kids 2 boys 2 girls, one a baby and when we arrived I went by her to show her the baby and she retracted from her like my niece had venom. Since that day I haven't gone back to my MIL house. I hate her and I hate to use such a strong word for someone with no meaning in the world, they are insignificant. I saw her this weekend, inevitably at my SILs for a birthday party. I greeted everyone and kissed my FIL my MIL didn't say a word or acknowledgement nor did my sick SD. My SD was also being coached to take legal action against her father, for money, support, alimoney, whatever? this year by my youngest BIL and wife and I'm sure my MIL knew about it. My SD is 30 years old now, sick *****, she really hurt my husband when he found out. I wish I could **** them two ******* up! In the mean time I won't go to my big fat pig MILs house ever, I will also, never see or associate with my SD unless I'm at my BILs or SILs but I will ignore them just as goingnutsdaughterinlaw says.

I feel you. I have a mother in law from HELL as well. My husband thinks she is the MOTHER from Hell. We finally moved 3 hours from her and so far she is leaving us alone...

You are a strong woman. Don't ever let your guard down. Stand your ground. I believe my husband's family is Toxic as well..(His mother and Brother). The best thing to do right now (I've discovered) is to avoid them, keep them out of your life.<br />
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It drives them nuts (Since they need the drama, the need for the last word, etc).<br />
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Basically always try to be ONE STEP AHEAD OF HER. Think ahead, what would usually be her next move, her next typical comments and always be prepared.<br />
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Also if she get confrontational with you or pouts and whines about something, don't be sarcastic, just say (Lets pretend her name is) Mary I'm sorry you feel that way. Leave it at that and offer nothing else. Keep your comments or conversation short. Offer nothing personal. Keep your family life as private as possible. Limit your time around them. Do not get reactive to their comments. Say things like, I'm sorry you feel this way and offer no explanations. It will drive them crazy that you're not yelling/screaming back.<br />
Walk away when they've given you an evil look or a made a nasty comment. Stay close to your husband when at a family get together.<br />
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I’m telling you there are women out there who have raised sons only and they have a un-natural attachments to their sons. They find in their sons that they may be lacking from their husbands. My MIL was the only female in her household for years. It was her 2 sons and her husband. She is an Aries (I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but almost every Aries I’ve ever met are bad experiences) and they have to be the center of attention all of the time. She is completely self-absorbed and HIGH MAINTANCE like you wouldn’t believe! Now that both of her sons are married, she has tried to stop both boys from getting married because they had tried to refuse using her and her husband as wedding photographer (We didn’t use her, but his brother and wife did because they were tired of the chaos and drama she caused over their refusal and gave in). She made them sign a contract and they paid about $4 grand for the wedding package. This was considered their wedding gift from their dear mama. Pathetic! These women are so insecure! They are getting older and we are young and we are competition for their sons’ attention. MIL has always pointed out that in either my family/friends or my SIL’s family/friends are jealous of her. Yep! Don’t you think that she really talking about herself?? She’s jealous of other women and makes up stories. For example, for years my MIL would tell me that my mother was glaring at her, my mother was hateful towards her, my mother said this nasty comment to her. (My poor mother was like, I never did such thing! She’s doing it to me!) I believed my mother. I watched the interaction between the two all the time and my mother was always so nice and my MIL would just glare at her and be so nasty to her. I finally told my mother, well, take it as a compliment. If she’s acting that way towards you, she’s threatened by you since she wants to be the Queen Bee in her circle.  <br />
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If you're still having trouble, you may want to consider taking your husband to a marriage counselor with you. I have to say it really helps. (I was in a situation, where Mommy Evilness could do no wrong and I was always in the wrong and the marriage counselor pointed out to him that he needed to support me no matter what). It's slooowly working and we both see a huge improvement in our marriage now. In fact, we fight less and less each month. <br />
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You may also want to head up to the local bookstore and read books on toxic people and learn how to deal with them effectively. I've read one already-toxic in laws by dr. susan forward. It's pretty good. I'm ready to go back to the bookstore and read another to find more effective tools on how to deal with her royal evilness.<br />
This girl, I don't know her name but recently put up a post on Toxic Family on Experience Project. It is really helpful.<br />
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Avoidance can equal Happiness :)<br />
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Hang in there! Good Luck! <br />
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You are not alone, we are here for you! :) BIG HUG~

I feel for you too, my mil is horrible. When we found out our baby was a girl, it was obvious that she didn't like it, but it didn't really matter, ever since i let her know that she don't run things in MY life or my daughters, she just keeps her distance. She doesn't want to have nothing to do with me or my child, which is fine by me, whatever, her loss.....oh, by the way, she lives next door. good luck to you!

do you know, your story reminded me of my mother's actually. She always had problems with her in-laws, and they never quiet accepted me fully. Once for my birthday my father's mother gave me a pair of stockings - one leg was longer than another. The discrepancy was so obvious, it could not have been simply overlooked - where she found and bought them remains a mystery. My mother was so upset, she almost went down sick. It's as if they were telling her that her daughter is a freak. That's when my mum gave me to a ballet school and I passed auditions. After that they stopped giving me presents 'with meaning'.

i'm an adult case of step mil favoritism ... what i mean by this is; my mom married a man, i was pre-existing, mom and her mil (my step grandma) got along rather well for the most part, however, once my brother was born i became obsolete, a nuisance, and unfortunately the favoritism would only get worse as the years passed by. it was so bad that my little brother noticed it when he was only 10 yrs old. i never blamed him, it certainly wasn't his fault. it's something i've had to really commit myself to overcoming as an adult. i'm not sure at this point whether that's entirely possible regardless how determined i am or even if i continue with professional assistance in the matter ... when adults treat children with indifference and/or intolerance, the child, regardless of age, can sense it and it's very hurtful. it definitely carries into adulthood and causes selfworth problems. this i can vouch for. so please, by all means, protect your children. save your marriage if you can but for the love of humanity, protect those babies! my best to you with this.