In A Pickle!

Just to introduce this woman who I HAVE to call MIL is a devil in disguise, selfish, arrogant woman. She has been bitching about my family to my husband since we got married. She has on many occassions told me hurtful things about my parents and how my mom is so bad and how she is so good. She has undermined everything I own. She tries to get the exact same things like me, shoes, clothes, jackets whatever. She has not yet cut the umbilical cord and is still attached with my husband. Very much a part of our failing marriage. Tries to tell me how to raise my own baby and on many instances acted like a mental maniac who contradicts her own statements.
Now the worst part is that she practically moves in with us for 6 months every year!!!!!

Dont call me crazy I had never opted for this arrangement but after my father-in-law passed away my husband decided it would be a good idea to do this. she lives in another country and the logistics maybe difficult to frequently come for short visits. WHATEVER! So the agony and pain to go thru this monster at home is torturous. I have been dealing with it now for 6 years! Never said anything, minded my own business cause I didnt want it to affect our marriage. Well guess what it did. Last month me and my husband came so close to calling quits when he suddenly became very ill. Me being me helped him, nursed him and took care of him and things have been alright for a while. I have put the resentment aside for a while because at the end of the day I cant see him in pain or misery.

So its just been 3 weeks since things have been better and I am looking at ways to salvage my marriage. Now suddenly this MIL starts to call my husband and wants to come back because her baby is unwell and obviously no one is taking care of him. Mind you she was here this year and left in March. She isnt due to come back cause my husband promised this time it would be a year's gap before she comes back. I noticed my husband tried to avoid her coming here and asked her to come back in summer but her constant emails, phone calls have forced him to take the decision to call her back. She is scheduled to come here on 25 Dec!
At this point I am very very anxious. Things are out in open. She was openly told that I cant stand to see her face. She annoys me and if she ever comes back I will move out with my son. Ofcorse some of it was said in the heated argument with my husband but whatever. I am very ready to move out but at the same time dont want to jeopardize whatever relationship I have remaining with my husband. Another part of me says its my house and why should I leave? But I know for sure I can not take another six months of this BS.
She does these cunning things like rearranging my pantry, location of utensils in the kitchen so that I can never find anything easily. She tries to take over the household so by the time I am back from work things have been rearranged, something as been cooked which I dont like, the whole place is a mess. She will try to show how much contribution she has towards the house but it is never with the intent of helping, its always to annoy me or show her son that I am useless in the kitchen.

I am very confused on how to handle the situation especially this time. I dont want to abandon my house and my sick husband, but at the same time I have very little emotional capacity to take the BS from this woman. I have tried to speak to my husband but obviously he cant do anything since it is a forced visit. as I previously mentioned he has not let go of the chord. ANy advice would be great.

I am thinking extremes like report her to the authorities and tell the immigration officers that she intends to stay back...one of my crazy thoughts at work. I know I will never be able to do anything like this!
tornFlower tornFlower
26-30, F
5 Responses Dec 16, 2012

the fact that he tried to avoid her coming may be a sign that he is siding with you finally. Keep that momentum going. Continue to take care of him and the house. When she is there wake upbefore her, stay busy cleaning and doing whatever you have to do to avoid her. keep headphones in and make it look like you're listening to music so that you can avoid her and then leave for a few hours. Now is the time to take up a hobby. She will say whatever she can to offend you. You must not let her know it gets to you. The happier you seem, the less dramatic you are the more your husband will side with you. men hate drama and complaining. It's obvious you love him and find any way to show him. He will come around because he will get sick of her sh*t

best possible advice! thanks. i have also come to realize that he hates drama. i have started taking care of the household stuff before she can get to it but she still finds ways to make her mark. i guess i can let it slide. who cares life is small for petty stuff. counting the days down still though :)

God give me strength cause the monster has arrived. her irritating voice and loud mouth character has put me in a bad place. she successfully was able to give my child a sugar high just before bed time. way to go spending 1 hr trying to put him to bed. aaarggh. when will this end :(

My mil may have to be in my home for a freaking year. I don't even like to THINK about it. We should become pen pals and waste the months away chatting about or festering misery. I really could almost punch my husbands face in....at the very least, I expect divorce proceedings to begin by summer.

i am alomst to the point of punching my husbands face too

My grandma has always said something funny. Company is like fish, after 3 days they all start to stink! She's right too. 6 months is entirely too long. Even with her living in another country, it by far exceeds what would be considered a normal visit.

I'm inclined to say with every visit being 6 months she needs her own house or an apartment nearby. She should pay for it too, not you.

100% agree on her own place. step 2 is convincing the husband!

OMG I have studied Psychology for 26 years and worked in the field.When I read your story my gut became tight and tense.My empathy for you in this situation is VERY HIGH.

Sometimes in life we are backed into a corner by relatives and MIL's that we don't want in our homes.I know that you don't want to leave your own home but your sick hubby and Narcisistic MIL have given you no choice.

Now,we know that SKYPE is available in most countries.Also 6 MONTHS IS A WAY TOO LONG even if it's someone you love.Short visits .....or no visits because it will cost a marriage.

It's really your hubby's job to manage his mommy.It's your job to manage your mommy.If hubby can't tame that lion then he will miss you when he doesn't manage the MIL'S behavior.When she attacks you then you record the conversations or write down what was said for him it's his time to deal with the BEAST.If he blows you off then you pack and tell him that you will be at such and such a place.CALMLY !!

He has his mother for a nurse and you don't have to be hostile with him.Call and talk regularly and don't let her drag you home.You come home when she changes her behavior or when she is gone.

These people have run over your BOUNDRIES and given you no choice but to REMOVE YOURSELF FROM A TOXIC SITUATION.

thanks for your kind words. i cant leave the house yet but every second that i see her face it pushes me to that decision. my husband has said that it is a short visit but i think its a bunch of BS! i saw her return ticket and she has it in june. i am going to snap!!