Adventures In Mil-land

(Sarcasm abound!) Here's a fun update from my last post! <scoffs in disgust and nearly gags>

Friday before Mother's day, Fiance and the MIL got into a fight.  I'm unsure how it started because fiance was sketchy with the details.  Normally, he talks to her on his walk to work.  It's only about a mile from our house, so it takes him about 15 mins to get there.  It was your average conversation between them when she started on him about something he wasn't quite listening to.  Usually she complains about stuff he's not interested in, so he wasn't quite listening.  Then she apparently started in on him about something which lead to starting in on him about me and the incident where they stormed our house after a fight.  She was going on and on about what he shouldn't and should do when he got fed up and told her that "she should mind her own business, let him run his life, and **** off.  He had then made the decision that he wasn't going to a family event later in the month because he was too angered to do it.  I got to hear about this directly in the middle of my shift at work when he called to inform me of the change in plans.  Then, she had the audacity to call me during my shift!  Of course, I knew better than to pick up.  She left me a voicemail, but I didn't immediately check it because I was already too stressed out from my evening at work.  After I was notified of her voicemail, I text messaged him to ask why she had called.  He followed up with a call to me explaining that she had called him again during his shift to scream some more and this time she brought one of his sisters in on it.  He hung up on her and she left him a nasty voicemail.  Then SIL called him and left him a mean message.  Then she proceeded to text message him to inform him that he "BETTER be at mother's day".  He was infuriated at these demands and decided that he was simply going to ignore them.

I checked my voicemail later that night with the moral support of my friend.  She said to me (and I quote), "You wanna come between me and my son and my son and his sisters?!  You messed with the wrong ************* *****!  (In ghetto voice) "You better watch your back.  I'm telling you, you better watch your back girl."  I was threatened on my voicemail!!!!  He called me on his break while I was on my way home from work (walking) and instructed me to go indoors and lock up because he was afraid that they'd storm the house!  I'm sorry but I will not a be a prison in my own home on my own property in the same neighborhood I've been living in for 20 years now.  (BTW I am not 20.  I am older).  I was completely enraged at this point and it took every last bit of will I had not to confront her.

During the following day, there was no attempt to contact fiance by his family.  However, his phone promptly started blowing up at 6am on mother's day by his three sisters and mother.  First of all, that is plain rude to call a person who works a night shift at 6am.  Second of all, it is out of line to call a person with overnight guests at 6am (I threw a birthday party for a friend who turned 25).  And the worse part was that fiance wouldn't even turn his phone on silent!  He was up for every call, checking his phone!  He knew who it was and what they had to say!

So Mother's day was the worst day that has happened in awhile.  I awoke that morning to find that some party guests left with favors (my jewelry, some liquor, and a few other items).  I was so upset by the events of the past few days and it seemed like it was just getting worse.  So I left for work that day, hungover and near tears.

During my last break of the evening, I called fiance to say hello.  He told me that he was on his way to work, seconds from my store, and on the phone with his mother so he would talk to me in a moment.  A moment turned into ten minutes that he paced in front of me arguing with her about me.  He finally lied to get off of the phone and by that time, I really was in tears.  I didn't have to hear the conversation to get the jist of what she said...

His sisters apparently made me out to be a monster.  His MIL berated him for not taking a gift of a car from one of his sisters and he responded with, "Do you know what the stipulation of that gift was?  To break up with her."  (That was awful when that went to down.  I felt terrible for a week because she would stoop that low).  The night that they stormed my house, one of my SIL's called me out.  She stood at my door and screamed, "Do you wanna fight?  Come on out here you <explitive>!  Let's go!"  And all I said to her was, "You wanna?  You really wanna?"  (I could break that anerexic ***** in half).  But apparently they remember it the other way around which is crap because fiance was in the room when that happened.  That same night, my mother came out of her house to polietly ask everyone to return to their homes and resume this tomorrow.  (She had just gotten out of the hospital, btw).  They basically disrespected and belittled my 57 year old mother on her own property!  But again, that's not how they remember it.

So it gets better.  Last night she called him and told him about this wonderful job opportunity.  For $8.50 an hour, he could do waterproofing!  (ugh).  The stipulation is that he would have to move back home.  So fiance came to my work, pitched the idea to me, and got upset when I shot it down.  I had to take my break an hour and a half early to stand outside with him so there was no public meltdown.  He was so upset when I was giving him about 5 valid cons that just came right off the top of my head. 

Then his mother called my during my shift to leave me a sing-song voicemail about how "there's been a misunderstanding" and how she "needed me to call when I got off."  So I did call her against my better judgement.  I was hoping that this would pretain to violent and uncalled for voicemail she left last week.  Instead it was pretty much a sales pitch about how we should move out into the middle of nowhere so her son could work with his step-dad (who he hates) and "make a better life for ourselves."  She went on and on about what he would be doing and about "wonderful" job oppportunities for me.  I'm working on getting a job contract for $10 an hour!  I don't want to work in a grocery store for the rest of my life, nor do I want to live in the middle of nowhere!  Especially with her!  We see how well that worked out the first time!  And that was before she married her A-hole husband.

Fiance and I talked last night and after the fighting subsided, we ultimately concluded that it would be better for us to stay here.  We're established here.  We've lived out here for two years now.  We've made local friends and all of my family (who actually does help support us and cares for us) lives nearby.  We live closer to the city where there are more job opportunities overall.  But does she see this?  No.  She called today and pitched a fit about how I'm "holding him back" and "ruining his life".  Does anyone see that she's basically trying to use him as a meat puppet?  She was willing to play nice with me last night but she's tearing me to shreds today?  This is about control, not about what's good for him, our relationship, and our lives overall.  Am I right?

theophania theophania
22-25, F
3 Responses May 20, 2007

Thanks for the comments and support guys. It's hard for me to say, "Oh no, I can't deal with this bull..." when I really love my fiance. And he's the first person I've ever been with that I can truly see me having a life with. In some vain hope, I keep thinking to myself that eventually she'll stop because she'll see that I'm really here to stay. I hope that one day she'll realize that he really has grown and prospered with me.<br />
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Yeah right, huh?

i think what i'd do is take that voicemail down to the police department, let them have a listen and then file an order of protection. then as each sister harasses you because the mom is no longer allowed to make contact with you, i'd do the same with their voicemails and threats. eventually have all of them on notice by the police dept! heheheeeee ... for him to think, for even 2.2 nano seconds, that moving home to *them* is a good idea ... and then for him to get angry with you about something so utterly absurd and a fight to ensue ... re-frickin'-diculous! i'm glad he came to his senses. i believe, you and 'fiance' are going to have to draw/set some SERIOUS boundaries in regard to his family and then STICK to them. it's obvious he has your back. you're both going to have to take the high road on this one. it's obvious his family won't and their whole purpose is to drag you both down to their level. now you both need to assert yourselves as adults, taking all emotion out of it and either make it work the best for both of you or let his mommy win. now ... just a thought and i don't mean to offend but it's just a thought ... i do believe you truly love 'fiance' or you wouldn't still be in it after all of their abuse. however, i have to ask (because i've seen it happen this way before) ... is it possible that you are so h3ll bent on not letting his mother and sisters win that you are staying with him in spite of her? or would you stay with him regardless of his family and their personalities? i only ask this because i've seen men and women both stay in a relationship simply to 'win' and not because of a mutual love and respect for one another ... hate to say it like that ... but it's true. they didn't realize that's what they were doing at the time and denied it vehemently. years later they admitted to it ... in all of their cases it was a whole lot of years spent 'fighting' for someone they didn't really love just to 'get at' the people that were thorns in their side and whole lot of years they could have spent in the pursuit of happiness. not to mention what it did to their kids ... oof! good luck with this.

Ah jeez, I feel bad for complaining about my situation. I don't even know where to begin on this one! I have a feeling my situation would be a lot like this if I actually spoke my mind. First of all, it is good that you haven't yet married into this family. That is insane behavior. Is it something you can deal with for the rest of your life? If you have children, do you want them to grow up in that environment? Thankfully, we are a military family, so we can plead "bound by the Army" when we don't want to do what my MIL thinks is best -- come home for Christmas, get a crappy job in Bufu, KY, etc. I try to remind myself that when I let these people make me angry, they are winning. My MIL wants to get under my skin. She is the type of person who takes pride in aggravating people. If you let them get to you, they are have that control. Focus on your relationship with your fiance and let him handle his family members. At least try. I know it's hard to actually do.