Whats Your Impression? I Feel This Is Worrisome...

For years, I've never felt part of my husband's family. Just that awkward feeling you aren't welcome. When I had my kids, it got worse. I feel like I am being pushed out of my children's lives!

My mil has been caught calling herself mommy, taking credit for my children as her own in public, sneaking off to get mommy-baby professional pictures done and posting to Facebook and sending photos to family & friends.

The pictures really burn me. She stole my moment for the mother-daughter newborn pictures from me. (My first born) stumbled on those by accident. Hated seeing my mil's face nuzzling my daughter in her hands. My daughter naked even. She had those printed and sent to everyone. My daughter is now 6 and she still does these pictures. People say on facebook she is a beautiful mother, and she thanks them! Wont correct and say, no im grandma, but thanks. Wont stop, no matter what we say. Those are just a few examples. I could write a book on her.

She doesn't see them as much now. I won't let her. But sometimes I've needed a sitter a few hours, and I come back to finding these pictures weeks later. Grrrrr!
steamed27 steamed27
26-30, F
5 Responses Jan 5, 2013

My MIL has pulled this with every grandchild. I've watched her manipulate herself to the mommy role with every niece and nephew we have. She does this to push the wives out of the picture and keep control over her sons.
And its no accident. I've seen that sly grin when the child is screaming to get away from their real mother and come back to her.
All of my BIL's use her as the sitter. Find someone else. The pictures are disturbing but the behavior is far worse.
As to facebook. Why do you allow her lies to stand. Aside from them not being her children she is posting pictures of YOUR child on a forum that has regular security issues on an internet full of pedophiles.

I agree, it is such a manipulation!! I've always called her out on her lies, but then she turns it around. Plays it up, starts crying, you know, victimizing herself. And everyone believes her, then looks to me as I am this horrible heartless beotch. I snapped a few months ago, just totally let her have it. I threw everything out at her that she had wronged me over the last ten years. I have zero contact with anyone on that side of the family now, except of course, my husband. She blocked me YEARS ago on Facebook. I guess so I couldn't see her pictures with her "daughter" I mean GRANDDAUGHTER. But she didn't realize I can see her on my husband's profile! He won't let me post what I want to say to her on his profile though. :(

My husband agrees with me on the issues, to a point. He has ZERO BALL$ when it comes to confronting his mother. I've always told him, he has to talk to his family when it comes to issues. Just like its my job to talk to my family. That's probably why I'm considered the evil malicious daughter in-law now. My husband wouldn't support me and my feelings so I took care of it myself. Oh well. My kids, now I choose IF & WHEN that woman ever sees them now.

You've taken the first step in gaining sanity. Nothing has felt better in years than the day I unloaded on them. I didn't hold back one thing or one cuss word. Nothing dignified about it. It was a full blown cleansing of all the pent up rage from putting up with their nonsense for years.
The next step is to not back down and hold your ground.

One thing i noticed over the years is that the nieces and nephews that she watched started to mirror her. Her own daughter is just as miserable and nasty as her mom. Something about the apple not falling far from the tree.
If your husband sees you standing up it may eventually give him the courage to do the same. At the end of the day it just comes down to what you are willing and able to put up with.

We had some similar issues with my MIL. My kids are older now but when they were toddlers I caught her several times trying to get them to call her mommy. She would also refer to them as her kids when talking to others. It was troubling to say the least.

There were some other troubling things that happened, oldest came home vomiting and having an allergic reaction to something we told her not to feed him, refusing to answer the phone when our children were with her and telling us that we needed to butt out because that was HER time. Our kids were still pretty young when my husband and I decided it would be best if they no longer spent time alone with her.

They are your kids. No matter how many pictures she takes with them, she could never replace you. And a few pictures is not what makes a mother. Your kids will know the difference so be confident and enjoy them! Take all the pictures you want with your babies. She may be loving the fact that people think she looks young enough to have kids so young! Just love your kids. I'm sure when they call her grandma out in public around some of those people she will stop acting like that! Hope so at least!

She knows she's in the wrong guilty people always play the victim. No of course you shouldn't have to compete over your own kids ridiculous. Wow she sounds like a total nightmare and if I were you I would give her a wide berth for a couple of months - and that should include your kids and husband he has to back you all the way in this. After two months let him try and talk some sense into her again if no luck leave it you've done all you can the ball will be in her court. Good luck.

Sounds as if she's competing with you because she's jealous, she shows that when she lets people think your kids are hers basically she's controlling the situation usurping you my kids not yours! and taking away your authority as mummy. Believe it or not I had the same problem with my own mother who did her best to usurp my authority from the moment my son was born she was jealous as older woman can be (feel threatened being too old to have more kids themselves) Have it out with her tell her you know what she's up to that she's making herself look foolish/pathetic, once she knows you're on to her she should stop my mum did.

I've tried talking to her about it, so as my husband. She reacted by playing victim and eventually trying to come between my marriage. Spreading lies etc. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm competing for my own kids! So frustrating.