Creepy Mother-in-law

My mother in law is a person who does not care what she says to people and she has done this her whole life. Her three children, two girls, and one son, which I am married to, tell me that is just how she is, has been this way her whole life and I just have to deal with it. None of them will correct her when she says something bad about her son in laws, or me, her daughter in law. This is something that I cannot just accept, find this very wrong, so leads to fights with my husband. Every time that she calls I know it will end up in a fight over something that she has said about me or to me. I have tried to just not have anything to do with her for six months and then along came Christmas and had to be involved with her and the fights start all over again, at the point of getting a divorce because I know she will always be the one my husband defends and I always am at fault. Does anyone else have this problem?
briarrose1234 briarrose1234
61-65
4 Responses Jan 7, 2013

Yes I had this problem. My Mother in law is not part of my life nor her son or our children. I know exactly what you are talking about! He did not stand up for me in the beginning but now he does. Your mother in law wants your hubby all to herself. Don't let her have her way. Stand up for yourself. I always stood up for myself even when hubby didn't. Hubby also just told me to ignore her. I would not. I have just recently discovered that she is a Narcissist. I think hubby always knew she would never admit she was wrong. She still tries to come between us. Still she blames me. Never herself. She decided that I was not part of her life. But she thought my hubby would still come over and bring our kids. She still doesn't understand why they don't. When he finally said he doesn't come over and why he doesn't bring the kids is because I am not welcome in her home. He told her we are one. And when she says I am not in her world. He told her that is the same as saying that directly to him. She would not respond back to his email. It has been the best 2 years of my life since she has not been around trying to get us to divorce.

My husband took his moms side for a lot of years because she used to always so the mean things to me when he wasn't around. But once he finally heard it he started standing up for me. However, he still refuses to stand up to her when he and I make parenting decisions together and she disagrees with them. I can't stand it much longer and told him so. He's going to have to decide at some point. It's been almost 15 years!

Yes I did. For 19 bitter years I put up with the " That's just the way she is bull crap ".
And then one day I left. Pulled up without a wordofwarning and left. I figured after all those years trying to make my husband see what was going on more nagging wasn't going to work. Guess what. We're more happily married than every before and that crone is out of my life. Understand I was willing to go through with a divorce. This wasn't a stunt for attention. And if my husband had went back on his word to defend me I would have packed up and followed through.
Needless to say that horrible womand and daughter Sasquatch spent several months trying to regain the control they'd lost. up to and including an assault on me.
We went through Christmas, had a lovely time and my husband never even bothered to visit or call them.
Everyone in that family makes excuse for her rabid insane manipulative controlling behavior. The rule is in that house either go along with her or feel the hate. So a husband of 50 plus years cowers down and runs at her ankles like a whipped puppy. Her daughter is a mentally unstable mess who mirrors her maker. And her sons will all ditch their wives at the snap of her finger and run to her side. Except my husband now.
Of course i'm the evil seed now and have him bewitched or something. The truth is I gave him a choice.

AMEN SISTER......You broke the chain of DYSFUNTION in that family.

I too was ready to divorce my spouse after 30 years.It was just two crowded in our marrige with my MIL.I was sincere and ready to walk.My wife came around and we two set boundries on the old bag.

Sometimes you just have to reach THAT level and say " THIS IS ENOUGH "

My husband ended the chain of dysfunction. I can and was ready to walk away from the whole mess. We have no children. It simply would have been the legal split in assets and my life would go on.
He owns this now. When they try and guilt and manipulate him. He sees exactly what is going on. Any relationship he chooses to have with them is now on his terms.
There is a lot of help out there that I simply wasn't aware of for many years. Seeking it out either as a couple or by yourself is something to consider when you feel hopeless. Sometimes having validaton that you're feelings are real gives you the courage to act.
The healing process from this kind of abuse greatly resembles the stages of deep grief.
For my husband its like a recovering addict. One day at a time. Changing the thinking of decades.

Well,you are NOT ALONE when it comes to the Mentally ILL MIL.

I tooo came into a family were the MIL was a Narcisist and my wife and FIL NEVER tried to set boundries on her MOUTH.

That makes for a problem.....especiallly when people try to DEFEND her ABNOXIOUS behavior.

I took 30 years of this and then said ....I'm out and threw my ring at my wife.I wasn't just having a bad day as she thought ? I had been beaten up psychologically for 30 years and I was TIRED of being blamed because I would get resentful after the abuse.

YES !!! it is ABUSE and these people are afraid to stand up to her.

My wife woke up after the ring landed by her foot.Suddenly she grew a spine and we began to work as a team.I tell her what her mother said and she backed me up as the MIL used lies and manipulation as Narcicists do.

Don't wait 30 years like me it's time for a 3rd opinion at the THERAPISTS before you throw in the towel.Your real problem is getting your hubby to wake up and defend his #1) YOU THAT IS.

Maybe after you see the therapist and then bring him in with you then he will be ready to change.The problem is that NO-ONE seems to set healthy boudries on these cruel mouth breathing dragons.