Holiday Highlights

Several days before Christmas, my mother-in-law called to taunt me with the knowledge that she was not buying me a Christmas present but was spending hundreds of dollars on everyone else in her family. I told her with perfect sincerity that I didn't care. She bawled and cried for hours, telling everyone how insensitive I was.

She later sent us a red plastic mixing bowl. She described it as a "fruit bowl." So we put fruit it in. More on that later.

Shortly before Christmas, we received what we assumed was a Christmas card. Instead, it was a rambling letter in which she accused my husband and me of being a p!mp and a prostitute.

She eventually arrived to visit us for Christmas. Her very first words were that she had seen a menorah in my parents' window as she drove past (she is antisemitic and insists that my family is secretly Jewish). She then demanded that I ***** to show her my surgical wound and complained loudly about my slow recovery.

She announced that she was hungry. My husband offered her warmed-up spinach casserole. She accepted the casserole. Then she spotted the "green stuff" in it--the spinach. She insisted that the spinach was actually mold and dumped the entire casserole into the trash before my husband could stop her.

While in the kitchen, she spotted our Christmas cookies. My husband invited her to take some cookies with her. She happily accepted. We later discovered that she dumped our fruit all over the kitchen counter and put ALL of the cookies in the aforementioned fruit bowl and took that with her as well.

My husband went to use the bathroom. She then choose to present me with my Christmas present. Days after my hysterectomy, she gave me baby clothes. I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

She then asked if I was going to have to undergo chemotherapy and if so, would it make me bald? Because of if it did, she didn't want me to go anywhere near her city. It would be too embarassing if anyone saw that her daughter-in-law was ugly AND bald. At that point, my husband emerged from the bathroom and kicked her out of the house. She took the cookies and fruit bowl and left.

Instead of going home, she drove to my parents' house and was creeping around in their backyard, apparently trying to spy through the windows. My mom had no idea who she was, but when she opened the back door, my mother-in-law got up and ran. My mom told us the story the next day and thought it was really funny. The house next to hers is for sale, and I guess she's been dealing with a lot of weird people. My husband and I recognized his mom from my mom's description. We did not see the humor.

On New Year's Eve, my mother-in-law became intoxicated and prank-called us for hours, claiming to be my husband's lovers.

Shortly after that, she decided to visit us to apologize for her behavior. She actually behaved pretty normally until and did in fact apologize for the prank calls. Then she asked to use the bathroom and instead ended up in our basement (most likely to snoop). But she ran out of the basement in terror, claiming that she had seen a ghost, and would not stay in our haunted house. Since then, she has elaborated upon her original story. Not only did she see a ghost, but the ghost attacked her. My husband says that she doesn't believe in ghosts and is trying to cause trouble. She wants us to move in the worst way.

deleted deleted
5 Responses Jan 9, 2013

I'm not asking this to be funny...but is she on medication? Or maybe she should be?

Wow your mother in law is crazy!

Bwahahahaha! I'm sorry, your mil is flipping nuts! Your accounts of what happened sound like fictional tales. BUT, I know how crazy some mils are, and you cannot make up sh!t like that. Living these stories I know is nothing but a nightmare. I proof read what I write on my mil and laugh at myself. It sounds made up, but nope it definitely happened to me.

Seriously. you write wonderfully. Maybe it's time to write a book of short stories.

I know that what she's doing isn't really funny. Becaue I live it. And so often people have nearly laughed themselves to tears over it. Living with the insanity is so much different.

Be well and heal fast

I am really sorry but she is laugh out loud crazy I wish my mother in law was that funny. I know it may be irritating when you are stuck nthe middle if it but that was hilariously funny. thank you.