Gift From Mil From Hell

My mil came to visit me and my hubby after 2 years -she lives in europe ,we live in the us. I am 6 months pregnant. She brings nothing for the baby. For her son she brings a coffee mug,but gives it to me first and tells me to give it to her son. The writings on it: 31 reasons why beer is better than woman..and below are those reasons-some of them say: you can't catch a disease from beer, beer is always wet and gives you pleasure while easily goes in, you can have many different beers a night and not feel guilty,you can go out with a beer to a party and not be embarrassed, beer won't fake a pregnancy, beer doesn't care how much money you make,and so on...in my opinion this is wrong on soo many levels. is she that primitive or is she that mean ? i would see a 15 year old boy giving it to a friend of same age as a funny joke..but mother to a son??? who is marries and expecting a first child?? what do you think?????

ps
she is always pretending to be nice to me when my hubby is around but talks behind my back to her family and friends. my husband knows i feel hurt but never takes my side,always has excuses for her behavior ..he wants to stay neutral and i feel lonely with no support
dianula dianula
26-30, F
8 Responses Jan 18, 2013

Um, that's really weird of a mother to get a mug like that for her son?? And then to hand it to you to read to boot?? And it's disturbing that she gave nothing for the baby. I bet if we get pregnant my MIL will give us nothing, though there are those in her own family whom she absolutely showers with gifts like there's no tomorrow.

I know the feeling my husband is the sme way sometimes it to the point I just tell him I hate her when she found out we were having our first kid she told him she didn't need that in her life and that's when he finally went off on her

Thank you all for your opinions and advice. It is really a bad feeling knowing that everyone understands you except for the person that should be my friend and my rock-my own husband :.( his position is: "my mom is the way she is and there is nothing I can do about it, you just have to ignore her behaviors" so sad

I've never been pregnant because I'm a man ......but even my feelings are hurt by that PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE CUP.

I have on the other hand worked in the Psychology field for 26 years so I would LOVE to do some therapy with your hubby.

Your hubby said this : " my husband knows i feel hurt but never takes my side,always has excuses for her behavior ..he wants to stay neutral and i feel lonely with no support "...................REALLY ???

LOOK, you read your hbbby my response.
#1) You only get to be neutral when your dead.While you are alive.....which may NOT be long if you continue actting like a immature 12 year old

#2) In marriage the job of the wife is to deal with her parents if they offend the husband.The job of the HUSBAND WHICH IS YOU....is to deal with an offensive parent which would be your mother in this case.

#3) DON'T __EVER__ estimate the cost of ignoring the resentment your partner is experiencing.A resentful partner may A) have a headache and not be in the mood MORE !! B ) A resentful partner may go visit her parents when mother shows up for a visit. C ) A resentful partner may divorce you for cruelty after a few years of this ABUSE.

Don't tell her things like " get over it......your too sensitive....you handle it.....

REMEMBER...Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned....NOW,hubby grow some balls and a spine and take on mommy.

I would love to do some therapy but my husband doesn't take anybodys advice.Thinks he knows better then everybody and is very stubborn and heard headed. But I will read him all the answers and see if he even cares to change a bit.

I made a saying a few years ago for MEN like your husband.

" THE MAN THAT ......IS ALWAYS RIGHT......USUALLY ENDS UP....RIGHT ______ALONE " Get my point sir ? No woman is going to put up with emotional abuse without feeling RESENTFUL and eventually she will get sick of being sick and tired of the situation and she will leave.

I've been married one time ONLY for 33 years because I listen to my wifes feelings.No one wants a resentful wife ....trust me !

If he doesn't CARE after you read my words to him then it's time to control someone.

ONLY YOU can control yourself and make yourself listen.

Go to a Therapist and talk about this situation and the marriage.The Therapist will help you decide what to do next.After a while invite your hubby but I don't expect him to go in and face Therapy since he's Narcisistic like his mom.

You will do what's best for you.This crisis will make your life BETTER IN THE END.

That is very disrespectful towards you. Sadly, I don't think it was her being naive. This was done purposely for your sake, your reaction. I'd openly tell her that you don't appreciate the gift for your husband. Its disrespectful towards you. Tell her it hurts your feelings because you feel it mocks you and your husband's marriage and pregnancy of his first born. Thankfully she lives in Europe!!!

That is inappropriate for a MIL to give that kind of gift, totally agree. I can relate as my husband does not defend me when his mother does mean and insensitive things to me. He simply justifies why she does it and always says, "well she is an elder women, let her do what she wants.." No,....

I would speak up, mil always talk negatively about their daughter in laws, it must be a right of passage for them. Take the high road and speak your mind, only you can fight your own battle..hubbies will never stand up for their wives...at least most of them..

Mlewis55-Thank you for your response and for understanding.

Wow!! So sorry. That is wrong on so many levels. I will tell you this, My ex mil is from Germany and did a lot of the same things. Very difficult to deal with. They think differently then we do, that is for sure. Your husband cannot stay neutral, he needs to support you- by him staying neutral- it is giving her the okay to do the things she is doing and act the way she is acting. Suggest going to counseling with him, so maybe they can help him understand what he is doing. Because, I speak from experience- this will tear your family apart.