I Hate My Mother In Law
I don't hate my mother -in-law, in fact, I love her. But after 16 years of marriage to my husband, I have finally come to terms on why we don't always see eye to eye. This is my side of the story and not hers, as we all know every story has two sides to it.
First of all, we live on a farm and my husband farms with his parents. He always has.
When we were first married I moved out to the farm too. We live about 4 miles from his parents place. My husband is 9 and 1/2 years older than me.
I was only 24 when we were married, I was young and nieve. I've always believed that you need to respect and love your elders, and my in-laws were no exception to this. But I didn't realize that being married also means that you need to stand on your own and have your own life. This is where a lot of our problems have come from.
When I was 26, my own mother was diagnosed with a terriable terminally ill cancer. I went through a horiable depression as I was loosing my mother and also pregnant with our first born child. When my mother died, my mother-in-law went all out to take the place of my mother.
As my children grew, she would call me on a dime and tell me we needed to get ready to go to town and see her mother who was in a nursing home. Her mother needed to spend time with the kids. I agreed to that. For I am a stay at home farmers wife. I would quit whatever I was doing and go into town with her.
I do know that going to the nursing home to see her mom was a good thing for us to do. My kids have fond memories of this.
When I wanted to take some time alone and go into town with just me and my daughter, she would invertly find out I was heading to town and call and tell me she was going with me.
Before we had kids, and we were just barley married, she insisted that I go with her to her womens club with people in their 50-80's. She would instist that I join the club. I told her no, but she is very persistant.
When I would want my husband to spend a Sunday with me painting our little girls bedroom, she would come over and tell me that my husband needed to be working on the farm, but she would help me paint our child's bedroom.
When my kids would fall down and get hurt and come running to me to hold, she would try to take them away from me, even though she knew they were crying for their mommy.
When we wanted to take a small family vacation, she would make my husband feel bad for leaving the family farm.
She insisted I become extremly involved with the church, which I am a Christain, I believe whole heartedly in Jesus at the cross, but I wasn't ready to be as involved as she wanted me to be.
For the longest time, we as a couple were under her spell. She was to involved in our marriage and I felt trapped. I felt horriable and guilty going against anything that she didn't want to happen. I absoultuly wanted to please her.
These days, we have grown apart. Or maybe grown in love and respect. I don't feel so controled by our every move. But I still feel guilty. She does everything out of love and she would give her life for us. I still love and respect her, but I have stepped back and taken a better look at the puzzle. I see when we first got married, she was having a very hard time letting go of her wonderful son. And in a loving way she was taking control of our marriage.
I have learned to deal with this, and take a lot that she says to my kids, husband, and me with a grain of salt. I love her and I hold her dear. I know I will be a mother-in-law someday. I pray my in-laws will have patience with me, as I can see me falling right into my mother-in-laws shoes. I know I will hold on while letting go too. I do understand where she comes from, and that is why, I do love her.
First of all, we live on a farm and my husband farms with his parents. He always has.
When we were first married I moved out to the farm too. We live about 4 miles from his parents place. My husband is 9 and 1/2 years older than me.
I was only 24 when we were married, I was young and nieve. I've always believed that you need to respect and love your elders, and my in-laws were no exception to this. But I didn't realize that being married also means that you need to stand on your own and have your own life. This is where a lot of our problems have come from.
When I was 26, my own mother was diagnosed with a terriable terminally ill cancer. I went through a horiable depression as I was loosing my mother and also pregnant with our first born child. When my mother died, my mother-in-law went all out to take the place of my mother.
As my children grew, she would call me on a dime and tell me we needed to get ready to go to town and see her mother who was in a nursing home. Her mother needed to spend time with the kids. I agreed to that. For I am a stay at home farmers wife. I would quit whatever I was doing and go into town with her.
I do know that going to the nursing home to see her mom was a good thing for us to do. My kids have fond memories of this.
When I wanted to take some time alone and go into town with just me and my daughter, she would invertly find out I was heading to town and call and tell me she was going with me.
Before we had kids, and we were just barley married, she insisted that I go with her to her womens club with people in their 50-80's. She would instist that I join the club. I told her no, but she is very persistant.
When I would want my husband to spend a Sunday with me painting our little girls bedroom, she would come over and tell me that my husband needed to be working on the farm, but she would help me paint our child's bedroom.
When my kids would fall down and get hurt and come running to me to hold, she would try to take them away from me, even though she knew they were crying for their mommy.
When we wanted to take a small family vacation, she would make my husband feel bad for leaving the family farm.
She insisted I become extremly involved with the church, which I am a Christain, I believe whole heartedly in Jesus at the cross, but I wasn't ready to be as involved as she wanted me to be.
For the longest time, we as a couple were under her spell. She was to involved in our marriage and I felt trapped. I felt horriable and guilty going against anything that she didn't want to happen. I absoultuly wanted to please her.
These days, we have grown apart. Or maybe grown in love and respect. I don't feel so controled by our every move. But I still feel guilty. She does everything out of love and she would give her life for us. I still love and respect her, but I have stepped back and taken a better look at the puzzle. I see when we first got married, she was having a very hard time letting go of her wonderful son. And in a loving way she was taking control of our marriage.
I have learned to deal with this, and take a lot that she says to my kids, husband, and me with a grain of salt. I love her and I hold her dear. I know I will be a mother-in-law someday. I pray my in-laws will have patience with me, as I can see me falling right into my mother-in-laws shoes. I know I will hold on while letting go too. I do understand where she comes from, and that is why, I do love her.
By:
denabob
Age:
36-40
2
responses
